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    Two Suitcases
    Two Suitcases
    Two Suitcases
    Ebook214 pages1 hour

    Two Suitcases

    By Julia Ellifritt

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    About this ebook

    In Two Suitcases, Julia shares her poignant journey into the world of Alzheimer's disease--a journey that transcends mere caregiving. Over four years of caring for her mother, Julia documented the highs and lows, the heartaches and triumphs as they navigated the labyrinth of memory loss together.

    But this isn't just a story about Alzheimer's; it's a story about love, resilience, and the human spirit. Julia grapples with profound questions:

    False memories, real emotions. How do you manage a person whose memories are false yet the emotions behind them are achingly real? When your loved one believes you're trying to harm them with prescribed medication, how do you respond?

    The forgotten birthday. What happens when your mother believes it's her birthday and her disappointment pierces your heart because there's no cake to celebrate? Julia's struggle is universal: how to honor the past while navigating the present.

    Hope in hidden sacrifices. While this book doesn't offer easy answers, it does offer hope--a hope that transcends the mundane and points to a loving God who sees the sacrifices made in hidden places, a God who rewards those sacrifices with peace and joy.

    Two Suitcases is an honest, vulnerable account that will make you laugh one moment and shed tears the next. It's a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of love in the face of adversity.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherChristian Faith Publishing, Inc.
    Release dateOct 25, 2024
    ISBN9798894288901
    Two Suitcases

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      Book preview

      Two Suitcases - Julia Ellifritt

      cover.jpg

      Two Suitcases

      Julia Ellifritt

      ISBN 979-8-89428-889-5 (paperback)

      ISBN 979-8-89428-890-1 (digital)

      Copyright © 2024 by Julia Ellifritt

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

      Christian Faith Publishing

      832 Park Avenue

      Meadville, PA 16335

      www.christianfaithpublishing.com

      Printed in the United States of America

      Table of Contents

      Preface

      Chapter 1

      Two Suitcases

      Chapter 2

      I Get By with Help from My Friends

      Chapter 429

      God Tricked Me

      Chapter 498

      Masking the Truth

      Chapter 628

      Brain Health

      Chapter 1452

      It's All About Me

      Chapter 46

      If You Give a Mom a Cookie

      Chapter 4,928

      Use the %#*&# Coaster

      Chapter 19

      Alzheimer's Is a Thief

      Chapter 656

      The Hazards of Seatbelts

      Chapter 917

      High-End Hoarding

      Chapter 41

      I Can't Win

      Chapter One Million

      I'm Tired

      Chapter 1312

      Just a Phone Call Away

      Chapter 2

      Today, I Was Human

      Chapter 499

      The One about the Toothbrush

      Chapter 7001

      The Games We Play

      Chapter 91

      My Amazing Kids

      Chapter 437

      Hi Vanna!

      Chapter 227

      Feeling Useful

      Chapter 901

      How to Pick Up a Guy at a Funeral

      Chapter 1218

      Respite

      Chapter 1219

      Come as a Child

      Chapter 232

      Reading the Signs

      Chapter 1027

      A Tale of Two Birthdays

      Chapter 42

      Who's on First? Teapot Edition

      Chapter 0607

      Winnie the Pooh and Attachment Too

      Chapter 721

      A Season of Change

      Chapter 11

      The Body Keeps Score

      Chapter 85

      The Good Thing about Alzheimer's

      Chapter 1410

      The End of an Era

      Chapter 807

      A Book, an Award, and a Necklace

      Chapter 900

      Hospice

      Chapter 11

      It Wasn't Supposed to End This Way

      Chapter 111024

      The Funeral Dress

      Chapter 1118

      Funeral Lipstick

      Chapter 314

      Almost Heaven

      Chapter 900

      Triggers

      Chapter Infinity

      A Lasting Legacy

      Chapter 2024

      Bon Voyage

      About the Author

      To my mom. Champion of the underdog. Lover of people from all walks of life. Professor extraordinaire. Hospitality queen. She taught me so many things throughout my life. And in her last dying years, she taught me more about myself than she could have known.

      I did not write this book to embarrass her in any way, quite the contrary. My mom was an educator; if anyone could be helped by understanding a snippet of the tragic disease she went through, she would want to help.

      She now has a fully restored mind, and it will be a sweet reunion when I get to heaven. You fought the good fight, Mom. Well done, good and faithful servant! I love you.

      1_copy

      Preface

      I have had many wonderfully exciting adventures in my life. I have worked in the bereavement field for thirty-nine years and currently serve as the education director at Cornerstone of Hope Bereavement Center where we serve hundreds of clients each week that have lost a loved one to suicide, homicide, accidental overdose, and various other things. We are a standard bearer in the field and train other agencies, churches, and nonprofits to do the same. I have spoken at over seven hundred professional workshops in the last decade. I also teach at CWRU's Mandel School of Applied Social Sciences—one of the top ten social work schools in the country. I teach classes on grief and loss, adoption, and group facilitation. Having been born and raised in Ohio, I am a foster/adoptive parent who has adopted a daughter from China and a son from Madagascar. I have had the privilege of traveling internationally, around seventeen times, throughout Asia and Africa doing mission work. I serve locally with two nonprofit agencies serving the poor and powerless in Africa and refugees who settle in Cleveland.

      All that aside, my current, and I would say most difficult, adventure to date is my foray into the world of Alzheimer's disease. Some days, I felt like a competent caregiver; most days, I felt that I failed miserably. This is really hard stuff. At times, I've felt as if it's harder than sitting with a dad who just lost his teen to suicide. Harder than spending two weeks in a hut in Africa. Harder than fostering a youth ready to age out of the system. This was personal in a different way, and it was just hard.

      I didn't write this book because I have any answers. Quite the opposite. I am writing to show the realities of caring for a loved one with this difficult disease. I am being real about my struggles, and hopefully bringing a sense of humor in the process.

      If you are caring for someone with Alzheimer's or dementia, my heart goes out to you. I would love to hear from you; there is strength in shared vulnerability.

      Thank you for joining me on my adventure. This was one of the hardest ones in my life but also one of the most rewarding.

      Chapter 1

      Two Suitcases

      My mom has Alzheimer's disease. It's not who she is but what she has. Who she is, is an amazing eighty-six-year-old retired elementary teacher and college professor who was married for sixty-two years to my dad who died a few years ago from Parkinson's. Who she is, is a world traveler, who spent summers with my dad exploring other countries, sharing adventures, and making memories. Who she is, is a grandma who snuggled babies and created personal monthly book clubs for her grandchildren. Who she is, is a champion of the rights of the disabled, having raised a daughter with Down syndrome to live independently into her fifties. What she has is a terrible disease that has robbed her mind of being able to think clearly, remember things, process words, or have conversations. What she has is a disease that has stolen her dignity, leaving her in diapers, and wearing bibs. What she has is a brain that no longer regulates emotions, leaving her lonely and vulnerable but sometimes explosively angry. She has Alzheimer's disease, and it's a horrible process to witness.

      Also living with me is my amazing twenty-five-year-old daughter Lian who has Asperger's syndrome. She is brilliant but doesn't always get social cues. Her brain is very literal. She is a black and white thinker living in a household of gray. This kid, I texted her recently to remind her to lock the door when she was leaving for work; only I typed it wrong and texted her to lick the door. She texted me back with,

      I'm trying to understand why you want me to lick the door.

      Seriously, you couldn't figure that one out? But she can't. Welcome to my world. She doesn't understand why Grammie asks the same exact thing twenty-five times in a row and gets frustrated when that happens on a daily basis. Some days on an hourly basis. I get it. It's not the same Grammie she has loved and adored for twenty-five years.

      So here I am right in the middle of Alzheimer's and Asperger's. But because I'm a little bit forgetful and a little bit awkward, I understand both of them, and because I'm a social worker, I often play the referee. So yeah, it's fun at our house.

      I get random texts from Lian, which are often cryptic as that's how her brain works. For example,

      When you get home tonight, you'll need to apologize to all the neighbors.

      Ok babe, I need a little more information. What's happening at home?

      Turns out, Mom went out to get the newspaper off the front porch (yep, she is one of four people who actually still read the printed news), but the delivery person hit the bottom of the steps instead of the porch. Mom went down the steps, picked up the paper, stood up, and couldn't remember where she was. So instead of just turning around and coming back up the stairs, she walked up and down the street knocking on doors asking people if she lived there. Lian was in her bedroom upstairs when that happened, and when she came down and saw the front door open, she went to find her. Another day, I got this text from Lian:

      Um…not entirely sure but what do I do if Grandma peed on the carpet? There is a trail leading from her room to the bathroom. It's a wet trail and I noticed because I don't have shoes on…

      Yup, I toggle between Alzheimer's and Asperger's, and there's never a dull moment!

      Mom came to live with me a year and a half ago. She was living alone in a very large home in Florida and not managing well. Her symptoms either came on very rapidly, or she masked them well for the three years she provided twenty-four-hour care for my sister and my dad before they died. But it quickly became obvious that it was unsafe for her to be

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