Dandelion Resilience: Finding the Freedom to Bloom

Dandelion Resilience

Finding the Freedom to Bloom

Brandy McCachren

Copyright © 2024, Resilience Road Advising, LLC

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical (including any information storage retrieval system) without the express written permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations for use in articles and reviews wherein appropriate attribution of the source is made.

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Ignite Press

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Clovis, CA 93612

www.IgnitePress.us

ISBN: 979-8-9911312-0-9

ISBN: 979-8-9911312-1-6 (E-book)

For bulk purchases and for booking, contact:

Brandy McCachren

[email protected]

www.resilienceroadadvising.com

Because of the dynamic nature of the internet, web addresses or links contained in this book may have been changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The content of this book and all expressed opinions are those of the author and do not reflect the publisher or the publishing team. The author is solely responsible for all content included herein.

The activities presented in Seeds of Thought are curated from various sources and best practices within the field.

They are intended to provide a compilation of effective strategies rather than original creations.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2024914559

Cover design by Fouzia Yasin Matin

Edited by Cathy Cruise

Content editing by Lesly Gregory

Interior design by Jetlaunch

FIRST EDITION

This book is dedicated to my unsung hero, Nancy (a.k.a. Nana), who took a leap of faith.

You fought with me and for me, ensuring I had a chance at life.

Your unwavering prayers, boundless love, and steadfast support

have left an indelible mark on my heart.

I am forever grateful and deeply miss you.

"But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings like eagles;

they shall run and not be weary;

they shall walk and not faint."

Isaiah 40:31

Contents

Introduction

PART ONE: The Dandelion’s Journey

Chapter 1: Embarking

Chapter 2: Fragments of Life

Chapter 3: Navigating Life’s Terrain

Seeds of Vulnerability

PART TWO: A Fragile Beginning

Chapter 4: Bonds Unraveled—The Biological Family

Seeds of Empathy

Chapter 5: Sheltered—The Foster Family

Seeds of Resilience

Chapter 6: A Special Presentation

Seeds of Hope

Chapter 7: Broken Ties—The Adoption

Seeds of Character

Chapter 8: Behind Closed Doors

Seeds of Forgiveness

Chapter 9: Breaking Free

Seeds of Gratitude

Chapter 10: Guiding Light

Seeds of Understanding

Chapter 11: Thresholds of Care

Seeds of Contentment

PART THREE: Rooted Resilience

Chapter 12: Tween Trials—Navigating the Challenges of Middle School

Seeds of Acceptance

Chapter 13: Teenage Turmoil—Surviving the High School Years

Seeds of Affirmation

Chapter 14: Choices that Define Us

Seeds of Sacrifice

Conclusion: Finding Peace in Endings

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Review Inquiry

Will You Share the Love?

Would You Like Brandy McCachren to Speak to Your Organization?

So many of us have the vines of past relationships, grievances, and experiences wrapped around us. Maybe around our ankles, tripping us up as we try to move on. Maybe around our waist, letting us stretch and reach for what we want, but never letting us get close enough to grab. Maybe around our neck, choking and suffocating us so we can’t even see or think clearly, and preventing us from even realizing there is something beyond the past to reach for.

—Author Unknown

Introduction

Every one of us carries feelings of our formative years and it shines a light on who we are today. Many carry the weight of traumatic experiences. Some are worse than others. I believe God gives us an ability to forget certain experiences or memories. The ability to forget can provide the capacity to focus on the present and future rather than being weighed down by the past. This concept of self preservation is a defense mechanism the mind employs to cope with overwhelming traumatic events. Letting go of past burdens enables personal growth and clears a path for a fresh start. It’s a powerful step forward that allows you to reclaim your future without the weight of your past holding you back. If you find yourself at an impasse, struggling to bridge the gap and make a connection to the depths of your trauma, know you are not alone in your experience. Embracing healing and growth opens up new possibilities for creating a more positive and fulfilling life.

The courage to delve into the depths of my darkest childhood wounds didn’t come easily. For decades, I carried a heavy burden of sorrow, hesitating to confront the root of my feelings due to an overwhelming sense of unease. Questions plagued my mind: Why confront the deeply ingrained belief that I was unlovable? Was I strong enough to endure the reemergence of past traumas? Did I possess the emotional intelligence needed to connect with my feelings and transform my pain into a purposeful journey?

These apprehensions weighed heavily on my soul, yet now I recognize that this is my season for healing. The ghosts of my past no longer intimidate me; instead, I face them with newfound strength. I acknowledge that my survival holds profound purpose and value in shaping the person I am today. Though the scars remain, they no longer define me. Instead, they stand as a testament to my immense strength and resilience, narrating a story of survival against all odds.

In these pages, we explore the profound impact of a challenging upbringing on personal growth, while also celebrating the resilience of the human spirit. Drawing inspiration from nature, especially the resilient dandelion, we examine how difficult circumstances may temporarily impede progress. Yet, like dandelions, humans possess adaptability, persistence, and the ability to flourish in diverse conditions. The dandelion symbolizes hope, showcasing our capacity to overcome obstacles and thrive despite adversity. It serves as a reminder of our inherent ability to conquer challenges and prosper, be vibrant and tenacious.

Join me on this healing journey as I navigate my experience in the foster system and dismantle emotional barriers that went up as a result. Through candid experiences, you’ll immerse yourself in my world, experiencing the emotions, struggles, and triumphs firsthand. This memoir format emphasizes facts taken from my own case files, but also includes insights from my younger self. I draw from entries in my Life Book—a repository of memories, milestones, and relationships, which allows me to illuminate past experiences and emotions. After looking at the past, I’ll guide you through my current healing process, accompanied by Seeds of Thought to help you construct your personal healing journey through reflection. By weaving together these elements, my aim is to create a comprehensive and engaging narrative that encourages you to unburden yourself and confidently walk your own walk.

In embarking on this journey, my primary motivation was to extend a reassuring hand to those who may be struggling. I want you to know that it’s okay to leave the past where it belongs until you feel ready to confront it. Through my experiences, I aim to offer comfort and encouragement, reminding you that your own timeline for healing is valid and worthy. May this narrative serve as a source of support and inspiration as you navigate your unique path toward self-discovery and healing.

PART ONE

The Dandelion’s Journey

1

Embarking

Life in foster care, for me, was like navigating a maze with no end in sight. Each day brought new challenges, new faces, and new uncertainties. But amidst the chaos, there were moments of hope that guided me toward a future I could barely imagine.

Foster care is a system designed for children who cannot reside with their biological parents due to various reasons. These children are placed temporarily in the care of specially trained individuals or families known as foster parents. Ideally, these caregivers create a safe and nurturing environment for the children, while social service agencies work on resolving the issues within the biological family that led to the child’s placement.

The primary aim of foster care is to offer children stability and support in a secure environment while actively seeking a permanent home for them. This permanency can be achieved through reunification with their biological family or adoption. Foster care often involves collaboration with various organizations, including nonprofit agencies, community-based organizations, or private providers. These collaborations ensure the delivery of essential services and support to both foster children and families.

The fundamental principles of the foster care system have remained consistent over time. However, reporting data on child welfare outcomes and states’ performances in meeting the needs of children became mandatory in 1998 as required by the Adoption and Safe Families Act of 1997 (ASFA). Although data shows progress is being made, especially for youth aging out of foster care, the percentage of these young adults deemed successful remains relatively low. Many aging-out youth, at 18 years old, are left truly on their own, with no support system in place. These challenges lead to staggering outcomes: homelessness, unemployment, early parenthood, incarceration, and substance use.

Some of the improvements to the foster care system over recent years include enhanced support services for transitioning youth, such as education and employment assistance, mental health support, and housing programs. Additionally, there has been a focus on providing better training and resources for foster parents to create stable and nurturing environments. Moreover, efforts have been made to increase collaboration between social service agencies, nonprofit organizations, and community resources to ensure comprehensive support for both children and families in the system. These improvements aim to enhance the overall well-being and outcomes for children in foster care.

By 1994, I had spent 14 years in the foster care system, and as I aged out of care, I was embarking on a journey filled with independence and uncertainty. My foster home, where I spent the latter part of those years, had been the closest thing to stability I had ever known. With compassion and patience, my foster mother had always been ready to tackle whatever challenges came our way to ensure my well-being. She encouraged me to dream beyond my circumstances, and her unwavering belief in my strength set me on a path out of foster care feeling empowered to take control of my destiny.

One of the pivotal moments that came after foster care for me happened when I was 24 years old. On this day I chose to take a leap of faith and say yes to his proposal. A life with him was going to be a dream come true. He embodied all I ever wished for in a partner—he was attentive, kind, easygoing, and incredibly supportive. Together, we eagerly anticipated our big day, marking off tasks on the to-do list, including calling the Clerk of Court’s office to apply for the marriage license.

The office faxed a three-page marriage license application in preparation for our visit and submission. It was a detailed list of legal requirements to obtain a marriage license, accompanied by a marriage application worksheet. The form required names, addresses, and other details. It’s the other details that stirred a mixture of emotions for me. As I began to fill in the spaces for Father—Name and Mother—First and Maiden Name, memories and emotions flooded me. This triggered response was unexpected and I hesitated to continue. I ended up having to call the clerk’s office regarding one very specific requirement stating that each party will need to know their parent’s full name, mother’s maiden name, and the states in which they were born.

Receptionist (answering the phone): Thank you for calling the Clerk of Court’s office. How may I assist you today?

Me: I am calling about #3 on the list of requirements for a Marriage License. Curious, what is the relevance and purpose for parents’ names on the application?

Receptionist: It is a formality and legal requirement to establish your identity and lineage for legal purposes.

Me: So, I can not fill in Unknown or Not Applicable.

Receptionist: No ma’am, you must include this detail on the application and if you have any supporting legal documents, you may submit those as well.

Me: Hmm, okay, but what if I was a ward . . . ? (Pause.) Never mind. Thank you for your help."

Receptionist: You are welcome and remember to please arrive at any of our offices at least 30 minutes prior to closing in order that the application process may be completed.

Me: Okay, have a nice day.

I discussed the daunting