Yearly Commitment Ceremonies

Chapter 1

Marriage and the Wedding Ceremony

WHEN YOU ENVISION YOURSELF living the married life, what do you see? Do you expect an improvement in your quality of life? Are you doing more of what you want to do? Do you have more security in the outcome of your goals because you and your partner are mutually dedicated to meeting them through direct action towards their development being top priority? Traditional marriages required making a lifelong commitment, and while this still exists, another way of committing your lives to one another in taking wedding vows is to do so for as long as you remain married. This change has come about due to high divorce rates, and the desire to wed with a truthful outcome considering the number of divorces.

WITH PEOPLE COMMITTING their lives to one another in wedding ceremonies, does it make sense that they are restricted to having just one meaningful commitment ceremony in their entire lifetime as a couple? While people do renew their vows, it is very seldom, and mostly done as a sentimental action to express that the vows they made on their wedding day are still important to them. In my opinion, a traditional wedding ceremony deliberately restricts us from believing that any future celebrations to confirm love and establish commitment are equally as honorable. This brings me to question why the first ceremony should be perceived as the most honorable and the most important. And I realize that the answer is because people are committing to a timeline – the timeline being either their lifetime or the lifespan of the marriage. And when you look at the results, does this ceremony represent the real meaning of what defines a committed relationship? And does it do the same for the health and overall well-being of family structure? Is this moment in itself worthy of the credit it receives for being the moment that sets the foundation that dictates and defines a married couple’s future?

BOTH LOVE AND AN INDIVIDUAL’S primary issues of importance change throughout time. This is not to say that the primary issues in their relationship became of less value to them, but it does say that every individual has things that they want to pursue in life, along with meeting family-related responsibilities on a daily basis. In cases where the personal needs and desires of individuals go unseen and are denied support, then that individual ceases to exist as a true human being. We as people are intricately made and destined for purpose beyond the performance of duties related only to upholding the expectations of others. As we live, we go through changes which are obvious in our bodies, but it also happens in our minds. Yet this is something that has been widely unaccepted in the uniting of people for marriage. How often have you heard, it’s not the way it used to be. My partner changed after we got married, and my life isn’t what I expected it would be. I’m not happy anymore, and I thought I would be. I feel guilty because I want out. There’s nothing I can do because all the people who are close to us wouldn’t understand, and we have the kids, and the house payment. By allowing room for the natural changes that occur, we openly, eagerly, and willingly accept that we are human, and that we can live successfully as true human beings.

A CELEBRATION OF COMMITMENT that is for a designated timespan just may hold the answer to successful relationships, and to a happy life. I realize that many people will read this and say that having a specific period of time isn’t truly being devoted because that is the opposite of what devotion means. They may add that this way of thinking has nothing at all to do with the reality of what a lasting relationship is about. The reason for this being the first thought in their mind is that they’ve been taught that the only real relationship with meaning lasts a lifetime, or until it’s been destroyed beyond repair. I do believe that held true many years ago when our lifespan was much shorter than it is today, when people passed away from illnesses we now prevent, childbirth, adverse animal encounters, gun fights, and so forth. Times have changed, let’s change the way we do things in harmony with them. To remain living in ways that are not in harmony with the current times will only delay our success in achieving the outcomes we strive for.

Is it Worth the Allure?

Weddings are largely promoted by a wide array of businesses whose aim is to cash in on the event so they can feed their own families and prepare for their own futures. Weddings, presented as events that hold extreme value, are an occasion to be highly desired because two people have found their life-partner, and because a marriage is so meaningful in that you only do it once in your lifetime if you do it right. The industries who promote the occasion have a place in your wedding, a quite extraordinary and obvious place, and with each of these industries having a place in your wedding, you have the complete package. They pose the idea as "who wouldn’t want this!?" There’s also a message that I’m not alone in noticing, which implies that everyone who is worth anything has their wedding ceremony in the same extraordinary way if they are really and truly serious and hold the intention that they are getting married with the greatest amount of determination to remain together – so as not to fail. Another unspoken message is that anyone not wanting an elaborate ceremony is surely lacking something that other people have succeeded in obtaining . They’re sending these nonverbal messages to impress an image of having it all. But does the couple really get it all? Considering those who get the whole package, does the impact they presented to the public eye two years prior feel the same between them two years into their marriage? Does it get to the point where it feels like it was in the past and although it was right for that time, it isn’t something that affects their lives now that some time has passed?

I WONDER, DOES THE word excitement provide an accurate description of what one feels at the prospect of getting married, and of having a wedding ceremony? Might those feelings be better described as anticipation accompanied by a heavy dose of anxiety? If marriage was mostly known for providing a strong sense of security and long-term happiness without the strong possibility of regret, then why would anxious feelings just prior to entering marriage be present? During the wedding planning phase, people are typically faced with mixed emotions, and they soon discover that planning a wedding has some drawbacks that bring discontent. Things such as feeling disappointed when the waterfall wedding envisioned since childhood is going to remain a fantasy? And knowing that a much-loved relative will not be able to make it to an event that is so meaningful, you only get one in a lifetime (if you do it right). Why not make a change and become one of the people who do exchange vows at every location on your list? And invite that much-loved relative next year when it’s possible for them to make the journey to where you will be?

WE CAN HAVE CEREMONIES where we vow to dedicate ourselves to particular goals we have agreed on beforehand, to fulfill them through our efforts, resources, and devotion to each other! People have said to me, That’s what anniversaries are for. No, they’re not. Anniversaries are another year added to the years behind you. They are not occasions when couples tend to set goals and make plans for the year ahead. Rather, they are markers for the time that has passed, and a countdown to the end of the timespan they had, in a few brief moments, dedicated themselves to for life (or for however long the marriage lasts).

PREPARATIONS FOR A wedding are also often accompanied by anxiety due to the striving for perfection at the completion of each task. The aim for a smoothly run event is always the objective if the event is to be successful. Afterwards, the celebration becomes a memory. Since we cherish the memories that are meaningful to us, how much more important is our relationship with our partner to whom we are dedicated in many meaningful ways?

WE ARE ACCUSTOMED TO the idea that our declaration of love and commitment is a one-time event in our relationship. In comparison, holidays are religious, seasonal, historical, and political, and they are automatically marked on our calendars for the purpose of being honored and recognized by the whole of society. These holidays are repeated every single year, accompanied by public reminders that serve as notifications that the holiday is approaching and the time has arrived to begin preparing ourselves by gathering related items and making plans in order to properly receive the specific benefit that each celebrated holiday brings into our lives. We receive these reminders through the media as they come directly into our most personal and private spaces, being our homes and vehicles. While getting groceries and household necessities, we see a holiday celebration in every store – enticing consumers with the message to purchase and become part of the pack, or not participate and be left on the sidelines. These powerful attempts at drawing us in reinforce that we are part of the society we live in and are doing it the right way. In the workplace we are reminded of these occasions by planning for days off and holiday hours added to our vacation days, and holiday pay. We are reminded far in advance of upcoming local events that include every form of entertainment - parades, outdoor concerts, fireworks, art fairs, food festivals, pub crawls, and pool parties. These are rituals.

To sum it up, holidays are structured to occur on a regular basis within the framework of a one-year period, as this is the natural cycle of the Earth’s time around the Sun. While our vows to the person we share our everyday lives with are to be made only once and last for an indefinite time, I can’t help but wonder how it is that the holidays, which are meant to be a much smaller