I'm in Search of Myself...Have You Seen Me Anywhere?

I’m in Search of Myself... Have You Seen Me Anywhere?

Copyright © 2024 by Patty Kasian

ISBN: 978-1962497893(e)

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher and/or the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

The views expressed in this book are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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To all my fellow kindred spirits.

What’s in Store For You!

Chapter 1: Special Message 3

Chapter 2: Amazing Jobs / Family 18

Chapter 3:

Chapter 4: Love 33

Chapter 5: Relationships 40

Chapter 6: Intention 49

Chapter 7: Adoption / Guardian Angels 58

Chapter 8: Awed’s and Ends 67

Chapter 9: What Are The Odds? 75

Chapter 10: Silly Boat Stories 80

Chapter 11: Meditation / Passion 88

Chapter 12: Death 92

Chapter 13: L.A.F.F. and Listen 97

Chapter 14: Birthdays / Holidays / Joy 110

Chapter 15: Saying Goodbye, Again 120

Chapter 16: Prayer Ministry / Inspiration 128

Chapter 17: Surprises 140

Chapter 18: Kindred Spirits 148

Chapter 19: A Little of This and That 152

Chapter 20: Coincidence 156

Chapter 21: What’s Next? 161

Chapter 22: John Denver (Rocky Mountain High) Tribute 168

Introduction

We are born into this physical body to attend earth school. Sometimes the classes we have chosen to take seemed filled with uncertainty, and the next moment, they’re deliriously joyful. We spend a great deal of time trying to find out who we are, where we belong, and how we fit in. We search and wander around and make plans for our lives and our futures, but at the same time, life just happens.

A while back, a friend was facilitating an exciting workshop designed to help the group uncover what they really believed in, to discover their purpose in life, and to make their lives more passionate. I think God must have invented passion, to teach us how to fly!

I believe in divine guidance and that serendipity or coincidences are available to us all the time, we just need to pay attention. It’s like when we are in the right place at the perfect time or open a book to the exact page for the question that was on our mind.

Maybe it’s when we think of a long lost friend and surprisingly, they call. It’s all a matter of listening.

I’ve had innumerable amazing, funny, and unexplainable experiences and people have asked me for years to gather these stories together and share them. The words I’m in search of myself, have you seen me anywhere seemed amusingly appropriate.

So now, I am sharing my inspirational, serious and humorous, astonishing, and very spiritual journey with you. Each chapter relates to something different and may bring up more feelings or ideas than you expected, and you might have new questions to your old answers. I hope you laugh as often as I did and live life passionately, even on the dreariest or most glorious days that visit us all.

This book is filled with true experiences I’ve had in my life. Each chapter shares a separate situation or emotion. It covers life and death, love and passion, kids, courage, trust and forgiveness, hope and faith, and just plain silliness.

I have been watched over on this journey, in ways I can’t even explain and have often thought God and my guardian angels must be working overtime, on me!

I believe we need to live life purposefully, every day. We need to radiate our love to everyone and be filled with faith and joy and kindness. We need to be authentic and true to ourselves and live and love and laugh equally.

I believe we are all where we are supposed to be when we get there. So get comfy and enjoy the ride. Life IS a participation sport!

Chapter 1

Special Message

My life has been like skipping stones, with new beginnings all the time, and no idea where the ripples would take me. Once again, I was headed out on another ambiguous journey.

The year had flown by and it was Christmas time already. I was heading out on a road trip with my two children to my sister’s house in Utah. The weather was perfect. It was one of those soft, feathery snow days I liked so much. I had made this trip to my sister’s house many times for the holiday festivities and vacations and she always wanted us to move there. I loved the area for many reasons, but also enjoyed returning home to California. Then that fall, to everyone’s surprise, I actually moved to Utah. But that time, the reason was different. I had a mysterious purpose that kept me there.

Mary and I were separated when we were young and never had the chance to be close. Well, there was that time she lived with me during her college summer break, and we drove each other nuts, but that doesn’t really count. We didn’t get reacquainted until after high school. I missed not having an older sister available.

The memories of the past swirled through my head, as I neared her child-filled home. I called them just before I left my house and her kids seemed to plot my exact route and expected time of arrival. They took into consideration how many times we stopped at tourist spots and how long the pit stops could possibly be and would be waiting out front on the porch or down on the corner just as we arrived. How did they do that? Each one of them was bubbling over with enthusiasm and had to catch me up on every detail since our last visit.

Mary’s house was the gathering place for the holidays. She lived for the days when the whole family could be together. The adult children popped in and brought their friends and in moments, the house was brimming with the Christmas spirit. Her friends and neighbors might stop over and she grabbed another plate for any additional guest.

I brought special treats and the things I called fun foods, were luxuries for her family of ten children. As a surprise, I put the eggnog, cheese, and eggs in her milk box on the porch. She went outside to check if the milk had arrived and lit up with glee.

Look what the milkman left us for Christmas! We all laughed because it never occurred to her that someone other than the milkman brought her dairy goodies. What a silly girl. It was hard to resist teasing her, since she was so gullible.

I was staying in a motel and Mary called early in the morning and asked, When will you be here? The kids are getting restless and want to open presents.

I could hear them in the background. Her house was filled with more chaotic activity than I was used to and so the morning drive was worth the extra moments of peace and quiet.

One of my nieces spent the night with me and helped me load the car with gifts. I scraped the snow from the windows and left the car running by the curb to warm up for the short but chilly drive. I juggled the presents as I locked the door to the house, when I heard the car door being slammed shut, locking my keys inside the car.

I was partially comforted when my niece smiled hesitantly and said, Well, at least your car won’t be stolen, since your keys are locked safely—inside the car.

I enjoyed the many road trips and vacations with my two young children. It was the three of us for many years and it seemed like traveling kept us connected because as we drove, we were all a captive audience. I never had an equal partner who shared my gusto for life and adventure, so whenever I had time off from work, I packed up the kids in my four-wheel-drive truck and we hit the road. I figured life needed to be lived, not viewed, even if it meant going alone since my husband always chose to stay home.

I packed lots of books and toys and music. We played license plate games, and I spy. I even had earmuffs, not so much in anticipation of the cold and delightful snow, but I think it was to save me from hearing, One million bottles of pop on the wall or The Sound of Music again and again. I caught on after a while that it was them who needed a reprieve from my singing. You know it’s bad when your girl’s glee teacher suggests you might want to take another elective class. A recently married friend of mine just returned from his first vacation as a new parent of two youngsters.

He asked me, Do you know how many times they can sing that song on a trip?

I laughed and said, I do know that answer!

I was the middle child and always had quite a spunky spirit. My younger brother followed me like a little puppy dog and would do anything I asked. I would be doubled over in laughter as the goat and geese chased after him, trying to bite his backside and grab the snacks I intentionally snuck into his pockets.

Maybe you should get in the rabbit hutch, Robbie, where you’ll be safe. Come here, I’ll give you a boost.

At dinnertime, my mom would ask, Where is your brother? Suspecting that I would know where he was, since we got into everything together.

Oops, I think he got in the rabbit hutch again!

Then there was the time our dad took us hiking in the mountains and we came upon a small hill.

I told Robbie, Let’s have a race to the bottom, you jump off this hill and I’ll roll down and see who gets there first.

Surprisingly, as a kid, he never had broken bones or stitches, unlike me, but did have to have his stomach pumped when he tried a suspicious dog treat I found. Mary rarely participated in our foolishness.

What a blessing siblings are—in retrospect. Mary, Robbie, and I were very close in age, but as different as the sun, and the moon, and the stars.

The idea of living in Utah was so unexpected. I had one of those years that I wished I had gallons of Wite-Out correction fluid to erase oodles of life’s little practical jokes. So moving to Utah came as a bigger surprise to me than to my relatives.

I had been feeling the need for change for some time and so it was easy for me to leave Los Angeles and accept the job offer in Northern Montana, one of the most picturesque places on the planet. My daughter Jenny would join me after graduation from high school in June, and we would drive back to our new home. After several negotiations, I was finally hired and I quickly packed and left my friends and comfort zone behind to start the spring season off with a brand new, interesting job.

Any sense of fear or doubt I may have had at starting a new venture in unfamiliar territory was rapidly replaced with a sense of excitement and expectation for a better way of life.

The job was delayed for a month, so I decided to explore the country for a bit.

My dad would tease me, You must be part gypsy the way you can travel on a dime.

He was an armchair traveler and found pleasure in making road maps for me. He drew very well, so the maps almost looked official, with legend and highway signs and tourist trivia spots. He added interesting tidbits about certain locations, knowing I would check it out. I loved to meander and sightsee and visit the biggest barn or the largest rocking chair. I loved to drive and helped with vacation driving when I was 14. I was at DMV on my 16th birthday! Give me that license!

I loved traveling in my car over the years. I always felt so free doing and seeing whatever I wanted, no matter the distance. I took theme road trips across the country, to see different bridges, rivers, statues and mansions. I even went to countries, in the United States, like Athens Georgia (Greece), Paris Texas (France), Boston Massachusetts (England), and Memphis Tennessee (Egypt) and even Prague Oklahoma. (Czech Republic).

I followed the Lewis and Clark trail, stopped by John Wayne’s childhood house, crossed through the covered bridges of Madison County, and went to check out Francesca and Robert Kincaid’s place. I went to the Field of Dreams site. And yes, as I sat on the bleachers, the energy felt SO alive, I really believed the ball players would be coming out of the corn stalks to play ball! I saw Amelia Earhart’s house, traveled down the great Mississippi, had a drink on Bourbon Street, checked out Kitty Hawk, went to a Broadway play in Manhattan, and participated in the annual parade at Plymouth Rock. I have seen most of our states, and have about 8 states still left on my bucket list. I can’t believe I haven’t been to Hawaii or Minnesota, where my Norwegian family came from. But Mary and I did go to Norway!

The Norway trip was quite amazing. Mary is really into genealogy, me, not so much. The relatives were having a reunion. She asked if I wanted to go. I never thought about going there, but I would have sent her, if I couldn’t go. It was more important to her. (I myself would have chosen Italy). I arranged everything, the flights, itinerary, the lodging, and some tours. I used my frequent flyer miles for us, credit card discounts and AirBNB. She was flying from Salt Lake and I was leaving from San Francisco. We would meet in Amsterdam. I arranged the flights so we both landed one hour apart. I created a long layover so we could explore Amsterdam; Anne Frank’s house, the canals, etc before flying into Bergan Norway. This gave us two vacations for the price of one!

Well, we both landed as scheduled. I went to her gate and she was nowhere to be found. If you ever have been to a big airport, with intense security, it is nothing compared to Amsterdam Schiphol. It is like walking through New York City. I paged her, walked around looking for her, called her, texted her, had security on the lookout. I had to go through security inspections three times. I spent over three hours in that crazy maze and I finally found her in baggage claim.

Why are you HERE? I stated in an unpleasant voice.

She answered, Waiting for my luggage.

"You have NO luggage here, it is checked through to Bergan.

I sure hoped this wasn’t a sign of things to come. This fiasco cut into our leisurely layover tour time. So we had to split up and see what we could, as fast as we could. I was disappointed. Amsterdam was stunning.

Happy to say, this glorious week went by without a hitch. The relatives were SO wonderful, hospitable, and loving and they kept us busy. Mary got to meet with relatives and share genealogy and we got to enjoy the food and boating and history. What fun!

We took lots of pictures of beautiful Norway, our reunion family, and the country side. We experienced the culture and learned a lot about our history. We went to our grandma’s house before she went to America, to live in Minnesota! The weather was perfect as we explored the Fjords.

We were on the plane, flying back to Amsterdam to change planes and head home. The pilot announced that MY plane would be late. It was circling for some reason. My layover time was brief and I wasn’t sure if I could make it to my gate in time. I quickly deplaned, no time for hugs or chitchat, only a wave as I ran to my gate.

They wouldn’t let me on the plane, since it was too close to departure and they had no idea where my luggage was. They had me go to the