Finding His Past

Prologue

The house that once held a family and their memories was charred. The house still lit up with orangey red flames bouncing in a dance with nature, tearing everything down in its path. No matter what, if anyone had been in the house when it had been lit, they wouldn’t have survived. The most nauseating sight was the body engulfed in flames that laid in front of the burning house.

The terror she had gone through showed on her face. As did the tears she had shed. Everyone on the street could hear the wailing of the ambulance and firetruck sirens.  Not a single soul thought anyone would be found alive. And they were right.

No one knew the secrets the fire kept hidden. It would be years before the mystery of who set the fire and why would be solved.

Chapter 1

A knock on the door surprised Michael out of his study haze. He wasn’t expecting anyone as he was busy studying for his fall semester finals and had the day off from work. He looked around his tiny two bed dorm room, wondering if Michael's dorm mate and best friend since he was eight had forgotten his keys again. His side was immaculate with all his books and things put neatly away. Chris’s side was an earthquake waiting to happen.

The knock came again, and Michael hurried his way to the door, hoping that it wouldn’t take too long. The balloons in the corner mocked him for having to stay inside on his birthday but he couldn’t afford to fail any of these exams. Opening the door, he found his mother, Annie, on the other side, holding what looked like a safe in one hand and a homemade cake in the other.  Michael had no idea what she was doing here as the fall semester was about to end and he would be heading home soon.

Happy Birthday, Michael.  His mother, Annie, said.

Mom, what are you doing here? Michael smiled while grabbing the cake from her. I’m coming home next week.

Michael hugged her tightly with one hand, smelling her lavender perfume that always reminded him of home.

Annie stayed quiet and her breathing became uneven.

Mom, Michael asked worriedly.

I have to tell you something and I couldn’t wait another day. Annie said, her voice trembling.

Okay. Michael nodded his head and waited for her to continue. He didn’t know what his mother would have to tell him, but he knew it wasn’t going to be good. He had never seen his mother react this way before. Was she going to tell him that she was sick, that she had cancer, that she was she going to die soon?

Michael led Annie inside the dorm room, and she stood standing. He sat on the edge of his bed and looked at her. Her black hair was rounded in a bun, streaks of gray stood out against the black, dressed in a pantsuit, his mom looked like the epitome of put together like she always did except for the few tears that had started rolling down her face. 

What’s wrong, Mom? Please don't cry. Michael quickly stood up and went to engulf her in a hug, he backed away as her next words shocked him.

Michael, I’m not your mother. Annie said, regretfully.

What, what do you mean, you’re not my mother? Michael fell back onto his bed, his eyes never leaving the woman who raised him. 

What does she mean she’s not my mother? Did she adopt me? But if I was adopted, why wouldn’t she tell me sooner. Did she kidnap me? Was I kidnapped? Is this why people always ask me if I’m adopted? Is she going to say anything else?

Michael wasn’t an idiot, he knew that he and his mother didn’t look alike at all, but he had just assumed that he had gotten his looks from the father his mother never talked about and he had never known. Feeling his heart start to race along with his thoughts as he stared at the person, he had been calling mom all his life, which apparently had been an enormous lie, Michael asked again after no answer, What do you mean you are not my mother? Am I adopted?

No. I couldn’t risk it. Annie told him.

So, you kidnapped me? Michael asked, this has to be some sort of an awful, awful joke. Any minute now she’s going to say she’s joking and everything will  go back to normal.

Technically, thought your mother knew about it. Annie laid her hand gently on the safe she was still holding and continued, Your mother was a lovely woman, pretty, nice, and smart. She was the smartest person I knew. And Michael, she loved you from the minute you were conceived to the last minute she held you in her arms. She loved you with all her heart and every breath she took...

So, why’d she give me up? Michael asked.

Please let me finish before you start asking anymore questions. Or I don't know if I’ll be able to get through this. Annie told him, as she wiped away a tear, Your mother loved you more than anything else in the world. She was the best mother I knew. We were friends for quite a while. We quickly bonded and became best friends. I was fortunate and lucky enough for her to ask me to be your godmother. Annie reached over to caress Michael’s cheek, but he flinched away from her touch, something he had never done before. Her hand floated in the air before she dropped her hand back to where it had been. She wouldn’t push him.

Michael didn’t know why he had done that, but it was a knee jerk reaction. What was the correct response when someone you had always trusted admitted to lying to you your entire life. He didn’t want to hear anymore but he couldn’t bring himself to stop her from speaking. He needed to know how he had ended up with Annie as his mother.

You were four when your mother dropped you off. She had asked me to watch you for a couple of hours while she took care of some business that wouldn’t be able to wait for the next day. And of course, I said yes. Anything to spend a little more time with my only godson. That night though she called me, crying hysterically, and stuttering through the entire call. 

Annie stopped, tears pouring out of her eyes as she remembered the last time she had spoken to her best friend. She took one more deep breath and continued. She refused to back out of telling Michael. She had a promise to keep, and she would uphold it. 

She told me that she wasn’t going to be coming to get you tonight. So, I asked how late she was going to be and that’s when she told me that she wasn’t coming back at all. She told me she was in danger, and she knew she wasn’t going to be able to make it through the night. I told her to hang up and call the cops. She refused to do anything. Said that the police wouldn’t be able to help her. I told her to tell me where she was at, and I would send someone to get her, or I would call the cops myself. But she begged me not to. She said that if I called the cops or told anyone about the conversation, we were having that people, extremely cruel and dangerous psychopaths, would come after you. Your mother made me promise that I would raise you as my own child and keep you safe. She made me promise that I would move to another city, and you would go by your middle name. And the last thing she made me promise was not to tell you about her until I was to give you this, Annie patted the safe in her hands, on your eighteenth birthday and not a moment sooner. She held the safe out to Michael until he slowly took it from her.

I think your mother knew she wasn’t coming back that night before she ever dropped you off. She left that box underneath the wooden stairs at the back of my house. She knew that if she had given it to me in person, I would have asked questions. To this day, I wish I had. 

What’s in it? Michael asked, hugging the safe to his chest, not knowing what else to do with it.  The safe was a black box, numbered keypad on the front. Each number key had letters on it, like a call screen.

I don’t know. Never opened it. Felt if I did, I was betraying her in some way, Annie told him.

What’s the password?

Marianna. With two n’s. That was your mother’s name. Annie answered.

Michael goes to press in the password but stops himself, Why didn’t you tell me about her before?

I couldn’t risk it. Couldn’t have you repeating anything I told you. 

What about when I was a teenager? When I could understand that this wasn’t something I should go around telling random people. Why not explain it to me then?  Michael said.

Didn’t know how to without breaking my promise. I was and still am determined to keep your mother’s dying wish, to keep you safe. 

Why not wait until I came home? Why tell me here, now? What if Chris had been here? Would you still have told me? Michael's questions flew out of his mouth. 

I needed to tell you today. On your eighteenth birthday. I couldn’t keep this secret any longer. And I promised your mother I would tell you when you turned eighteen. If Chris were here, I would have asked him to leave or asked if we could talk somewhere in private. Annie replied.

Does this mean you know who my father is then? Michael asked, hopefully something good could come out of this.

I do not know who he is. Your mother never told me. All she said was that he was a great man that gave her the greatest gift she could ask for. And that gift was you. Annie told him, expecting more questions to come flying at her. 

Is this why you never got married or had any boyfriends? Michael asked, wondering if she had lied to him about that as well. 

Yes. I couldn’t risk explaining my past. Plus, I had everything I needed. I had you. I had our house and our neighbors. Annie said.

So, you lied to me my whole life. You chose to lie to me every single day of our lives, no matter what. Every time I asked you questions about who I was and who my grandparents were. And about where I came from? You never told me the truth. Michael said.

Yes, but I did it too...

Protect me. Michael cut her off, he was already getting tired of that excuse. 

What’s my real name? Michael asked and Annie went silent, Are you going to... 

There are certain things that I can’t answer, Michael. It’s for your own good. I don’t know what your mother put in that box, but I will not be the one to ruin what she wanted you to know. 

Michael stared at the safe in front of him. Eighteen years on this Earth and in one day, his life had come to a halting stop. And he had more questions than he knew what to do with. Questions that he knew Annie would never answer no matter how many times he asked her. One thing was for sure, he didn’t know who the woman in front of him was. She may have spent years acting like his mother, but she wasn’t. Technically speaking, she had no legal rights to him at all. She has spent his whole life lying to him and he didn’t know how to feel about it. He also didn’t know if he could take what she had told him as the truth. One thing was for sure, he didn’t want to talk to her at this moment in time. He didn’t know if he would ever want to speak to her again. 

I just, I don’t know how to handle this, m... I can’t... Michael couldn’t bring himself to call her mom.

With the safe still in his hands, he starts pacing in the small room. He looks at Annie one last time before turning away, leaving a clear path to the door. 

Please leave. I don’t want to talk to you right now. Michael said.

Annie headed to the door, but before she left, she turned back to him, Michael, please try to understand. I was only trying to keep you safe. Just like she wanted. What would you do if Chris asked you something like your mother asked me.

Don’t bring Chris into this. Michael said, not turning around.

I hope that one day, you can understand and forgive me for that. I love you and I will never stop loving you.

Annie waited for a moment before she walked out the door and Michael sank to the floor, trying to process everything that he had just learned. 

Chapter 2

Sitting on his bed and staring at the wall in front of him, Michael knew he couldn’t stay in this room a second longer. It felt like the walls were closing in on him. He looked at the safe; he wasn’t going to be opening it right now or probably any time soon. He was curious but he needed to deal with the end of life as he knew it. He needed to clear his head and that there was only one thing that could help right now. Playing the game that always made him feel alive. Looking out the window, Michael realized that while talking to Annie the sun had set.  

Taking out his phone, he dialed the one person he could trust with this, and that wouldn’t tell another soul.    

What’s up? Chris answered his phone with his usual upbeat greeting.

Hey, Christopher. Michael decided to use his best friend's full name and not the nickname he usually called him.

What do you need? Chris asked.

How did you... Michael was curious.

You only call me Christopher when you need something.

I need a F game. Michael said, hoping that Chris wasn’t doing anything too serious or was with a girl. He would never let Michael live it down again as the last time he had called an F game Chris was just about to lose his virginity.

Level? Chris asked immediately, not even taking a second to think about it.

Michael and Chris had come up with this when they were younger and needed to talk about something but didn’t want anyone else to know—especially their parents. The F in the name stood for Fuck Everyone because the only people they could really trust to keep a secret and talk to was each other. Level one was something that could wait, level eight was I need to talk to someone now. Michael had never used level eight or even level seven before.

Level eight.

Dorm room or the courts? Christopher asked without questioning it.

The courts. I’m gonna need a basketball in my hands for this conversation. Michael said. The basketball courts always made him calmer and feel safer. It had been that way since he could remember.

I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Chris told him.

Thanks, Chris. You are the best. 

I know. Make sure to actually bring the ball this time though. Michael could hear Chris laugh through the phone.

That was one time, Chris and I definitely won’t forget the ball this time. Michael told him, remembering the time that he had forgotten the basketball at home when they were meeting up at the park and they had to go to the theater instead, And we saw a good movie.

Chris hung up and Michael went to grab the ball when he noticed that the safe was still in his hands. Michael debated on taking the safe with him, but it would get him unwanted attention. Though he didn’t want it to be seen by anyone that entered his room for any reason. He pushed the safe under his bed and surrounded it with books and clothes so that even if someone were to break in, the safe wouldn’t be noticed. 

He grabbed the ball from the corner and headed out after making sure the door was locked. The courts were only a couple blocks from the dorm he was staying at, but he would make it there before Chris. He always did.

Michael made it to the courts in record time to find Chris already in the middle of one of the courts, hunched over wheezing, and trying to catch his breath. Chris’s hair was cut short, and he was wearing a pair of black basketball shorts with a white T-shirt.

Yo, Chris, you okay? Michael asked him, increasing his pace.

I’m good. I ran here. Chris waved away Michael’s concern, while still