All I See Are Dark Clouds

All I See Are Dark Clouds

M. C. Ryder

Copyright © 2023 M. C. Ryder

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without permission in writing from the publisher.

M.E.C. Publishing—Lebanon County, PA

ISBN: 979-8-9870746-6-4

eBook ISBN: 979-8-9870746-7-1

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023914041

Title: All I See Are Dark Clouds

Author: M. C. Ryder

Digital distribution | 2023

Paperback | 2023

This is a work of fiction. The characters, names, incidents, places, and dialogue are products of the author’s imagination, and are not to be construed as real.

The Dark series

The Darkest Side of the Moon

A Dance Between Light and Darkness

A Darker Demise (A Compilation of Dark Shorts)

The Neighbors (A Dark Short)

Dedication

To those drowning under the heaviness of dark clouds, don’t push support away and never be ashamed to reach out for help. Embrace the small things that have the power to fill your woes with hope…

Contents

All I See Are Dark Clouds

The Dark series

Dedication

Part 1

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Part 2

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Part 3

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Chapter 48

Chapter 49

Chapter 50

Chapter 51

Chapter 52

Chapter 53

Chapter 54

Chapter 55

Chapter 56

Chapter 57

Chapter 58

Chapter 59

Chapter 60

Chapter 61

Chapter 62

Chapter 63

Chapter 64

Chapter 65

Chapter 66

Part 4

Chapter 67

Chapter 68

Chapter 69

Chapter 70

Chapter 71

Chapter 72

Chapter 73

Chapter 74

Chapter 75

Chapter 76

Chapter 77

Chapter 78

Chapter 79

Chapter 80

Chapter 81

Chapter 82

Part 5

Chapter 83

Chapter 84

Chapter 85

Epilogue

All I See Are Dark Clouds

SNEAK PEEK FEATURE

Chapter 1

About the Author

Content Warning

Some scenes may be difficult to read that deal with assault.

Part 1

The Fog

Chapter 1

S

oothing piano instrumental music plays. Soft light glows overhead as single white candles burn bright. Lavender tea steams into the air. The environment is warm, cozy, and relaxing. Only, I’m anything but for I am numb. I try to avoid feelings breaking through to the surface.

Close your eyes and tell me what you see, Cecily’s silky voice floats across the room.

I bite into my lower lip and dread the images I know will come. They’re always the same. So heavy that I drown in them. I never communicate everything I see. There’s so much shame.

I let my eyes fall about halfway before I flick them back up. I feel sick to my stomach. Exactly why I avoided feeding before the session.

I inhale and let out a shaky breath before I let my eyes close completely. I’m transported back in time.

I have a firm grip on the arms of my best friend, Nadine. The room is mute as I watch Jomar kick and punch Marc, the vampire who killed me. I’m in a trance. While he suffers, I gain satisfaction. I stand at the ready to take his life with my hands the way he took mine in his without so much as blinking an eye.

The necklace I once gifted to Nadine dangles within my line of sight before the white half circle with the number six charm drops to the ground. I have Yin. She had Yang. It contrasted our friendship.

I stared down at it. She had never removed the necklace I gifted to her on her twelfth birthday. I never removed mine either. We were supposed to be friends for life, through thick and thin. Supposed to have each other’s six. Only I did not have her six. I had betrayed her. I had grown envious. Despite her fate to take down an evil vampire, she had the choice to remain human. She had two guys vowing for her love and would go to the ends of the earth to protect her. She had everything to gain and I had nothing.

We promised each other that no guy would ever come between us. She broke her promise. Took to Marc’s defense. Begged him to stay. Ignored how that made me feel.

The vibe she had around him was unmistakable. It disgusted me. How could she care about him when he was a monster capable of killing? Did our friendship mean nothing to her that she could just easily cover over the fact that he killed me?

Yet, seeing her necklace on the floor iced over my heart as I hear criticism run out of her mouth. In desperation, she yells at me to just kill him. Kill her.

Death does a funny thing to a person. You find out their true worth. His pain was her pain. Her pain was his. They both tried to take it all for themselves to spare the other.

When my eyes lifted to Marc’s bruised and battered face, I saw no hatred in his eyes, just sorrow. In that moment, he wasn’t the monster anymore. I was. There was only one thing I could do to make things right.

I shove Nadine out of the way and run up to Jomar, snapping his neck. That snap of bone constantly rings loud in my ear before the sickening thump. Only it’s not Jomar’s body that falls down, it’s Nadine’s limp form.

I jerk, eyes wide open. I clutch my stomach and heave. I killed my best friend. Something I can never take back. Something I can never forgive myself for.

Deep breath, I hear Cecily’s voice.

I inhale deeply through my mouth before letting the air rush right back out. Avoid breathing through my nose so I don’t inhale the scent of Aurora’s blood beneath her skin. I’m close to the stage where my mind is tempted to only focus on the hunger. I refuse to let hunger consume my mind. To have control.

Good, now lie back down.

Normally, I listen to Cecily, but today I just don’t have it in me. We’ve been at this for months. It’s not helping, I bite out as I swing my legs to the hard wood floor.

Aurora stands from her seated position and growls lowly at me. Cecily puts a reassuring hand on the ginger-brown husky’s head.

Why do you think it’s not helping? Cecily asks calmly, dressed in her usual warm colors.

I see the same things every time I close my eyes.

Are you sure you see precisely the same things every time? Cecily inquires.

I hesitate. It’s the same outcome every time.

Why do you think you started seeing yourself breaking Jomar’s neck?

Because that’s what I should have done instead of breaking Nadine’s neck.

What do you think would have happened if you had done that instead?

Nadine would still be alive. Marc would still be alive.

If that had been the case, what would have happened to you?

I shrug. I don’t matter. What matters is, they would be together.

What makes you think they’re not together right now?

It’s just not the same. I shake my head and leap to my feet. I leave the room, tuning Cecily out. Step out onto the rustic front porch before jogging down the steps and head to the gazebo. Cross my arms and look at nothing in particular. The young trees sway as the wind picks up. The sky is dark with a blanket of clouds to match it.

She’s at peace.

The words Melia, Nadine’s half-sister, uttered reverberate through my mind. I had watched with my own eyes Nadine’s spirit vanishing into a veil of snow. She had called out Marc’s name before she disappeared. They were at peace, together, but in death. Nadine was a better person than I ever was. If I could trade places with her, I would in a heartbeat. I don’t deserve a second chance.

I feel something brush up against my leg and look down to see Leo, Nadine’s orange tabby cat, rubbing against me. I scoop him up and hug him tight. He’s my cat now. Well, technically, I’m his. He lives an independent life as a vampire cat, but still comes to me. He always knows when I’m feeling down and appears out of nowhere. I sometimes wonder if he misses Nadine. I know I do every day and it hurts so bad.

It seems you matter to him, Cecily approaches, with Aurora at her heels.

I don’t respond as I stroke the top of Leo’s head.

You seem to be on edge. Might this have something to do with the wedding this weekend?

I don’t know how she can read me like an open book. I know she sees everything differently. Can see auras on every living thing, but how does a black aura show her what’s on my mind?

She should be here to see her little sister’s wedding, I whisper.

She’ll have a front row spot.

I robbed them both.

If fate intended for them to come together, then fate would have formed a road to cross paths. Only they were each meant to have a separate journey.

I hear the words she says, but they make no sense to me. My life makes no sense to me. I stood by death’s door so many times that I lost count and yet here I still stand, rejected by death itself. Forgiven by so many people that should hate me. That should not have forgiven me. I killed my best friend. I even killed her sister, unknowingly, changing her life forever. Turned her into a vampire without her consent. There’s so much blood on my hands that they will never be cleaned again. I’m not worthy to live this life.

I need to feed before my shift, I retreat into the snow-covered woods.

I run as fast as my legs will carry me, south. I’m slightly faster than the fastest human runner in the world, but I’m a lot slower than the typical vampire. Don’t feed on human blood. Feed instead on animal blood. My senses are not as keen, but they are more advanced then when I was once human.

I snake my way through the wooden terrain until I come out behind Jerry’s butcher shop. Pause to catch my breath before I enter the building and head into the back where he keeps two white buckets of blood for me. Grab my red plastic cup from the shelf and press down on the spigot to fill it.

I fight against my greedy mind. It wants me to devour the whole five-gallon bucket. Only I resist as I sip from the cup slowly and take a breath. I fill the cup full again and drink leisurely until my mind becomes calm and satisfied.

Chapter 2

I

pull into the empty church parking lot, about a block away, from the Lounge. I pull down the sun visor and touch up my makeup. Add a little more mascara. Add a layer of clear gloss to my lips. Pull a wisp of hair from my barrette that only has a partial of my shoulder-length brown hair pulled back.

I open the door and step out of my silver Dodge Dart. An abandoned beat-up car Michael was able to fix up. I pull my long black cashmere trench coat together, tie the belt tightly, and stuff my hands into the pockets before walking across the pavement, clicking along in my black platform pumps. I don’t worry about them slipping off as the buckle straps are secured around my ankle.

I walk down the sidewalk of the side street, closer to the businesses crammed together. Cross the street before turning right, passing a bunch of people out late. I ignore the whistle, directed my way, as I cut into the back of the Lounge and enter through the employee entrance.

I remove my coat and hang it. I only wear it for appearance’s sake since it’s still winter and all I wear underneath is a black romper. Short sleeves and short legs. Just enough sexy.

I secure my necklace under the u-shape neckline before heading towards the posted printed-out schedule to note my section as I tie on a waist apron.

Cammie, Doug the manager waves me over. He’s standing with a girl I’ve never seen before. She must be new. This is Natalie. Natalie, this is Cammie. I’d like for you to train her tonight.

I nod once.

It’s nice to meet you, Natalie smiles politely, extending a hand.

Go grab an apron, notepad, and pen, I point.

I watch her hustle away as the smile diminishes. The other girls know I’m no nonsense. Strictly business. Don’t engage with small talk. I come in, work, and don’t socialize. However, I will stick up for them if they are disrespected.

I see Mary and flag her down, so she knows I’m here to take over.

Have you worked as a waitress before? I ask when Natalie returns.

I was a barista in my hometown.

So, that’s a no. It’s going to be a long night for you. Try to keep up. I step out onto the floor with a half-hearted fake smile planted on my face.

Natalie follows behind me. Neon lights light up the place as loud music plays from the live stage. The place is jam-packed, as usual. People conjugate near the stage with drinks in hand. There are no empty tables or places at the bar. A line is waiting outside despite the concerns of some new virus spreading.

I approach the first table and greet the customers right away, introducing Natalie and explaining she will be assisting. I make Natalie write down their drink orders before taking off. She’s still scribbling down on the notepad and trying to catch up to me as I tell Tony, the bartender, what drinks to make. While we wait for the drinks, I explain the layout of the floor.

When the two drinks are placed on the circular tray, I have Natalie take it to deliver them. I see how she concentrates hard on not spilling the drinks as she walks slowly. Her hand is stiff.

When she returns to the older couple, she sets down the wrong drinks. They exchange them as Natalie apologizes, while I step in asking the couple if they are ready to order. They are and place their order. Again, I have Natalie write down the order.

I noticed a group of four guys were seated in my section while Natalie delivered the drinks. As soon as the couple are done ordering, I take off immediately to the group of four while Natalie struggles to keep up. I go over the same greeting and introduction.

I head back to the kitchen and look over Natalie’s written down order. I modify it before handing it over and explain the importance of it needing to be legible and easy to understand, as well as using appropriate abbreviations.

We head back over to the bar where I have her fill a pitcher of beer as well as four glasses. Explain how to load the tray with the heaviest, the pitcher, in the middle and the lighter glasses around the edges. I tell her to keep her hand relaxed and if she needs to can use her shoulder to help balance the tray.

As she delivers the beer, my eyes sweep over my section. I see the couple nearly have their drinks empty while another group of four is seated in my section.

The group of guys places an order of wings. I whisk Natalie away and ask her who is the next priority, the new group who was just seated or the couple with empty drinks. She answers correctly about heading over to the new group. We go at once and get their drink order before heading back to the couple to inquire if they would like refills.

How do you do this for hours in heels? I’m exhausted already and there’s so much to remember, Natalie comments as she puts in the food order and we head back to collect the drinks.

You go numb after a while. It’s your first night. You’re not expected to remember everything. Takes time and practice.

She collects all six drinks this time and spaces them out on the circular tray. I can see her hand is still tense. She avoids colliding with another waitress. She remembers which drink the couple ordered this time, but mixes up the drinks at the group.

My eyes sweep over to the other group. The pitcher is nearly empty and I hear back in the kitchen that the couple’s order was just put up.

We take time to get the other group’s order before I tell Natalie to grab the pitcher. We head back to the kitchen together. Natalie gives them the new order and loads up the food on her tray. She asks if she should take time to fill up the pitcher now, but I tell her no and to deliver the food first.

She delivers the food and asks if there is anything else the couple needs. When they say no, we head back to the bar where Natalie fills up the pitcher. I hear the order of wings is up.

How did you know their order was up?

Timing is everything, I shrug. Of course, I have an added bonus with a keener sense of hearing.

She loads up the wings and pitcher and delivers them. I see one of the guys checking out her chest as she leans over to place the pitcher. He elbows the other guy and they share a smirk while she places the wings in the center of the table. Natalie asks if they need anything else.

Do it, I hear the guy whisper in the other guy’s ear.

When Natalie turns away, the guy on the end gives her butt a light smack. She gasps slightly, but keeps walking away.

This ain’t that kind of bar, I march right up to him.

Excuse me? he challenges.

Cammie, it’s okay, they’re just drunk.

I throw her a glare. She shrinks into herself.

See, she liked it. Maybe you need…

I reach out and grip his wrist before he has a chance to smack my butt. Disrespect one of us again and you will be thrown out.

I release my tight grip on his wrist and usher Natalie away with me before his shock turns into anger. I hear him cussing up a storm and demanding to speak with the manager.

Why did you do that? Natalie asks.

His behavior was inappropriate.

He’s just being a typical guy.

When you say nothing, it just makes it okay for him and every other guy to think they can get away with being disrespectful, I state firmly.

But we are in the business to serve.

Yes, serve, but not to be harassed.

What about the tip? she asks weakly.

You honestly think a bunch of frat boys are going to give a good tip?

I don’t know, maybe, she shrugs. I’m in college. Every dollar counts no matter what I have to do.

You along with everyone else here, but let me tell you a secret. You are the one with power here, not them, I point out to the crowd.

What do you mean?

If you stick around long enough, you will understand the concept.

I see a slight frown on Natalie’s face before heading off to find Doug. He’s a good manager. I made it clear to him I would not tolerate rude behavior when I inquired for a job. I like how fast pace it is. Keeps my mind focused on one thing. I also like to help teach the other girls how to stand up for themselves. They are all like Natalie. Apprehensive and say nothing. Doug has their backs, along with the security he has hired. Little does he know he has extra security.

It’s karaoke night and some guys are singing poorly to a popular Aerosmith song.

I find Natalie where I left her and head back to the kitchen with her to pick up the other group’s order. I help to deliver it before we head back to the couple who asked for the check.

I have Natalie enter the order into the system and take the receipt to the couple before we make another round to the other group to check up on them. We don’t head back to the group of guys as Doug will handle them for the duration. I tell her not to even acknowledge them.

We collect the bill from the couple and take a drink order at another table. When we head back to clean up the table after the couple leaves, we find a pathetic tip left from them.

Two dollars? That’s it? Did I do something wrong? They seemed so pleased.

Happens all the time. Can’t please everyone, I shrug, grabbing the glasses.

She sighs while stacking the plates. Hard to stay positive.

You’ll learn how to read people. Most are stingy. Some things will be out of your control and will be reflected on your tip. At the end of the day, you are here to do a job to the best of your ability. Don’t let anyone push you outside of your comfort zone.

Can I ask you a question?

You can ask. I arch an eyebrow.

What does WWND stand for?

I glance down to the gold cuff bracelet on my wrist with the letters engraved.

I’ve been trying to figure out the acronym all night, she adds.

You ready for a break? I head towards the kitchen. I don’t share the meaning behind my bracelet to anyone.

What Would Nadine Do.

Chapter 3

A

fter cleaning up, at closing time, I step outside with Natalie. The parking lot is sparse at three in the morning.

It’s freezing out here, Natalie comments as she shivers.

I say nothing as I pull out a chamomile Real Leaf cigarette from the packet along with my black lighter. I place the cigarette between my lips and light it before stuffing the packet and lighter back into my trench coat.

You smoke? Natalie asks, surprised.

I blow smoke out into the cold crisp night air. Time for you to go. I’ll keep watch.

Keep watch?

I don’t elaborate as I nod my head towards the parking lot.

She sighs and takes a step before stopping. What about you?

I can take care of myself. Now, go, I state sternly.

I take another drag from the cigarette and feel the burn travel down my throat into my lungs. My scorched throat and lungs instantly repair themselves. My heart rate does not rise since my heart doesn’t even pump blood.

However, I do get a brief second of dopamine released in my brain. In that second, everything inside calms. Everything baring down on me disperses. My brain goes numb, just like the rest of me. I get a second of peace before the nicotine is attacked and neutralized.

The scent of the chamomile in the air helps quiet my mind as I watch Natalie climb into a silver Honda Accord. I hear the engine purr to life before she backs out. As she shifts gears and steps down on the accelerator, I see the car slightly jerk and hear a knocking sound.

Two other waitresses step out with slight laughter. They acknowledge me as I take another drag. They keep moving towards their own vehicles, lowering their voices to whisper about me. I watch them leave as well.

Once all the girls leave, I snuff out the end of my cigarette before dropping it into the receptacle and head the next street over. Some drunk guys are getting kicked out from another bar. They bang on the door and shout about having just one more beer. When they realize they are not going to get what they want, they start to stagger to the parking lot.

I hang back and watch from the shadows. They make dense jokes and shove one another. One falls to the ground, but gets right back up.

They stop by a pickup truck, keys jangling until they drop to the ground. As the driver goes to pick up the keys, the other one complains about feeling sick. He vomits on the blacktop.

Give me the keys, I step out of the shadows and approach, extending a hand and leave a few feet between.

They both turn their heads in my direction and sway a little at the fast movement.

Well, aren’t you a pretty thing? the guy with the keys looks me up and down.

I’ll show you mine if you show me yours, the other guy slurs and giggles.

Keys, I beckon with my hand.

Why don’t you come get them? the driver jingles them out front.

Don’t mind if I do. I snatch them from his hand.

Hey, give those back, he takes a step forward.

You are in no condition to drive. Call a taxi.

No one calls for taxis anymore. Are you from Venus? There’s Uber now, the other guy objects.

Then call for an Uber.

Are you available?

Give me my keys back, I see anger cross the driver’s face.

You’ll get your keys back when you call for an Uber.

You’ll give me my keys back, now, he makes a dash for my hand, but I step just out of reach.

Now his anger is full on rage as he curses, raises a hand, and rushes towards me.

In one fluid motion, I grab his arm, twist it behind his back, and shove him to the ground. He yells at me to get off of him as he squirms under my hold. A knee to the center of his back, along with a hand square at his shoulders while his arm is still twisted in the grip of my other hand.

Don’t even think about it, I glare at the other guy as he takes a step forward.

Get off of me, the other guy screams.

You call for that Uber yet?

Umm, yeah. Requesting one now, he taps on his phone.

I’m going to press charges, the other guy spouts off.

Okay, I lean back, reach for the keys, that I slipped into my coat pocket, and toss them to the other guy. He catches them mid-air. Make sure to drink plenty of fluids later.

I push off of the other guy and start walking away. I hear him scream obscenities as he starts after me, but the other guy tells him to let me go. A car pulls into the parking lot shortly later. He then argues with his buddy about giving him the keys, which his friend refuses. Begrudgingly, he gets him into the Uber before it takes off.

Once there was a time when I used to be terrified of confrontations. Afraid of the unknown in how a situation would play out. Afraid of getting seriously hurt. Now all it is, is an adrenaline rush. I’ve been through the worst kind of pain, deep and eternal, that anything else is merely a scratch that’s unable to leave a scar.

I climb into my car and drive a few minutes down the street to a small corner business center, which are all closed at this hour. I park in front of a cream and yellow vinyl building. The windows and doors are still boarded up.

I climb out of the car, lift the left concrete parking block, and grab the single key to the front door. I slip inside and flick on the lights. The place is still a work-in-progress. A bunch of unassembled gym equipment, still in boxes, are shoved to the side. Four punching bags now hang in a row in the far back behind a blue boxing ring.

I remove my trench coat and toss it up on the rope of the boxing ring before stopping at the first punching bag. I throw a jab. Then another before a low kick. The punching bag moves wildly.

I just installed those today. Try not to rip them out.

I turn to see Michael. He’s in blue jeans and a light gray shirt smeared with oil. He was most likely working on a repair next door.

Need to release some tension? he smirks as he pulls the rag from his shoulder, wipes his hands before tossing it, and heads towards the ring, pausing to remove his grimy sneakers.

You know me too well, I unbuckle the straps from my pumps and let them drop where they fall before ducking under the rope and entering the ring at the same time.

After securing gloves onto my hands, I get into a boxing stance, keeping my eyes trained on his light brown eyes. We circle before I throw the first jab, which he easily moves away from. I step in and follow with an upper cut just grazing his chin.

He kicks low and knocks me flat on my butt. I roll to the side and jump back to my feet and get back into a fighting stance.

This time he throws a jab that I step back from. We circle once more. The image of the guy smacking Natalie’s butt pops into my mind. I throw a punch and hit Michael square in the jaw.

Good form, he comments.

I think about every name in the book that guy shouted at me after, along with the drunks in the parking lot, and I attack again and again and again.

I hit him in the face. Hit him in the torso. I just keep pummeling him, which he takes, until he knocks me down and pins me.

Feel better? his Adam’s apple bobs up and down.

He looks like an intimidating guy in his mid-twenties with his short dirty blonde hair with buzzed cut sides, pencil thin eyebrows, and serious expression. A guy like him would have scared me back in the day. His exterior embodies a grizzly, but he’s more like a teddy bear.

Not even close, I knock my head against his and flip him onto his back, pinning him against the mat. I see a flash of pang cross his eyes.

I immediately roll off of him and look down at his leg. He acts so normal that I forget, at times, he has a prosthetic below his left knee.

I’m so sorry, Michael, did I dislodge it? I remove my gloves before I reach over and begin to tug up his left pant leg to assess.

It’s fine, he places a gloved hand over mine. It was just some phantom pain, ma’am.

How many times have I told you not to call me, ma’am? I scowl at him.

He chuckles once. I can’t help but tease.

I feel a little uncomfortable at the closeness and stand before swinging out onto the floor. I’m going to start assembling the equipment.

You don’t have to do that. I got it covered, Michael leans against the rope.

I wave him off and go to a boxed treadmill. At once, I begin to rip the box open. Michael joins me, knowing it’s useless to argue the matter any further.

What was the small part you were telling me about that was bad the other day that was causing engine issues?

Spark plug?

Right, spark plug, I hold the box while Michael pulls out the equipment.

Why? Are you having an engine problem?

No. I noticed the new girl’s car jerk tonight when she accelerated. I pull the plastic off.

Better tell her to get them checked.

I will. How’s Larry? I spread out the loose parts.

Tony finally convinced him to let me cut that long mangy beard of his.

He has an interview later today, right? I begin comparing parts with the directions.

At the VA, yeah.

That was nice of Tom to take him in until he qualifies to get an apartment at the Housing Authority.

He knows what it’s like to be homeless. Us vets got to stick together, Michael states proudly.

We fall silent as we focus on working together to assemble the treadmill. I was not thrilled when Melia showed up with Darius, along with Michael and Tony. Darius got to know me a little, as well as Tony, when I was locked up in D-Block at the facility on Vince’s orders. Once Michael and Tony got accommodated in the city, about twenty minutes from Cecily’s place, Darius went back with Melia. We all live different lives here in Tennessee, but are determined to help others in our unique ways. Michael has become a good punching bag and teaches me techniques that make me physically stronger, regardless of my diet. He’s also a good listener.

You ready to see Melia tomorrow? Michael casually asks.

Chapter 4

A

s I’m about to plug the plug into the outlet, I pause for a half second before continuing to insert the plug. I hear a beep from the display panel as it comes to life.

I’m sure she’ll be excited to see you, Michael adds.

I know.

It will be nice to see mostly everyone together again, for something good this time.

I think about the group of wolves, led by Caden, that travelled north to live out the remainder of their lives as just wolves. A choice they made to live in untamed land. Without vampire blood, they will eventually cease to exist.

Yeah. I hop onto the belt and start fiddling with the display.

It’ll also be nice to see you in a color other than black, I hear the smile in his voice.

What’s wrong with black? I glare.

Nothing, he puts his hands up in surrender.

I had been steadily increasing the speed until I reached max. I’ve got a good run going with a burn in my legs. The speed would be too slow for Michael. I try to focus on the burn, only my mind just won’t shake off the question I’ve been suppressing.

It’s only been like two months. No one has had much time to adjust to blending back into the world. Why are they rushing this wedding? I stop the machine abruptly, letting my lips loose.

You’re not happy for them? he studies me.

I wince. Of course, I’m, happy, for them, I pause, hearing the strain in my voice on the word happy. After everything everyone has been through, especially them, they all deserve it.

I think about how Vince was so angry and bitter when he found me after the downfall of Vladimir. I had become a puppet to a new evil. One who wanted to create a vampire that fed on vampires, like Nadine. I had no idea Nadine had not survived until Maximilian, an evil spirit, had found me. Had no idea why he needed a vampire like Nadine. Left the Dragon’s Eye mark behind on failed attempts hoping to get Vince’s attention, which I got it in time when Melia turned out to be successful. It was easier to ruin her life when I knew nothing about her. She had every right to hate me. Only, she didn’t. She was grateful. Was something good in Vince’s darkest hour. Helped him to heal. Helped him to move on and find his way back to the light.

Somehow, which I’m still trying to wrap my mind around, Nadine saved Melia’s soul. Became one with Melia, from the other side, in order to defeat Maximilian.

Including you?

My eyes snap back to his before lowering. I zero in on his watch and yank his arm up to inspect the time. I didn’t realize how late it was getting. I need to get to Jerry’s place.

I vault past him and slip out the front door before he has a chance to respond. It’s a lie. I know it and he would know it too. I still have a good hour before Jerry expects me.

I hop into my car, grab the key from the side door, and fire it up before backing out. Press down hard on the accelerator. I know if he wanted to stop me, he could, but he doesn’t. He could outrun the current speed I’m traveling. Could outrun every speeding car on the highway if he wanted to. He still feeds on human blood. I’m the only vampire who chooses to feed on animal blood. Choose not to be at full potential. I choose to be weak.

I mindlessly drive back to Cecily’s place. The place where I technically reside. I don’t need a bed to sleep, even though she provides one for me if I should ever feel the need to use it. The bedroom is my space where I keep minimum necessities. A few changes of clothing. Everything else in the guest bedroom is free for me to use.

I hardly stay inside her cabin for long. It’s too lively in there for me. Too bright. Makes me uncomfortable.

I walk away from her home onto the trail that leads to the unfinished cabin her husband was unable to complete before he passed. The ground is crusted over in hard snow. I don’t sink into it in my bare feet. I didn’t take time to grab my shoes before my retreat. The ground is cold, but I’m just as cold so it doesn’t affect me. I don’t have to worry about frostbite. Cecily says walking barefoot is a way to connect to earth. I agreed to make time each day for at least fifteen minutes to try and connect. It’s different. I don’t recall ever trying that when I was a human. Maybe when I was younger and innocent, but I hardly remember. I don’t think I get what she gets from it.

I step onto the small cement entryway covered with littered leaves. The cabin is different from the one Cecily lives in. The outside is not completely a wood concept. It has a tin roof, a large brick fireplace, and some stone siding on the lower half. It looks mismatched to me. The inside is a complete mess. Tony has been recruiting veterans he makes connections with during walk-in programs at the VA who are looking for something meaningful to work on. Cecily agreed to let them work on the unfinished cabin with her husband’s written down plans.

I step across the dust covered planks of old wood. The vaulted ceiling has nice shiny wood like in Cecily’s cabin. Low walls are stripped. High walls have bare strips and dots of paint. Wires hang. Insulation shows.

I hear a plank of wood thrown to the ground. I walk over to the open foyer and see Antonio pull siding off. He doesn’t see me, so I quietly back away and walk out. I’m not the only extremely early bird.

I head back up the path to Cecily’s cabin. When I enter the brightly lit place, I cover my eyes and head up to the guest bedroom. I don’t really take ownership of it since I hardly use it. I like to keep busy.

I pull out the journal from the nightstand that Cecily gave to me to write in daily. I don’t write much. At most, a sentence or two.

I turn to a half-written page. I write down the date and just stare at the page. There’s nothing I want to express, like usual.

Another day gone. Another day to come.

I change out of the romper and into black jeans, a black shirt with a small V-neck, and slip into sneakers. My work boots are at Jerry’s place. I have nothing else to do, so I head to his place to get an early start.

It’s not a glamorous job. Especially one for a teenage girl like me, but I get a deal out of it. Jerry is the only other human in the small town, other than Cecily, who knows my true identity. He is passionate about processing meat. He can be too much for a lot of people. They don’t understand why he obsessively talks about the process. They don’t want to listen to it. His social skills are a bit poor due to his mild autism. I don’t mind his chatter. Keeps my mind from wondering about things I don’t want to think about. Don’t mind his autism. He just experiences the world differently.

Despite his autism, he runs the business successfully. It’s all he knows. It was the world he was raised in by his single father, who passed a couple of years ago while his mother abandoned him after he was born. He never knew what it was like to have a mother.

He was completely reserved when Cecily introduced me to him. Outspoken over the notion to have me help out. Thought I would change his routines. Would want to clean and organize the place like women always want to do.

Cecily vouched for me. Calmed Jerry down and encouraged him that I’m just a helping hand that he gives the orders to. I’m not here to get in the way. I could be the one to help make sales to the people he’s not always comfortable around when they get frustrated with him and upset. Asked him nicely to try a trial run and if it didn’t work out, I would find somewhere else to help out.

Of course, at the time, it was just a way to let me have easy access to the animal blood, so I didn’t have to always hunt to sustain myself. Only, Jerry was more