Deep as Death

13

PART I

Beware

15

1

Hella

26 February 1953, Helsinki

The judge was old and irritated. He peered at me over the wire-rimmed glasses that sat on the tip of his nose.

Anything to add, Miss?

My lawyer fluttered nervously by my side. He was fresh out of law school, and much too impressed by the grand mahogany-panelled hall we were in to add anything of value. Still, he cleared his throat, pulling at his too-short jacket sleeves. His wrists were as thin as a boy’s. Your Honour, in my closing argument —

The judge waved an impatient hand. I have already heard your closing argument. What I want to know is what the defendant has to say. He pointed at me. You! Why did you attack that man?

There was whispering from the bench to my right where my victim was sitting, his one remaining eye glaring at me.

Your Honour, I said. I am afraid you misunderstood — My lawyer drew a sharp breath. That was about the only thing he had told me before the proceedings started: never contradict the judge. Never. And that was exactly what I was 16doing now. The accuser was the one who attacked me. I was merely defending myself.

With a rusty nail? The judge’s voice was carefully neutral, sympathetic even.

It was the only thing I had on hand.

Is that right? the judge said, his beady eyes never leaving mine. You were in a logging camp in Lapland, which is to say in the middle of nowhere. You ventured into a place inhabited by men, where no respectable woman would ever expect to set foot. Worse, you were in that gentleman’s bedroom. Did he drag you there?

No.

Then you came to his sleeping quarters of your own accord?

I did, Your Honour. That is not an invitation to be raped.

Next to me, my lawyer buried his face in his hands. Even in his limited experience, I was a crackpot.

Hmm, the judge said. Let me get this straight. You expect that you can walk into a man’s bedroom, flirt with him, then get away unscathed?

That’s what I said, Your Honour. As a police officer, I had reasons to go to that logging camp, and into that room, and those reasons had nothing to do with romance or seduction.

The judge stared at me for a long time, wondering perhaps if I’d explain my reasons further, but I kept quiet. What had happened to me was nobody’s business, and I was ready to suffer the consequences. To the judge, I was a former police officer from Ivalo, Lapland, discharged from the force for disobeying my supervisors’ direct orders and now being sued by a man who claimed I had damaged his leg when I attacked him. 17

Well, the judge said at last. Perhaps that is the truth. Still, the accuser has provided a medical certificate which states that the wound you inflicted prevents him from exercising his profession. You are a truck driver, are you not? he asked my self-proclaimed victim, who almost jumped from the bench, nodding.

Yes, Your Honour.

A very valuable profession. Especially at a time when our country, having finished paying war reparations to the Soviet Union, is undergoing a massive reconstruction. We need working men. We need truck drivers. The judge turned back to me. "You are not married, are you? So what do you do for a living?"

He knew already, of course. He just wanted to hear me say it.

I am a private investigator, Your Honour.

The judge chuckled. What do you investigate? Missing cats?

I specialize in murder cases, Your Honour.

Now the spectators in the courtroom were laughing too. Even my lawyer leaned forward to hide a smile.

Murder? the judge said. Murder investigations pay well, last I heard. The court finds you guilty of assault on the person of Seppo Kukoyakka and sentences you to pay damages to the amount of… He paused, his eyes assessing the value of my cheap wool jacket and tired leather pumps, noting the absence of jewellery. One hundred thousand markka.

Six months of police sergeant’s wages. Not that I was employed any more.

My lawyer gasped. He sprang to his feet as the judge’s gavel hit the desk in front of him. Your Honour, a hundred thousand markka is an extraordinary sum and the defendant — 18

Case closed, the judge said, not looking at him. People like Miss Mauzer are a danger to society. You will have the chance to appeal, if you so wish. Next!

The lawyer threw me a dejected look. You shouldn’t have been so provocative, he said. It would have been better to say you got scared, changed your mind. The judge would have been easier on you. Now, what are you going to —

I got to my feet. They were already bringing the next defendant into the courtroom, a vagabond who smelled of urine. The show was over, the public shuffling towards the exit, grinning.

Don’t you worry, I said to the lawyer. How much time do I have to pay the sum?

Two months.

Then I’ll find a way to pay it.

He stared at me, his Adam’s apple working up and down his thin neck. I’m sorry, Miss Mauzer, he said at last. I should have prepared you better. He leaned over to pick up his briefcase. Good luck. You’re going to need it.

Five minutes later, I stood on the steps of the courthouse, the frozen expanse of the Baltic Sea stretching ahead of me. The guidebooks called Helsinki the White City of the North, except that there was nothing white about it. To me, this was a city of softened greys and sunless mornings, of blurry shadows and damp drizzle. Its sky was ancient and low, its air charged with salt. A city of seafarers, merchants and soldiers. This was a place I was determined to once again call home. Luck or no luck. 

19

2

Hella

The snow globe sat on my desk, on top of a sheet of wrapping paper. There was a figurine of a child inside it. It looked like Eva: painfully thin, almost translucent, with a great mane of red-gold hair that reached down to her waist. The hair didn’t move as I turned the globe upside down – only the synthetic snow did. It swirled inside the glass sphere, the plastic child caught in a snowstorm. With the tips of my fingers, I caressed the smooth cool surface, thinking of all the little phrases I had stashed away in preparation for the big day: We don’t have to be friends – I just want us to get to know each other a little. I’m not trying to replace anyone, Eva. Your dad and I never meant for it to happen, but sometimes life is like this. It sweeps you off your feet.

No no no no no, Steve said, restlessly pacing in my tiny, cluttered office. Three steps to the left took him to the window and the view of the patched-up roofs that stretched all the way to the green-and-gold dome of Uspenski Cathedral. One step to the right, and he was in front of the door that opened on what the landlord insisted on calling a reception area – in reality, a room little larger than a cupboard, furnished with two mismatched chairs and an umbrella stand 20 crammed between them. You’re kind, and generous, and selfless. And tough, Steve added, once he shot a glance at the reception area and confirmed that it was empty. You’re not asking this of me. You’re not that kind of person.

Rising up from my chair, I turned to face him. I am, trust me.

Steve rubbed his face with both hands. He looked tired, his tall frame slumping forward a little, his blue eyes bloodshot. You’re the kind of person who blackmails the father of a fragile child?

Yes, I said, after a glance at the snow globe. I hadn’t got round to wrapping my gift, and now I probably never would. That’s me exactly. So is it a yes or a no?

I’d never meant to have this conversation in the first place. The day had already been awful enough as it was; first the courthouse, then a food stamp office where I’d had to queue for an hour before being told by a bored employee that they’d just run out of coupons and I had better come back the following day. And now this.

It had started innocently enough, with Steve dropping by to tell me he was awfully sorry but he wouldn’t be able to see me tonight after all. He had forgotten that Eva was performing in a school play. Playing Ophelia, can you imagine? He had to go to the play. Of course he did.

Lovely, I replied. I had been planning on spending my evening at home with Steve, but the theatre was even better. Even when played by fourteen-year-olds, Shakespeare has the power to make one realize how insignificant our problems are in the grand scheme of things.

Steve paused. He had been wearing his coat when he came in, but when we had started talking he had taken it off and slung it over the back of the visitors’ chair, the only comfortable one in the room. 21

Hella, he said. I know it’s not a good time…

I should have stopped him there. I should have shrugged it off, told him it didn’t matter. But some angry force inside me, looking for a fight and more reasons to cry, decided that it was time to finally clarify the terms of our relationship.

Didn’t you say that Elsbeth and Eva both know we’re living together? Didn’t you – here I paused because I found it difficult to control my voice – didn’t you tell me that Eva was looking forward to meeting me? I looked at the globe; I wanted to smash it against the wall. How happy I had been when I found it in a little store on Kirkkokatu. I had been looking for the perfect gift, and that was the one: not too personal, but thoughtful nonetheless.

Steve threw his hands up in the air. True, he said. All true. But now’s not a good time. Eva is worried about the performance. She’s afraid she’ll forget her lines, afraid she’ll look ridiculous in front of her classmates. You know how it is with teenage girls.

But she doesn’t have to see me, I said. I’ll stay put in my seat, you don’t even have to tell her I’m there. I don’t know much about teenage girls, but from what I hear they’re pretty self-obsessed. She probably won’t even notice the woman sitting next to her father.

Probably not, said Steve. But Elsbeth will.

And is she nervous because her daughter’s acting in a school play?

She, Steve said, frowning at me, will be nervous because her own parents are coming and she hasn’t told them about our separation yet.

Oh. So you’ll all go like a happy little family, and you’ll see me tomorrow when you can? My voice took on a sarcastic undertone, but Steve pretended not to notice. 22

Not like a happy little family. Like a family. Why’s that a problem? You’re an adult, Hella. You should understand. A big girl like you.

He shouldn’t have started on the big girl thing. I’d heard that one more than enough; no wonder I snapped. I’ve been very understanding for the last four years. Maybe now it’s time I start thinking about myself a little.

Don’t you always? Steve was getting as angry as I was, his jaw set and unyielding, his eyes narrow. No one forced you to embark on an affair with a married man.

The realization hit me like a slap in the face. It’s you, I said. All this time I thought it was about Elsbeth, but it’s you. You’re still not ready to introduce your daughter to me. You’re still not sure that you and I are a couple.

All those evenings I had spent waiting for him, all his claims that his marriage was over, that he was only staying for the sake of his child, that his sickly wife couldn’t manage on her own – it all came back and crushed me like a tidal wave. When I emerged, there was only one thing that mattered. I needed to know where I stood.

I took a deep breath. Then, in a voice as loud and clear as I could muster, I asked him to choose. Either it was me, in which case I was going to see the damned play, or it was them. And if it was them, I wanted him out of my life.

Is that what you really want? Steve said. He was standing in front of me, one hand on top of the filing cabinet, the other balled into a fist.

Yes, I said, forcing the tremor out of my voice. It’s simple really.

At this, Steve looked out of the window with a puzzled expression on his face. It was snowing again, another dreadful winter’s day, the sun hovering just above the line of the horizon, almost erased by blurry white streaks of snow. In 23 an hour, the sun would set. So this is it, I thought. The last straw. Could it really be that simple? A child’s school play, for Christ’s sake, we’d been through worse. He loved me. I knew he did. He would do the right thing.

His glance left the window and stopped on me.

Then, he said, we’re over. He picked up his coat from the chair, started to pull it on as he turned for the door. You can put my things in a suitcase and leave it on the landing. I doubt anyone would want to steal my stuff.

With his hand on the doorknob, Steve paused as if he wanted to say something, then thought better of it. He shrugged and walked out, leaving me behind. Like a fish just out of water, my mouth gaping open, my mind blank. 24

3

Hella

The realization of what had just happened dawned on me after the sound of Steve’s footsteps died away on the stairs. I had put too many expectations on that first meeting with Eva. I couldn’t be light-hearted about it any longer; I couldn’t put things into perspective. And of course, with the weight of my pathetic hope crushing all rational thought, I had blown it.

Uninvited images flooded my mind: the cold nights to come, the empty apartment above the language school, dinners for one eaten straight out of a pan because what did it matter now?

My first instinct was to go home, open a bottle of vodka and drink myself into oblivion. Erase all coherent thought, erase the longing.

Wallow in self-pity.

Sob my heart out.

It seemed like a good idea; the only thing that stopped me was the woman waiting across the street. I saw her as I was leaving the building. She had been looking up at my windows, but when she spotted me on the doorstep she 25 turned away quickly and pretended to busy herself with her watch. This made me pause. Even though the woman’s face was partly hidden by a sable hat, it was not Elsbeth, of that I was certain. Elsbeth was tall, blonde and pretty as a picture. Most people I knew looked surprised when they saw her, and I knew why: they wondered why Steve, Helsinki’s most popular – and only – American DJ and radio presenter, had left her for me. This woman was short, buxom and blonde. A peroxide blonde, not a natural one. There was something jarring about her, but I only realized what it was when I retraced my steps and dived back into the building. The woman’s face looked cheap, there was too much makeup – the lips were too red, the eyebrows non-existent. But her clothes were expensive: a sable coat, soft leather gloves and the sort of shoes you only saw on the feet of people who never had to walk anywhere.

The woman was here to see me, but she was hesitating. I considered my options. The vodka binge was still tempting, but could I afford it? What I had told the judge that very morning had been wishful thinking: I did advertise my murder-solving capabilities, but no murder investigations had come my way yet, and they probably never would. The only people who came to see me were, ironically enough, wives who suspected their husbands of cheating. And money was always tight. In all the cases I’d had, the husband had been the only breadwinner in the family. The wives paid me with whatever they could put aside from their grocery shopping budget, and that wasn’t much. So that woman on the street, with her fancy clothes… Even if it was the usual philandering spouse story, I had to take it. Unless I wanted to be penalized further for not paying the court.

I climbed the stairs back to my third-floor office and waited, forcing myself to recite the Kalevala to avoid thinking 26 about Steve. I was on Beauteous Daughter of the Ether, her existence sad and hopeless / Thus alone to live for ages when I heard a tentative knock on the door.

Miss Mauzer?

Up close, the woman looked older than I’d first thought, closer to fifty than forty. Her name, Klara Nylund, told me nothing.

I pointed at the visitors’ chair. How can I help you, Mrs Nylund?

It’s Miss, the woman corrected, pulling off her gloves. Her nails were painted the exact same shade as her lipstick: ruby red. It’s about one of my girls.

It was only then that I understood. My potential client was nobody’s wife. She ran a brothel. There were a number of them around – Helsinki was a port city, after all, and with all the refugees flooding the streets, lots of girls were on the market. Although, given the woman’s clothing, this brothel was probably at the upper end of the market. I flipped my notepad open. What happened to the girl?

She drowned, the woman said matter-of-factly. Last month. Nellie went down on the ice in West Harbour. The ice gave way.

And?

And the police seem to think it was an accident.

But you don’t believe that, I said. Immediately, my inner voice screamed: Bravo, Sherlock! If you go on like this, your visitor will get up and leave.

The woman must have been thinking along the same lines because she squinted at me. How long have you been doing this job, Miss Mauzer?

I was a police officer, I told her, with more confidence than I really felt. In Helsinki, I was the first woman ever to be part of the homicide squad. After that, I worked in Ivalo. 27

And now you’re here, the woman added, scanning the room. She didn’t need to add anything. The threadbare rug on the floor, the chipped desk, the icy chill of my office, they all screamed failure. He assured me you were OK, the woman said doubtfully to her folded hands. How much do you charge?

It’s five hundred markka a day, or we can agree on a flat fee. Did someone recommend me? I tried to keep the hopeful note out of my voice. No one ever did. Aside from the cuckolded wives, of course, but I doubted very much that any of them would be speaking to a madam.

The woman nodded, fumbling in her bag. Him.

She pulled out a business card. Cream vellum, elegantly formed letters. Chief Inspector Jokela, Head, Helsinki Homicide Squad.

You know him, right? the woman asked. She was having second thoughts.

Jokela and I go back a long way, I said. What I didn’t say was that there was no love lost between us, and never had been. And that I couldn’t imagine any reason for him to recommend me, except if he was convinced that the girl’s death had indeed been an accident and police time would be wasted on it.

There was a silence. I kept my eyes on the card, wondering whether the woman would get up and leave, and if that was the case, whether I was still going for the vodka bottle. Just as I was about to suggest to Miss Nylund that she come back