Restless Heart

Copyright © 2010 T. William Phillips

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by

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recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system

without the written permission of the publisher except in the case

of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents,

organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products

of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

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Contents

Book 1: Duty by Heart

I

II

III

IV

V

VI

VII

VIII

IX

X

XI

XII

XIII

XIV

XV

XVI

XVII

XVIII

XIX

XX

XXI

XXII

XXIII

XXIV

XXV

Book 2: Justice by God

I

II

III

IV

V

VI

VII

VIII

IX

X

XI

XII

XIII

XIV

XV

XVI

XVII

XVIII

XIX

XX

XXI

XXII

XXIII

XXIV

Book 3: Truth by Will

I

II

III

IV

V

VI

VII

VIII

IX

X

XI

XII

XIII

XIV

XV

XVI

XVII

XVIII

XIX

To my brother, Wesley, whose restless heart still beats in my own…

and to my beloved aunt, Cindy, who dances on the stars.

BOOK I

Duty by Heart

I

MY RESTLESS HEART BEATS to a rhythm of its own. A rhythm that has been lost in time and nature and has become so deeply hidden that few ever hear it.

It took me eighteen years to finally hear the strange, offbeat drum in my chest. I could always feel it but was too ignorant and too deaf to listen to it. Aristocracy and expectation had created layer upon layer of fat that had muffled and softened the true beat of my heart.

My restless heart is a map with no end. It does not tell me where to go or how to get there, but it tells me when to move one foot forward and when to move the other foot in front of it. These steps are never rhythmic.

Training myself to break the rhythm was the hardest part. After living my life being taught to do all things to a rhythm, even if the rhythm was of my own creation, it takes great strength and discipline to un-train something that is not just taught but is ingrained in our minds from birth.

My restless heart began beating its inconsistent beat on December 21, 1820, when I forced my mother into labor one month before I was supposed to be born. I nearly killed her in the process, but she was a strong woman of strong German blood and recovered very quickly. My premature birth gave my mother an excuse to use such phrases as, You were impatient coming into the world, and you’re impatient to leave it, when I would do something dangerous and thoughtless, or she’d say, Just because you were impatient coming into this world doesn’t mean you are allowed to be impatient while you’re in it.

I was no more restless as a child than most other children, and like all children do, I eventually grew up. I had to become mature and responsible. I had to go to school and learn manners and discipline. I lost my innocence and therefore lost the ability to listen to my heart, and for years I lived in an ignorant deafness.

It wasn’t until the spring of 1838 that I began to hear the arrhythmic beat of my heart once again. As a child, I did not think about what my heart told me; I simply followed it blindly and without hesitation. As I was approaching the mature age of eighteen, I started to decipher the beats and ponder what they meant.

My friends were preparing to enter institutions of higher learning, and some of my more privileged friends had already begun apprenticeships at the businesses of their fathers, family friends, or distant connections made by family influence. I was being urged by my father to study at Harvard. I longed for a higher education, but not for the same reasons as my friends. Their families had made grandiose plans for them, and, like sheep, they were following these plans blindly and contentedly. They had grown accustomed to the luxuries and spoils, which their parents had provided for them, and their only goal was to be able to continue living in that fashion free of their parents. They would go on to their universities and receive great educations, and thus they would graduate to high-profile, high-paying jobs. Their jobs would not have them doing something they loved, for they did not even know what they loved. They loved what their parents and society told them to love, and what they loved was money, luxury, laziness, work, and conformity. I don’t know how or why I started seeing these things in this light, but I knew I wanted something more. I did not want education; I wanted knowledge. I wanted to see the world and learn from experience as well as from books.

I longed to see Europe; after all, my mother, Lenora, came from the Mann family in Berlin, and my father, Rafael, came from the Quintero de Leon family in Spain; therefore, I decided to leave America to attend Oxford University in England. I wrote my father a three-page letter of why and how I had come to my decision. He read the letter and did not say a word about it for two days. Finally, he told me that he supported my decision and that I would leave for Oxford in the fall.

My leaving for Oxford was bittersweet, as I would come to learn is true of all partings, some more bitter or more sweet than others. In this case it was sweeter, for I was full of excitement for the unknown. I had never seen the world outside New York City except to go to the countryside a few times when I was younger, but I took comfort in the fact that for the first time in my life, I was following my heart, not simply because I listened to what it told me, but because I understood what it told me.

I arrived in London in September of 1838, after a long journey across the Atlantic Ocean, from which I learned that I do not get seasick, even after watching others lean over the ship’s railing. I was met by my uncle, Friedrich Mann, whom I had never met before. He was not quiet and stone-faced, as I had imagined all Germans to be. In fact, he had kind, inviting blue eyes and a charming smile with which he greeted me. He shook my hand firmly, patted me on the back, and told me how pleased he was to finally meet his sister’s son. He told me how much I looked like my mother, which I took as a great compliment, for I found his resemblance to my mother uncanny, and he was a handsome man. His cheekbones were high and sharp, resting symmetrically on either side of his gradual, pointed nose, and his long face ended upon a defined jaw line and a subtle chin.

We spent the night in London so he could show me around the city. I thought it was fantastic. I saw, of course, The Queen’s House, where Britain’s newest monarch, Queen Victoria, resided. However, what I found most interesting was the remains of The Palace of Westminster, which had been mostly destroyed by a fire in 1834. Friedrich told me that they had debated for two years what kind of design they would use to rebuild the House of Parliament. Neoclassical was the popular style of the time, but Britain associated it with America, revolution, and Republicanism. They finally decided in 1836 that they would go with a Gothic style. I thought it would be grand. Neoclassical and Elizabethan were boring to me. To me, Gothic was the height of man’s architectural creativity and intellect.

The next day, we rode in a carriage to Oxford. I immediately fell in love with the city. I had never seen such buildings and structures except in paintings. I tried to contain my excitement as I thought about all that I would see over the next four years.

The carriage dropped us off in front of the building where Friedrich had reserved a flat for us on the River Thames, which in Oxford they called The Isis. We met with the landlord, and I paid the rent for the first six months with the money my father had given me for room, board, and food.

My mother had written to Friedrich after the decision of my education had been made. She told him that his nephew had been accepted at Oxford and would be attending in the late fall. She told him that she thought it would be a great opportunity for us to get to know each other and that my father would pay for him to move to Oxford and live with me. Friedrich happily accepted the offer. I was a little uncomfortable and slightly irritated at first, for I was looking forward to the romantic solitude of living alone, and living with a man I had never met would be awkward. When I learned that my Uncle Friedrich was a master in the art of fencing, my mood changed completely as I thought of all that he could teach me.

Uncle Friedrich had owned a fencing school in Wiesbaden, which had been very successful and had brought him much money. An Italian fencing master had offered him a great deal for the school, and Friedrich had leaped at the opportunity to retire. He was at his peak and had no desire for his students to watch him slowly wither away. The Italian fencing master was young and passionate and would be a much better teacher to his students.

I began school shortly after my arrival in England, studying Physics and Philosophy at Oxford and participating in the Oxford Boat Club and the Oxford Union Society, which was a debate club. However, I received my real education from my uncle and many hours in Oxford’s Bodleian Library. On my own, I studied history, literature, and politics. From my uncle, I learned Latin, the art of fencing, and gymnastics.

Uncle Friedrich had studied gymnastics under Friedrich Ludwig Jahn himself who was known as Turnvater Jahn, meaning ‘Father of gymnastics’. Uncle Friedrich had served under Jahn in the Lutzow Free Corps, which was an army of Prussian volunteers who fought against Napoleon’s army.

I progressed quickly in my physical training once I realized my natural athleticism. My body transformed accordingly to support the strength, agility, and endurance my daily activities required. The Oxford Boat Club added significant muscle mass to my shoulders and chest, while gymnastics strengthened and defined my abdomen, legs, and arms.

Fencing, however, was more of a strengthening of the mind. It sharpened my senses and reflexes, and it taught me to react quickly by knowing what my opponent would do before he did it. It was a true art with a great deal of science to it. It took me a good two years of daily practice before I could have a somewhat competitive fencing match against my uncle.

As a student at Oxford I was quite average. I performed well in class on assignments and exams, but my heart was never really in it. I seemed to excel much more in the subjects I studied on my own. Philosophy interested me greatly, but I grew restless in class while my teachers lectured and told me what I had to do and what I had to learn. However, I could spend eight hours at a time in the Bodleian Library reading from the massive collection of books the library had acquired, which included such treasures as Shakespeare’s First Folio, The Carte Manuscripts, Song of Roland, Codex Mendoza, letters of the poet Percy Bysshe Shelley, one of the surviving complete copies of the Gutenberg Bible, and Magna Carta, which I was able to read after my uncle taught me Latin.

When school let out after my first year, my uncle and I left for Spain for the summer. We lived in Madrid, but we spent a good amount of time in Seville and Barcelona. I was able to perfect my Spanish, which I had been taught from an early age, but my father had been the only person I knew who spoke it. Living in Spain allowed me to become truly fluent.

My plan had been simply to visit some of the great historic cities of Europe, but Uncle Friedrich insisted that I actually live in the cities. He said the only way to truly know a place is to live there. He said that one could not possibly learn anything about a place by simply visiting.

We spent the following summer living in Paris, where I had the great fortune of seeing the Musée du Louvre, Chateau de Versailles, La Sainte-Chapelle, Notre-Dame de Paris, and Cathedrale Notre-Dame de Chartres, which furthered my fascination with Gothic architecture.

We spent the next summer in Italy, where we lived in Rome and traveled to Milan, Venice, and Sicily. We saw the Coliseum, the Apostolic Palace, and the Sistine Chapel, which was magnificent down to the tiniest detail. We also saw the Pantheon and Duomo di Milano.

Along with seeing the historic sites, we were able to live our lives as did the locals. By the time we left each city, we knew it inside and out.

My uncle and I spent every Christmas in Berlin with my grandfather, Konrad, after whom I was named, and my grandmother, Rosalinde, whose eyes still glowed even in her old age. I saw where my mother got her dazzling, captivating eyes. My grandparents did not speak English, and that forced me to perfect my German, which I had also grown up learning.

My grandmother loved telling me the story of how my parents fell in love. She would tell me how my mother was a famous soprano in the opera and how her company would travel all over the world, until it finally brought her to New Orleans where she performed in one of the first shows at the Theatre d’Orleans before it burned down shortly after its opening. My father was there, and my grandmother said he fell in love with my mother the moment she sang her first beautiful note. After the show, he raced to find the nearest florist, bought a dozen roses, and waited outside the theater for three hours before my mother finally came out. He told her he had never heard a voice as angelic as hers. He gave her the flowers and begged her to sing a song just for him. My mother declined bashfully, for they were standing in the middle of the street. He pleaded, telling her how only her angelic voice could save his wretched soul. She was smitten by his charm and vulnerability, so she began to sing a song just for him right there in the middle of the street in New Orleans. As she sang, she drew him in, closer and closer, until by the last note of the song their lips were only an inch apart. They kissed a sweet, tender kiss and instantly fell in love. They married a few months later. After having much success in New Orleans in the restaurant business, my father promised my mother fortune in New York where he knew he would be even more successful. He was right, and he kept his promise. Then I was born.

It was a lovely story, but I felt that my grandmother had embellished it a bit. But she did tell it well and with great passion, and it did make for a lovely story.

II

I COMPLETED MY SCHOOLING at Oxford in the summer of 1842. I had no money to get home, for I had spent all that my father had given me on traveling and living all over Europe. Friedrich offered to pay my fare back to New York, but I wasn’t quite ready to leave. I wanted to pay my own way by making the money myself.

I was able to find a job immediately upon my graduation by translating old texts from German, Spanish, and Latin to English. The job paid well, and in a few short months I had earned enough to pay my fare back to America and more.

As soon as I finished translating the texts I had promised to my employer, I collected my wages and booked passage to New York. I could not convince Uncle Friedrich to come back with me even after offering to pay his way. He was not interested in the West. He had been studying the cultures of the East recently and had grown very interested in traveling to Asia. He said that perhaps he would meet me on the Pacific side of America.

On the day before I was to leave England, I headed to the Bodleian Library to see it one last time.

I walked through the library exactly as I had the first time I had set foot inside. I stared in awe and spun in circles, as I walked aimlessly, gazing breathlessly upon the high walls covered in shelves filled with knowledge, art, and passion. I heard the whispers of the ghost authors reading their own words but all at the same time and too quietly for me to understand. It was eerie and intoxicating. It brought an excited fluttering to my stomach and an ecstatic smile to my face.

I allowed my initial excitement to subside and made my way down the row to my favorite book. I saw it sticking out from the shelf slightly. I must not have pushed it all the way in the last time I was there.

I stopped in front of the protruding book that was shelved at face level. I read the magical words as I ran my fingers down its spine — Don Quixote. I gently pulled the book out and held it lightly in my hands. I wiped away some imaginary dust and opened it to the title page, which read, El ingenioso hidalgo don Quixote de la Mancha.

I had looked at this particular copy of the masterpiece dozens of times in my four years at Oxford. I had only read it twice while I was there. However, I had read many other translations and copies throughout my life. Tobias Smollett’s translation of Don Quixote was the first real book I had ever read. I had been eleven at the time when my father insisted. From then on, I had read it at least once a year. I have long lost count of how many times I have read it.

Why am I not surprised to find you here, Master Konrad?

The familiar voice made me jump. As the librarian had approached, I had been so entranced by the book that I hadn’t heard his loud, hollow footsteps echo on the marble floor. I sighed in relief and shut the book. I smiled at my old friend and shook my head.

How do you manage to sneak up on me every time I’m here, Mr. Jacobs? I asked, as I slid the book back into place, making sure it was flush.

We librarians take a vow of silence much like any priest, sir, he answered in his thick English accent. He walked over to me. And startling young men such as yourself pleases an old man like me. Makes me feel… intimidating.

I’m sure it’s the most exciting part of your day.

He smiled and took down the copy of Don Quixote I had been admiring. He stared at it and smiled.

"For as long as my old mind can remember, you’ve been coming into this library and looking at this copy of Don Quixote. Why this copy? There must be a dozen different copies and translations here."

You must know. I paused to allow Mr. Jacobs to answer his own question. He just smiled. I went into a passionate explanation of how Miguel de Cervantes had sold the rights to his book to a publisher who had printed four hundred copies and had sent them to the Americas in hopes of a better price. Most of the four-hundred first-edition copies were lost in a shipwreck near Havana. However, about seventy copies made it to Lima and from there were sent to Cuzco. The copy that Mr. Jacobs was holding was one of the last remaining first editions.

Of course I know that, Master Konrad. I just wanted to see if you did, he said with a coughing laugh. I believed him though. He knew everything about every book in his library. After all, he had worked there almost every day for the last thirty years.

I want you to have it, Mr. Jacobs said, holding the book out to me.

I couldn’t possibly . . . I protested.

It’s a gift, Master Konrad. It would be rude not to accept a gift on the eve of your farewell voyage.

With all due respect, Mr. Jacobs, doesn’t it belong to the school?

"It belongs to this library, and this is my library. This book is mine to give to whomever I please. Now take it — before I change my mind."

I took the book from him and held it to my chest. I don’t know how to thank you.

You kept an old, lonely librarian company for the past four years. That’s thanks enough.

I’m going to miss you, Mr. Jacobs.

And I you, Master Konrad. And I you.

We shook hands while he stared tenderly into my eyes. I felt sad to leave him. I had been the only student who ever really talked to him. I knew he was lonely and that this library was his life. I knew that he took great pleasure in sharing his life with me by recommending books and then discussing them with me after I had read them. I wondered who would talk to him now. Who would keep him company? But who was I kidding? Had I really become so arrogant to think that no one could replace me, that no one would strike up a friendship with Mr. Jacobs after me? Surely, there had been others before me and there would be others after me. But I had to believe that our relationship was special, otherwise, what would be the point of having one in the first place?

I walked out of the Bodleian Library with my new book at my side and made my way down a cobbled street in the middle of town. The hooves of horses clop-clopped by me as I stared at the familiar buildings, taking them in for the last time. I had walked these streets hundreds of times. I had become a part of them as they had of me. A strange sadness filled me and put a knot in my throat despite my excitement to leave.

I made my way to the Oxford Botanic Garden and walked slowly through the Walled Garden, as the fading rays of the sunset broke through the trees and cast a golden glow on the plant life below. There was a chill in the wind, and for a moment I wished I had brought my coat. That wish was quickly forgotten as was the cold biting through my clothes while I reminisced about the hands I had held and the lips I had kissed in this garden. The sun made its final descent as I came to the riverbank.

III

WHEN I ARRIVED BACK at my flat, Uncle Friedrich was ready to duel. He was practicing his counterattack on his weak foot with an épée, a sword that is a bit heavier than the foil which is typically used when practicing fencing. The heaviest is the saber. The saber was my favorite weapon, but it was also the weapon with which I was the least skilled.

When my uncle saw that I had returned, he stopped fencing the air and took a few deep breaths as he rested on his sword. He wiped the sweat from his brow and pushed back the wet hair that was stuck to his forehead.

Out of breath, he asked in German, Are you ready for a duel, nephew?

You seem to be beaten by your shadow already, I returned in German.

He waved me off. I’m just warming up. I only started five minutes before you walked in.

Shall I warm up while you catch your breath, old man?

Friedrich took an épée out of the glass case, which held his collection of swords, and tossed it to me. I caught it by the handle, pommel up, and spun it once around my thumb.

An old man I am, and I need to warm up. You are young; you’re always warmed up.

I might pull a muscle. My muscles are cold from being outside, I protested.

Friedrich was growing impatient. Do you warm your muscles before you lay with a woman? No. You’ll be fine. Take your position.

Yes, sir. I’ll put on my equipment. I started to make my way to the protective gear.

Damn your equipment. I’m not going to hurt you. Let’s fight!

How will we keep score? I asked, confused by Friedrich’s eagerness.

By the blood on our blouses, my boy!

With a dramatic laugh, Friedrich attacked with an over-cut. Instinctively I defended myself. He came at me fast and hard and with a mischievous smile on his face. He was faster than I had ever seen him. Each stroke was swift and crisp and began and finished precisely where he meant it.

It took every bit of the skill I had acquired from my uncle’s lessons to defend myself against him. I could barely keep up. What had come over him? Had he just been taking it easy on me over the years? On the day of my first lesson, he had warned me that when it came to dueling he would not hold back. I trusted that he had not. Maybe he had not reached his peak, as he believed he had many years earlier. Maybe by teaching me he had learned a few things himself. Maybe I was witnessing his absolute best at that very moment. He was in his prime; he was peaking, and I was a part of it.

At the perfect moment, I took a skillful step forward to stop his attack, which had quickly pushed me back the entire length of the room. Without hesitation, Friedrich raised his front foot to my chest and pushed me back to the wall.

I looked at my uncle in confusion, as he continued to grin that mischievous grin. I could not help but smile back.

Friedrich began walking backwards to the center of the room. I pushed myself off the wall and followed him.

We are kicking now, huh? I asked, still speaking German.

Let’s not be concerned with rules today. Let’s make this duel a little less predictable than usual. He was speaking Latin now.

I shrugged and lunged forward to attack.

Wait! Friedrich yelled.

I quickly withdrew my stabbing motion. He did not flinch. I put the tip of my sword on the floor and leaned on it irritably.

What is it now?

In Latin.

I repeated my question in Latin. With a quick sweep of his épée, Friedrich knocked my sword out from under my hand, sending it flying to the wall and causing me to stumble a step forward. He tossed his épée away as well.

What are you doing? I asked, beginning to grow impatient with his strange behavior.

Friedrich opened his sword case and took out two sabers. However, these were not the small sabers normally used to practice fencing. These were real briquets used for combat. I knew Friedrich had killed many men with his saber from the Napoleonic Wars. He tossed the other saber to me. We took off the scabbards and set them aside.

Have you lost your mind in your old age? I asked him, as we began to circle each other.

I still have my wits about me, my friend. I’m just not listening to them!

I knew he wanted to attack with the completion of what he thought was a clever statement, but I beat him to it before he finished his sentence. I attacked with an under-cut, which he hated for me to do since it left my torso more exposed for longer than any other attacking cut. Friedrich defended himself against my under-cut attack with expert technique and creativity. When an unexpected move was made, instead of quickly flipping through the pages of strategy in his mind, he threw out the book and created his own style. This skill certainly had taken many, many years to perfect. However, in order to perfect it, one must have a certain kind of mind, and I did not believe my mind worked that way.

As our duel progressed into the tenth minute of incessant clashing, I realized that I had only been on the attack four times (two of which were no more than three strokes). The rest of the time, I had been on the defensive. For a moment I lost confidence, but I quickly brought myself back up when I thought about how well I had defended myself.

With my newfound inspiration, I created an opportunity for a counterattack. My counter was executed perfectly and sent me on my longest attack yet. I saw the confidence in my uncle’s eyes fade slightly. His mischievous smile shifted into a puckered opening in his lips to control his short, quick breaths as he analyzed my technique.

I kept my technique simple by using textbook cuts and stabs with a master-cut when the opportunity presented itself, but I used my moves in an experimental way that surprised me. Even better, it surprised my uncle.

After a long series of many cuts, I was able to force my uncle to expose his chest with a wrath-cut. I quickly thrust my blade at his open chest, but somehow he was able to displace my move. I mutated my thrust into a cut and landed the point of my blade on his right shoulder. I dragged my blade across his flesh for about an inch and a half and quickly pulled back to acknowledge my point. I had drawn blood — and first blood at that. That was a victory in itself.

Friedrich took no time to acknowledge his wound or my point. He quickly attacked. His attack was controlled, yet mad. Each move was deliberate, but there was some sort of chaos to it.

His attack progressed with the difficulty of the technique. It was something I had never seen before and combinations I had never imagined putting together. Then, suddenly, he broke into an unprecedented series of the five master cuts. He began with a wrath-cut, followed by a crooked-cut, which I barely defended. He followed that with a squinting-cut, to a horizontal-cut. The horizontal-cut caught me just below my left shoulder and was quickly followed by a part-cut that sliced me across the side of my neck.

Friedrich pulled his sword back with a proud smile on his face as he observed my wounds — or rather — his points. The cut below my left shoulder was about two inches across and had barely broken the skin, showing very little blood. The cut on the side of my neck was about an inch across and was bleeding quite a bit. It was far away from the artery and not deep. I don’t know why it bled so much.

Friedrich took out his handkerchief and handed it to me. I held it to my neck and winced as I put pressure on it.

Two to one, my favor. Shall we continue? Friedrich asked breathlessly.

If I could lift my sword, I would gladly continue, but I’m afraid you have me beaten.

After pausing to address my wounds, I realized how tired my arms were as they throbbed at my sides. I could barely find the strength to hold the handkerchief to my neck.

I’m glad you said that. I can’t make another stroke. Friedrich looked at the clock. I do not know what time we started, but we could not have dueled less than a quarter of a hour without stopping.

It felt like an eternity, I complained.

Let me look at your neck. Friedrich moved my hand away from my wound. It’s just a scratch, something to remember me by, to remind you how sloppy you will get when you tire. It will teach you to end your fights quickly.

You did not win because I was sloppy. You bested me, Uncle. I’ve never seen you fight like that before.

Likewise, my boy. I may have bested you in the end, but you bested me a few times in the middle. But most of all, you bested yourself. Congratulations, Konrad.

Thank you, Uncle. And congratulations yourself.

Friedrich laughed and shook my hand firmly. He took my saber, sheathing it along with his own saber, and then he walked back to the sword case and placed my saber inside. He started to put his saber in also, but stopped. He stared at it for a moment. He smiled, took it out of its scabbard, and walked over to me.

He stopped before me but did not look up from his saber. He studied every inch of it from pommel to tip.

"I’ve had this sword for thirty years. My father had it made special and gave it to me when I joined the Lutzow Free Corps to fight Napoleon’s army. It is the greatest gift he has ever given me. You see the engraving here at the bottom of the blade? Justicia Per Deus. Verum Per Animus. Officium Per Pectus pectoris."

Justice by God. Truth by will. Duty by heart, I repeated.

Yes, and do you understand what it means?

Yes, I think so. What does it mean to you?

Friedrich chuckled. To me, it means to leave justice in the hands of God. Do not let the injustices of the people around you irritate your mood and fill you with anger. It means that you will find truth in your life by your strength and determination to seek it. And, finally, it means that your duty to man and to yourself comes from what your heart tells you is right. No man can know another man’s duty. Do you understand this?

I nodded.

Good. It is yours now.

Friedrich held the saber out to me. It was lying across his open palms, glistening in the candlelight. The Latin engraving flashed in my eyes.

I can’t. I couldn’t possibly… I did not know what to say.

You can, and you will. It is a parting gift.

But—

My father gave me this sword as a gift before I left on the greatest journey of my life. He promised that it would guide my way. Now, I give it to you as you embark upon your greatest journey. It will guide you as it has guided me.

I slowly took the sword from him and held it before my face. I eyed it up and down in awe. It felt so light and so natural in my hands. It was a perfect sword. I had never seen such craftsmanship.

Uncle, my journey is on a boat from Britain to America. It hardly calls for such a gift.

So, you plan to go home to New York and get a job, do you? Work with all of those rich friends of yours, hmm? No, I think not. You will not sit still for long. There is great adventure in America, and I know that you will seek it. I am giving you this sword for a reason. It belongs with an adventurer. Those days are over for me, but yours are just beginning. I know you will not disappoint me.

I was struck dumb by his words, my mouth agape like a young boy who had just seen his first naked woman. I could not force any words to take form. I had not made plans upon returning home to New York and had no idea what I would do. As the day of my leaving approached, I felt that I had progressively been losing my mind while trying to figure out what in God’s name I was going to do when I returned home.

My uncle’s words had not made things more clear but only more confusing. He could see that he had made my mind race. He chuckled as he looked into my glazed eyes.

Do not think so hard right now. You have a long boat ride ahead of you. For now, you must pack your things. We leave at sunup.

Thank you for the sword, Uncle.

Friedrich smiled and bowed. I turned and went to my room to pack, all too aware of the fact that I had just received my final lesson from Uncle Friedrich.

IV

UNCLE FRIEDRICH AND I stood on the dock where my ship awaited me. The ship’s crew was loading the last of the boxes of goods and supplies onto the boat, yelling and laughing at one another in good spirits as they did so.

My new sword hung at my waist, and I was gripping the handle nervously with my sweaty hands, as a cold, bitter breeze blew across the docks.

All aboard! one of the ship’s men yelled from the deck. All of the supplies had been loaded. One of the men was beginning to untie the hawser that held the boat to the dock.

Well, my friend, it looks like it is time for you to go home.

Thank you for all you have taught me, Uncle. I’m forever indebted to you, I said sincerely. I felt a lump forming in my throat. How embarrassing.

You owe me nothing. You have taught me as much if not more. I’m glad we had the opportunity to learn from one another. We stood there for a moment in silence. You will write to me about your adventures, and come to visit me anytime you want.

I will, Uncle.

Good! Go on now, or your ship will leave without you.

Friedrich picked up my bag of belongings and handed it to me. We shook hands firmly and said nothing more. I boarded the ship with the rest of the passengers and gave one of the boat’s men my papers. He nodded and gave them back to me.

I stood at the railing and waved to my uncle as the ship pulled away from the dock and headed out to sea. Friedrich waved and then stood there for a moment with a smile on his face. Finally, he turned and walked off the dock.

I watched him for a few moments and then turned away myself. The lump in my throat was causing my eyes to produce water. The last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of a bunch of rough sailors. It was a bitter parting.

I walked to the bow of the ship and watched as the ocean opened up into a blue abyss. I stared at the horizon and did not look back for what seemed like only moments. When I finally did look back, the Isle of Britain was gone. America awaited.

*    *    *

My voyage was long, but I made good use of it. I read a few books I had taken with me, including Don Quixote once again. I also befriended many of the crewmembers who were patient enough to teach me all I wanted to learn about sailing. I learned all the nautical terms and how to tie every type of knot imaginable. I learned how to work the sails and how to steer the ship. I even conquered my fear of heights by climbing up to the crow’s nest. In return for these lessons in sailing, I would scrub the deck and keep the ship clean.

For a while I thought that the life of a sailor might be the life and the adventure I was seeking, but after four weeks of practically working as a sailor, I dismissed the idea. It was not the work that I disliked. There was not really anything I did not like about it. I guess I just grew tired of it. I was bored. I missed dry land. The ocean is vast, with nothing to see but water and sky. On land there are rivers, mountains, forests, and plains. Those were the things I longed to see and touch.

After six weeks at sea, I finally heard the comforting words, Land, ho! from the crow’s nest. I was below deck reading the poetry of Lord Byron when I heard the faint call. I went up to the deck and saw all the passengers standing at the bow, staring ahead in quiet awe. Most of them were Irish and some were German, but almost all of them had never seen America.

I could not see what they were looking at, but from the looks on their faces, it seemed as if their hopes and dreams waited before them. I had seen America before, so I stood back and waited as they imagined what their new lives would be like in a world full of opportunity and riches.

The crowd began to disperse after a few moments, so I made my way to the bow to catch my first glimpse of home in four years. New York Harbor was in view. It was crowded with ships and full of life. Beyond the harbor, I could see smoke rising from the rooftops of homes and businesses.

It was not long before the ship was docking. I searched the crowded harbor for my parents but did not see them.

The ship was tied to the dock, the ramp was in place, and we began to unload. I said goodbye to the sailors who I had befriended and then made my way down the ramp. As I took my first step onto the dock, a man shoved me back into the line of immigrants with whom I had traveled. I told him that I was an American and had been attending school in England. I showed him my papers, and he told me there were schools in America.

Yes, there are, I said, but Europe is not in America, is it?

The man looked at me strangely then chuckled. He held his hands in the air and gestured to the lines of immigrants waiting to be processed. There were hundreds.

Look around you, boy! It is now!

He handed me my papers, and I began making my way through the crowded harbor in search of my parents. It was a wild, busy, loud mess, and it took me a good ten minutes before I finally spotted them. They were looking around anxiously. They did not see me until I was right in front of them.

My mother cried out in excitement as she embraced me with the biggest hug I had ever been given. She kissed my cheeks and my forehead over and over. I pulled away, embarrassed, and told her that I was glad to see her. My father and I shook hands, and with a serious face he told me that he was glad to have me home again. Then he laughed and pulled me into his embrace. He patted my back hard.

My father took my bag, and my mother wrapped her arms around me as we walked to the carriage to go home.

V

MY MOTHER, MY FATHER, and I sat by the fire in the living room of our home, drinking the English tea I had brought back. I answered questions about my experiences abroad even though I had explained everything in my weekly letters — well, mostly everything. Growing tired of talking about myself, I began asking questions about what they had been doing and what had been going on in America, the answers to which I had already read in their letters over the last four years. We talked as if we had not kept in touch during my absence, but because of our constant correspondences, it was as if I had never been gone. But I loved hearing my mother talk. She could talk for hours about the trivial or the relevant, but mostly about the trivial. My father was never trivial. I admired that greatly about him.

Now, why didn’t you bring home a young woman to marry, Konrad? my mother asked as she refilled our tea. The conversation quickly turned from tedious to uncomfortable for me.

Well, Mother, there was no young woman to bring home, I said, as I hurriedly sipped my tea.

What about that girl you met your first year at school? Katherine, I believe, she pressed.

She wasn’t right for me. I told you that.

Well, what about Elizabeth? She was a lovely girl, my mother continued. Could she not sense my awkwardness?

How do you know she’s lovely? You never met her, I said with a chuckle.

No, but I felt as if I had, the way you talked about her in your letters.

Well, that was my second year, a long time ago.

There were a few moments of silence, and I thought my mother was done with the embarrassing questions. Her expression was thoughtful. I hoped she was thinking of a different subject to talk about. Suddenly, an excited expression came over her face.

What about Mary? she asked.

We went our separate ways, Mother. That was my third year.

Oh, no! I meant Sofia.

My father rested his cheek on his hand as he smirked at me with raised eyebrows. I smiled and shook my head.

Sofia and I called it off in my third year.

Well, then it must not be her of whom I’m thinking. No, I’m thinking of Annabelle. What about her?

She’s from my third year as well, Mother, I said with a sigh.

Well, isn’t there anyone recently? my mother asked, disappointed.

No, ma’am.

Why did you not court someone this last year?

I think he needed a break, darling, my father said, still smiling at my embarrassment.

Konrad, you wrote to us about these beautiful young ladies as if you were deeply in love! my mother said defensively, as if she was speaking for all women who fall victim to scheming men.

I believed I did love all of them.

My mother sighed. Well, I do not approve of that kind of behavior. You need to find a sweet, young lady, marry her, and have children. Your father did not run around chasing many women, did you, Rafael?

Of course not, Lenora. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved.

My mother smiled and shook her head. I know you’re lying, but I do love to hear you say it. Now, Konrad, speaking of lovely, young ladies—

Mother, please, can we talk about something else? I pleaded.

I’m sorry, dear. I’ll stop, my mother said with a mischievous smile. How would you like to go to the grand opening of the New York Philharmonic tonight? You remember your childhood piano teacher, Henry Timm, don’t you?

Yes, of course I remember Mr. Timm, I stated.

Well, he’ll be helping Ureli Corelli Hill conduct the orchestra. We have great seats reserved in the balcony, my mother revealed excitedly.

That sounds wonderful, I said. I loved the symphony.

Great! Afterwards there is a party we will attend, and Miriam Monroe will be there. You remember her, don’t you? The two of you were great friends when you were younger. Wouldn’t you love to dance with her at the party?

"We will see. But please do not