Case with 4 Clowns: A Sergeant Beef Mystery

CHAPTER I

WHEN my telephone bell rang that morning I had a presentiment that it was Beef. And because, as it transpired later, presentiments, not to mention predictions, became an important part of the affair in which we found ourselves involved, I remember it now. When I lifted the receiver I could hear the well-known voice making an effort to control itself, and could picture the Sergeant attempting dignity, much as he might have done in his village constable days, when the cheekiest boy in the village was explaining why there was not a lamp on his bicycle.

I intend, he said grandly, to investigate a new case.

This was frankly incredible. Only six months before, Beef’s career, such as it had been, had obviously come to an end. The Sergeant had allowed a man to be hanged for a crime of which he was innocent, and the fact that Stewart Ferrers had committed a murder of which the Court knew nothing did not prevent Beef from being branded as a failure by the other members of his profession. In the eyes of the public Beef was a fallen star. After two startlingly successful cases he had crashed on his third, and the newspapers had not been slow to seize on his defeat. I could not believe that a client in trouble would come along and employ him as an investigator. With all the varied talents of literary detection at the disposal of anyone who needed them, not to mention Scotland Yard, it seemed scarcely likely that my blundering friend had been called in to do more than watch a suspect or examine the inside of a building.

The last time I had seen him I had tried to make him realize that, so far as he was concerned, private investigation was finished. I had not stressed the loss to me, or grumbled that my chances as a crime writer had died with his lost prestige, though I might well have done so. His wife, I knew, had been trying to persuade him to apply for a job as a cinema commissionaire, for which his appearance made him most suitable. We could both of us picture him standing with solid dignity, a firm embroidered figure, at the steps of some Renaissance or Neo-Grecian hallway. At least he would tolerate no disobedience when his orders were to Stand in line there, and he could clear the steps of any small boys who attempted to make them a playground.

In fact, Mrs. Beef had gone so far as to unscrew the brass name-plate from his door with the explanation that the neighbors had been pulling her leg about it. But Beef had insisted that this should be stowed away carefully in the drawer of his desk.

Never know but what I might need it, he said, and even then I thought I had detected a faint spark of hope in his voice, and had tried not to crush it too brutally.

And now, suddenly, had come his phone call. He was considering going to Yorkshire on a new case and wanted to talk it over with me. Something to do with a circus, I had gathered, but he had not been explicit. There was nothing else to do but go straight round and see him, and I got the car out with some misgivings and headed it towards the little street in the region of Baker Street which Beef had chosen as being the only possible headquarters for a private investigator.

Even in the warm spring sunshine Lilac Crescent looked no more cheerful than I had remembered it in the rain of a January afternoon. The long bare pavements were dry and dusty, the gutters littered with paper and rubbish from hawkers’ carts, and the occasional smear of coal-dust around the manholes in the pavement only increased the desolation of the place. Beef’s house lay on the right, in the center of a row of small unobtrusive houses which huddled together rather like a dozen monkeys sheltering from the wind on a rocky ledge. The drawn front-room blinds were shut against the brilliant stare of the sun, which was too intimate and probing for the quiet retiring life of that street.

I drew the car into the side of the road opposite Beef’s front door. A hundred yards farther along stood an empty cart with a tired horse between the shafts and a man beside it in the road ringing a hand-bell. There was no sign that he had been heard, no other movement in the street.

Beef was leaning over the kitchen table on which was spread a large-scale map of Yorkshire. He stood up and held out a huge hand to me as Mrs. Beef showed me in.

So you came, he said unnecessarily. Well, sit down and have a cup of tea. Whereupon Mrs. Beef took the hint and bustled out of the room to leave us alone.

Beef had changed since I last saw him. Although he still seemed very pleased with himself, it struck me that perhaps he was not quite his old bumptious self. Beef had never been the man to feel ill at ease whatever happened, but now he sucked at his empty pipe, and seemed to be waiting for an opening in the matter-of-fact conversation.

Why the map? I asked casually, pointing to the green sheet covering the table.

Beef seemed to wave it out of existence. Yorkshire, he said. I was just getting my bearings. Big place, Yorkshire. He paused, looking at the map in a thoughtful way, then after a few minutes he turned and walked over to the hearth-rug, and I knew by the expression in his eyes that he was about to tell me—in his own way—the story of his new case.

Have you ever been to one of these traveling circuses? he said suddenly.

Circuses? I said, with the astonishment that was expected of me. Why, yes, when I was a kid.

Beef looked pained. No, I mean, he interrupted, have you ever thought about the way people lived in them? You know, touring around and stopping every day at a different place. Living in wagons and all that?

I can’t say I’ve thought about it very much, I answered.

No, nor don’t many people. Well, my wife’s nephew, he works with one. And he writes to Mrs. Beef every now and again and tells us about the sort of life he has. Exciting it must be, with animals and that and moving about seeing the country. Beef’s eyes glistened for a moment, and he seemed to be thinking of the adventurous life of his fortunate nephew.

Well? I asked.

Well, that’s it, said Beef calmly. This nephew has just written us a most peculiar letter. Most peculiar. I was talking to the wife about it, and she thinks I ought to follow it up, like. She says it’s the chance of my career. Here, I’ll show it to you. And he drew out of his pocket a piece of folded paper and handed it to me.

"Dear Uncle & Arntie [I read].

"We arrived at Scarborough this week-end and shall be moving on south next week. The season has started very well. I am very well. I hope you are the same. I must tell you Uncle about a strange thing what hapend the other day you know there is a gypsy woman with us who tells fortunes well she has just told mine. It did not cost me anything trust Albert Stiles because I fetched her water one day and and she said she wood do it for nothing. ‘Misfortune will befal you,’ she said. ‘You will lose your job in the circus, but you will find another soon which will make you happy.’ Then I asked her if they would give me the sack but she said no it wood come about difrent. She said the circus wood break up this summer because of a culammity She said there wood be a murder in the circus and that wood mean the end. I thought I wood write this to you you being interested in murders and a detective. I think its a pity the circus will be breaking up don’t you and perhaps if youve got nothing else to do just now you wood come up and stop it. I have written where we shall be every day next week so that you can find us.

"I hope you will come,   

"Your affec. nevew,  

Albert Stiles.

But Beef, I said. You’re surely not going to tell me that this is your new case?

I dont see why not, said Beef huffily. Albert wouldn’t have written if he didn’t think something was likely to happen. There’s more in this than meets the eye, that’s what I say. What do you think about it?

I think the whole thing is perfectly absurd. Some old gypsy tells your nephew’s fortune. She sees he’s a romantic sort, so she makes it exciting for him. Do you mean to tell me you believe in that sort of thing?

Beef looked awkward. Well, not exactly, he said, but you never know. There must be something in it. Some of these gypsies know a lot more than they let on.

So you mean to go all the way up to Yorkshire because of something a gypsy said, I snorted. I think the whole idea is crazy.

Beef sat down slowly in his chair and his pale, watery blue eyes had a stubborn look in them.

And, I continued, suppose there was no murder when you got there. It wouldn’t do you any good.

Any good! Beef burst out scornfully. That’s all you think about. The matter with you, Townsend, is that you’re too careful. You like a nice ordinary murder case so’s you can laugh at it for being ordinary. Everything’s just a game to you, something to make a story out of. Look at my last case. You don’t seem to realize that it was serious for me. The newspapers and that poking fun at me. They said I’d failed to save an innocent man and that my career was finished. What do you think that sort of thing did to me?

Yes, I know, Beef, I said patiently. I know you’ve had a hard time over that. But how can it do you any good to go dashing off on a wild-goose chase like this?

How can it do me any harm? demanded Beef truculently. Do you know that not a soul has crossed that doorstep since my last case? I tell you I shall never get any cases coming to me now. What I’ve got to do is find a case for myself. And this one looks like a chance.

But a gypsy’s warning … I began.

I know it looks a bit thin, agreed Beef, but I’ve got to do something. You don’t know what might happen.

And where do I come in?

I want you to come with me to write the case. Beef grew suddenly quite excited. It would be something quite new, he went on. Murder in a Circus, or something. It would probably make your name. You’d have all those other writers green with envy. There’s never been a really big case in a circus, and, anyway, not this sort of case.

This sort of case?

Yes. All back to front, as you might say. We go up to investigate a murder that hasn’t happened yet. That’s new, isn’t it? I never read a book like that. Just think of it, all those people waiting for a chance to do someone in and trying to do it so that no one won’t suspect them. A lot of circus folk, and no one knows who’s going to murder who until the last moment. And we’ve got to stop them.

And then there wouldn’t be a murder at all, I protested.

Case Without a Murder, said Beef triumphantly. What more do you want?

But it wouldn’t sell, I reasoned.

You’re too conservative, Beef taunted me. Course it would sell. You don’t think people read those stories just for the murder, do you? Just being morbid? No, it’s the solving they’re after. Like a good puzzle to take their minds off other things, they do. But not just a professor’s puzzle. Something with life in it, and excitement. That’s what people like detective stories for. And something new, too. Now I’ll give you an example. Look at that new bar of chocolate they brought out a while ago. ‘Jupiter,’ or something to do with a star. Why, it sold like anything.

And suppose there’s nothing in the whole affair?

We got to risk that.

Mrs. Beef came into the room bearing the promised cups of tea. There’s the insurance man at the door, she said. Will you go and deal with him, William?

What do you think about this idea? I asked Mrs. Beef as soon as the Sergeant had left the room. Do you think we ought to go wandering in Yorkshire on such scanty evidence?

He would enjoy himself so, replied Mrs. Beef. The fresh air would be good for him just now, and him so tired and miserable like he is. It’d be like a holiday for him. Do let him go, Mr. Townsend.

But think of the waste of time, I objected, and money.

Oh, well. You never know, said Mrs. Beef cheerfully. You could always write a book about the circus even if nothing else turned up, couldn’t you? Lady Eleanor Smith made a good thing of it. Why shouldn’t you?

The slamming of the front door warned us that Beef’s interview with the insurance man was at an end, and in a few seconds he entered the room again.

Well? he said.

I sighed. Where is this circus? I asked, with resignation.

CHAPTER II

BEEF opened one weary eye, looked out at the flat, moving country, yawned and settled his head back with a grunt. We had been driving all day along the Great North Road in order to reach the Yorkshire coast before night. The Sergeant had slept most of the way since we stopped for lunch, gurgling gently and regularly at my side, his bulky figure completely filling the seat and rolling against my arm whenever we turned a sharp corner.

The road ran almost imperceptibly into the outskirts of Doncaster, and Beef sat up and rubbed his eyes.

Where are we? he asked as he pulled out his watch, and then continued without waiting for my reply: Anyway, it’s time we had a little stop somewhere. You must be tired of driving all this way.

This concern touches me, I said shortly.

Beef put his watch away. It’s ten past six, he said decisively, and began to look anxiously out of the side of the car for somewhere to park.

Not until he set his emptied glass back on the counter did he speak again.

Same again, miss, he said, then suddenly, making violent signs to me, he pointed over the girl’s head. D’you see that there? he asked excitedly.

I followed the direction of his wide forefinger to a bright yellow fly-bill which hung against the glass at the back of the bar. Jacobi’s Circus, read the heading, and then beneath divided off into separate squares were the lurid names of the performers, their acts and their records.

That’s the one, said Beef triumphantly. That’s the circus our Albert works for. Coming here in a week’s time, it says. His voice sank to a whisper. And for all we know it might be in this very town that a murder is committed.

"If it hasn’t already been committed," I suggested frigidly.

I found it impossible to take this case seriously. What Beef said was no doubt true; it was this case or nothing as far as he was concerned. But, nevertheless, I could not see what we should get out of coming to Yorkshire. It boiled down to a gypsy’s warning and nothing more, and to me it seemed rather fatuous that two grown men should travel over two hundred miles on such flimsy material. But Beef seemed to have made up his mind that everything would be all right, and it was not my place to attempt to discourage him. The investigator’s biographer, I had learned, had no active function other than lending his car, his time, and his pen. His advice was supposed in advance to be both misleading and useless, so that when I said to Beef, I think the whole idea is crazy, I was only doing what was expected of me, and that the case should, by all the rules, proceed to a successful conclusion in spite of me. My last remark then had been quite in keeping with my role, and I led the way out of the public-house with something of a feeling of satisfaction.

It was already growing dark by the time we reached the little seaside village of Hornsea, where the circus was playing that night, and we had very little trouble in finding the field, as every small boy we met knew, not only where it was but also how many elephants the circus had and what the clown said when one of them trod on his toe.

The evening performance had started and the sound of the band playing a brassy tango greeted us as we drove on to the field. A tall, upright young fellow in evening dress stood at the tent-flap and walked slowly over to us as we stood on the wide patch of grass before the tent looking around.

Could you tell us where we could find Albert Stiles? I asked.

The young man looked blank.

Beef nudged me. Foreigner, he said. Let me handle this. And then with wide gestures of his hands and arms he bellowed at the man: Albert Stiles. He work for circus. See? We want see Albert Stiles. Tent hand.

The youth’s face cleared. Oah, you mean Albert, he said, with a grin. ’E’s dahn the elerphant tent. And pointing airily to the other side of the ground, he strolled back to his position by the entrance of the tent.

The elephant tent, to which he had directed us, was a large green marquee, high and square and smelling very strongly of hay and elephant manure. There was a sharp rattle of chains as we approached, and lifting the flap we saw the hindlegs of one of the animals chained to a stake at the back of the tent. The legs were crossed in an amiable, almost human way, and from the interior came the sound of heavy blowing and munching. A dim storm lantern propped up on a bale of hay was the only light, and around it sat four men playing cards. For a moment I felt that I had walked into a Goya engraving. Deep shadows were over all the tent except in the little circle of light around the card-players who cast long exaggerated images up the walls of the tent like smoky flames rising sluggishly from a cauldron. The man with his back to us was sprawled backward, using the leg of one of the elephants as a shoulder-rest, while the trunk of the animal hung over between him and the others gently tearing hay from the improvised table. When this movement threatened to upset the cards one of the men prodded fiercely at the wandering trunk.

Beef cleared his throat noisily.

—off, said the man with his back to us.

The man facing us on the far side of the lantern scratching himself, began to re-deal the cards. There was silence for a while, broken only by the chewing of the elephants.

Can you tell us, broke in Beef at last, where we could find Albert Stiles?

The card-dealer stopped short at the question and looked up at us for the first time with a card suspended in his hand. In the yellow light his face was square and ugly, the long shadows running upward from his mouth to the corners of his eyebrows with a questioning slant. He appeared to be something of a hunchback, small and round, but with long, curved arms which stretched out like a pair of jointed fire-tongs. He watched us for a moment without speaking, a dead cigarette stub hanging from the corner of his lips, and then with a slight jerk of his head he indicated the far corner of the tent.

’E’s ’aving a kip be ind the ’ay, he said briefly, and then returned to his dealing. The sandy-haired, broad-shouldered man on his right hand who sat cross-legged and shirtless on an upturned can picked up a piece of dirty sacking and tossed it towards the corner.

Visitors to see you, Albert, he shouted, and the four men went back to their game.

A long bony face, topped by an untidy thatch of yellow hair with which was mixed small pieces of hay, rose over the edge of the bales and stared at us. Albert Stiles looked at us sleepily with his mouth hanging slightly open.

’Oo is it? he said.

Uncle William, said Beef, moving forward into the light. We got your letter.

Letter? queried Albert drowsily.

Yes, I interrupted. The one where you said you thought there was going to be a mur …

Albert jumped to his feet and almost threw himself across the hay to us. Let’s talk outside, he said breathlessly, and grabbing us both roughly he pushed us through the tent-flap into the open air.

Why didn’t you tell me you was coming? he demanded immediately. Have you spoken to anyone else but me here?

Here, here, said Beef, holding up one hand, wait a minute. Let’s get this straight. Did you or did you not write a letter to us saying there was going to be a murder here?

Albert looked round him guiltily. Not so loud, he pleaded. Do you want everyone to hear?

Look here, my lad, warned Beef in a voice which recalled his old village constable days and which might have been directed at a boy with a too accurate catapult. I don’t want any playing about from you, he continued. Just tell us straight out what all this is about.

Albert hesitated for a moment, and then led us over to the edge of the field away from the tents. I wish I hadn’t started this now, he began.

Come on, said Beef, settling himself down on a fallen tree-trunk, you know what I told you.

Well, it was like this. What I wrote in that letter was true all right, but I didn’t like to tell anybody else about it.

Why?

They would have laughed at me. You see, they think old Margot—that’s the gypsy—is a bit cracked. They would have said she was pulling my leg, and Ginger, the man you saw in there without a shirt on, he’s always got a down on me and he wouldn’t have given me no peace about a thing like that. You don’t know what these blokes are like when they get started on you. Regular hell it is.

Well, that’s all right, said Beef. I can do my investigating without anybody having any suspicions. I’ll just hang around and keep my eyes open.

The picture of Beef keeping his eyes open at a circus without anybody being suspicious of him struck me as particularly ludicrous, but my thoughts were interrupted by Albert.

But if they don’t know why you’re ’ere, he said, " ’ow are you going to be ’ere? I mean, you can’t just hang around and pretend to be looking at the little birds."

We’ll have to tell the proprietor, said Beef, after a moment’s thought.

"Gor, not ’im," said Albert. You don’t know ’im. ‘E wouldn’t go for nothing like that. ’E’s a Tartar, ’e is. No funny business with ’im.

But Beef was already on his feet, and despite the anxious protests of his nephew, began to walk towards the tent. At last it was a resigned Albert who led us towards the large blue wagon which stood at the entrance of the field.

This is where part of it comes true, anyway, he said. The gypsy told me I’d lose my job.

Beef knocked briefly on the curtained door, which was opened after a slight pause by a man in evening dress.

I want to speak to Mr. Jacobi, said Beef.

Come in.

Are you Mr. Jacobi? asked Beef.

The man bowed slightly and his lean brown face creased into a faint smile. There is no such person, he said gently. I am the owner of Jacobi’s Circus, but my name is actually Jackson. Ernest Jackson. Won’t you sit down? Then turning to Albert, who had remained at the foot of the steps, he said: Thank you, Stiles, and began to shut the door.

Here, wait a minute, interrupted Beef. Let Albert in. He’s got something to do with what we wanted to see you about.

Jackson seemed to hesitate for a second, and then with a short Come in, Stiles, he held the door open while the boy sidled past him and stood awkwardly beside Beef.

And now, Mr. Jackson, said Beef in a business-like voice, we’ve come to see you about a very peculiar thing. I don’t say I believe in it myself, but there won’t be no harm done if it’s gone into. I understand from my nephew here that you’ve got an old gypsy on the ground what tells people’s fortunes.