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    Carnival Communications
    Carnival Communications
    Carnival Communications
    Ebook212 pages1 hour

    Carnival Communications

    By Mo

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    About this ebook

    Enjoy hours of smiles and laughter with Carnival Communications, which is composed of more than one hundred short stories created solely for the purpose of entertainment, designed to deliver the biggest bang for your buck. Contained within the pages of this book are tales from circuses, courtrooms, crime scenes, and countless other scenarios. Characters in this book include gangsters, aliens, police, talking animals, knights in shining armor, and even zombies. No frown is safe when a copy of Carnival Communications is near. Never be a victim of boredom again. Carnival Communications is sure to give you hour after hour of gut-busting, side-splitting laughter. This book does not disappoint. These short stories are sure to delight. Carnival Communications is high-quality comedic gold. This book is all short stories, and all of them are designed to make you laugh. Reading one of the shorts can take as little as one minute. This book was made for anyone with a sense of humor. You deserve the satisfaction of being entertained. This could be your big chance, so don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You won't know until you read it. The material contained in this text is sure to brighten your day. Carnival Communications is absolutely hysterical. This book is your tropical island, luxury automobile, penthouse suite, secret underground lair, high-rise apartment, best friend's house, and private jet rolled into one. If you love to laugh, you will love this book.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherNewman Springs Publishing, Inc.
    Release dateFeb 22, 2023
    ISBN9798887630038
    Carnival Communications

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      Book preview

      Carnival Communications - Mo

      Table of Contents

      Title

      Copyright

      Jelly Doughnut

      Small Loss

      Bear Able

      Plant

      Fan

      Next

      Trixie

      Plunty

      Button

      Door 4

      Dynamite

      Bull's-Eye

      Oak

      Buckwheat

      Money, Money

      Tomato

      X-Ray

      Wick

      BBQ

      Mr. Mango

      Job

      Plague

      DNC

      New Car

      Randal

      Beginner

      Beddie Bear

      Rye

      Neck

      Rage

      Moe

      Gull

      In the Club

      Sound

      Riptide

      Oil Rig

      Katana

      Pyramid

      Cake

      Navy Stew

      Bulk

      Fin

      Slipper

      Squid

      Vest

      War

      Pepper

      Candy

      Canada

      Rug

      Frank

      Jungle

      Bike

      Pelican

      Bus

      Bunt

      Melon

      Tennis

      Real

      Wire

      Blue

      Pico de Gallo

      Saturn

      Brick

      Hand

      Weight

      Bison

      Unit

      Go

      Knife

      Bloddo

      Hedgehog

      Laboratory

      Falling

      Mr. Bop

      Munchkin

      Very

      Boolie

      Hire

      Fig

      Bread

      Dorothy

      Trunk

      Bingo

      Flier

      Mine

      Moat

      Dirt

      Hi

      Turf

      Slump

      Race

      Bees

      Spool

      Freckles

      Tread

      Hexagon

      Insured

      Corn

      Grumble

      Hurry

      Pistol

      Gawk

      Turf

      Sign

      Rattler

      Yell

      Dino

      Diet

      Deck

      Safe

      Chimpre

      About the Author

      cover.jpg

      Carnival Communications

      Mo

      Copyright © 2023 Mo

      All rights reserved

      First Edition

      NEWMAN SPRINGS PUBLISHING

      320 Broad Street

      Red Bank, NJ 07701

      First originally published by Newman Springs Publishing 2023

      ISBN 979-8-88763-002-1 (Paperback)

      ISBN 979-8-88763-003-8 (Digital)

      Printed in the United States of America

      All characters, businesses, and products mentioned in this novel are purely fictional and do not have any founding upon real people or real things. This novel has been produced for the sole purpose of entertainment. Please use Carnival Communications safely and responsibly.

      Jelly Doughnut

      Frank. Eric, get the raspberry!

      Eric. Two raspberry jelly doughnuts. Good choice, Frank. Tastes delicious, I'm getting another. Do you want more?

      Frank. I'm fine.

      Eric. Wait a minute…there is a ring in this doughnut.

      Frank. Let me see.

      Eric. Looks like real gold. Let's steal it!

      Pawn Broker. It's twenty-four-karat gold, all right. But I won't pay a penny for it. I got a gun!

      Eric. Shit, Frank, run!

      Frank. Fuck that, I got a knife.

      Frank's last words.

      Small Loss

      Dale. Wow, Hal…a guppy.

      Hal. I'd call it quite the catch. Oh god! It's biting my hand. I think it hit an artery. I'm bleeding and I think I'm going to vomit. Get the first aid kit.

      Dale. It doesn't have any stitching equipment, so I'll use my shirt sleeve and put pressure on it. Just like in the movies.

      Hal. I'm going to stomp that guppy right out of existence. Eye of the tiger! (Stomp.) Crap, I'm going overboard, I slipped on that damn guppy.

      Dale. I see a shark! I'm going to use my pocketknife to gouge out its eyes. Stay calm. Hyaah!

      Gorbo the Alien. So it was that on the planet Earth the death of an apex predator occurred at the hands, or rather fins, of a very simple, basic, low food-chain species known as the guppy. Any questions, Zorp students?

      Zorp Adolescent. What is the failed apex predator referred to as?

      Gorbo the Alien. It is called a beta.

      Zorp Adolescent. Thank you, Professor Gorbo.

      Bear Able

      Barnaby. Barnaby here! It's a good day, found a buzz city, and a water food jumped right into my mouth. Life is good here at the forest. I have a bear family, but right now, I'm on an adventure. My gut tells me there is a cave just for me just ahead. I'm black and big, just like my dad. I have a sister, she is off finding out about bear culture at Brown Bear University, it's one of the most prestigious schools in the bear nation. Mom told me not to go too far, but I want a cave!

      Tim. Hey, Jethro, you see that? Get the tranquillizer gun.

      Jethro. Tim, that big bear is going to make us a small fortune.

      (Poof.)

      Barnaby. Motherfucker! What the fuck is that? Oh god, I feel dizzy.

      The Ringmaster. Introducing Balthazar, the savage bear, taken deep from the Canadian wild. He weighs nearly five hundred pounds and has eaten nearly one hundred men! For your entertainment, we dressed him up like a clown.

      Barnaby. Hold on! My name is Barnaby, and I never ate anybody. I'm not wild, I was in a good family and got good grades. I'm a model bear citizen!

      Strongman. Hiya, whipcrack! Pull the clown chariot, Balthazar. Pull!

      Barnaby. Bear up, Barnaby, bear up. This clown hat itches, and I think it's dirty. My sister never told me about any of this, she just said get plenty of honey and everybody will love you.

      The Ringmaster. Balthazar! Pull the chariot! Whipcrack!

      Audience. Boooo!

      Barnaby. I don't think I can do this another minute. I can't stand it. I can't bear it

      Plant

      Derek. Bae, why you looking at that big old plastic palm tree?

      Sarah. Well, bae, it's on sale.

      Derek. You know we got denied at the bank for that loan, let's just get the rice and beans.

      Sarah. Bae, you know our living room only has five plastic plants, we were just talking about how plain the living room looks. I want to feel like I'm in tropical paradise every day!

      Derek. I don't think we can afford it, but I want you to be happy, my sweet Sarah.

      Cashier. That will be $99.99. Oh, are you writing a check?

      Sarah. You got a problem with that? Hussy.

      Cashier. Listen, miss, we don't take checks.

      Sarah. Fine, I'll use my card. And that is missus."

      Cashier. Debit or credit?

      Sarah. Credit.

      Cashier. Your card was declined.

      Derek. That can't be right, we have plenty. Run it again.

      Cashier. Store policy states I can't swipe your card once it is declined. Do you have another way of paying?

      Sarah. Yes, we do, hussy. Magic.

      Cashier. I'm going to have to ask both of you to leave.

      Sarah. Well, bae, let's go get beer and a lotto ticket at the gas station.

      Derek. That sounds way better than rice and beans!

      Sarah. Here goes everything! Seven. Seven! Seven! Holy shit, I just won $25,000!

      Derek. You mean we?

      Sarah. I mean I.

      Derek. I paid for that ticket. Give me that! You need four sevens, bae.

      Sarah. Crud, I'm pounding my feel good juice.

      Derek. You tried to steal $25,000 from me!

      Sarah. You are not my boss! I'll kick your ass!

      Police. Hands where I can see them!

      Fan

      (Wrrr. Wrrr. Click. Click.)

      Tyler. Shay, don't click your pen, I'm listening to the fan.

      Shay. Well, I would like it if you didn't use your fan while I click my pen.

      Tyler. The fan serves a purpose. Your clicking is useless.

      Shay. Oh yeah, wise guy, I just read a book called 100 Ways to Stay Focused at Work. Guess what? Clicking a pen increases productivity and could give you a longer life. Your fan just wrrrs. Turn it off. (Click.)

      Tyler. You keep that attitude up, and I'll tell the boss you still smoke cigarettes in the janitor closet.

      Shay. I'm not a fan guy, you are not a click guy. Let's work things out. How about I click in the morning and you fan in the evening. Sound good?

      Tyler. For fuck's sake, Shay, the sun is up in the morning, and that's when it is hottest. Plus, I got the dirt on you. Cough up the pen.

      Shay. I need it to write.

      Tyler. What a love letter, or maybe a grocery list. We're tech support. There isn't even paper in this room. Let me see it.

      Shay. Oh yeah, here it is, right here. Look.

      Tyler. Clever…the middle finger. Mr. Greyson!

      Mr. Greyson. What, Tyler?

      Tyler. Shay smokes cigarettes in the janitorial closet.

      Shay. That's it! The only thing I'm going to do for the rest of the day is click my pen. (Click. Click. Click. Click.)

      Mr. Greyson. Hey, janitor, check the closet. Let me know if it smells like cigarettes. (Ring.)

      Mr. Greyson. Mr. Greyson, here…yes…yes…I see. Thank you, goodbye.

      Tyler. Hear that, Shay. Hear that!

      Shay. I'm going to break that damn fan.

      Mr. Greyson. Shay, pack your things. I'm going to move you out of your apartment and into a condo. How's that sound?"

      Shay. I deserve it, boss.

      Mr. Greyson. A cardboard condo. Ha ha ha! Security!

      Next

      Al. It's hotter than a frying pan today. Good thing

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