Astonishing Spirit

Acknowledgments

Credit goes to Rev. Bob Adair, a retired Orthodox priest, for his kindness and understanding as some of these experiences unfolded in my personal life. He also had some quite bizarre events happened to him, and his acceptance and depth of perception were invaluable. His passing left an empty spot.

As always, credit goes to my beloved wife for her endless years of patience and putting up with my antics during this entire writing period.

Have you, as a reader of this work, had similar experiences, or others, of an amazing nature that might fit under a title of Astonishing Spirit? Would you like to share them with the readers? If you would be willing to write about them and send them to this publisher in my name, I would be willing to compile them in another book, if the publisher will go along with me on this idea.

A Surprise Start

I was asleep, dreaming lazily, unaware of any physical surroundings restraining or influencing the ramblings of my mind and thoughts. My dreaming mind was unrestricted, totally relaxed and absorbed in its own lethargic imagery.

Very gradually, I began to grow aware of my physical surroundings, sort of like I was waking up to an unimportant scene laid out before me. It had no significance to me and was no more potent than my own rambling pictures that my mind was producing. But the scene stretched out before me with a bright moon lighting up the landscape before my eyes, and the scene didn’t shift and change suddenly like dreams do. The moon was shining through the branches of one of three tall white pines, revealing the vibrant colors of a well-lit night against the snowscape of the winter.

As awareness of my surroundings increased, my focus moved away from the rambling dream images toward the reality facing me from the outdoors. I was losing control over my own thoughts; and they were being replaced by the deep blue night sky, bright moon, tall silent trees silhouetted against the horizon, and a growing cognizance of the window and its frame that made it possible to view all this. I could no longer randomly change at will what I was now aware of, for it was no longer an unfolding of lazy dream images. It was another reality being imposed upon my aware mind.

My awareness exploded in intensity, and the unrestricted free-flowing dream images disappeared altogether. I realized that it was impossible to view what I was seeing from my bed: the pillow and head were nowhere near that window. Great fear pumped a shot of frenzied alarm into my now-very-alert mind, wildly aware of its present physical location. I was not in my body, and I knew it.

My fear was instinctive. There was a very loud crack, and I was suddenly back in my body, where I belonged. I was under the blankets, very comfortable, totally relaxed, with my arms folded over my sleeping body’s sheet. Adrenaline shot into my blood veins as my spirit reconnected with physical sensation. What could I have just seen? There was disbelief, a sense of having just experienced the unreal. I leapt out of bed in the cool air of the winter bedroom and raced to the window. The outside scene in the moonlight was exactly as I had just seen it. This had been neither a dream nor a hallucination!

Hah! Who am I, a conscious spirit? And I am aware of myself with or without a body of flesh and bone? This awareness is intense and fertile with imagination! What vivid images! Yet quite capable of observing the world around us! With the ability to feel intense emotions of alarm and fear! All this has consequences!

The Vacuum

The machine hummed as it rolled across the floor; it clunked or clanked whenever it sucked up a heavier object, like a piece of gravel. The feet dragged in outdoor summer activities—garden dirt, freshly mowed grass, particles from the driveway, leaves, etc. It all had to be vacuumed up.

Really, by analogy, we humans are living vacuum cleaners, absorbing everything around us. There is a lot on the market right now. Presently hot is Eastern mysticism; and my own mind was like a vacuum cleaner, gobbling up whatever it was exposed to, eager to learn about that mystical stuff with its novel claims and exotic new vistas. Well, you know, it was only natural that I just had to try some of it out myself, especially the meditation stuff.

I am a vacuum cleaner, and I vacuumed up these new ideas. They would sink into my growing library of complex and often conflicting claims. That crazy mental vacuum cleaner is always running. If it isn’t occupied with one thing, then something else has to be there. That Eastern mystical stuff—some of its advocates say you can empty your head of all thought—reduce your anxiety and gain a sense of oneness with the universe. Not this guy! There is always something going on in the head, so I don’t believe those that say you can empty your head of all thoughts. For me, thinking and awareness just cannot be stopped!

Okay. It was now obvious to me. Our bodies must die, but we are a conscious energy that exists quite independently from these human bodies. Just what does this energy consist of? Where are we? Where do we go? Are all of our intentions always good? Of course not! But we are like living vacuum cleaners. We suck up the debris around us, we absorb the influences of others, we fill the vacuums of our aware spirits with our surroundings, and maybe—just maybe—we also influence others with all this pent-up energy.

The Dilemma!

I’m caught, and so are you. You cannot read my thoughts, and I cannot read yours. Some people think they can, and some may be a little more perceptive than others, but still, we are all islands trapped into this sense of blind selfhood. We are slaves to our own ego. Sure, in some instances, we may be bamboozled into letting our guard down and entering a hypnotic state, but still, our private thoughts are ours and in our own control unless we choose otherwise.

Still, we are subject to outside influences. Our active minds are always absorbing or producing something. The vacuum cleaner is plugged in and is always running. We may not be aware of everything around us, so we vacuum it all up. Millions of active spirits around us? We can’t see them, but do they not continuously influence us?

We are blind to these influences. Deaf. Dumb. Mute. Unaware. There may be consequences—some good, some bad, some nice, some evil. No wonder we need help at times! No wonder we seek aid! No wonder life is such an unpredictable battle!

I woke up one night—wasn’t in my body. How about the millions who have passed on? Are they around us still, influencing us? Guiding? Wreaking havoc? Encouraging and aiding? We are vacuums: who knows what enters and influences? How much willpower can we assert over this stuff? Can we seek help and helpers? Do we all end up disembodied, influencing others? Sobering, huh?

Thought

This writing is about my thoughts and my experiences. Some people like to quote Scripture verses in order to prove this point or that point, but I don’t like that. It’s too much of an ego trip, like standing on a soapbox and saying, Ha ha ha! I’m right, and you are wrong, and this Scripture quotation proves it! Perception is another matter, and Scripture shows amazing perceptive at times. Please bear with me—Jesus Himself is credited a number of times at perceiving the thoughts or others:

And Jesus knowing their thoughts said, Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts? (Matthew 12:25)

And Jesus knew their thoughts. (Matthew 12:25)

But when Jesus perceived their thoughts, he answering said unto them, What reason ye in your hearts? (Luke 5:22)

But he knew their thoughts, and said unto the man which had the withered hand, Rise up, and stand forth in the midst. (Luke 6:80)

But he, knowing their thoughts, said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation. (Luke 11:17)

Unlike Jesus, we humans generally do not know each other’s thoughts. But if we did, I suppose that every bit of lust that enters our brains could evoke a hostile response. Every envious thought could make another person very defensive. Every arrogant thought could spark a hateful reply. Every gluttonous act could make one sick to the stomach. It’s probably good that we can keep our thoughts private, that we cannot read minds, that we are trapped in our own heads!

So we are back to the dilemma again: you cannot read my thoughts, and I cannot read yours. This is a gift—we have privacy. But we also have a conscience, and on that basis, we make decisions. What will we vacuum up from our surroundings and allow to influence us? Will it be for good or for bad?

The Lord Himself, who can read our thoughts, sparks that conscience to help us make the right decisions. It is up to us; we have freedom to choose until we deaden the ability to choose by continually denying our conscience. Then bad and evil thoughts gain control.

Cosmology

We live in a material universe. The sciences and instruments like telescopes and microscopes have helped advance our knowledge beyond our wildest dreams. The possibility of the existence of multiple parallel universes and the abundance of dark matter of this one stretch our imaginations. So do quasars, string theory, and now, quantum theory, where human thinking may have an influence on matter itself.

So perhaps we do need to entertain the idea of at least one parallel universe, of the spirit’s residence. This work begins with an out-of-body episode. It turned out to be obviously just that, maybe the first of many and maybe not the first one either, but it took many years for the mind to let go of the camouflaging imagery of the imagination and to face that nonphysical reality itself. The spirit that experienced this cannot be observed, quantified, dissected, measured, or felt by any other person.

Yet the reality of this nonphysical existence is now undeniable to me. What is the reality in which this mind-spirit dwells? A parallel universe? A universe of spirit? What is the connection with the physical universe? How is it that the two universes are normally inseparable, yet the spirit can function in both?

This has all forced another look at reality. While the nature of spiritual substance cannot be defined, its existence will be observed over and over again. Terms like spiritual universe or conscious forces or nonphysical awareness may all point to it, but denial is out of the question.

Deficiencies

I took a hard look at religions. In Buddhism, I read of the sources of misery in the human race; it all turned out to be selfish desire; that’s built into us and can’t be helped. In Hinduism, I found the concept of karma, of our bad luck, mistakes, faults, and poor decisions in this life that would force us to live again in some form in an endless cycle of repetition; karmic law or cycle of some kind of repetition of life in some form was alien to my background in Christianity. In Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, I saw the idea of sin, the result of both bad decisions and built-in deficiencies in all of us; can’t help that either.

There has to be more to life than a big guilt trip over these deficiencies. Our minds vacuum up some of this stuff from our surroundings. What do we do with it? That’s a matter of choice, of course.

Fortunately, the privacy of our thoughts protects us from some of the consequences, or we’d be in bigger trouble. We vacuum up some of this stuff from our surroundings, and in our freedom to choose good or bad, we bring on expected results. The question is, are we able to realize that we all have these deficiencies and therefore shouldn’t feel so intolerant and judgmental of others’ deficiencies? Can we keep our own guilt under control so it doesn’t destroy ourselves? Regardless of our religion, are we able to find forgiveness both for our own deficiencies and those of others? After all, was this not the great gift of Jesus if we but ask?

Meditation versus Focused Concentration

These two practices of human activity evolved in my mind over the years as I encountered spiritual forces. It took a while to learn the difference, and I found the two practices are not compatible. However, the two practices are easily confused, a common problem we have when we try to talk to each other and instead we don’t communicate because we don’t talk the same talk. A chapter ahead deals with this problem, and burned into my own memory is a picture of upperclassmen shouting and hollering at each other and just about at each other’s throats. They were all using the same words, but each had a different meaning for each word.

Now back to meditation and focused concentration. The first is a venture inward; an attempt to quiet or still the mind; to numb all thinking; to be silent and open up to the universe’s silence, peace, and stillness; to sense oneness with it. I tried it and found out there is more than one universe, for my spirit exists quite independently of the physical world. I found out there are others who know this, and some of them have bad intentions, ready to give me trouble. Don’t want to go there.

But I am interested in focusing my mind on sacred symbols, to open up to another cosmos, the one where my spirit must reside, and the most sacred symbol I came up with was the cross. The cross represents sacrifice, suffering, forgiveness, and deep care and love and is used to block out all that other stuff that my spirit is vacuuming up. Very quickly come real peace and real solace and cleansing joy that is totally absorbing and deeply satisfying.

I was sick of hearing about getting mired down in pleasure-seeking trips, in the primitive sorcery and narcissism, and self-realization now masked under the deceptive title New Age. I couldn’t stand the meditative influences that leave one vulnerable to outside forces, for their goals are self-centered rather than God-centered or spirit-oriented, with limited but personal benefits, results, or pleasures.

No longer seeking self-fulfillment or pleasure or unity with the universe, focused concentration led to seeking the real living God rather than the self-deification of meditation. Denial of self and all of its deceptive pleasures and passions led to who I really am and the lasting quenching of inner thirst.

I realized that meditation zeroes in on selfhood, an inward attempt to delude you into thinking you are at one with the universe. You may even stumble into the ultimate catastrophe—self-deification—and you may think you are God! Focusing on a sacred symbol can lead you away from self-deification and into the awareness of the real living God, the real goal of awareness, and this God is not you. The real goal for this life is better expressed by a great biblical quotation:

Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:

Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts;

and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him;

and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. (Isaiah 55:6–8)

My discussion of experiences with the astonishing spirit may not be all that unique, or for that matter, not all that important. Many of you have had similar episodes in your lives, or perhaps equally stunning ones of a different nature, or perhaps none. But you serve the Lord, support your families, use your abilities and talents creatively to better society and the environment—all the really important things in this life.

I’ve set all this down on paper for two purposes: first, to be of encouragement to you if you are inclined toward disbelief and doubt; and secondly, because when things started happening to me, I was very confused and mystified and needed help to sort it all out. I’m sure that it was no accident that I ran into a retired Orthodox priest who had equally interesting experiences himself. We quickly became fast friends, and he helped immensely in putting it all into perspective, to being okay with what was happening.

I sincerely hope that these writings can help you avoid confusion and doubt and set you at ease and on the right track. Since none of this is meant to be a pleasure-seeking, self-fulfilling ego trip, my experiences are put in the third person. We are not alone, and the spiritual universe is filled with wonder.

So let us begin.

Part 1 The Experiences

The Experiences

Prelude

Astonishing Spirit and the Use of Imagery

Occasional wonderful moments, moments that are gifts, moments that were unexpected, transforming moments, moments that have come at times of great inner need or stress, moments that cannot be brought about by personal will unless conditions are just right—these are moments in a spiritual sense. Most of life’s moments are not special. The business of each day comes and goes—repetitive, routine, and habitual. Get up in the morning, dress, eat breakfast, race off to work or school, or take care of the physical needs of the family. The next day is the same, and it is all familiar. But there are times when something more real, more meaningful, more fulfilling, and more ultimate is sought, and they are difficult to achieve.

Something interrupts the routine of life. There are hints of a greater reality. That something escapes our grasp, our perception, and our awareness. Something eats away at our sense of satisfaction and gnaws into our sense of well-being.

These moments hint at a much greater reality. That reality is beyond our awareness of the physical, natural world in which we live. Yet somehow, that reality can momentarily add a vibrancy, ecstasy, poignancy, and meaning to the physical, natural world around us, and it elevates us. We transcend the mundane.

These precious moments are not alone. They occur in an inner world, quite apart from anyone else, beholden only to one inner parson, but there is always someone else there from the outside. What can this someone else be called? Energy? Force? Holy Spirit? God?

What else comes with this someone else, unbounded joy, deep satisfaction, electrical resurgence, intelligent and instant healing, soothing release, fulfilling of ultimate desire, healing wind, unconditional love, and awesome presence?

There is the wisdom of the Bible’s Old Testament when Moses meets the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the burning bush that is never consumed. Moses wondered what the name of this God is and what he should tell the people Who this was that spoke to him out of the burning bush:

And God said unto Moses, I Am That I Am: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I Am hath sent me unto you. (Exodus 5:14)

No name, no identification, no egotism, just a bare-bones statement: I Am That I Am, a revelation of the presence of a holy and awesome Spirit, able to physically manifest in whatever form so desired or in no form at all but still a voice coming out of a burning bush.

Then there is the wisdom of the Bible’s New Testament description of Pentecost!

And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting. And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost. (Acts 2:2–4)

What? These kind of experiences in our modern times? Not just stories of stunning events of two thousand years ago? It’s still happening today?

How to recognize this awesome and astonishing spirit? How do we find meaning from these encounters? How do we describe the qualities of these experiences? Sensing the need to credit how little we really are, truly humbled to be visited by the Holy, how little do we really know, and how much is there to grow?

The chapters ahead describe some encounters with this astonishing spirit, what was learned, and what changes were brought about. Perhaps you too will see how you can experience this astonishing spirit!

First

Imagery. The stuff of our dreams. Images—often fleeting but potent carriers of inner feelings. What do they mean? What do they tell the conscious mind? Sacred texts are full of them; they are abundant in the writings of all the world’s great religions. What an expressive tool the use of imagery can be, giving voice and expression to the spirit within each of us in a way that the literal word could never hope to express. Imagery is at the basis of the chapters ahead: they are spirit—driven rather than theology or dogma—driven.

This writer objects to the use of sacred writings to force anyone else’s idea of truth upon you. This forcing is not a spiritual approach to the inner life: it comes across as the hardware of external religion. This writing isn’t about that hardware; rather, it’s about one spirit’s internal discoveries. There is a sterling purity about these events within, freed from the restrictions and constraints of doctrine and interpretation. So the rich imagery of sacred writings serve as a guidepost to the inner life rather than a coercive force.

We don’t have to be separated from the influence of religious texts, for their imagery is woven into the fabric of our modern civilizations. But if we value personal freedom, an opportunity to grow spiritually, and liberty from dominance by others, then what images may reveal to us about our personal experiences becomes most important. Sometimes, these images are startling and confusing but must not be based on deception; it’s at this point that sacred texts may be able to help shed light on what is happening within.

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet,

And a light unto my path. (Psalm 119:105)

Look at the imagery—lamp, feet, light, path, a most valuable guide for inner and spiritual experience! There are some biblical quotes in the chapters ahead, valued for their wisdom, inspiration, and perception rather than their coercion. Hope you will understand, this is not the work of a Bible thumper.

Chapter 1

The Gift

I was in the Spirit on the Lord’s day, and heard behind me a great voice, as of a trumpet… And I turned to see the voice that spake with me… And when I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead.

—Revelation 1:10, 12, 17

It all happened some time ago on a Sunday morning in 1974, and information from the experience came with the suddenness of an explosion. It had been a long Minnesota winter, the cabin fever variety, with plenty of snow and cold. The spring was unfolding, and the swamp in front of the homestead was full of icy water. A hard snowbank still pushed against the western side of the barn to a depth of five feet or so, right where it had piled up as it melted underneath from the warming sun and slid off the roof in noisy rumbles