Is, Is Not
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About this ebook
Tess Gallagher
Tess Gallagher is a poet, essayist, fiction writer and playwright. She has published many books, including five poetry titles in Britain with Bloodaxe, most recently Midnight Lantern: New & Selected Poems (2012), and now her latest collection, Is Is Not (2019). She has published two collections of stories, The Lover of Horses (1986) and At the Owl Woman Saloon (1997), and two books of essays, A Concert of Tenses: Essays on Poetry (1986) and Soul Barnacles: Ten More Years with Ray (2000). She co-authored two screenplays with Raymond Carver, and later contributed to the making of the Robert Altman film Short Cuts, based on Carver’s work. She spends parts of each year in the West of Ireland, and her collection of oral stories from Ireland, Barnacle Soup, co-authored with Irish painter and storyteller Josie Gray, was published by Blackstaff Press in 2007.
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Is, Is Not - Tess Gallagher
i
Am I real? Do I exist?
And will I really die?
OSIP MANDELSTAM
IN THE COMPANY OF FLOWERS
all day, coming away
like an ordinary person who
might have been at a till. Thinking
as I dug into earth of my mother
who, when my youngest brother
died, was taken in
by beauty, not as consolation
but because she found him
there as she made the garden.
Each day she tended it
he kept a little more
of her. If ever I doubt
the power of the dead, I walk
her garden in May, rhododendrons
so red, so white their clustered goblets
spill translucent tongues of light at the rim
of the sea. And it is ordinary
to be so accompanied,
so fused to the silence of all that,
as it eludes me, as I am taken in.
Surely my reappearance must wear
the borrowed abundance she
gave me that morning
I was born.
ALMOST LOST MOMENT
coming back in an incidental way,
claiming to be the most beautiful
moment of my life: braiding
her waist-length white hair by the Pacific
at La Push. Hand over
hand, the three-way crossings
of apportioned strands, and quiet,
her head braced against my gentle pull
as she gazes out. Both in our sea-minds.
And quiet.
Quiet.
for Georgia Morris Bond, my mother
AMBITION
We had our heads down
baiting hooks—three wild salmon
already turned back that morning
for the in-season hatchery silvers
now out there somewhere
counting their luck—when
under our small boat the sea
gave a roll like a giant turning over
in sleep, lifting us high so I thought
an ocean liner or freighter had
slipped up on us, the sudden heft
of its bow-wave, our matchstick toss
to depth we’d taken
for granted in order to venture there
at all. But when I looked up expecting
collision, the quash of water from their
blowholes pushed to air in unison,
a pair of gray whales not two hundred
yards away: Look up!
I shouted so you
didn’t miss the fear-banishing
of their passage that made
nothing of us. Not even death could touch
any mind of us. It was all beauty and
mystery, the kind that picks you up
effortlessly and darts through you
for just those moments
you aren’t even there. Held that way
and their tons-weight bodies plunged
silently under again, I turned for proof
to you, but the clarity was passing through
as a swell under us again and the sky of the sea
set us down like a toy.
And that’s the way it was, and it wasn’t
any other way—just looking at each other,
helpless one thought and huge with power
the next. We baited up,
dropped our herring into slack water—two
ghosts fishing for anything but whales.
for my brother Tom
YOUR DOG PLAYING WITH A COYOTE
—a notion not out of place
where bears hunch under apple
trees at night like rocking chairs
with volition. She’s lonely, your dog,
and the young coyote waits for her at the edge
of the forest. Not sinister that tongue
laughing wildness when she
dashes forward to feign attack, then glances
away. If your dog chases too far,
what then? Joining wilder kin to rove
at borders suddenly treacherous? What does
dusk have to do with their marauding?
Some ancient tincture of permission
allows the edge of night
to blend where wild and tame
exchange fur in one naked, human
mind—my thinking toward them
to grant wilderness its emissary.
Coyote, whose very appearance takes
whisper to its highest pitch—then breaks
the play-form of invitation to withdraw,
shedding with a guiltless, backward
look, this unbidden fringe-work—to rejoin
her serial moons, her black on black
of night, our freshened
immensity.
ABILITY TO HOLD TERRITORY
The chilla is the fox Charles Darwin
killed by walking up and hitting it
on the head with a hammer
while it was "intently watching
the activity" of the Beagle’s crew.
Notoriously unwary of humans, "It
doesn’t know to hide from hunters."
In effect, it steps off the ladder
of evolution where "ability to hold territory
supersedes ability to adapt
to environmental changes."
The women huddle in the Men’s
in the Turkish airport. Gun shots
ring out, then massive explosions. Escaping
down a stairwell, the talisman
of a woman’s scarf, then a smeared
footprint where blood outleaped
its borders.
It wasn’t the first time a wrongheaded
freedom had taken the floor
of our assembly. The surprise was
that the head actually rolled down the aisle
toward my bench where my foot
took hold of me and kicked it
mercilessly out the door.
Now we are all tossed out
into straw, or worse,
a ditch. I study my watch as if
a mistake in time would
repeal what was inconceivable
only days before. Hammer
of the mind, come down
on the glass of this hour, and
spread alarm! Each choice
does small or large harm, but
to do nothing is to cease
to exist and banish worlds.
BLIND DOG/SEEING GIRL
She travels by guess and by
mistakes she corrects
by going back the wrong
way, bumping sometimes
painfully into things with her
whole face like houses and
tree trunks and door
jambs. She can’t get there
except by correction, extending
her chin against the stairs as if
they were the stars, to caress
each oncoming cement
ledge. If she didn’t venture
and get it wrong and eventually
right, she’d be at a standstill, marooned
out there under the apple trees or
hemlock. Don’t
carry her, says the girl to
herself, you’ll mix her up
in there in her dark-finding
where she’s collecting
mistakes and self-forgiveness,
making good on excited passages
where it seems each turnabout
yields a fresh chance at getting back
to the girl. And what is the