Dying to Love

Contents

Author’s Note

A Word on the Content

Playlist

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Acknowledgments

Author’s Note

When I started writing this book, I originally envisioned it as a romance, not a mystery. I sat at my laptop and started typing away about this love story, but my heart wasn’t fully in it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that love isn’t always how it ends up in the romance movies or books—and not every ending should be about finding love. Sometimes it should be about finding yourself.

Before starting this book, I had gone through a breakup. For months, I wrestled with the feelings of loneliness, regret, and sadness. A part of me knew I needed to find myself again after relying on the person I had dated to be my identity for so long. I also knew I needed something to keep me busy, so I dived back into the hobbies I had neglected when I was in the relationship. I started running and working out again daily. I decided to read more. And lastly, I decided to accomplish my lifelong goal of writing this book.

I wanted the book to show people that being single is not the end of the world. My main character, Sage, is strong and independent—something I strive to be. I believe girls, especially in their twenties, get so wrapped up in trying to find a boyfriend and then a husband because of societal pressures. We are told the clock is ticking, and we should get married before all the good ones are taken.

I also think social media has made us hyperaware of how seemingly behind we are if we are single and not engaged or married like our peers. Nowadays, it seems as if every time I open my Instagram account, I see an engagement photo. We are taught the perfect timeline is: go to college, get a good job, get married, and have kids. But the truth is, this perfect formula doesn’t always work. Why do so many marriages end in divorce?

I tried to follow the formula. When I was a kid growing up, I remember telling people I wanted to be an author, to which some adults would say, "Well, you need to have a real career first." So I did what they said. I went to college, and I graduated with a journalism degree in December 2019 and got an internship at a radio station in Atlanta. I thought after the internship, I would easily find a full-time job, but life had other plans.

The world completely went crazy when the COVID-19 pandemic started three months after I graduated. The week that the governmental shutdowns happened was the last week of my internship at a radio station in Atlanta. It was absolutely the worst time to look for a job. During the time I was searching for a job, I faced a lot of self-doubt. With so many rejection emails from jobs, I started to believe I wouldn’t ever find a job. But I kept applying. Finally, I ended up getting a job in Atlanta.

After a month of living in Atlanta, a woman and her dog were brutally stabbed to death in Piedmont Park, a big and well-known park in the city. The murder freaked me out so much that I wouldn’t go to Piedmont Park for months. The murder received national attention in the news and made a lot of people panic and feel unsafe. To this day, the murderer of the woman remains a mystery.

After hearing about the murder, I came up with my main character, Sage, a crime reporter who solves mysteries in Atlanta. Because I majored in journalism, I knew I had the background and knowledge to portray Sage as a believable reporter.

I wrote this book with mystery lovers in mind, as the idea of the book was created based off of the real murder of the Atlanta woman. I also wrote the book for astrology fans, using my love and interest in the subject to create the secondary protagonist, Phoenix, who is an astrologer. I researched the zodiac signs and even picked out what signs I thought each of the characters should be based off of how they act in the book. Lastly, I wrote this for those who are lost and struggling after a breakup or loss of love.

I wanted the main idea or themes of my book to be about women’s empowerment, self-preservation, and lost love. I think women oftentimes doubt themselves and their life path because society puts a lot of pressure on them to be and act a certain way. I wanted my main character to be a woman who doesn’t let people doubt her because she’s a woman. Many times, the main character in a mystery is a man, so I wanted to write a different type of mystery—where a woman can take center stage.

I created my character, Sage, as someone similar to me in some ways but also someone I aspire to be like. She is accustomed to having people doubt her—and sometimes she even doubts herself—but she continues to push forward. She faces obstacles and hardships along her way, but they don’t stop her.

For the longest time, I told myself I would write a book later because I let my self-doubt prevent me from even starting. But starting is the only way the dream can become a possibility. Don’t let what you think your friends, family, or society expects of you guide your whole life, and don’t be afraid to have your own formula for your life. I hope after reading this, you will be inspired to find your truth and not let anyone else or your own self-doubt stop you from reaching your dreams. Maybe, along the way, you’ll be able to solve the mystery of life in your own way without the expectations of others.

A Word on the Content

Dear Readers,

I am so excited that you are embarking on this journey with my characters. While I can’t wait for you to turn the page and dive in, I’d like to take a moment to warn you about the book’s content, as it may be triggering to some.

This book has mentions of drug abuse, something that unfortunately many people around the world deal with on a daily basis. While a lot of shame surrounds drug addiction, there’s no shame in asking for help. Addiction is a deadly disease and is often very difficult to overcome, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Drug abuse doesn’t just harm the abuser, but it also harms the people closest to them. Rather than shying away from the topic of addiction, I decided I wanted to mention it in order to shed light on the importance of getting help.

Additionally, this book mentions domestic abuse and violence against women. As women, we often have to go the extra mile to ensure our safety, and even then, it’s not always enough. The reality of this can be scary and triggering.

The characters in this book are all fictitious, but sadly, the events they face could happen in real life. I know it can be troublesome to read about these difficult topics. So, if you need to take a break due to the things mentioned in the book, please do! Please take your mental health seriously. The book will be waiting for you if you need to take a break or two (or more). In the end, I want my readers to feel safe and enjoy the bumpy ride of this mystery. I hope you take care of yourself and stay strong like my main character Sage.

Best wishes,

Julia

Playlist

no body, no crime (feat. HAIM) —Taylor Swift, HAIM

my ex’s best friend (with blackbear) —Machine Gun Kelly, blackbear

HEAVEN AND BACK —Chase Atlantic

High Enough —K.Flay

Plot Twist —Marc E. Bassy, Kyle

Monster —PVRIS

favorite crime —Olivia Rodrigo

Look Who’s Cryin’ Now —Jessie Murph

Drugs —UPSAHL

Victim —Vi

Venus in Gemini —DEZI

High Like This —Yves V, FR!ES

Violent —carolesdaughter

Chapter 1

Oh, come on, please go with me, Ruby begged. You could leave Zach’s party after a few hours.

I stared at the bookshelf in my room as I sat on my bed. On the bookshelf were many books I hadn’t read yet along with a framed picture of me, Ruby, and Zach smiling together. Ruby and I had been friends since we were thirteen, and I’d known Zach just as long.

Zach was like the brother I never had. He fought off some of my bullies in middle school, and he attempted to teach me to play the guitar when I was fourteen. As an only child, part of me was jealous of Ruby having Zach as an older sibling, but she often complained about him, saying he teased her too much. I was very close to Zach and their family, but that didn’t mean I wanted to go to a party at Zach’s new house.

I hated parties, absolutely hated them. Why would I want to be in a room full of loud, obnoxious drunk people when I could be at home curled up reading one of my thriller novels? Those books on my bookshelf weren’t going to read themselves.

I’m not sure. I’m not much of the party type. You know that, Ruby. I sighed as I responded.

When she called, I was in the middle of listening to one of my true crime podcasts. The host’s deep, captivating voice haunted me. My eyes kept darting back to the podcast app on my laptop. The killer is definitely the boyfriend. It’s almost always the significant other.

You need to loosen up a little, Sage. You haven’t been to any parties with me since your breakup with Jonah, Ruby whined.

In the background, I heard hangers clanging together, and I could tell she was rifling through her closet, trying to decide what to wear.

I wanted to say I only went to parties a lot more when I was with my ex-boyfriend because it was helpful to have a guy there to scare off any gross men who came up to me. But I kept my mouth shut. Ruby was a little boy crazy and flirted like it was an Olympic sport, so I knew she wouldn’t understand.

It won’t kill you to socialize for one night, Ruby insisted.

I finally relented and begrudgingly told Ruby I’d go.

Zach lived in downtown Atlanta, about thirty minutes away from where we’d all grown up, in Newnan. Ruby and I both still lived with our parents, which was a curse in that we were twenty-five years old without any real independence, but it was also a blessing because we still lived close to each other.

When I walked up to Zach’s house, red solo cups were already piling up on the front porch, and I could hear the pop music from the sidewalk. A couple was making out in the bushes in front of his house. That can’t be comfortable. The bush branches have to hurt. Right? I tried not to stare at the couple as they had their passionate make-out session. The sour smell of cheap beer hit my nostrils before I even walked through the door.

Ruby told me Zach had just recently started renting this house after he and his girlfriend, Phoenix, took a break from dating. Ruby had said they needed to just break up because she complained they were fighting constantly. When I asked what they were fighting about, she said they fought about everything from Zach being a slob to Phoenix being overly sensitive and Zach talking too much to his female fans after concerts. It made me wonder how they stayed together as long as they had with so many issues.

I didn’t know Phoenix at all, really. I had never met her in person, only heard about her from Ruby and Zach. Zach started dating Phoenix in college, so I really hadn’t had a chance to get to know her yet. All I really knew about her was she was the same age as Zach.

However, I knew what Phoenix looked like, thanks to social media. Zach had never been one to post much, and when he did, it was mostly music-related things. A few months ago, though, he’d posted a picture of Phoenix, smiling up at the camera with a big bright grin and her dark brown and purple hair cascading down her shoulders. Her eyes sparkled as green as a forest. The caption said My love with a heart emoji, which showed how serious he’d been about her.

The photo had been gone the last time I scrolled through my feed—as if Zach had deleted it to erase her memory. My ex had done the same, and it stung.

Sage, you’re here! Ruby ran down the hallway to greet me. Her long, brown hair flowed in waves around her heart-shaped face. I wasn’t surprised she showed up to Zach’s house before me. She was always ready to socialize, so as soon as a party started, she was there.

I laughed at Ruby’s enthusiasm to see me. She was like a happy puppy, always loving attention. She enveloped me in a big hug, the smell of strawberry perfume and vodka hanging on her clothes. I gave her a half-hearted pat on the back. I hated hugs. Before I could protest, she pulled me down the hallway to the living room, where the music was booming. The beat vibrated in my chest like an angry bee’s nest.

The living room only had one small worn gray couch and nothing else, not even on the walls. The lack of furniture allowed the room to become a dance floor with most people swirling, swaying, and head banging to the music.

I spotted Zach from across the room and raised a hand in greeting. He waved back at me before turning to one of his friends and fist-bumping them.

Most of the time when I visited Ruby in high school, Zach was holed up in his room, the sounds of his electric guitar floating from under his door. Music had always been his biggest obsession, and he was always either playing the guitar or writing lyrics. In college, I didn’t see much of Zach since Ruby and I were away at the University of Georgia, and neither of us went home that often. I was too busy studying, and Ruby was too busy partying.

Zach, two years ahead of us in school, graduated from a small community college with a degree in music business, though Ruby had told me he barely passed. Then moved to Atlanta to work at his dad’s radio show, The Positivity Channel. I knew he didn’t like working there from the way he made fun of the show when his dad wasn’t around to hear. I’d also interned at their dad’s radio show in college one summer.

Looking around the room, I recognized several people from high school. Zach had been super popular, and he was voted Most Likely to Become Famous his senior year. A few people I didn’t recognize at all, and I figured they were from his college days. It was a housewarming party combined with an album release party for Zach’s newest album called It’s All a Deadly Blur. I wondered why he chose that name.

Ruby started to dance off beat to the music. I danced half-heartedly, swaying side to side while looking around at the other guests. In the corner of the room, a DJ was playing the music.

"He is so hot. Isn’t he?" Ruby said as she nodded toward the DJ. He was banging his head to the music and frowning in concentration. He clenched his strong jaw, and his muscular, tattooed arms moved over the turntables in circular motions. He glanced up and stared at us with his strikingly beautiful hazel eyes, which looked like the sun flashing its rays on a green meadow. He looked back down and smirked, his brown hair partly covering his eyes.

Yeah, who is that? I had to yell to be heard over the loud pop music. As It Was by Harry Styles started blaring through the speakers in the room, and some girls in the corner shrieked with excitement, rushing toward the living room’s make-shift dance floor.

That’s Axel. He and Zach play music together sometimes. And I’m pretty sure he made Zach’s music video for his most recent song, Ruby answered as she smiled big in Axel’s direction. Oh my god. He’s looking at me!

It did seem like Axel was looking in our direction, but his brows furrowed in a frown. He glared in our direction before looking down. Is he mad at us for some reason? I wondered if our bad dancing insulted him somehow. I started swinging my arms, hoping I was more on beat. Suddenly, he aggressively pushed one of the keys on his DJ mixset, which stopped the music. The sudden silence rang in my ears like a siren.

Then he looked back up in our direction and yelled, "Hey, why don’t you leave