Spies. Masons. Cats...

Spies. Masons. Cats…

Valery Rubin

Copyrjght 2022 by Valery Rubin

Smashwords Edition

Recruitment

The less you know, the more you sleep, - the famous saying. The password? It's even funny. In the universe's outer reaches, far away from commercial routes, in the darkness and emptiness, and the password? «Do you have a Slavic closet for sale? The closet is sold, but I can offer a nickel-plated bed and nightstand.» Don't mess with my head, and it's already going around. Perhaps I should have brought my trusty flask. It has helped me out more than once. Two or three sips, and you'll be all right without coughing. I'm sorry, I didn't think of it. As Mark Twain would say, in such a situation, all we know about this man is that he was not in prison, but why he was not, I do not know. He was talking about me like he knew what he was talking about. Exactly. For truth's sake, though, we know because a secret file contains all our underbellies. I was sent out of the service but retained the right to a small stipend. They said I had got off lightly. But it wasn't my fault! My sergeant was a gun dealer. Specifically, four-barrelled arquebuses. Big deal. On the black market. Well, an arquebus is the same as a crossbow, but with a barrel. A craftsman invented an arquebus with four barrels. In the Special Forces, when you need to act without noise and dust - that's what you need. He used to carry them from our warehouse and was my subordinate. So, the bosses gave me a hard time... Like, what were you looking at, commander? It was a campaign against either corruption or terrorism. They got even with me, reporting back, putting a tick in the report to the director of the department: «fight the immoral individuals!» The sergeant was court-martialed, and I was retired. And where is the justice, you see? So, I went downhill. I had enough pensions and allowances for living on, and the bar was near: I could always drop in for a glass of «Wild West.» And I did, at least six nights a week. One day was a day off, as it should be. Why? I may not have been born in sunny Mexico, but I'm a macho man. A romantic and a heartbreaker. I take the edge off in the old, tried-and-true old-fashioned way.

That's when it happened.

- You know him? - I asked Joe, the bartender, nodding toward the stranger who walked in. I had an even, friendly relationship with Joe from day one, not least because I had never caused a scandal or a riot, never wrecked furniture, never asked for a drink on credit, and never stayed in his debtor's pocket.

El Dorado Bar is for locals; strangers don't come in here. And the appearance of every new face is like an out-of-the-way event. Meanwhile, the stranger sauntered to the bar and ordered a Buccaneer, and I'll tell you, it is not a cheap drink for the masses. I tried it once. So-so. For me, any Russian vodka is better. And I don't have a headache afterwards. Joe, the bartender, of course, hurried to serve the rich, by all appearances, customer who sat down next to me.

- How are you feeling, Archie? - he started, looking away from me as if he'd just broken up with me yesterday after another booze and scuffle. - Where have you been? What do you do?

I wasn't even surprised that he knew my name. However, I do not remember that we crossed paths on the job. And that on duty, I knew it right away by the tie. It was the same striped one they gave me when I worked for the government, and it was given to me for free, with my uniform and lunch ticket as a senior officer. And a colourful handkerchief, Pocket Square, a corner peeked carelessly out of the top pocket of my jacket. A primitive trick: a place for a tape recorder or an intercom. By the way, the handkerchief appeared as an accessory to men's suits under King Richard II of England. It emphasized the high social status of its owner and was part of the gentlemen's set of the XVI century, as French musketeers had swords, for example. Evil tongues, however, say that in those ancient times, the kerchief was used not so much to demonstrate manners at court but for elementary wiping face after sneezing. Strange as it may seem, people have been sneezing since immemorial and are still sneezing today. Even at the dawn of humanity, when the concept of dust in houses and apartments, as such, did not yet exist, the fashion for handkerchiefs was perceived as a temporary phenomenon. However, carrying a handkerchief of different colours and shades in the breast pocket is still alive. How not to admire the idea that nothing is more permanent than the temporary?

- It's just the way it is. Little by little. No big deal. Unemployed. Moneys tight. Pretty girls around here are a real pain in the ass. One problem: I don't know how bad things are in this beautiful world.

As a polite and well-mannered man, I could not immediately tell a stranger to go away. You must listen to the man first: what and how. My keen intuition has never failed me before: the official tie is here for a reason, and it seems to have a conversation with me.

- Shall we go?

We sat at the table and only looked into each other's eyes. The fisherman sees the fisherman from afar, and the scout knows the scout a mile away.

- I was passing by... We were told you had a home here, so I thought I'd drop by and ask how old Archie was doing. No matter how you slice it, a SWAT legend spends his free time in some mouse joint.

- Is that so?

- Look, don't get all hot and bothered.

- All ears. But don't count on understanding, buddy.

- Aren't you bored?

- Boring? You're a joker, I see. There are a lot of fools around. I'd like cheese in butter here, like in paradise with virgins.

People often ask, «Why exactly 72 virgins?» The answer is that the Quran talks about seventy. In general, the number «7» is one of the favourite numbers for Muslims. But the translation should be understood as meaning that there is an «adequate» number of virgins waiting for the faithful in paradise, that is no less than 70... Someone has taken and twisted a few more for fidelity. But based on my poor experience, I would caution you have to pay for everything in life, not the least of which is for pleasure. And if you're not ready for that, you'd better stay away from happiness. And one more tricky thing: Shouldn't you die first if you're on your way to Heaven?

- I see. I wouldn't mind being with them for a day, either. But the service... There's a money thing coming up.

- I have enough, you know — six hundred thalers a month for pocket money. On the one hand, it's like a handout for a poor man, but on the other hand, I always have enough for a drink, and I don't borrow and don't owe anybody.

- Six hundred, you say? A bounty hunter and a few hundred thalers are not enough for you, eh? How about sixty thousand? In real money, in currency, in credit? Would you turn it down? From young, long-legged, and expensive girls? How would you like a villa in Chile? How about Puerto Varas? Fjords, snow-capped volcanoes, wooded mountains. A lovely German-style town on the shore of Lake Llanquihue, with beautiful nature, fine cuisine, seafood, and the best Chilean wines. You're still young. You may be retired, but you have needs...

- That's interesting, about the needs for wine and women, go on. You came to recruit, didn't you?

- I go on. You've been wronged, I agree. Humiliated, I agree. But damn it, remember how good you are. You were... And if you're still good with a beer mug, you could be instrumental.

- You want to kill someone? You don't want to show your face. Do you want to sign a retired man up for a wet job?

- And add to that the epaulettes with a promotion, a paycheck. What about the intergalactic green card?

- Unlimited credit? Our army-issue all-terrain vehicle? All the banks are ours, just like before?

- True, you still must report to the accounting department, but do you think it's worth it?

- So, what's up? Just spit it out, meow something.

The meow part came out of my mouth, you know, when it's such a drag, and you want a drink, you'd be climbing the walls.

- We need a driver. A driver with experience, pardon the jargon — a proven driver of our own. A transporter, just to be precise.

- Almost there. I can do that. No problem. But money upfront.

- Of course. Half, for starters. The total amount will be paid upon completion of the assignment. To your account, wherever fate takes you.

I didn't like the hint of fate, frankly. I smelled something terrible and muddy, like the Okkerville Creek on the city's outskirts, where the sewage was drained. But if you call yourself a rider, get in the truck.

- What was the assignment?

- You'll find out in due time. Believe me. I don't know. And if I did, I wouldn't tell you. When you meet the Colonel, he'll explain everything to you.

- Just for the record, I didn't say yes. Your offer needs to be considered with a clear head.

If a man changes his plans abruptly, he's not suitable for anything, Polynesian wisdom.

- Deal. Think it over. I'll call you. Tomorrow. Do you think you can sober up in time?

- I'll try, buddy. I didn't even ask your name.

- Call me Major. So long, mate. I hope to see you again.

Never hold out for anything you don't know and can't avoid. You can't go far in this world without getting some bad manners. I have learned this simple philosophy of life firmly and forever. It's akin to the proverb: from a fate and a prison. And running from the future is not in my rules. I decided it would be no worse if I went to see my former colleagues. Maybe something would work out. The offer was indeed tempting enough to turn down from