Long Grief - When Your Loved One Lives With Dementia
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About this ebook
The grieving of a loved one with dementia starts early, a long time before they pass. In this book, Monika shares some of her story as well as some research she came across along the way, in the hope of bringing some support to others on this slow, long journey of grieving a loved one with dementia. She shares some practical ideas around spendin
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Long Grief - When Your Loved One Lives With Dementia - Monika Zanardo
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Copyright and Author Information
Long Grief: When Your Loved One Lives With Dementia
Copyright © 2022 Monika Zanardo
Request for information should be addressed to: [email protected]
ISBN: 978-0-6482867-2-1
About the Author
Monika Zanardo has published one other book in 2020 entitled ‘{Re}Finding Joy: when you have lost some joy or never knew where to find it’.
Monika has an Advanced Diploma in Community Services and has been involved in various roles including events and communications, administration, bookkeeping and church ministry. Monika has been married to her soul-mate Paul for 29 years, and is a mum to her two beloved adult sons.
She enjoys spending time in conversation, coffee, meals and laughter with Paul, their sons and some incredible friends she is blessed enough to have in her life. Her favourite place is the beach and anywhere in nature, or reading a book in her hammock.
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Introduction
My name is Monika and my hope is to bring some support, insight and empathy to family members and friends of those living with dementia. I wish I didn’t have to write this book but the reality is around 50 million people worldwide are living with dementia. I guess that means approximately 200-800 million are loved ones of those with dementia.
As an only child, it was a long, distressing journey when both my parents declined into dementia, so I can relate to some of the pain many of you may be experiencing.
In 2015 my mum, suffered a mini-stroke (TIA) and both my parents covered up very well for her for six months before I realised her functionality was significantly reduced.
My parents were deep soul mates who weathered many storms together. I believe, with no medical proof, that my Dads dementia came as a kind of post traumatic stress reaction to Mum’s decline. My Dad’s memory and words started to reduce significantly.
The day came when I had to move them to an aged care place which was very traumatic for us all, even though I was very blessed to find an exceptional home.
The grieving of a loved one with dementia starts early, way before they pass. In this book, I will share parts of my story as well as some research I came across along the way, in the hope of perhaps bringing some support to others on this slow, long journey of fare welling a loved one with dementia.
In 2018, my parents both passed away six months apart. It has been said to ‘be the person you needed’ and I hope to be that to those of you on a similar journey of facing the reality of the diagnosis of a loved one with dementia.
My wish for you on this journey is for inner strength, peace of mind and wisdom.
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Chapter 1: Five things to do in the early stages
So your loved one has received that dreaded diagnosis: Dementia/Alzheimer’s. What now? After the initial shock has worn off and you come to terms with this new reality, what now?
Here are five things which I found to be helpful in those early stages.
Educate yourself: they say knowledge is power. I live in Australia so some of the resources and information I mention is Australian specific, however I’m sure each country has a similar dementia association. There is an Australian website where you can become a ‘dementia friend’: https://www.dementiafriendly.org.au/user/register
Here you can watch various videos. Some I would recommend are: ‘Getting to know dementia’, ‘What it feels like’ and ‘Creating change’. There is also information to read in the resource section.
Another good resource website is: https://www.dementia.org.au/information Here you can find numerous help sheets including ‘Changed behaviours and dementia’, ‘Caring for someone with dementia’ and ‘Dementia Q & A’.
Have a good look around at care facilities so if or when the time comes, you will be ready with a place you are happy with. If you find a good place, place your loved ones name on the waiting list. You can always say no at the time, but if you need it sooner than you think, it will be a lot less stressful to have a place you like ready. It is definitely not a fun topic to think about but if you do it early, you may have better options and you definitely want the best possible option.
You may think, as most of us do/did, I will never put my loved one in a care facility. You may not. You may be one of the heroes who can look after them at home. To do that