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    Inside My Head: A woman's journey through loss
    Inside My Head: A woman's journey through loss
    Inside My Head: A woman's journey through loss
    Ebook64 pages1 hour

    Inside My Head: A woman's journey through loss

    By Sharon E. Stephens

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    About this ebook

    Everyone deals in different ways with the rollercoaster of grieving. Sharon Stephens once had a beautiful world, and his name was Donnie. He meant more to her than her next breath. When her husband passed away, she started writing. And as she wrote down the story of her journey through grief, it became clear to her that she was writing for more

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPalmetto Publishing
    Release dateFeb 23, 2022
    ISBN9781685151669
    Inside My Head: A woman's journey through loss
    Author

    Sharon E. Stephens

    Sharon Stephens was born in Georgia and grew up in Bamberg, South Carolina. She married for the first time at 18 years old, divorced, then married Donald Stephens. She and her new husband took care of her mother and raised Sharon's younger brother from the age of ten. Later, they had their own beloved child. Sharon recently lost Donald and has gone through a difficult grieving period. She has a strong spiritual faith and knows death is a part of life's process.

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      Book preview

      Inside My Head - Sharon E. Stephens

      Total Shock

      I’m asleep in your chair, one of the few moments I’ve been able to sleep since you’ve been in the hospital. I’m having a crazy dream about being held captive except I’m not others are, and I was running around trying to see what was going on with everyone else. Then all of the sudden I was grabbed and held down and I knew I was going to die. I felt something in my throat it was a tube of some sort, then suddenly I woke. Man, that was a bad dream I thought, and I rubbed my throat. I got out of your chair and got in mine. Then at 5:15 in the morning my phone rang I thought who in the world would call this early. It was a young male voice on the other end. His voice was soft and crackling as he asked to speak to Mrs. Stephens, and I said this is she. He then went on to tell me that he was sorry to inform me, but we lost Mr. Stephens this morning. His heart stopped and we tried to

      revive him but we couldn’t. What? What?

      That's what my mind said but all that could come out my mouth was thank you. Thank you?

      You just called me and told me my husband of 30 years was gone and I said thank you? My mind is frozen, it is numb, I can’t think. I can’t breathe, He's supposed to be coming home today. He was better and coming back home and now I get a call He's never coming home. God give me strength to stand, please don’t let me collapse. I’ve got to get to Shelli's room. I have to tell her, how do these words come out my mouth?

      I can’t breathe, I have to keep breathing. Please God give me strength. My head is spinning this cannot be happening right now. I am numb, was this part of my bad dream. I don’t even know if I’m awake. I’m stumbling through the dark house. I have found my way down the hall and into Shelli's room, I touch her foot and I shake it. I grab her husband Josh's foot and shake it as well. I step back into the kitchen and wait for them. All the while thinking how do say this. Shelli is our baby she's 26 but our baby none the less. This is going to crumble her world. Her daddy is her hero, always has been. Now I’m left with the difficult task of telling her, He's not going to be coming back home ever.

      She stumbled into the kitchen still half asleep, but she could tell by my stance it wasn’t good. She's asked what? What mama? What is it? All I could get out was. We lost your daddy this morning. We fell into each other's arms both shaking in disbelief, whaling and crying from very deep within our hearts. Then she whispered you got me, and I got you mama. Her daddy always had my back, we were strong for each other. Now, in this shattered moment of our lives. My daughter stepped up to be strength for me to lean on. I still feel numb, it is as if someone just hit me with a stun gun to my forehead. I know what was said but, my brain is having problems processing the idea that Donnie is gone.

      My next thought is little AJ how will she ever remember the wonderful granddaddy that she had at 2 and half. Oh, dear Lord this can’t be happening to us. I’m not ready for this. Then I have to go tell Kevin, my younger brother that Donnie and I raised after our own daddy past when he was only 10 years old. Donnie is in all sense, his dad to. He taught him everything a young man should know. He taught him to shave, to drive.

      Oh, my Lord I can’t take the chance he hears it from anyone else. He will be devastated. Shelli and I both know we’ve got to get to Kevin. She said I’ll drive, and I said no, I’ll drive. We get in the car and it's normally about a 10-minute trip. I could only drive about 30 miles an hour. I’m still shaking. Wondering if what I heard was, what I heard. Then, my phone rings. It's the head nurse at the hospital. I had to pull over. I can’t talk and drive right now; I can barely drive. She explained that Donnie's heart stopped, and they tried to revive him but just couldn’t. I told her that he had a pacemaker. How does your heart just stop with a pacemaker? She explained that when the heart has no electrical signal that the pacemaker can’t pick up, it won’t send a signal for the heart to beat. I didn’t know that. I said but he was getting better and supposed to come home. She knew that as well but for some reason and God's timing it wasn’t meant to be. She asked the funeral home I wanted to use, and I told her. She said they would be picking him up and would be calling me soon.

      Finally, I get to Kevin's house. I knocked on the door and Elizabeth answered that's Kevin's wife. I told her I need to see Kevin. He comes stumbling out

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