Parented by the State

Copyright © 2021 Scotia.

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ISBN: 978-1-9822-8410-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-8411-4 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 08/17/2021

Contents

Memorandum To All

The Person That Never Was

Inquest Without Inquisition

Parented By The State

Bad Parents Often Make Bad Parents

The Boy

Dols Order

Section 31 Care Order Of Children’s Act 1989

Caring

Convention

Attitudes

Recipient Of Rogue Rituals

Abused Children Abuse Others As Much As Themselves

Caring

No Care For Carers In Care

Social Foe

Administration

Notice

Occupational Hazards

Adolescent Adult

Placements

Inisms

Social Services

Inaction Is Not Immune To A Reaction.

The Other Parent

Example

The State Of Affairs

Parents Should Be There Kids Greatest Teacher.

Neglect Is The Abandonment Of Responsibility

Born On The 3⁰Th Of Feb

Some Thing To Think Off

Political Culture

Social Supposition

The Baby Is Minding The Baby Sitter

Truman-Ism

The Social System

Private File

Social Economy

Stages Of Destruction

Tangents Of Triviality

Corporate Care

Conundrum

Solutions

Everything in this book has happened, is happening and will happen again.

I am going to dive straight in; There is something drastically wrong when there are a hundred thousands under 16 yr old children in the UK that have been placed in care by the state.

The Authorities play with the terminology and now commonly use the word, looked after, but often that interpretation is loose and as broad a term as you can make it. It isn’t a standard description of any kind of living.

The first thing that leaps out from this term is, I have had young people assigned to my care being a support worker from a local authority and yet at no point was I looking after them.

They were there on paper, a signed referral form an identified need and agreed placement but they never materialised as material beings to be cared for. This might be to do with a young person in hiding, alluding police or sofa surfing at a mates house. Its strange that placements can break down before they even become one. On occasions they turn up weeks later and others never show.

Bearing in mind the years I have been working in care, I know of kids living with carers in every conceivable place like Caravans, booked Travelodge’s, chalets, boats and barges, yes delivering care on waterways.

In run down rented council houses, hostels just as much as the up market extravagant four floors Victorian Gothic houses in spacious suburbs. Some are fortunate enough to be referred to in residential education centres that deliver a more intense and holistic service of care.

Children being looked after in every form of accommodation you can think of. There is no specific definition for accommodation provided by the local authority other than a manned location thats alternative from the former parent/parents address. I am not sure if it could be categorised as even Domestic. What is common though are multi occupancy placements that have around three to five bedrooms but the quality and where they are placed in the community varies dramatically.

On top of that these Kids are staffed very differently as well. There maybe as much as four staff to one young person and young people co habiting, living in group residential settings with other kids in care and other staff. These blotted placements are dotted and spotted all around the country in every district and county.

I have known of kids who are virtually living in motion being moved around all the time.

What I have also noticed is other than the benefits of fostering, looked after kids do not live in anything that resembles a normal family setting.

Some would argue that they haven’t come from one anyway but going from one abnormal place to another isn’t helping the stability of a young person.

I have personally worked the spectrum from solo settings of one child and two adults to five children and three staff. I have also worked as a support worker in Hostels of 18 teenagers with just three staff.

I have lived as a boy in boys and mixed homes with as many as sixteen kids ranging from 13 to 16 yrs of age. With only three staff to attempt to keep a level of decorum.

Whatever and where ever the placement I have never known it to be orthodox care.

State care is a separate social entity. Within this constructed society kids although being looked after can spend incredible amounts of time looking after themselves by being out of the accommodation on there own thus completely unsupervised.

This state care is what is known as estate care, where young people all in school age roam there local urban areas around the placements.

With a social workers awareness and permission they can go and see boyfriends and girlfriends at there address.

I cared for one 15yr old boy, with another staff member who spent every day, Monday to Sunday at his girlfriends house fifteen miles away and only came home in the evenings. There was no opportunity to support the boy with identified care-planned life skills. He went straight to his room to bed. We spent the weeks on our phones and watching Netflix. He had lots of identifiable behaviours but this was never addressed or a part of priority.

So environmentally and officially being looked after by the state can mean different things to different people.

It is a vast scape broader and more uncertain spectrum to the standard upbringing of two parents possibly along with siblings residing at one location in British society.

Although Equality and diversity is an expansion of consideration for alternative forms of parenting to the point of ignoring what is still currently the norm. The generic known standard thus a common situation. Being in state care does not improve life chances it provides an alternative form of living.

But even though decreasing, the traditional family dynamic is still the gauge to bring up children the best way possible. The best kind of kids grow into adults out of this kind of existence.

When I say that I broadly mean the most numerically stable. Where parenting is shared supported in stereo. Where parents make time for family on a regular basis. A nucleus of nurture.

However i am not saying kids in this environment are not neglected or abused but the likelihood decreases and levels of success increases.

What it also means is, someone other than a biological parent in this case the state is bringing up a child. It does not considers the sixty thousand kids who are already fostered.

Nor the many children who are adopted or brought up by family members other than specifically biological parents.

MEMORANDUM TO ALL

W e must as assumed citizens in British society acknowledge the thousands of step parents in this country who have no biological link but parent somebody else’s children as if there own.

I would imagine that most probably they have done a better job than people who should to be considered naturally more paternal or maternal with there offspring.

After all if a parent was completely absent, where were they and why?

As a child i found step parents or unrelated partners an additional hazard in my life.

My views on step parenting as a child were concrete in that it should be discouraged. They were familiar visitors and unwanted. My mother had three particularly violent and rogue partners that took it out on her kids. It was the kind of person she attracted and she failed to stop it. It wasn’t until growing up I saw another side to step parenting.

I have known step parents who became attached to the step kids but due to a relationship break down with the biological partner, have no rights for contact with stepchildren after the split.

This can become complicated where one partner did not want a family breakup and kids naturally go with the mother. Just as prevalent in society step parents can mean exactly that. They step in and step out of parenting. Where no biological link means an easier social severance and makes relationship splits more clean and efficient even though possibly the bond was less strong. It can make the breakup less emotive as ties were temporary anyway.

Kids that are existing in shared care proportionately or disproportionately amongst there parents during the course of any given month. This is where parenting has more than one location.

They may live with one parent and a step parent then have contact with another parent and have another step parent. This often means kids grow up with variable family dynamics where rules apply in one house but not in another. Two step parents can mean four parents on the face of it.

Equally where kids are treated differently depending on where they are staying. Kids adapt and manipulate situations and its not uncommon where a child alternates months at a time, from one parents address to another. Episodes where kids yo-yo between two addresses. Dont like it at mums and goes and lives with dad. Not getting there own way or having problems at dads and comes back to mums.

Consider the parents who want to see there children and the children are caught in the cross fire of relationship break-ups. Where kids are used as domestic pawns restricted from seeing there mothers or fathers. Where parenting has been regulated or stopped by another parent. Parental breakups mean that the children are forced to break up with a parent aswell.

This is a sad and tragic common practice. I knew a parent who had some contact with there daughter on a monthly basis but once the partner moved two hundred miles away with the child contact became virtually impossible. There is nothing in law to prevent this.

And what I would call the Estella children from Charles Dickens Great Expectations. Where children specifically raised to become a certain way to exact revenge on someone. They become living vendettas taught to hate or prejudice others like despising the other parent. My parents played this card often with me once they broke up. It creates a mind game for kids to navigate blame. With alternating alliances and allegiances making the child become an uncomfortable messenger.

Spare a thought for those Moses children. Babies who weren’t wanted enough to be kept with the parent and strategically left to be found by somebody else.

The Newborn babies discovered in phone boxes and tube stations abandoned in shop door ways in cardboard boxes. Left in places we assume to be deliberately found alive.

I don’t know if these are acts of desperation but they are very final.

The fact that a parent would take these chances does not necessarily mean they are better chances than the existing situation the parent is in or whether this action will be for the best in the long term.

The outcome of the Child’s life is completely uncertain. Will it survive who will look after the baby if it does, what kind of parenting will he or she receive? There is allot of blind trust if that is the case.

However this country has a well documented historical exception, with the outbreak of the second world war. Parents remarkably trusted the states instructions and sent there children, over three million of them in fact, to the west side of Britain hundreds of miles away into the country to be cared for by complete strangers in unfamiliar places. I do not think parents would be as trusting today with all the sex offenders allowed in society now.

There was no vetting of people as potential parents or a scheduled time frame as the future was totally uncertain and children of all ages, from toddlers to teenagers suffered the upheaval of relocating from urban areas to very rural ones. On top of that the social class divides were an added complexity. City dwellers from tenement buildings and terracing to Rural villages and farms. From grey slate to golden thatch.

The new parents with a different standard of living to go with incorporating very different children in comparison to there own. It must have been doubly hard for children adapting to new surroundings.

This is a forgotten trauma littered with good and bad experiences. Again when the war ended six years later the reintroduction back to unrecognisable desecrated cities along with deceased parents or there parents simply were totally alien to them because they had grown up without there input. For example a child leaving at 10years of age and returning at sixteen would be physically and mentally a very different person. There general way of life for the last six years and nurturing was environmentally and emotionally very different to the parent’s.

All men are born from women but no woman is born from man.

Some Mothers have over simplified the moment of having a baby and it just wasn’t the right time in there life, permanently give up the newborn. This tends to be with younger mums.

I have known people to commit this act and go on and have wanted families later. They care for a baby for nine months then discard it after birth. I don’t get it. Nor do I sympathise with any known circumstance that would give rise to a perceived logical reason.

It actually hurts writing this sentence that a person, someone somewhere knows they were not wanted and that same parent had other children that they did want after there birth is astounding.

THE PERSON THAT NEVER WAS

S ay a prayer for all the thousands of potential parents that deliberately abort there babies. To put it in course terms, since 1968 a mother can terminate one of her own and this is all taking place legally in a country that considers itself more socially advanced than others. The overriding importance of choice for a potential mother overlooks any wants of a father who may desire to keep it and completely forgets any potential wants of a future human being in this case the baby.

I used to think naively that abortion was a last resort, for instance a women was raped and became pregnant because of it and wanted a termination. I may not condone it but I can understand the reason for such an act. I also used to think that such acts only took place to preserve the life of a pregnant women.

But I have since found out that 23% of annual pregnancies in Britain end in abortion for other much lesser reasons. There are a quarter of a million abortions in the UK and somebody is making a lot of money from such a barbaric enterprise.

It gets worse when you consider a lot of abortions are a surgical procedure meaning NHS staff who are qualified in saving lives are also in certain circumstances trained to terminate it not for other reasons than medical grounds and the tax payers is paying for all of this.

Abortions are always decided by people who are already born. This is exclusively a mother’s act which they have to sign to consent for, and leaves a chill on my view of humanity.

I have noticed that this society advertises phrases like everyone is born for a reason or has something to bring to the world. We often celebrate people with unique personalities and traits that may appear odd. Every now and then somebody comes along and it is this very difference that makes a difference.

There intellect takes people into a direction that finds a solution in times of adversity. People like Alan Turing who invented the first computer and cracked the Enigma code which shortened the second world war and saved lives. The world is always on the cusp of a crisis of sorts and just maybe the next person who could have solved the next set of problems could be aborted before he or she was ever allowed to be born.

I also find a country like ours, with an immigration policy that caters for economic migrancy hypercritical who advertise manpower and claim to need people from other countries yet actively terminates potential citizens over people who the state have less responsibility for. Scandalous.

Abortion discriminates everyone and anyone. All lives should matter. Whether the law defines what is a baby is irrelevant. What is relevant is this biological cluster of ever increasing cells is very much alive in a womb and has all the necessary ingredients to become a living person.

Tipping the scales back, what about the men who put pressure on women to have an abortion and go further deliberately hurt or kill an unborn baby. They maybe guilty of bodily harm to the mother or other violent crimes but only 16 people have been found guilty of child destruction in the last decade and that is not because its rare but extremely difficult to prove. This evil has no boundaries when a perspective dad knows they are killing an unborn person and often its one of there own.

Terrible that Domestic violence which ends in the death of a parent, although men and women are killed the majority of victims are women.

I have worked with young mothers who continue to have children knowing that once they are born will be removed from them by the state because of there inability to care properly or the risks posed by themselves or the current partner.

And at the opposite end have empathy for those parents who want and plan a baby but for one reason or another experience a miscarriage or cannot be biological parents.

Six thousand babies are adopted each year but there are more than twice as many who want to adopt. It does not sit well with me, when there are all those aborted babies.

Save your pity for all those young people who were born into danger with appalling parents and might wish they weren’t born at all. Abused by there mothers and fathers sexually emotionally and physically. For they soon become to understand what is happening and did not ask or deserve it. The majority of these young people end up coming my way into the state system.

The child who witnesses the ultimate betrayal where a mother or father chooses another non biological partner over there offspring during the course of bringing them up. Rejection at a very important age.

Worse still I have worked with those kids where the biological parent has chosen the abusing partner over there own flesh and blood and the child who then has to go into care for there own safety.

Completely disgusting but it happens and it’s acceptable by the state in this country.

Say a prayer for the children who have a first hand experience of a parent, for some reason during the course of bringing them up commits suicide. The thoughts of abandonment and emotions that child must go through to reconcile this situation, if they ever do.

Think again for the people who enter into forced marriages and then forced into becoming parents at an early age. Yes it happens here. I often wonder do they begrudgingly bring up kids or get on with it out of duty. Or with the onset of time accept the circumstances and lovingly parent there offspring no matter.

Reflect also on the lowest life givers, the Cuckoo fathers and im on about predominantly male teenagers who get a succession of young women pregnant but have no intention to be around for either mother or baby to contribute to the upkeep and parent the offspring.

Yes it takes two to tango but it’s very one sided responsibility for the mums.

The Media have covered this giving extreme examples of young males getting as much as twenty teenage girls pregnant who go on to have the baby. But there are plenty of people who have done this on a lesser scale. The social and domestic impact is still enormous but it appears to be knowingly absorbed like a tree eventually growing around an Axe that’s been left embedded in its Trunk.

And the parents who have loved and lost a child. Its one of my biggest prayers that all my kids outlive me. Im not sure if I would want to live after, if any of my kids die even if they have grown up. The world must change forever for these parents.

INQUEST WITHOUT INQUISITION

I was once involved in an inquest for a fourteen year old girl that died of anorexia nervosa. This was whilst in her parents care. The case was complex and compelling for many reasons.

The police eager for an investigation to deliver at the very least a charge and prosecution found insufficient evidence or suspicion for that matter to hold the parents accountable.

The Detective inspector still attended the inquest and I could not help wondering was that to learn from the experience or whether they had some niggling loose end that might be coaxed out during the course of the proceedings.

The police presumably expecting to remain back seat spectators stepped aside, as it was now the turn of other civil servants.

Apparently the educational authority the child protection team and the Health department had already some involvement because the mother was already anxious about her daughter being bullied when she went up to the big school and eventually decided to home tutor her instead.

I am telling you all this because all relevant bodies were in attendance for the anticipated two day inquest to deliver reports and findings from what was a tragic case and a sombre occasion.

The first thing that struck me when I walked into the court. Apart from a splendid Art deco room in the middle of City Hall. Within this smooth white marble municipal magnificence I had stepped into an unadvertised women’s world.

Just me and one other male sat amongst twenty others. I mention this because we are always told that it’s predominantly a mans world but when i recollect on my own life being parented by the state it was all women who made the big decisions on the biggest occasions.

Once my dad had abandoned me, My mother signed the form and dumped me in care. My social workers were all female and they did plenty of