Even Better!: A Guide to Winning in Life

Copyright © 2013 Bill Ballester.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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ISBN: 978-1-4759-7294-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4759-7295-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4759-7296-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013901359

iUniverse rev. date: 05/17/2019

To my father, Earl Ballester, who provided the kick-start (literally, the kick in the pants) that got me through the first years of my life. His determination to impart life’s values, the meaning of self-discipline, and the need for hard work has been my constant companion throughout life.

To Bill Meade, my coach, my mentor, and my friend, who provided me with the opportunity, the encouragement, and the confidence to achieve my dreams. Thanks, Coach!

And to my mom, Gladys Ballester, for providing unconditional love and support. Her words of encouragement have provided the strength and confidence for me to address life’s challenges head-on. We look forward to celebrating her 104th birthday in 2013!

Contents

Preface Why Read This Book?

Acknowledgments

Part One: The Journey to Winning in Life

Chapter 1 Can I Be Your Coach?

Are You Coachable?

Listening

Chapter 2 Are We Speaking the Same Language?

Effective Communication

Chapter 3 Change

Change in Leadership Style

Change in Business and Government

Change in Thinking: Scarcity to Abundance

Scarcity/Abundance Thinking in Families

Chapter 4 Two Different Teams, Two Different Results

The Dream

Agreements

Part Two: A Leadership Model for Winning Teams

Part Three: The Nine Principles of Winning Teams

Principle #1: The Double Win

Principle #2: Adaptation

Principle #3: Alignment

Principle #4: Contribution

Principle #5: Responsible Freedom

Principle #6: Integrity

Principle #7: Positive Learning Cycle

Principle #8: The Balance of Extremes

Principle #9: Progressive Mastery

Part Four: How to Solve Problems

Chapter 5 Is There a Secret to Winning?

Communication: No Good News/No Bad News

Chapter 6 Adventure in Baja

Understanding Destructive Conflict

Formula for Resolving Destructive Conflict

Chapter 7 Now Who Do We Blame?

Focus

Team Checklist

When to Solve a Problem

Our Race in Baja

ABCDE Problem-Solving Formula

Why, Why, Why, Why, Why?

Part Five: Tools for Life

Our Journey Together

Invitation

Appendix A

Appendix B

Preface

Why Read This Book?

Our entire lives are spent looking for answers, answers that we hope will guide us to become Even Better at everything we do; however, before we can find those answers, we must first find the right questions.

Are you willing to accept the possibility that you can become Even Better?

1. Even Better as a partner in your personal relationships?

2. Even Better as a parent?

3. Even Better as a grandparent?

4. Even Better as a business or government leader?

5. Even Better as a coach?

6. Even Better in all aspects of your life?

If your answer to any of these questions is yes, congratulations! By acknowledging that you would like to become Even Better at something, anything, you have also acknowledged that there is room for improvement, that you are not perfect. This is a great (and essential) first step. Read on!

Have you ever asked yourself why some people or some teams consistently win while others fail?

• Why do some coaches always seem to win, regardless of where they go to coach?

• Why do some business leaders always create highly motivated and productive employees?

• Why do some parents provide the leadership that creates successful children?

• Why do some government leaders get so much done while many others seem to falter?

Here are some other questions:

• Are great leaders born?

• Does leadership require some special type of personality?

• Can anyone become a great leader?

• Can leaders who have failed overcome their problems and achieve success?

• Is there a common thread, a common set of principles or tools, that all great leaders possess?

Even Better! will give you the answers to these and many more questions. Even Better! will guide, direct, and support you on your personal journey through life and provide the necessary tools for you to become Even Better in all of your relationships.

I encourage you to read with an open mind and at the same time read with the intention of finding answers to all of your questions about teams and team leadership.

What do we really know about teams?

Many of us only associate teams with sports, but there are many other types of teams.

There are business teams, government teams, and family teams. Some teams are small, and some are very large; there are some teams that win, while there are some teams that lose; there are some teams that are very effective, and there are other teams that are ineffective.

We are all on teams, some by birth, some by accident, some by choice. We enjoy some of our teams; we dislike others—but regardless how we feel about teams, we all participate on many teams!

Human history is the story of teams and teamwork. From the beginning of time, individuals have learned that to survive (and ultimately prosper), they had to work together. Out of necessity teams were formed, families were created, communities were developed, religions were founded, governments were created, wars were fought, businesses were launched, and unions were organized—all for the purpose of doing things more effectively. For the world, for our governments, for our businesses, and for our families to survive and prosper, we must learn and apply the basic concepts of teamwork and team building.

Even Better! is a breakthrough in thinking about teams and our relationships with others, about how we can successfully live our lives in peace and with happiness.

Who in the Heck Is Bill Ballester?

Before you read any more or ask any more questions about Why and How, I would like to share with you a little more about me, Bill Ballester—the person, the coach, and the parent—and what led me to write this book. My personal journey toward my dreams has not always been smooth; It has been a lifelong search to identify those dreams and then learn how to make them a reality.

I learned early in life that I needed money to do the things that I enjoyed. I also learned from my father that if I wanted money and the things that money could bring me, I would have to go out and earn it for myself. My first lesson came when I was about nine years old. I asked Dad if I could have a bicycle; he said, Sure, how are you going to pay for it?

After a few tears and a lot of thinking about that bicycle, I answered, I will go to work. That answer led me to my first real job: delivering newspapers. (Having to get up at five in the morning to deliver newspapers was not something that I enjoyed.)

A few years later, I got a new job as a dishwasher in a small restaurant and soon moved on to become a busboy. (I wasn’t real excited about those jobs either.) I continued to work at various jobs through my high school years. Once out of high school, I went to work in the industrial labor force, working at various factory jobs near Chicago. (I didn’t like most of these jobs either, but they provided the money for me to buy the things that I wanted.)

During those early years of working at jobs that I really didn’t like, I also learned about things that I did like. I liked adventure, excitement, fast cars, and bouncing on trampolines.

As a young adult, I had no plans for my future, no dreams beyond the next day, aside from making enough money to have fun and to keep my old car running. I had no long-term goals. I only knew that I was very unhappy with the work that I was doing. It was during one of those long days working on an assembly line in a factory that I began to think that maybe college should become my next adventure, my next chance to have fun. With a few dollars that I had managed to save, I enrolled at Southern Illinois University. I had no particular interest in any area of study, only a desire to maximize enjoyment in my life.

I managed to make it through my first year at Southern while having fun, enjoying the new adventure, and not flunking out of school. After a year of college, I still didn’t have any long-term dreams or goals, but one afternoon early in my second year, while walking across campus, I passed the gym and spotted a trampoline. Never one to pass up an opportunity to do something exciting, I quickly took off my shoes, climbed onto the trampoline, and started to bounce.

Although I was not blessed with much skill or experience, I did know how to have fun. I was so busy having fun that nearly an hour passed, and I didn’t even notice that I was no longer alone in the gym. A man came over and introduced himself as Bill Meade, Southern’s new men’s gymnastics coach. Coach Meade and I visited for a while, and he invited me to try out for his team. That invitation changed my life.

Coach Meade had a huge impact on my life, as my coach, as my mentor, and later as my good friend. I had finally found something that I really enjoyed and discovered a coach and a team that welcomed me as a team member.

I spent the next few years bouncing my way through college as a gymnast and finally discovered what I really wanted to do with my life. That singular event—going into the gym that day and meeting Bill Meade—was the beginning of my dream to become a gymnastics coach. While I told myself that I wanted to become one of the best gymnastics coaches in the country, it wouldn’t be a stretch to say that I really wanted to become one of the best gymnastics coaches in the world. I had finally found my dream: a really big one!

Looking back now at that dream, it seems completely unrealistic. Fortunately, I did not know how unlikely it was that my dream would ever become a reality. Keep in mind that I had never been involved in any organized sport; I had never been a part of any athletic team. I should also disclose that I never became an outstanding gymnast. In fact, I wasn’t even a very good gymnast. However, I did have a great coach. And I had a big dream. Despite my lack of skill and experience, Coach Meade always encouraged me to work toward my dream of someday becoming a gymnastics coach. (Coach Bill Meade’s teams won four NCAA championships; he went on to coach many Olympians and was inducted into every possible Hall of Fame for gymnastics. Yes! Bill Meade was a great coach, a great husband and father, and a great inspiration for me.)

Graduating from SIU was the first step to attaining my dream. My coaching career started when I was hired as an assistant men’s gymnastics coach, assistant football coach, and assistant tennis coach at East Leyden High School in Franklin Park, Illinois, a suburb of Chicago. The following year, I became the head gymnastics coach at Waukegan Township High School, where I spent the next ten years teaching physical education and coaching men’s gymnastics, track, and swimming.

The next step toward realizing my dream was at the University of Wisconsin, Parkside, teaching and coaching men’s gymnastics. It was there that I had the opportunity to work for Dr. Thomas Rosandich, who became another important mentor in my life. My years as a high school coach and my one year at Parkside gave me the chance to work with many great young men.

After eleven years, I moved one step closer to realizing my dreams when I was hired to coach men’s gymnastics at the University of Oregon. While I was moving closer to my dream, Dr. Rosandich was also pursuing his dream: to establish a university dedicated to the training of sports professionals. In 1972, he established the United States Sports Academy, located in Daphne, Alabama, which is now the largest graduate school of sports education in the world.

For more than twenty-five years I had the opportunity to live my dream, coaching men’s gymnastics at many different levels. With each level came more challenges, more opportunities, and more movement toward my dream of being the best gymnastics coach in America. Those years seemed to fly by; looking back now, I realize that the most significant reward from my coaching career was not watching my teams succeed, it was watching student athletes grow and develop, not only as outstanding gymnasts, but as fine young men.

In 1981, my dream was shattered. In spite of our successful record, winning many conference championships, and strong student and community support, the University of Oregon dropped men’s gymnastics. The gymnastics team had been considered one of the premier programs in the country, and all of a sudden, it was no more. It was devastating for me to see the program shut down; at the time, there was little comfort in knowing that we had accomplished many of our individual and team goals and were always a credit to the university and the community. I was bitter, confused, and angry.

I spent the next five years upside down, without a dream and without goals; all that was left of my dream was frustration and resentment. I still worked at the university, with various responsibilities that included NCAA compliance officer, student conduct coordinator, and liaison between the local police and fraternities/sororities.

However, I wasn’t coaching gymnastics, and I didn’t have the same love for my new work. I quickly learned that my passion for coaching had been my reason to get up each day, to go to work, to live. It was only when my dream was gone that I truly became aware of how important it was (and is!) for me to have a dream and to be able to spend my life pursuing it.

A New Dream

One day, while having a cup of coffee with my friend Larry Spencer, a new dream began to emerge. As avid sports followers, we began to talk about an observation that we had each made over a period of many years: some coaches always seemed to win, regardless of where they were coaching and regardless of the circumstances. Conversely, others seemed almost destined to lose. The more we thought about it, the more examples we found that supported our theory.

We also speculated that there might be similarities among highly successful coaches whose teams continue to win over long periods of time. We wondered if they all might be doing some of the same things. Were there common values, common techniques, common methods, or common leadership styles among all winning coaches? Were there similar principles that all winning coaches