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    My Therapy Journal: A Journey of Healing
    My Therapy Journal: A Journey of Healing
    My Therapy Journal: A Journey of Healing
    Ebook209 pages1 hour

    My Therapy Journal: A Journey of Healing

    By Micah Mason

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    About this ebook

    It all started when an innocent little Brownie walked to a neighbor’s house to sell Girl Scout calendars. It seemed like an overdone, slobbery kiss as Micah Mason left, but at age seven, she wasn’t really sure. That moment instigated four years of hiding or being caught and molested, and a chronic state of hypervigilance. As the events led Micah into therapy, a counselor suggested she journal as homework.

    In a collection of raw, unfiltered poems penned in a therapy journal over several decades, Micah invites others to witness her heartbreaking journey through childhood trauma and therapy into adulthood as she faced life-altering abuse, witnessed its affects on her life, and eventually learned healthy coping skills and self-awareness. Her poems illustrate the ups and downs of life while healing, trust issues with those who failed her, and the power of her faith as it carried her through the most challenging of times.

    My Therapy Journal shares a moving compilation of poems that convey the myriad of emotions that accompanied one woman’s journey through childhood trauma, broken trust issues, and eventual healing.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherArchway Publishing
    Release dateSep 11, 2018
    ISBN9781480866119
    My Therapy Journal: A Journey of Healing
    Author

    Micah Mason

    Micah Mason has been a registered nurse for forty-three years and earned a PhD in natural medicine. She enjoys crafting, organic gardening, and learning about essential oils. She is a mother, a lifelong teacher, and healer who currently resides in Elyria, Ohio.

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      Book preview

      My Therapy Journal - Micah Mason

      Copyright © 2018 Micah Mason.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

      Archway Publishing

      1663 Liberty Drive

      Bloomington, IN 47403

      www.archwaypublishing.com

      1 (888) 242-5904

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

      Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

      ISBN: 978-1-4808-6612-6 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4808-6611-9 (e)

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2018909641

      Archway Publishing rev. date: 8/31/2018

      Contents

      Introduction

      Touch

      Pain Makes Me Know I’m Alive

      How Barren

      To My Sons

      Bart’s a Brat

      I Wonder

      Ahhh!

      Emotional Paths

      Hope for Joy

      The Greatest Lesson

      A Million Tears

      Self-Inflicted Isolation

      The One Who Shared the Secret

      My Present Guilt

      To Travis, My Love

      Subconscious Expressions

      To Ezra

      In Contradiction of His Love

      Unfinished Business

      Bared by the Tales

      My Sister’s True Depth

      Sickness on Sickness

      Daddy Says

      On that Lane

      My Poor Mother’s Frustration

      Through a Million Tears

      A Million to One

      Praise to the Father

      With the Devil Inside

      God Seeing All

      Remember When

      Love You

      A Sandcastle Be

      To Donna

      Love and Desire

      Grandma, Dear

      A Paradox

      Darkness

      In the Still of the Night

      Love, Travis

      Cleansed

      A Touch of Life and Health

      He Touched Me

      Of Flying Snakes

      Certain Noises, Smells, and Sights

      Amnesia

      Wet Again

      The Tunnel

      Sunbeams

      Babe at Breast

      A Special Moment with a Doctor and Wife

      Time to Leave

      What the Nurses Saw

      The Hat

      She’s Got Legs

      Lawn Chair

      I Hate Hot Dogs

      Toasted Marshmallows

      With His Wife in the Next Room

      Diving Deep

      I Know

      I Could Be

      He Doesn’t Understand

      I Like School

      Giving Up Is Hard

      I Want God in My Heart

      Stand Up for Your Rights

      Cigars

      Someone Knew

      She Knew Too

      How Did My Sister Feel?

      A Family Reunion

      Make Every Day Special

      Genetics and God’s Gifts

      Glass Trap

      Like a Teenager

      Born of Shame

      I Hate Snakes

      When Losing Control

      Brock

      Shame, Shame on You

      Of Rocks and Islands

      Hate

      Cousin to Cousin

      Not Worthy

      January 1986

      Winter Wind

      Torn in Pieces

      Alice of the Looking Glass

      Alone with Loneliness

      Ghosts

      Free!

      For Betsy

      Despair

      Emotional Death

      Nightmare Cage

      To Justin

      Trust

      Happiness’ Horizon

      To Margaret

      Here’s to You, Dion!

      Trapped

      Tortured Life

      Tribute to Self-Help Books

      Vampire’s Victim

      Directions

      Cinder City

      Three Bullets in the Floor

      Drought of ’93

      I Am a Person

      Anger

      I Believe in Me

      Gore Orphanage

      Some Fun Limericks

      The Flower Man

      Color Comes to My World

      Blue Christmas Wrap

      Lord of Light

      Reason for the Season?

      Shut Down

      Relentless Love

      The Bride of Frankenstein

      Symphony of Sympathy

      Ashley’s Poem

      Joy’s Sacrifice

      Headaches without End

      Missing Terri

      The Fortress

      Longings

      Found Poem from an Old Textbook

      Hope Floats

      Ocher Stain

      To Drown or not to Drown

      Hope

      Away with Sadness

      Night Vigil for Mom

      The Weight of My Pearls

      Dad

      Dad’s Song of Low Self-Esteem

      To Dad

      Crazy Karina

      The Past

      The Land of Trumpmania

      Tears for My Mother

      To Beatrice

      Goodbye to Donata

      Epilogue

      Hymn Resource List

      Suggested Bibliography

      The quilt on the cover of this book was made by a nine-year-old victim of molestation. She worked on the quilt indoors to avoid the neighbor outside.

      This book is dedicated to my poetry pals. Both gave me unconditional love and pointed out my strengths. And to all the children who were molested or raped and didn’t get to voice their pain, anger, and depression. I hope these poems give you a voice.

      And thanks to my friend for his technical support to fill in my gaps of knowledge about the computer.

      Introduction

      As I awakened from years of repression, depression, and denial, I decided I needed counseling for the years of molestation I had suffered as a child. It started with a seven-year-old Brownie going to a neighbor’s house to get an order for Girl Scout calendars. It seemed like an overdone, slobbery kiss as I left, but at seven, you’re really not sure. That was the beginning of four years of hiding or being caught and molested. This evading and avoiding contact led to much stress and a state of chronic hypervigilance from age seven to eleven. As I discussed these things with my counselor, he suggested I start journaling as homework. The journaling began as prose-like diary entries but quickly changed to poetry after starting an American literature class.

      These poems are raw, rough, and straight from my mind, heart, and soul. Though not elegant in the normal literary sense, they are in their truthful expressions of unfiltered emotions. They express the tender, painful wounds of depression to the point of feeling the tears roll down my cheeks. Some can take wings of flight from pure joy, finding healing in the evolution of the journey that is life. We always have the freedom to choose how we respond to life events and our feelings. We can allow the tears of depression to drown us, or they can become the saline that cleanses our wounds. When withholding, tears can grow to the steam of anger that leads to hurting others because we are in pain. Tears of sadness can weaken our resolves, so we give up hope and drown ourselves in alcohol or drugs. I chose to eat too much.

      In the beginning, my choices were driven by depression, which was not wise due to the binding despair and low self-esteem. But as I moved along the trails of life and different styles of therapy so healing took place, I made better choices toward new steps. I moved from talk therapy to behavior modification and finally eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR).

      These are the poems of my therapy journal that I started in the mid-eighties and have continued to the present. As you watch

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