Shared Island

Shared Island

Two Feathers

Copyright © 2013 by Two Feathers.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2013917097

ISBN:       Hardcover      978-1-4931-0304-1

                  Softcover        978-1-4931-0303-4

                  Ebook             978-1-4931-0305-8

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Rev. date: 09/23/2013

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Contents

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 14

CHAPTER 15

CHAPTER 16

CHAPTER 17

CHAPTER 18

CHAPTER 19

CHAPTER 20

CHAPTER 21

CHAPTER 22

CHAPTER 23

CHAPTER 24

CHAPTER 25

CHAPTER 26

To Philip Dean (Pops) Kurtz

Without the love, support, encouragement, and inspiration of this man, this book would never have been written. He has been my rock for many years, and I have beaten myself upon his strength to find mine. Love you much, Pops!

A special thank you goes out to those who gave me words of wisdom to help me finish this book: Philip D. Kurtz, Leslie A. Kissinger, Janet F. Kurtz, Brent W. Kurtz, Laura A. Hietpas, Richard Bearse, LeeAnn Douglas, Mary Jo Delfosse, Marianne Galligan, Debbie Lane, Paula Perdue, Jackie Phillips, Cathy Tomtem, Kim (Wildchild) Bolen, Dustin Gibson, Esther N. Kissinger, Linda Lucas, and Janell Westover-Harris. Whether in the past or present, you have all inspired me, encouraged me, and stood by me. I thank you from the depths of my soul.

CHAPTER 1

I t had been almost a year since Todd and I decided to go our separate ways. It was a mutual decision to break up. We had simply grown apart. We still loved each other very much, but we just couldn’t seem to get past the differences that grew between us the last year that we were together. It wasn’t an easy decision for either one of us.

We did, however, remain friends through the break up. We still talked to each other all the time, and in the first few months after the breakup, I found it hard to talk to him and not ask if he wanted to try and work things out only because I didn’t want to be alone. I was learning firsthand what the word lonely really meant.

There were a couple of other boyfriends before Todd, but I knew that they weren’t going to last. They had simply been someone to hang out with and have fun with, someone to go out to dinner with or a movie. I had no intentions of getting too serious with them, like I had with Todd.

I had always thought that Todd was the one for me, my true and everlasting soul mate. He made me feel special, and he didn’t obsess over me or what I did. I felt that I could be myself—a free spirit—with him.

He was soft and loving toward me; he was protective but not overbearing. He made me feel safe. I knew that I didn’t have to worry about anyone hurting me. Todd would stand back and let things happen till he sees that I needed his help. Then he would step in and take over. No one messed with me while I was with Todd.

We liked a lot of the same things, too many things in fact. We were perfect for each other, or so I thought. We loved to go fishing, dirt biking, wrenching on cars, camping, or just hanging out with our friends. We even liked the same music; our choice in movies was even the same. Grocery shopping had been easy too; we had the same tastes in food, so it was like shopping for myself. I didn’t have to worry whether he would like it or not or to buy different food for him.

The thought of the happiness that I had with Todd stayed with me, and I wondered if I was destined to be alone for the rest of my life or if I would someday find my prince. I had thought that I had found my prince in Todd. I know they say that when you stop looking for that special someone that’s when he will come along, but I thought that I had already found my special someone and lost him.

I hadn’t been looking very hard, if at all really, but I had gone out on a couple of dates recently. Just from talking to them for an hour or two, I knew right away that they weren’t what I wanted. So there had been no second dates.

There was always something that I saw right away that would remind me of one of my past relationships and that in turn would remind me of how that particular relationship had ended and why. It wasn’t something that I wanted to go through again, so I would avoid that person from there on.

Or I would start comparing them to Todd and what his answer would have been to a particular question, they didn’t answer it the way I thought they should, the way Todd would, so I would just end the date and go home to be alone. There was no point in a second date if they weren’t going to treat me the way Todd had.

I wanted to be with someone that let me do things my way and not try to make me do things his way. I am not a controlling person and I don’t want to be controlled. I don’t want a father figure or a child to raise; I want an equal. I want someone to walk beside me—not in front of me and not behind me. My counterpart.

I was beginning to think that I was never going to find that perfect man that completes me. I was giving up on the whole aspect of love and relationships, but I think that you have to go out on more than just a couple of dates to find the person that is right for you.

It just seemed to be more of a hassle or a chore than a pleasurable part of life. I had enough to worry about already; I didn’t need to add a bunch of bad dates to my record. So I thought it would be best if I just stayed alone and didn’t try to have another relationship. Besides, as long as I stayed busy, being single really wasn’t that bad.

I was starting to get used to being alone and rather enjoying the freedom that came with the solitude. I could go and do things without letting anyone know where I was going, what I would be doing, and when I would be home. If I wanted to add something to the agenda while I was out, I didn’t have to worry about calling someone to let them know I would be late getting back. It was nice; my new found freedom was helping me to evolve.

Even though I loved this new freedom, I was still missing Todd and having him to do things with, like going out to eat or to a movie. People can be so rude when you are alone. The stares and whispers, or pointing of the finger in my direction; it isn’t nice. They don’t know my situation and they shouldn’t judge me or pity me.

I was also missing the quiet evenings with Todd: sitting in front of the big screen and watching a movie at home or working in the garage on a project together. I missed just being with him. I missed his touch. My heart was still breaking, even after all this time.

I had even moved three states away to try and put some distance between us. I thought that if I wasn’t that close to him anymore, it would be easier for me to get over him. No more driving past his house at three in the morning because I couldn’t sleep due to thinking about him and missing him, in hopes of getting just a glimpse of him. That’s how much I missed him, but I felt like a stalker and that was unacceptable.

I am part Native American and I do practice shamanism. I only do healings of the body, mind, and soul. I am good at it too. I have several ancestors that have passed on and I pray to them for help. I have helped many people overcome sickness, brought many people out of depression, but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself out of the depression that I was starting to sink quickly into.

So I decided to try something a little different: I was going to try my shamanism on myself. Nothing else seemed to be working. I tried to keep myself as busy as I could so I had no idle time to think about being alone. If I could help other people, why couldn’t I help myself?

I wanted my heart to be protected against falling in love again. I didn’t think it could withstand another breakup. No, I knew it couldn’t take another breakup. So I was going to put a spell upon myself to never fall in love again.

I didn’t want to put a spell on myself that couldn’t be broken just in case I did find someone that I wanted to fall in love with, but I didn’t want to leave my heart out there to fall in love with the next guy I dated either, which would probably turn out to be the wrong guy again. That seemed to be a pattern for me—falling in love with the wrong guy.

I gathered the necessary ingredients and placed them on the makeshift altar that I had made and began the ritual. I lit the candle and began to chant. I mixed the proper herbs in an offering bowl and lit the incense.

Just for good measure, I lit a sage stick, which is what I used for healings in my shamanism. I was hoping that it would heal the pain that I was already in from a broken heart. Now I just had to work on the part that prevents me from falling in love again.

When I was done singing my prayers, I gathered the bowl where I had mixed the herbs in along with some tobacco—the offering which I make when performing any shamanism—took the mixture outside to throw them into the wind and let the wind carry my prayers to the heavens, so that they may come true.

I then said a final prayer and cleaned up everything. As I was putting everything away, I wondered to myself whether or not I would actually feel any different or if I would feel a wall growing around my heart? Would the spell make me cold and calloused with no feelings at all? Would I be able to recognize the right man now if he does come along?

Now I was worried at whether I had done the right thing or not. Feelings and emotions aren’t something that you should toy with, and I knew this from past experience. They are supposed to come naturally, and you should learn from them to help you become a stronger person.

At least if anyone got hurt with my experiment, it would be me and no one else. I would never attempt such a feat on anyone else unless I knew for sure what the outcome would be. I was into helping people, not hurting them.

I didn’t feel any different yet, but I know that sometimes it takes a few days to feel the results. Like the people that come to me with an illness, it takes a few hours to a few days to feel better. I just want the pain to stop as well as keep new love away from my fragile heart.

While I waited to feel the results, I thought it would be nice to do something just for me. I thought about taking a little vacation to see some old friends and family back home or a trip out to the west to the great Rocky Mountains. No, that wasn’t good enough.

I need some place where I can find myself again, some place unfamiliar. A place where I can be alone and think about what I really wanted and to find out who I am again. I needed something that was out of the ordinary for me. Some place new and refreshing, different. I had been in a relationship for so long that my true self had gotten lost along the way.

An island in the Atlantic would be perfect. I could sit on the beach and drink those fruity drinks that come with a miniature umbrella. Get a nice tan and maybe swim with some dolphins. They have private huts that come with private beaches, so I could be alone and do some real thinking with no distractions.

That’s exactly what I needed. I wanted to go someplace where I was unknown. I wanted to go to a place where I could forget about the last seven years with Todd and find some peace. So I put a reservation in for a private hut in Montego Bay’s private resort. However, they were booked solid for the next six months, so I had to wait.

It was approaching fall up here in Northern Wisconsin which means that the weather was already cooling off. The winters can be long and hard here. There’s not much to do away from home other than maybe snowmobiling or skiing on the mountains; that is, if you can even get out of the house. The snow gets very deep here and travel can be impossible.

I decided to get lost in writing another book while I waited for my two weeks of heaven in the Atlantic. This was kind of perfect, since I would almost be trapped inside my house due to the winter months that were quickly approaching.

Writing another book would take up a lot of my time and would also keep my mind busy, so I wouldn’t have time to think of the failed relationships that I had been in and what had made them fail. I always overanalyze such things.

I had always wanted to try my hand at writing a children’s book, so that’s what I did. I started by buying some children’s books and reading them. I made lots of notes and came up with several characters.

It took me a couple of days to come up with the plot of the story, but once I figured out what I wanted the book to be about, it rolled through my head like a freight train that was behind schedule. I almost couldn’t keep up with my thoughts; I needed to be able to type faster. I used a voice recorder at times, just to keep me from losing ideas that were coming too fast.

I spent days and nights at my computer, working diligently on the book. The weeks flew by and there was only a month left before my trip. I had decided to leave the end of the book open as we call it in the writing world.

That way I could write another book to follow up the first. If this book sold well, then and only then would I write the second book. Since I had been so busy writing, I hadn’t gotten anything ready for my trip, so I figured I had better take some time away from the book and get that done soon.

I have three horses and a dog that I had to make accommodations for. They were going to need someone to come and feed them and give them fresh water. I made arrangements with my best friend to take Tank, my dog, to their house while I was gone. Tank can’t handle being left alone.

I had rescued him from the humane shelter and he had been with me every single day since. I worked from home, so I was always there. When I went to the store, he went with me. The one time I did leave him home alone, while I went shopping, he shredded the carpet in front of the door and scratched the door so deep that I couldn’t sand the scratches out. I had to replace the door.

As for my horses, Cody is my retired contest horse, Smokey is my elderly pony, and Hershey is my donkey—they would be taken care of by my neighbor. Cody and I used to run barrels and pole bending at the rodeos. A couple of years ago, however, Cody kicked out while in the pasture at home and had kicked a metal T post, which was a part of the fence, and ended up severing his common digital extensor tendon; thus putting himself out of the competing world. So he has now become my trail horse.

When he first hurt himself, the vet had said that I would probably have to put him down because horses usually don’t recover from such an injury, but I refused to let that happen, and I’m glad I didn’t listen to the vet because he is fine. I could probably even start competing with him again, which I would love, but I won’t take the chance of him twisting a barrel and stepping wrong while doing so and ending up lame again.

Time was getting closer to my vacation, and I had thought about flying to my hideaway, but since I do work for myself and I am not very fond of flying ( unless I have a parachute on my back), I figured I would drive to Florida and then take a cruise ship to the island.

I was not in a hurry and I could take more than two weeks if I wanted to. I got online to make sure I could reserve a round-trip ticket on a cruise ship to the island and arrive the day my reservation started at the resort.

After booking the ship, I then got out a map to make my final driving plans. I was going to drive straight to Florida, but I would need to stop at a hotel for at least one night. It was about a twenty-seven-hour drive from home. I could do it with the help of coffee, but since I don’t drink coffee, a hotel would be the safest course to take.

I had to put the finishing touches on the book that I was working on, and I only had a week to do it. So with all the arrangements for my trip made, I got back to my book. It took me the whole week to finish the last chapter because I kept changing and editing it. I hoped that it would encourage the minds of a child with adventurous imagination, and they would want more.

After finishing the book, I copied it and sent it off to my publisher for review. I was rather nervous about sending it and had given it a second and a third thought about waiting to send it in till I got back from my vacation so I could reread it and edit it some more.

I thought, Why wait? It is either good or not and there was only one way to find out. I had put a note in with it asking my publisher to let me know if I should forget about writing children’s books, or if I should start on the sequel with haste.

Now all I could do was wait and hope that I had done a good job and would be making some more money. After all, this trip was going to cost me a small fortune, only because I chose to drive and take the cruise ship instead of fly.

I spent the next day packing and getting ready to leave the following morning. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to pack. I planned on packing light, but I am a woman that likes to be prepared for all occasions.

What if I wanted to take a night or two and go out dancing or club hopping? What about going out to a nice dinner or maybe sightseeing or shopping? I would need different outfits to wear for all that. I really just wanted to pack a couple of bikinis and some nightclothes and be done with it. So I packed a couple of outfits and thought I could buy something on the island if I wanted something different to wear.

I had three days to get to Florida and the cruise ship. If I got there a day early, I could lie on a beach there and get started on my tan. Since I lived in Northern Wisconsin, where summers are short and winters long, tanning up there only lasted a short while. You would lose what little bit of tan you did manage to get in a hurry. You could always go to a tanning bed, but those tans look fake and are more dangerous than actually lying out there in the sun, if you ask me; they are concentrated UV rays.

I took Tank over to my friend’s house after dinner, and Tank must have known that something was going on because he pouted the whole way over there. He is usually standing on the seat with his front paws on the door and looking out the window.

I was going to miss him as much as he was going to miss me, if not more. He had been my lifesaver as well as I for him. He had been my only companion for the last year and a half. I felt like a mother leaving her newborn child for the first time.

Upon arriving back home, I loaded the car and made sure that it was ready for leaving in the morning. I wanted to get an early start. My plan was to leave before the sun even woke up. Actually it would be the middle of the night.

I laid out the clothes that I was going to wear tomorrow. Since I’m not a morning person and my brain doesn’t function very well when I first get up, this would make it quicker and easier to just get up, shower, and go.

When the alarm went off, I crawled out of bed sleepily and started the shower. I stood there for a few minutes letting the hot water run over me in hopes that it would wake me faster. I had had a hard time falling asleep last night due to excitement.

It had been a long time since I had taken a vacation, and I was looking forward to getting away. After I got out of the shower and dressed, I went around making sure that everything was turned off and the surge protector on my computer and TVs were turned off so no power was going to them in case of a storm while I was gone. I had already ruined one computer by not turning it off during a storm and didn’t want that to happen again.

I backed out of the garage, closed the door, and set the alarm. I ran to the barn and fed my horses real quick and gave Cody a few strokes on the nose and told him I’d see him soon. Like Tank, I hadn’t been away from Cody for more than a few hours. I could look out my window and see him wandering in the pasture. Ah, to ride him on the beach would be a dream come true, but I don’t think they would allow a horse if they don’t even allow a little dog on the beach.

It was bleak outside as I drove south and headed for my retreat and to what I had hoped was going to be a life-reviving getaway. I so needed to find myself again. My life, up till now, had been about being in relationships and making someone else happy. Now it was time to make myself happy and not worry about anyone else.

I have never really known who I am or what I want because I always thought that I had to be in a relationship to be happy. I didn’t want to be alone because I was always told that being alone is like being dead. If you don’t have someone to share your life with, then you have no life at all. I don’t believe that anymore. I would rather be alone and be happy, or at least content, than to be with someone and be miserable.

I was making good time till the morning traffic of Chicago hit. It was still fairly early, so it wasn’t as bad as it would have been if I had hit Chicago an hour later. I have been through Chicago many times and know how bad traffic can be, so I wanted to avoid as much of it as I could, hence the leaving in the wee hours of the morning. After getting through Chicago, the rest of the trip would be easy and smooth sailing.

I planned to only stop for gas, food, and restroom as needed. I made it all the way to Chattanooga, Tennessee the first day. After fifteen hours of driving, I was getting tired, so I found a hotel and pulled in for the night.

When I got in the room, I got everything set up and ready for the morning as well as picking out clothes for tomorrow. I watched a little TV to try and wind down from the long day of driving, and I wanted to check the weather for tomorrow’s drive.

I found myself thinking about the trip that Todd and I had taken down here in the Great Smoky Mountains. We had stayed not far from here. We had spent a couple of days touring around Pigeon Forge, Sevierville, and Gatlinburg, Tennessee; also crossing over in to Cherokee, North Carolina, for an afternoon to visit the reservation there. It had been a great vacation and we both loved being in the mountains.

The alarm went off and I jumped up like I had been awaken by a loud bang. I was wide awake in minutes after jumping into the shower and was singing with joy. This surprised me since I hadn’t gotten much sleep last night. I had lain in bed going over the trip I had taken with Todd and thinking about how happy I had been.

My trip was really here. I was going to be in heaven soon. The closer I got, the more excited I had become. I got everything packed back up and loaded into my jeep and off I went.

It was a good thing that I had gotten up early again, I had forgotten about having to drive through Atlanta, Georgia, where the traffic can be just as bad as Chicago, if not worse. However, it went pretty good. The traffic was thick but it was moving well. No jam ups anywhere in my path; only a couple of slowdowns near downtown.

From here on down, the traffic was going to be thicker due to the higher population in the South. I can see why people move down here. To have this nice weather all year long would be nice, but I have to have snow at Christmastime.

Florida was a long state and took some time to get through. It was over crowded with residents and tourists alike. The roads were thick with traffic the entire route, with slowdowns near each town. I would still make Fort Lauderdale today, but it was going to be later than I had planned. At least I could get a head start on my tan tomorrow. Plus it would give me some time to relax from all the driving.

I found a hotel that was close to the marina were I was to board the ship. After checking in the hotel, I went out and found a nice little restaurant to get some dinner and have a glass of wine. I had decided to walk to the restaurant to stretch my legs.

I had been sitting in my jeep for way too many hours and needed some movement of my bones and muscles. The air was hot and the sidewalks crowded. But I managed to find a nice quiet little restaurant off the beaten path to enjoy a nice dinner.

On the way back to the hotel, I walked down along the beach and noticed that there were still a lot of people lingering around the beach. Most of them were drinking and just playing in the sand or sitting around making conversation. There were trash and towels and toys scattered all over that had been left by people probably too intoxicated even to know they left them. There was even a nice beverage cooler sitting alone and abandoned.

Upon arriving back at the hotel, I walked out to the back and sat on one of the tables on the veranda and enjoyed another glass of wine. I watched the big oil rigs and cargo ships that were just floating around, silhouetted with the horizon.

There were several yachts just floating by slowly. There were also a couple of smaller boats that were racing up the coast. You could see that the people on board these smaller boats were having a blast, and you could hear them laughing.

The sun was setting behind me and I was getting tired. It had been a long two days of driving and my body needed some rest. I went up to my room and put on my nightgown. I turned on the TV so I could check out the weather for the next couple of weeks in Montego Bay. If there were any storms coming in, I’m sure they would talk about it on the Weather Channel.

It looked like it was going to be a beautiful weather for my trip. No umbrellas or raincoats needed. I would be able to go home with an amazing tan and weeklong hangover from having too much fun. It was going to be perfect.

After seeing that my weather was going to be good for my trip, I changed the channel to a movie channel. I don’t even remember what the movie was, for I had been so tired that I fell asleep within the first five minutes of watching it. I slept sound all night. I awoke to the sun shining on my face. I had forgotten to close the drapes before lying down.

A beautiful day was in the making—the sun was shining bright, the waves were softly rolling up on the beach, and there were only a few people out on the beach so far. So if I hurry and get down there, I can have my pick of where to lie down. I put on my bikini, a sundress over the bikini, and then grabbed a towel and headed for the beach.

I stopped by the hotel restaurant on my way out for the continental breakfast, and got some breakfast to eat on the beach and some juice to drink. They had an assortment of donuts, bagels, English muffins, fresh fruits, cereals, all kinds of different breads for toasts, pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, and so much more. I had settled for a bagel and a banana since I planned on eating it on the beach.

The sun wasn’t very high up in the sky yet, but it was already getting warm. It was supposed to be in the mid90s here today. I had to be careful not to get burned on my first day in the sun down here. That could ruin the whole trip. Sitting in the hut the whole time due to a sunburn was not the plan.

So my plan was to spend a lot of time in the water so as to keep my skin wet and reflecting the sun. I would still get tanned, but I wouldn’t burn that way. Not to mention, my heritage helps me in that field as well. Being part Native American, I have a darker complexion than most people so I look like I have a light tan all year long and don’t even have to sunbathe to get it.

The people started filling up the beach at a rather fast pace shortly after I got my towel laid out on the beach down by the water. There were lots of little kids playing in the sand, building sand castles and burying each other, running up and down the beach right at the edge of the water, splashing in it and just having a great time. I was getting lost in watching them having so much fun. I hadn’t even opened the book that I had brought down to read while relaxing on the beach.

Watching everyone else having so much fun made the morning go by rather quickly. I hadn’t even realized that I had been lying there for almost four hours already. I did notice that my skin was rather on the warm side and a little red. I looked at my tan lines that were getting very noticeable, so I thought I should get out of the sun for a while.

I jumped into the ocean to cool off a bit then picked up my towel and wrapped it around my waist. I started to walk up to the hotel so I could go take a shower and then grab a bite to eat for lunch. It was like a maze getting off the beach, there were so many towels laid out and chairs sitting all over that I felt like I was doing an obstacle course.

The shower felt great against my skin and didn’t sting, so that was a good sign that I had gotten out of the sun before I had burnt. I put on another sun dress and tied my long hair up in a ponytail. I grabbed my little clutch purse and threw the strap over my shoulder, slipped my feet into some sandals and went to the elevator.

The elevator was full of people that were either heading to the beach or going out shopping and sightseeing; they had towels and bags of water toys for the kids that were bouncing with joy. I squeezed in and down we went.

The sidewalks were crowded with shoppers; people going in to stores and people coming out. There were people roller blading and people riding bicycles. It was crowded no matter where you went. I knew I couldn’t take this for long because I get a little claustrophobic when I’m in crowds. I feel like a sardine in a tin can. Not to mention the stress of fighting the crowd to get to where I want to go, gives me a migraine.

I found a little bistro along the strip and figured this place was good enough. I couldn’t stand to fight the crowd anymore and I was getting too hungry, which was making me weak, to go much farther.

Once inside, I found a table and sat down. The waitress came over with a glass of ice water and handed me a menu. I handed the menu back and told her to bring me whatever her favorite thing to eat in here was. She smiled and walked toward the kitchen.

When the waitress returned, she set a plate in front of me with what looked like a casserole on it. It looked and smelled delicious. I hope you enjoy it. It is one of my favorites. The waitress smiled again.

It looks great. Thank you. I picked up my fork and dug right in. It was mouth wateringly good.

The waitress had come over to check to see if I liked the dish, but of course I had a mouthful of food and could only nod my head. When I was finished, she came back to take the empty plate away and leave my bill for me.

That was very delicious. I am very glad I had you choose for me. You did very well. I wanted her to know how pleased I was with her choice for me.

She smiled back at me and said, I can never get enough of it myself. I can take the check up for you whenever you are ready, she said as she filled my water glass back up.

I grabbed my clutch purse and pulled my wallet out. I looked at the check to see how much it was and I got the appropriate amount of money out with a 30 percent tip added to it. I felt she deserved at least that much for making my mouth and stomach so happy. When she came back and grabbed it, I told her to keep the change and thanks again for such an awesome selection.

As I ventured back out on to the sidewalk, I noticed that a man with a guitar was now playing in a corner, and he was rollerblading in a circle while playing. People were gathering around him, some were dancing in place while others were just watching him.

He actually sounded pretty good as far as playing the guitar was concerned, but his singing needed a little work; nonetheless, he was entertaining. I pushed past the crowd that was gathering and made my way up the sidewalk.

It was getting pretty hot out now and a nice air-conditioned hotel room was sounding pretty good. I peaked in to a few shops on my way back to the hotel, but I didn’t see anything that I wanted to buy, so I just kept going. It seemed like it was taking a lot longer to walk back to my hotel; I didn’t realize how far I had walked to get some lunch, but it had been worth the walk.

It felt nice and cool in my room; I turned the air up before I left. I thought this would be a good time to make some notes on another book. Even though this was a vacation, I still carried my laptop and a notebook with me just in case something great came to mind.

I get better ideas when I am relaxed and if I don’t have a way to make notes, then I could lose the idea. Besides, a great writer always has a notebook or a voice recorder or some way to store their ideas until they can put it on paper.

The ideas just wouldn’t stop coming in; the more I wrote, the more ideas popped up. I couldn’t write them down fast enough, so I had to get my laptop out and type them into it.

From all the ideas that I was coming up, I should be able to get at least four more books out of the ideas. Apparently this trip was a good idea, not just for my peace of mind, but for my work as well. Maybe I will have to take more trips, especially when I get a writer’s block. It seems that people around me inspire my own imagination.

I had spent the entire afternoon just typing away at my keyboard. I had actually taken some of the ideas that I came up with today and started a new story. It was moving along nicely too for just thinking of it today. I already had the first couple of chapters wrote out and stored in my computer.

I hadn’t been able to write like this in a while. I had been under a lot of stress with the breakup and just couldn’t concentrate. Maybe my spell was working because for once, I wasn’t thinking about Todd or trying to analyze my past relationships.

I looked at the clock and realized I had been working for about six hours. I made a couple more notes on what I wanted to add to the story then shut the computer off.

I called room service and ordered a small snack for dinner. I wasn’t really hungry, but knew I should eat a little something. I had eaten so much at lunch because it was so yummy, and I couldn’t stop myself, that I still felt satisfied. I turned the TV on to see if anything good was on and waited for my snack.

When room service came, I signed for it and tipped the lady that had brought it up. I set the tray on the bed and sat down behind it. I did some channel surfing until I found something worth watching.

As I ate my snack, a mixed fruit bowl, the ideas were still popping into my head. I was having a hard time shutting it off. I managed to finish my snack and set the tray on the table. I got into my nightgown and set tomorrow’s clothes out. I had to be on the ship fairly early in the morning.

Even as I lay in bed and trying to fall asleep, the ideas kept coming. Wow, why couldn’t this happen at home when I wanted to work, not when I’m supposed to be relaxing. This is supposed to be a vacation, not a working trip, but if that’s what it ends up being then so be it. Sleep finally came, and I didn’t wake up till the alarm went off.

CHAPTER 2

I got up and took a shower and got everything packed away. I went to the front desk and checked out. I then headed for my ship. I parked my jeep in a long-term parking garage that the cruise line operated across the street. There were a lot of people in line at check in.

I was thinking that I should’ve come over a little earlier, but the line moved fairly quickly, so it wasn’t too bad. Again, waiting in line is stressful for me, just like being in a crowd. I wondered if that has anything to do with not having any patience.

Once on board the ship, I took my luggage to my stateroom and then went back on deck. I walked around the port side of the deck and found the perfect spot to stand at the foredeck for the departure. I could see everything—the whole dock and the open ocean.

I was studying the map of the ship that they gave me at check in. I was going to be on here for two whole days, so I thought it would make it easier to study it now, instead of constantly having to look at it to see which way to go when I want to find something.

These ships are really big and they have a lot to offer. They have gambling halls, show halls, dancing halls, and too many restaurants to count. They even have their own little mini mall. That way in case you forgot to pack an elegant evening gown or a tux for your special dinner with the captain, you could buy something proper to wear from right here on the ship.

I watched as the last of the passengers boarded and they lifted the gangplank, swung it sideways, and fastened it to the side of the ship’s railing. People scurried to find their place on deck to wave good-bye to loved ones.

When we pushed off from the dock, it was very smooth. The last time I was on one of these cruise ships, it had been a bumpy take off. However, that had been caused by rougher seas. There had been a bad storm the night before my departure and the waves hadn’t settled down yet.

I stood on the deck and just watched the other passengers trying to figure out which way to go. You could tell which ones had never been on a cruise ship before and the ones that had been on several cruises. I love to watch the ones that are on their first cruise. They go crazy with a camera, just like I had done on my first cruise. Plus you can learn about a person by watching their actions.

After we got out to sea, I thought I would go and see what shows were going to be playing. They had given me a list of all events with the map, but I had left that in my state room, so I went to find one of the boards that had a list on it.

I wandered around the ship’s deck until I found a board, which didn’t take long since they were posted everywhere, and went through the list of activities, but nothing sounded like much fun to me. I really just wanted to find a comfy seat on the deck and watch the waves pass by. So I went back to my stateroom and got my book out of my bag and went back to the deck.

It was noisy all over the ship. People were laughing and joking and just having fun. It was hard to read with all the commotion going on around me. There was an open bar with games of all kinds not twenty feet away from me. There was a game of deck shuffleboard going on right on the other side of me. Those people were louder than the people in the bar. It was nice to be surrounded by all this laughter and happiness.

There was even a pool built right into the deck. There were lots of kids splashing around and throwing nerf balls back and forth. Of course there were couples that sat at the edge and just watched everyone swimming around and playing. There was a couple that was glued to each other like they would drown if they let go. They had no idea that there were even other people around them, and it was hard for me to watch them.

Then you had the newlyweds, if I had to guess, sitting quietly in the corner at a table talking and kissing. They were unaware of anything that was going on around them nor did they care. They were completely lost in each other. Todd and I were like that for the first couple of years that we were together; nothing had mattered but each other. There I go again, thinking about my past. That’s not why I’m here. I need to forget about that, I told myself.

I sat on the deck all day, with the exception of going for lunch. I just watched people come and go, play games and drink. I didn’t get much of my book read. I was having more fun watching everybody else have fun, not to mention the new ideas I was coming up with by watching them. There were a few kids on the cruise as well; family vacation I assumed. I think a Disney cruise would be better for the kids because they have shows for kids and cartoon characters walking about their ships, but they were having just as much fun as the adults.

I thought I would go to my stateroom and clean up a bit for dinner. It had been a hot day and the breeze off the water hadn’t helped to cool it off much. Most people got dressed up for dinner on these cruises and would go to the main dining hall, but they had other restaurants on the ship that weren’t so fancy and since I didn’t bring anything fancy, I opted for one of those.

The food on the ship was all gourmet; it didn’t matter which one you went to. It’s hard to sit at a table all by yourself and have a nice meal when you look around and see that you are the only person sitting alone. Not one other soul was by himself or herself—kind of made me feel out of place.

People like to stare when they see someone eating alone; this made me more aware of the fact that I was alone. I realize that the trip I was taking was more for a couple, lovers, not a person alone. I was going to a private hut on a beautiful beach, very romantic for a couple that are truly in love. People would look at me with pity in their eyes, but I would just smile back at them like it didn’t bother me. Who were they to judge me and my happiness or loneliness?

After dinner, I went back up on deck. You could hear the music from the concert hall just a level below the deck. I couldn’t quite make it out, but I could hear when they stopped in between songs. I can’t even image how loud it must sound inside the room itself.

The ship was just buzzing with all kinds of activities, and it would stay that way the entire time, even through the night. My stateroom was not close to any of the show halls or music halls or any of the bars or gambling rooms, so I shouldn’t hear any of the commotion when I go to bed.

I stayed on deck half the night just staring up at the stars and watching them ever so slowly drift by. I don’t know all the constellations, but I did recognize a few of them. Ursa Minor and Major were the first two I found. They are always the first ones I find. Of course Draco was in the middle of them.

The sky was so clear and the waters calm. It was the perfect night to be out on the ocean just floating around. The ship I was on has to make several stops before it gets to where I am to get off.

At each port, people get off and new people get on. Even in the middle of the night. While the ship is docked at port, I can still see the stars so plainly, even with all the lights. I wasn’t getting off till late tomorrow afternoon, so I wanted to stay up and stare at the stars till I couldn’t keep my eyes open any more.

I finally felt my eyes starting to close against my will, so I went to my stateroom and turned in for the