Better Believe: A Story of Hope
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About this ebook
Tuesday shares a heartbreaking story of childhood trauma as she bravely pursued her dreams, despite living with parents who seemed determined to destroy her, both physically and emotionally. While providing a riveting look into the ways of an abuser, Tuesday details how her mistreatment eventually caused her to lose her faith, embark on a path of self-destruction, and succumb to panic attacks and depression. But through it all, Tuesday somehow managed to find solace and an escape in her music, ultimately leaving everything behind and bravely following her dream all the way from Norway to Nashville, Tennessee, where she would find faith once again.
Better Believe is a story of determination, passion, betrayal, friendship, and hope as one woman journeys from the darkness of abuse into the light of healing where she learns to believe in herself for the first time.
Ruby Lee Tuesday
Ruby Lee Tuesday has spent years on healing both physically and spiritually. She is a poet, singer, and songwriter who plays a variety of instruments. Ruby left Norway in 2013 to pursue her dreams in Nashville, Tennessee. This is her first book.
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Better Believe - Ruby Lee Tuesday
Copyright 2014, 2015 Ruby Lee Tuesday.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.
ISBN: 978-1-4907-4992-1 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-4907-4994-5 (hc)
ISBN: 978-1-4907-4993-8 (e)
Library of Congress Control Number: 2014919435
Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only. Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.
Trafford rev. 12/29/2014
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CONTENTS
Dear Reader
A Summary of the Memories of a Past
In Detroit Starting My Writing
About Childhood
A Child Is a New Person
The Haunted House, My Home
Starting School
The Dream
The Attic and Motherly Broken Trust
The Art of Smiling
Disappointment of Outside People
and Inside People
War
My Condition After the Dream an`d the Attic
Methods of Punishment
Handball and Victory
Hanging with the Wrong Crowd
Repeating Old Patterns
The End of Drunkenness and the Beginning of a Speed Addiction
Nausea, Sweat, and Fainting
Family Vacations
Cleansing the Air on a Study Trip to York
LadyLoveRebel
Notes and Memoirs from the Homeless Shelter in Nashville
Oktoberfest in Nashville
Surreal Surroundings in Nashville
Connecting Me to My Name and My Story
Regaining Love for My Body in the Shelter
The Courage to Heal
Connecting Myself to My Emotions
Afraid to Feel
Save Your Soul
A Change of Heart
The Blame Game
Your Own Issues
Adopting Two Children for a While
Get Through Drama Trauma
You Hurt My Feelings
Lift People Up
How Are You Today?
My Birthday and New Challenges
God Is Alive and Well
Finding God
The Dream and Standing Up for Myself in Court
A Long Road to Find Love
Talking to God
Sent Back from Death
Ball Sports and Music
Dream; Take off Nashville
One Year Drug Free
Poems and Short Writings during the Shelter
Poems and Short Writings in Time from the Shelter
Homeless Dream
I Am Grateful, Lord
Observing Myself
I Believe in Tomorrow
A Modern Slave
A Tradition to Be Sheeple,
People?
Happy Wishes, Sheeple
By the Grace of God
Devotions
Just 4 Today
Just 4 Today, Marshall
Just 4 Tonight 1
Just 4 Tonight 2
A Nightly Devotion
A Moment in Time 1
A Moment in Time 2
A Moment in Time 3
A Moment in Time 5
A Moment in Time 4
Be Aware of What You Wish For
Chapter 2, for the Rest for the Best
Contact information
Dear Reader
D ear reader, I write to you because I would like to share my story with you. It is a story of determination, losing track, passion, betrayal, friendship, and most of all, it is a tale of hope that might help you get along better with your life or see things in a new perspective than you would before reading this book. You can achieve whatever you want in life if you only believe it. I have been looking for happiness all my life, and in order to find it, I had to start listening to my conscience and start doing the right things. Not only was it the right thing to do to others, but it also took away the bad emotions connected to not doing right and lit up the way for joy to come into my life. I just learned that all things that are keeping you doing things you don’t like are sin. We may call them addiction this
and addiction that,
but they are all sin. I would have resented hearing that at the top of my addiction, but I know now that the enemy, the devil, is the one who keeps this knowledge away from your heart. The devil does not want you to be happy, and what I found after talking to a huge number of people is that everybody just wants to be happy. So I ask, Dear God, Father in heaven, please help me write my story as honest and helpful as I can. Help it help this reader find what he or she is looking for in their lives and, most of all, find the love for themselves and be their own best friend and treat others in the same way. Be who you are, but be your best version of you. And help me try and be the best version of me. This I ask in your son Jesus Christ’s name. Amen.
A Summary of the Memories of a Past
I t was a summer day in 1979 that this baby child was born. She resisted and twisted for two weeks, and when she finally came, her forehead came first. She was nearly strangled by the cord around her neck. The doctors took her and ran out of the room. She never connected with her mother, and her mother never connected with her. Her surroundings were wild. She had a sister and, later on, got a brother. They were all raised in different parts of the house, isolated from one another. The house was haunted, and her room reminded of a prison cell. Besides a tiny window in the roof, there was no light coming into her darkness. Outside her window was the dark and starlit sky. She cried at night, wondering why—why she had to live above the deadly living room. Voices and hatred made the air stand still. She had no will of her own. She was born to be her father’s property. He was full of hate. And the little girl hated his ways. She carried love within her heart. And she created art. She made a song to prove them wrong, and then what happened would not be as bad as it was good for nothing, not as long as she made a song or a poem. Those little victories she hid in her head and rarely talked about. That way no one could mess it up or take it away from her.
Day in and day out, she was living in fright, all alone in her prison cell in hell. She was destined to live to tell. In the meantime, she tried to be good in those mean times. Cold-hearted beatings from the man with the iron fist. He handed her bruises and memories of a life in risk. A living hell, she could tell that her virginity was already taken when she entered first grade—first grade and a few hours of getaway from the haunted house, her haunted home. She did her very best. Only perfect was nearly good enough for the devil. Driven by hatred, she delivered. She can remember how she lost contact with her body. Her mom and dad twisted her hands and twisted both her arms. They divided her wholeness by pressure to her joints. Being disconnected from herself, she stopped drawing, could not feel her own fingers. They were twisted away from their original position. She would turn cold, never thought she would get very old. And here she is this very day. She cried her pain away and is finally releasing all her disappointments. Post-traumatic stress disorder and panic attacks were what the devil ordered so many years ago. She is now thirty-five and stronger than ever before. And in her mind is a wish for the best for the rest.
In Detroit Starting My Writing
I sit in a motel room in Detroit. It is quiet. This is where I start writing my story. I hear the sound of the fan; it keeps me warm. The snow outside looks pretty and innocent. I watch TV, daytime gossip; it is nice to hear someone talk when I am by myself, soothing my nerves in a city I do not know. I pray to my Father in heaven, He who has always been there in my life giving good influence in my upbringing and guidance in a tried life, my guiding conscience. I came here because M&M lives here in Detroit. I admire his determination and his strength. This is the place I chose to soothe my nerves and gain some perspective at this point in my life. It is almost Christmas, and this is my gift to myself. Without my nerves, I can’t go very far in any directions. I don’t like secret advice and manipulation or guiding hands from an unknown source—except from God, that is. I got my fair share of that many years ago. And so here I am in Detroit, the broke city. So am I, so we kind of go together in a way. At least this is where I will start to tell my story, from my memory and my experiences, to let it off my chest and let it go. Hopefully, by telling this story, I can help someone out there overcome their obstacles too.
About Childhood
I know that a childhood is something most people remember with joy, laughter, protection, freedom, and safety. The story can be slightly different when you grow up with a predator and his wife. The two people who put you into this world are the ones you fear the most. I would say that if God was not in my life, I would not have been here today. Because in darkness, surrounded by the enemy, the