Sex, Wigs and Whispers: Love And Life With Hair Loss

Sex, Wigs &Whispers

LOVE AND LIFE WITH HAIR LOSS

AMY GIBSON

Sex, Wigs and Whispers

Copyright © 2015 by Amy Gibson

Published by CreatedHair Media

Los Angeles, California

www.createdhair.com

877-926-9300

All Rights Reserved. Excerpt as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form, or by any means, or stored in a database retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the copyright holder, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in review. The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials.

Neither the publisher nor the author is engaged in rendering professional advice or services to the individual reader. The ideas, procedures, and suggestions contained in this book are not intended as a substitute for consulting with a medical professional or counselor. All matters regarding your health and wellness. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be liable or responsible for any loss, injury, or damage allegedly arising from any information or suggestion in this book. The opinions expressed in this book represent the personal views of the author, and are for informational purposes only. This book is not intended to replace counseling advice, diagnosis, treatment, or other therapeutic intervention by a qualified professional.

ISBN 978-0-9862842-3-6 - Hard Cover

ISBN 978-0-9862842-4-3 - Perfectbound

ISBN 978-0-9862842-5-0 - ePub

Edited by: Bill Quateman

Cover Photography: Raul Vega

Illustrations by: Juan Carlos Diaz

Cover Design: Bill Fate

Interior Design and Layout: Kimberly Leonard

Hair: Celebrity Stylist Kathleen Leonard

Makeup: Tamara Ogden

Dedication

To all women and children who are living with hair loss and fighting to find a way to hold on to their essence.

To all women fighting for their own voice and presence in a world that so easily tries to silence it.

Acknowledgments

To God. Thank you for always bringing me what is needed at the perfect time to do the work you have asked me to do here in this lifetime. It’s not always easy, but this work has brought me more joy, more love, more humility and deeper insight, that I could have ever imagined.

To Bill; your unstoppable support and absolute unconditional love and acceptance of who I am as a woman, a bald sexy woman, is what has propelled me to finish this book. Thank you for your incredible help, your editing talents, your deep insight and hours of hard work. I love you and am so grateful to be in this life with you.

To my extraordinary mother Tobe; who gave me the strength and insight over the years to understand my own I AM, even when I was certain it never existed. Thank you for teaching me to never let anything or anyone stop me from my dreams. I miss you, Mom. I also know you’re with me, on every page I have written.

To my dad, Robert; I will always love you, even though many may not understand how I can. Thank you for all things you instilled in me that helped me become the strong woman I am.

To my sister, Jody; who has taught me the art of patience and true forgiveness. Thank you for your immense help with finishing this important book. Thank you for accepting my artistry without judgment and allowing me to be who I have needed to be here.

To Dylan and India; thank you for putting up with all my papers! To Hope Mineo; you are truly one of the most gifted, phenomenal women I have met on this plane. Your level of integrity shines though, as does your light. Thank you for your beautiful help in bringing this dream to life.

To Kathleen; my associate, wonderful stylist, and dear friend; Thank you for taking this ride with me for so many years to help those in need.

To Juan; thank you for your immense love, support, and for sharing your beautiful spirit. Thank you for loaning me your brilliant hands to bring these women to life with such precision.

To Bill Fate; Thank you for your generous help and beautiful talent over the years.

To John Arno; Thank you for always being there for me. Your tremendous generosity, love and support, in all areas of my life touch my core in ways that transcend our ‘agreement.’

To Kim Leonard; Thank you for going beyond the call of duty. The immense caring and patience you have shown me and my baby has put me in tears many a time after our calls.

To some of my greatest listeners.... LillyPoo, Punum, Mr. Big, Hanna, and My Harry. You fill my heart.

To Nita, Lori, Farryl, Twink, Rona, Gail, Murray, Parrot Face, Georgia, My Mochi, Amy B., Megs, and all my friends and wonderful clients, who for so many years, have supported my desires and dreams to bring this book to women all over the world. I thank you for your everlasting patient ears and unselfish hearts.

Table of Contents

Preface

Introduction

The History of Hair

PART 1: MY STORY

Growing Up

General Hell

Betrayal

PART 2: EMOTIONAL REALITIES

Pitfalls

Understanding Men

They Only Get Smart When We Get Stupid

Date Rape

PART 3: SHARING YOUR SECRET

Sharing Your Secret... Is Like Sharing Your Heart

Honoring Yourself

Reality Check

PART 4: FINALLY READY

Finally Ready

Smile – It’s A Girl’s Best Friend

On the Job

Oooh! Broaching The Subject

When Considering Intimacy

PART5: THE NITTY GRITTY

Living a Full Life with Wigs

The Art of Hugging

Hair Petting

Hair Pulling

The Big Screen

Preparing For The Unexpected

The Jacuzzi – Expect the Unexpected

Blowing Away

Dive In

A Wild Ride

Working Out

Careful Not To Sizzle!

PART 6: NOOKIE TIME

Your Bed or Mine

Hello, Fellatio!

On the Tip of His Tongue

Shower Me With Your Love

Beach Love

Assume The Position

Pedi Time

Ruff Ruff

Shake Your Booty

PART7: STYLING

Maintenance – How to Wash Your Wig

Styling Section

Base Wig Caps

Inversion

Properly Brushing Your Wig

Baby Hair

Sideburn Baby Hair

Nape Hair

Dealing with Frizz

Stretching The Wig

Thinning The Wig Without Shears

How To Extend Her Shelf Life!

Tape Tabs

Two-Sided Wig Tape

The Do’s and Don’ts for Women of Color

The World Of Wigs

PART 8: LIFE’S SURPRISES

Finding Bill

Bye Bye Brows

Forgiveness

Epilogue

APPENDICES

Wig Insurance Reimbursement

Glossary

Preface

Since the beginning of time hair has been a source of strength, magic and beauty, in both fantasy and reality…

Adolescence can exuberant and a wonderful time of curiosity; at the same time it can be awkward, marked with insecurities, a longing to fit in and a loathing of almost everything that exists. Adolescents’ physical bodies and emotions change like rapid fire, waging war with themselves and often everyone around them. In the best of circumstances adolescence is a time of discomfort, distress, anxiety and longing.

This is when I lost my hair!

The things in my life that would have normally ‘calmed’ me in this tumultuous journey of growing up – sports, family, acting, friends and my long flowing hair, were marred by fear of someone discovering my bald patches, lies to cast mates and friends, a highly dysfunctional family and the devastation of my perception that I was no longer whole or beautiful.

In the beginning, and as years went on, I stayed away from sports, the beach and hanging with friends… because something as simple as the wind could give me away.

As a soap opera star, I kept my distance from co-workers and the press for fear of being ousted from the industry as a bald freak. At that time, baldness was a shameful subject that was never discussed. Dating was impossible, because books with insights like this did not exist; nor was it possible to get help about how to be normal in a world that worships hair.

Eventually, lack of self-esteem consumed and ruled me. I left the entertainment industry.

Holding onto the tiny bit of self-confidence I had left presented a tremendous challenge when I became a business executive, with nowhere to turn for help or support about how to fit in, as I still struggled with having no hair in a world of people with flowing locks.

Today, as a successful wig and accessories designer, speaker and personal hair loss consultant for over 15 years, I have learned there is a different and better way to grow up with and live, with hair loss. And I have worked continuously to help women and children from all over the world face their hair loss journey with power and grace.

Now I am grateful for the opportunity to show others what has worked for me and how I’ve found peace of mind; using practical solutions, a smile, a sense of humor, spiritual guidance and an attitude that inspires from within. This creates a true transformation. I have successfully used these and many tools I’ll be showing you during intimacy and in all areas of my life, and they have worked. They can, and will – work for you too.

If you’re reading this book, you likely wear alternative hair (wigs, extensions, top pieces, etc.) or know someone who does. Maybe you were drawn to the title and are simply curious. If you’re facing hair loss, maybe you’re looking for answers and a way to live a full life in the midst of dealing with your lack of or disappearing hair. Maybe you’ve been searching for a way to feel comfortable with sex and dating with your wig, but have not had the tools or confidence to do so. For many of you, maybe you want guidance, support and to learn how to get in touch with your sensuality again after your hair loss.

Whatever brought you here – welcome to my world; where you will now be in control of your choices, your emotions, your look, your inner beauty and most of all… your power.

What I will share with you first hand is that I have been on this hair loss journey for thirty years; I have walked in your shoes. I have felt the pain, the fear, the disappointments, the hurts, the tears, the devastation, the embarrassments, shame, confusion, guilt and the crushing loneliness – just like you have.

Absolutely and without a shadow of a doubt, it is possible, doable and expected, that after you read this book you will have the tools to live – even with your hair loss – a full and empowered life. You’ll be able to enjoy intimacy on all levels – wherever and whenever you want it… on your own terms.

I am extremely raw, candid, direct and transparent in this ‘Book of Revelations.’ I do so not to offend; but to share my journey and open up possibilities that you dare dream possible. You have a front row seat to intimate details of my life and I let you in as close as possible without you actually being there. Much of what is on these pages I have never discussed with anyone, including best friends, lovers or family. However, I felt that if I were going to truly help and make a difference for the people I know that are out there facing this – I needed to come clean.

This book is full of the lies I told to help me keep my hair loss secret throughout twenty years in television, a painful and devastating family secret, rape and many more incidents from my life, shared – so if any of you have had any similar experiences, these pages are intended to help you move forward in your life and find your own personal peace. Much of this book has been painful to write; forcing me to take a look at my own challenges that to my surprise were still present.

You will get answers and strategies, so that you have an entirely new perspective on the woman you have been, the woman you are now, and the woman you wish to become. This will allow you to make powerful choices for yourself; free from the fears you have been living with and that have possibly been running your life. Now, you can learn about the techniques I created over the years to help me successfully handle any intimate situation. With these useful tips, you will once again be able to enjoy a beautiful romance without any emotional distractions or attachments, and without anyone discovering your secret – unless you want them to know.

There are many scenarios that I have experienced with men, good and bad, covered in this book that I have overcome. Some are humorous. Others tug at the heart. Either way, you will remember your own experiences and gain new skills about how to be behave differently in the same situations.

Sex, Wigs, and Whispers will show you how to discover (or reconnect with) your own power, use that power, and how to hold onto it in the midst of extreme vulnerability.

Wearing ‘created hair’ can be both wonderful and frightening. Wonderful, because you can be anyone you want to be; frightening, because of its unknown territory.

However, by the time we’re through this won’t be such a huge concern for you anymore, because you will know what to do, how to say it and who to say it to. That is, of course, if you choose to.

My intention with this book has more to do with being comfortable in your own power regardless of whether you have hair or not. If you are fine without wearing hair and feel beautiful, sensual and solid in your core, then I support your decision. Bless you, you’re beautiful.

You’ll soon understand that I am all about choice and nothing is more powerful than giving yourself the ability to choose. Once a woman chooses to find her essence again she can handle her hair loss much easier. When she re-establishes her ability to accept her own sexuality and sensuality once again, she can truly be anyone she chooses to be. Then the world is her oyster. May you find your pearl in my book.

NOTE: The Pearl Program is what this book is based on. Women have flown in from all over the world to spend a day learning these techniques.

Introduction

INTENTION AND THE POWER OF CHOICE

For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.

Ivan Panin

Ilearned early on about life’s challenges, setting my intentions and the power of choice.

My overall intention has been to live life full out, regardless of its challenges and to do all I can to help others do the same. My focus has been women with hair loss from any disease or treatment, including Alopecia and chemotherapy.

Sadly, below is how the hair loss journey begins for most women.

Thoughts and fears about your hair loss leave you plagued before you even drift off to sleep. You never miss a mirror; like a spy on a mission, making certain your hair is covering that bald spot or thinning area. There are those of you who will never even look in the mirror because you can’t handle what you see. And this is just when you’re alone. Being with other people, especially the opposite sex brings with it a whole new set of fears.

My intention is that as you read this book you say to yourself:

‘Is this me? Do I really do this? Is that what he was thinking when I did that? Wow! I’m going to use that one!’

Let’s face it, the subject of hair loss, or being intimate and having sex with a wig on, are not exactly something we’ve been introduced to in school or something our dear ole’ mom sat us down to discuss! Until recently, most of us have associated wigs with illness. Thanks to celebrities like Lady Gaga, Madonna, Cher, and Jessica Simpson, ‘alternative hair’ has become more common in the past few years. But if any of these women have a wig mishap, they are not running for cover hiding bald spots or worse, a barren head.

Many other questions may likely pop up for you:

How do we wear a wig correctly so we can keep our secret?

How do we live our lives like other normal women who are interacting in social events, participating in sports, dancing, and dating with this foreign object on our heads – without anyone knowing?

Regardless of how gorgeous your piece may be, if it looks like a wig and you act like it’s a wig, guess what – everyone will know it’s a wig!

Have you ever been on a date and its going great; then that ‘time’ finally arrives for the romantic kiss. He reaches his hand behind your neck and you suddenly get that awful feeling in the pit of your stomach. Your heart starts pounding, your adrenalin rises, your hands begin to sweat, and you hear nothing your date says because your mind is going 100 MPH thinking,

Oh My God he knows!

You’re sure he’s going to freak, ask lots of questions, and then he’s going to run and never want to see you again?!

Sound familiar?

This book gives you the tools you need to handle this anxiety if it arises and helps you avoid that fearful place again.

Have you ever been in bed with your lover and in the midst of the hottest moment, gone into a panic because you don’t know how to stop him from touching or ‘pulling’ your hair without bringing attention to your secret?

I have.

The ideas in this book put you in the driver’s seat; they will show you the ways to keep these circumstances from throwing you, using subtle movements that he’ll never catch onto and alleviate the anxiety so you can remain relaxed and in control… and have fun.

Have you ever refused a simple walk on the beach on a beautiful day with your date – simply out of fear that the wind will expose your wig?

However, there are distinct ways to use your body that will help you avoid such circumstances from happening which are covered in this book.

How about not wearing the perfect hat because of the heavy perspiration it creates with your wig? I’m right there with you!

Have you ever gone out on a date and suddenly been faced with a spontaneous convertible ride, instead of that coupe you were expecting? Then freaked out that your wig was going to fly off? One of my more interesting moments…

No worries, this book introduces you to wonderful products that you can use at a moment’s notice to help keep you in your power!

Have you ever made excuses for not taking a Jacuzzi, or showering with your lover – all because you were scared to get your wig wet?

Ever pass on swimming with your boyfriend or a group of friends, even in 90-degree weather because you were afraid your hair would come off in the water?

This was a tough one…

No problem. With the easy-to-follow processes laid out in this book, you’ll be playfully and sensually gliding through the water again. You see, all of the above (and many more), is what it was like for me for years; until I figured out the simple ways in which to navigate many of these challenges.

Have you wondered?

Do I tell him? Is he ready? What if he can’t handle it? Will he leave me?

This book will help you learn to understand your own actions and how to trust your instincts on a deeper level. You will come to know what is really propelling you to tell him and most importantly, if it’s coming from an organic place or out of need; something you will learn to see quickly and avoid. You’ll know exactly:

1) Is he worthy of your secret?

2) Is he ready to hear your secret?

3) Are you ready to tell him your secret ?

4) Do you want to share your secret yet?

5) What are the safe way s to tell him your secret?

6) How do you stay in your power when sharing your secret , regardless of the outcome?

Now, you are going to have access to the techniques I had to create over the years to help me successfully handle any intimate situation. With these useful tips, you will once again be able to enjoy beautiful romance without any emotional distractions or attachments.

Most of all, you can live through the hair loss experience without anyone discovering your secret – until you want them to know it. This is the key to Sex, Wigs & Whispers.

I’m not concerned about judgment because as you will soon see, I’ve become accustomed to it. There will be those who will judge just because they have nothing better to do. Others, who have never looked truthfully into their heart in such a way, experience discomfort at being ‘in touch’ to a deeper degree. They may ultimately find it more comfortable to stand back and look for the negatives. Either way, this is unimportant to me. The information and experiences in this book are real life.

Either you want to go there with me or you don’t. You need to know that you will never be the same person you were after you have finished it.

We’ll explore the different choices available in how to present the truth to your friends, employers and potential mates. Through much trial and tribulation, I have learned that the reaction you get from sharing your secret has much to do with the way you present it.

This book will give you a number of positive ways to receive your best response.

This little lady is for your enlightenment, to carry and support you. Now you’ll never be without solutions, or feel out of control. You may never need some of these techniques, but for others... they’ll