Naturalist 25th Anniversary Edition

PART 1

DAYBREAK IN ALABAMA

When I get to be a composer

I’m gonna write me some music about

Daybreak in Alabama

And I’m gonna put the purtiest songs in it

Rising out of the ground like swamp mist

And falling out of heaven like soft dew.

LANGSTON HUGHES

chapter one

PARADISE BEACH

WHAT HAPPENED, WHAT WE THINK HAPPENED IN DISTANT memory, is built around a small collection of dominating images. In one of my own from the age of seven, I stand in the shallows off Paradise Beach, staring down at a huge jellyfish in water so still and clear that its every detail is revealed as though it were trapped in glass. The creature is astonishing. It existed outside my previous imagination. I study it from every angle I can manage from above the water’s surface. Its opalescent pink bell is divided by thin red lines that radiate from center to circular edge. A wall of tentacles falls from the rim to surround and partially veil a feeding tube and other organs, which fold in and out like the fabric of a drawn curtain. I can see only a little way into this lower tissue mass. I want to know more but am afraid to wade in deeper and look more closely into the heart of the creature.

The jellyfish, I know now, was a sea nettle, formal scientific name Chrysaora quinquecirrha, a scyphozoan, a medusa, a member of the pelagic fauna that drifted in from the Gulf of Mexico and paused in the place I found it. I had no idea then of these names from the lexicon of zoology. The only word I had heard was jellyfish. But what a spectacle my animal was, and how inadequate, how demeaning, the bastard word used to label it. I should have been able to whisper its true name: scyph-o-zo-an! Think of it! I have found a scyphozoan. The name would have been a more fitting monument to this discovery.

The creature hung there motionless for hours. As evening approached and the time came for me to leave, its tangled undermass appeared to stretch deeper into the darkening water. Was this, I wondered, an animal or a collection of animals? Today I can say that it was a single animal. And that another outwardly similar animal found in the same waters, the Portuguese man-of-war, is a colony of animals so tightly joined as to form one smoothly functioning superorganism. Such are the general facts I recite easily now, but this sea nettle was special. It came into my world abruptly, from I knew not where, radiating what I cannot put into words except—alien purpose and dark happenings in the kingdom of deep water. The scyphozoan still embodies, when I summon its image, all the mystery and tensed malignity of the sea.

The next morning the sea nettle was gone. I never saw another during that summer of 1936. The place, Paradise Beach, which I have revisited in recent years, is a small settlement on the east shore of Florida’s Perdido Bay, not far from Pensacola and in sight of Alabama across the water.

There was trouble at home in this season of fantasy. My parents were ending their marriage that year. Existence was difficult for them, but not for me, their only child, at least not yet. I had been placed in the care of a family that boarded one or two boys during the months of the summer vacation. Paradise Beach was paradise truly named for a little boy. Each morning after breakfast I left the small shorefront house to wander alone in search of treasures along the strand. I waded in and out of the dependably warm surf and scrounged for anything I could find in the drift. Sometimes I just sat on a rise to scan the open water. Back in time for lunch, out again, back for dinner, out once again, and, finally, off to bed to relive my continuing adventure briefly before falling asleep.

I have no remembrance of the names of the family I stayed with, what they looked like, their ages, or even how many there were. Most likely they were a married couple and, I am willing to suppose, caring and warmhearted people. They have passed out of my memory, and I have no need to learn their identity. It was the animals of that place that cast a lasting spell. I was seven years old, and every species, large and small, was a wonder to be examined, thought about, and, if possible, captured and examined again.

There were needlefish, foot-long green torpedoes with slender beaks, cruising the water just beneath the surface. Nervous in temperament, they kept you in sight and never let you come close enough to reach out a hand and catch them. I wondered where they went at night, but never found out. Blue crabs with skin-piercing claws scuttled close to shore at dusk. Easily caught in long-handled nets, they were boiled and cracked open and eaten straight or added to gumbo, the spicy seafood stew of the Gulf coast. Sea trout and other fish worked deeper water out to the nearby eelgrass flats and perhaps beyond; if you had a boat you could cast for them with bait and spinners. Stingrays, carrying threatening lances of bone flat along their muscular tails, buried themselves in the bottom sand of hip-deep water in the daytime and moved close to the surf as darkness fell.

One late afternoon a young man walked past me along the beach dangling a revolver in his hand, and I fell in behind him for a while. He said he was hunting stingrays. Many young men, my father among them, often took guns on such haphazard excursions into the countryside, mostly .22 pistols and rifles but also heavier handguns and shotguns, recreationally shooting any living thing they fancied except domestic animals and people. I thought of the stingray hunter as a kind of colleague as I trailed along, a fellow adventurer, and hoped he would find some exciting kind of animal I had not seen, maybe something big. When he had gone around a bend of the littoral and out of sight I heard the gun pop twice in quick succession. Could a bullet from a light handgun penetrate water deep enough to hit a stingray? I think so but never tried it. And I never saw the young marksman again to ask him.

How I longed to discover animals each larger than the last, until finally I caught a glimpse of some true giant! I knew there were large animals out there in deep water. Occasionally a school of bottlenose porpoises passed offshore less than a stone’s throw from where I stood. In pairs, trios, and quartets they cut the surface with their backs and dorsal fins, arced down and out of sight, and broke the water again ten or twenty yards farther on. Their repetitions were so rhythmic that I could pick the spot where they would appear next. On calm days I sometimes scanned the glassy surface of Perdido Bay for hours at a time in the hope of spotting something huge and monstrous as it rose to the surface. I wanted at least to see a shark, to watch the fabled dorsal fin thrust proud out of the water, knowing it would look a lot like a porpoise at a distance but would surface and sound at irregular intervals. I also hoped for more than sharks, what exactly I could not say: something to enchant the rest of my life.

Almost all that came in sight were clearly porpoises, but I was not completely disappointed. Before I tell you about the one exception, let me say something about the psychology of monster hunting. Giants exist as a state of the mind. They are defined not as an absolute measurement but as a proportionality. I estimate that when I was seven years old I saw animals at about twice the size I see them now. The bell of a sea nettle averages ten inches across, I know that now; but the one I found seemed two feet across—a grown man’s two feet. So giants can be real, even if adults don’t choose to classify them as such. I was destined to meet such a creature at last. But it would not appear as a swirl on the surface of the open water.

It came close in at dusk, suddenly, as I sat on the dock leading away from shore to the family boathouse raised on pilings in shallow water. In the failing light I could barely see to the bottom, but I stayed perched on the dock anyway, looking for any creature large or small that might be moving. Without warning a gigantic ray, many times larger than the stingrays of common experience, glided silently out of the darkness, beneath my dangling feet, and away into the depths on the other side. It was gone in seconds, a circular shadow, seeming to blanket the whole bottom. I was thunderstruck. And immediately seized with a need to see this behemoth again, to capture it if I could, and to examine it close up. Perhaps, I thought, it lived nearby and cruised around the dock every night.

Late the next afternoon I anchored a line on the dock, skewered a live pinfish on the biggest hook I could find in the house, and let the bait sit in six feet of water overnight. The following morning I rushed out and pulled in the line. The bait was gone; the hook was bare. I repeated the procedure for a week without result, always losing the pinfish. I might have had better luck in snagging a ray if I had used shrimp or crab for bait, but no one gave me this beginner’s advice. One morning I pulled in a Gulf toadfish, an omnivorous bottom-dweller with a huge mouth, bulging eyes, and slimy skin. Locals consider the species a trash fish and one of the ugliest of all sea creatures. I thought it was wonderful. I kept my toadfish in a bottle for a day, then let it go. After a while I stopped putting the line out for the great ray. I never again saw it pass beneath the dock.

Why do I tell you this little boy’s story of medusas, rays, and sea monsters, nearly sixty years after the fact? Because it illustrates, I think, how a naturalist is created. A child comes to the edge of deep water with a mind prepared for wonder. He is like a primitive adult of long ago, an acquisitive early Homo arriving at the shore of Lake Malawi, say, or the Mozambique Channel. The experience must have been repeated countless times over thousands of generations, and it was richly rewarded. The sea, the lakes, and the broad rivers served as sources of food and barriers against enemies. No petty boundaries could split their flat expanse. They could not be burned or eroded into sterile gullies. They were impervious, it seemed, to change of any kind. The waterland was always there, timeless, invulnerable, mostly beyond reach, and inexhaustible. The child is ready to grasp this archetype, to explore and learn, but he has few words to describe his guiding emotions. Instead he is given a compelling image that will serve in later life as a talisman, transmitting a powerful energy that directs the growth of experience and knowledge. He will add complicated details and context from his culture as he grows older. But the core image stays intact. When an adult he will find it curious, if he is at all reflective, that he has the urge to travel all day to fish or to watch sunsets on the ocean horizon.

Hands-on experience at the critical time, not systematic knowledge, is what counts in the making of a naturalist. Better to be an untutored savage for a while, not to know the names or anatomical detail. Better to spend long stretches of time just searching and dreaming. Rachel Carson, who understood this principle well, used different words to the same effect in The Sense of Wonder in 1965: If facts are the seeds that later produce knowledge and wisdom, then the emotions and the impressions of the senses are the fertile soil in which the seeds must grow. The years of childhood are the time to prepare the soil. She wisely took children to the edge of the sea.

The summer at Paradise Beach was for me not an educational exercise planned by adults, but an accident in a haphazard life. I was parked there in what my parents trusted would be a safe and carefree environment. During that brief time, however, a second accident occurred that determined what kind of naturalist I would eventually become. I was fishing on the dock with minnow hooks and rod, jerking pinfish out of the water as soon as they struck the bait. The species, Lagodon rhomboides, is small, perchlike, and voracious. It carries ten needlelike spines that stick straight up in the membrane of the dorsal fin when it is threatened. I carelessly yanked too hard when one of the fish pulled on my line. It flew out of the water and into my face. One of its spines pierced the pupil of my right eye.

The pain was excruciating, and I suffered for hours. But being anxious to stay outdoors, I didn’t complain very much. I continued fishing. Later, the host family, if they understood the problem at all (I can’t remember), did not take me in for medical treatment. The next day the pain had subsided into mild discomfort, and then it disappeared. Several months later, after I had returned home to Pensacola, the pupil of the eye began to cloud over with a traumatic cataract. As soon as my parents noticed the change, they took me to a doctor, who shortly afterward admitted me to the old Pensacola Hospital to have the lens removed. The surgery was a terrifying nineteenth-century ordeal. Someone held me down while the anesthesiologist, a woman named Pearl Murphy, placed a gauze nose cone over my nose and mouth and dripped ether into it. Her fee for this standard service, I learned many years later, was five dollars. As I lost consciousness I dreamed I was all alone in a large auditorium. I was tied to a chair, unable to move, and screaming. Possibly I was screaming in reality before I went under. In any case the experience was almost as bad as the cataract. For years afterward I became nauseous at the smell of ether. Today I suffer from just one phobia: being trapped in a closed space with my arms immobilized and my face covered with an obstruction. The aversion is not an ordinary claustrophobia. I can enter closets and elevators and crawl beneath houses and automobiles with aplomb. In my teens and twenties I explored caves and underwater recesses around wharves without fear, just so long as my arms and face were free.

I was left with full sight in the left eye only. Fortunately, that vision proved to be more acute at close range than average—20/10 on the ophthalmologist’s chart—and has remained so all my life. I lost stereoscopy but can make out fine print and the hairs on the bodies of small insects. In adolescence I also lost, possibly as the result of a hereditary defect, most of my hearing in the uppermost registers. Without a hearing aid, I cannot make out the calls of many bird and frog species. So when I set out later as a teenager with Roger Tory Peterson’s Field Guide to the Birds and binoculars in hand, as all true naturalists in America must at one time or other, I proved to be a wretched birdwatcher. I couldn’t hear birds; I couldn’t locate them unless they obligingly fluttered past in clear view; even one bird singing in a tree close by was invisible unless someone pointed a finger straight at it. The same was true of frogs. On rainy spring nights my college companions could walk to the mating grounds of frogs guided only by the high-pitched calls of the males. I managed a few, such as the deep-voiced barking tree frog, which sounds like someone thumping a tub, and the eastern spadefoot toad, which wails like a soul on its way to perdition; but from most species all I detected was a vague buzzing in the ears.

In one important respect the turning wheel of my life came to a halt at this very early age. I was destined to become an entomologist, committed to minute crawling and flying insects, not by any touch of idiosyncratic genius, not by foresight, but by a fortuitous constriction of physiological ability. I had to have one kind of animal if not another, because the fire had been lit and I took what I could get. The attention of my surviving eye turned to the ground. I would thereafter celebrate the little things of the world, the animals that can be picked up between thumb and forefinger and brought close for inspection.

chapter two

SEND US THE BOY

WHO CAN SAY WHAT EVENTS FORMED HIS OWN CHARACTER? Too many occur in the twilight of early childhood. The mind lives in half-remembered experiences of uncertain valence, where self-deception twists memory further from truth with every passing year. But of one event I can be completely sure. It began in the winter of 1937, when my parents, Edward and Inez Freeman Wilson, separated and began divorce proceedings. Divorce was still unusual at that time and in that part of the country, and there must have been a great deal of gossiping and head-shaking among other family members. While my parents untangled their lives, they looked for a place that could offer a guarantee of security to a seven-year-old. They chose the Gulf Coast Military Academy, a private school located on the shore road four miles east of Gulfport, Mississippi.

So one January morning I traveled with my mother to Gulfport on a westbound bus out of Pensacola by way of Mobile and Pascagoula. We arrived at GCMA in the afternoon. I looked around and judged the landscape, which was classic leisured-Gulf-Coast, instantly inviting. Brick buildings with verandas and borders crowded by ornamental shrubs were dispersed over beautifully tended grass lawns. Old live oaks (I grant that all live oaks look old) and towering loblolly pines offered generous shade. U.S. 90, then a quiet two-lane road, bordered the campus on the south. A few dozen feet beyond, at the bottom of a seawall, peaceful waves rolled in from the Gulf of Mexico. I brightened at this ocean view. Paradise Beach again? It was not to be. We entered the Junior Dormitory to meet the housemother and some of the other grammar-school cadets. I looked at my military-style cot, the kind you can bounce a coin on when properly made. I listened to an outline of the daily regimen. I examined my uniform, patterned after that at West Point. I shook hands with my roommate, who was inordinately stiff and polite for a seven-year-old. All dreams of languor and boyhood adventure vanished.

GCMA was a carefully planned nightmare engineered for the betterment of the untutored and undisciplined. It was a military academy of the original mold, all gray-wool clothed and ramrod-straight. The school prospectus guaranteed—it did not offer or make available; it guaranteed—a solid traditional education. Some of its graduates went on to civilian colleges and universities across the country. But at heart GCMA was a preparatory school for West Point, Annapolis, and private equivalents such as the Virginia Military Academy whose central purpose was to train America’s officer corps.

All of this was consistent with white middle-class culture in the South of 1937. Young men could aspire to no higher calling than officer rank in the military. The South continued her antebellum dream of the officer and gentleman, honorable, brave, unswerving in service to God and country. He comes to our mind, the newly graduated second lieutenant, clad in dress white, escorting his bride, pretty and sweet, out of the church beneath the raised crossed sabers of his classmates, as his proud family watches. His conduct will henceforth affirm the generally understood historical truth that we lost the War Between the States for lack of arms and the exhaustion of battle-depleted troops. Our men, and especially our officers, were nonetheless individually the finest soldiers in the world at that time. They were southerners, men not to be trifled with.

Now you understand why commanding officers interviewed on television at Vietnam firebases so often spoke with southern accents. They had thin lips and highway eyes, and they didn’t joke around. Medicine, law, and engineering made admirable careers for a southern man, and business and the ministry were all right of course. Golf champions and quarterbacks who came from Alabama were heroes, and we were all real proud when one of our relatives (his nickname was Skeeter or T. C. or something like that, in any case your third cousin Hank’s oldest boy) was elected to Congress. But military command was the profession that bore the cachet of strength and honor.

The Gulf Coast Military Academy was classed each year without fail as an Honor School by the United States War Department. In other words, it was a boot camp. Its regimen was designed to abrade away all the bad qualities inhering in the adolescent male, while building the kind of character that does not flinch at a whiff of grapeshot. Send Us the Boy and We Will Return the Man was its motto. The 1937 yearbook, from which my childish face stonily gazes, explains the formula with pitiless clarity:

The daily work is a systematic routine in which every duty has its place in the day and, therefore, will not be overlooked.

By association with other cadets, each cadet begins to recognize himself as an integral part of a body and, with this in view, he assumes the correct attitude toward the rights of others.

By being thrown on his own resources, a boy develops initiative and self-dependence and grows away from the helpless, dependent spirit into which many boys have been coddled.

The systematic routine the author had in mind (and was he, I wonder, square-faced Major Charles W. Chalker, Professor of Military Science and Tactics, whose photograph gazes out at me from the yearbook?) emulated those of the adult service academies. It could be used today, if softened a bit, at the Marine training camp on Parris Island. For seven days a week real bugles, played by cadets proud of their job, led us lockstep through the Schedule. First Call 6:00, Reveille 6:05, Assembly 6:10, Sick Call 6:30, Police Inspection 6:40, Waiter’s Warning 6:45, Assembly and March to Mess 7:00, School Call 7:40. Then, without bugles, came calls to change class, Chapel Assembly 10:20, Intermission 4 minutes, Warning Call, Return to Class. And so tramp forward through the day, finally to dinner. The bugles resumed with Call to Quarters 6:50, Study (no radios!) 7:00, Tattoo 9:15, and Taps 9:30. No talking afterward, or you go on delinquency report.

On Saturday the schedule was similar but lighter, with time off for leisure, athletics, and delinquency reports. On Sunday we really snapped to life: shined our shoes, polished our buttons and belt buckles (uniforms mandatory at all times, formal gray and white on Sunday), and attended church. Then we prepared for Battalion Parade, which kicked off at 3:30. We marched out in formation, to be watched and graded by unit and individual, past officer-instructors, visiting parents, and a few curious, respectful townspeople. The youngest boys, of whom I was one, brought up the rear.

The curriculum was laid before the student in resonant single words: arithmetic, algebra, geometry, physics, chemistry, history, English, foreign language. No art, nature field trips, and certainly no enterprises with wimpy titles like introduction to chemistry or the American experience. Some electives were allowed, but only in cheerless subjects such as Latin, commercial geography, and business ethics. There was an implication that if you could not cut the mustard in the military, there was always commerce. Older cadets were trained in rifle marksmanship, mortar and machine-gun fire, surveying, and military strategy. Horsemanship was encouraged. We grammar-school students looked forward to someday enjoying these manly activities.

The school’s coat of arms was an Eagle Volant grasping crossed sabers and rifles with bayonets and lances; the shafts of the lances were hung with matched dexter and sinister forty-eight-star American flags. The Navy was represented by a triangular escutcheon enclosing a three-masted barkentine.

All boys at GCMA, from first through twelfth grades, followed the same daily routine and worked their way up the vertically stacked curriculum. We junior cadets, boys in the first six grades, were given a few concessions. There was a dormitory mother, Mrs. R. P. Linfield, whose first name I never knew and whose stiffly composed face in the catalog photographs makes her look exactly like what she was, dormitory mother in a military school. We did not carry a rifle on parade, nor were we trained in weapons and horsemanship. The occasional dances held with young ladies from nearby Gulf Park College were of course irrelevant. In the interests of preserving discipline, parents were urged not to coddle their sons by the dispatching of inappropriate gifts: Do not send him eatables that will upset his digestion. Send fruit.

Disputes among cadets that could not be talked through were expected to be settled manfully, under adult supervision and in a boxing ring formed by standing cadets. Occasionally fistfights were quietly arranged behind buildings with no instructors or student officers present, but in general all aggression was effectively channeled according to regulations.

Misbehavior of any kind brought time in the bull ring, an activity not mentioned in the brochures. Regular cadets marched with rifles at shoulder arms around a circular track for one to several hours, the length of time depending on the seriousness of the charge. Longer terms were broken up and spread over a succession of days. Junior cadets marched—actually, most of the time we just strolled—without rifles. It was a good time to get away from the others and daydream. I was a frequent rule breaker, and spent what seems in retrospect to have been an unconscionable amount of my time at GCMA traveling in circles. As I recall, most of my sins involved talking with other cadets during class. If so, the lesson did not take. Now, as a university professor, I spend almost all of my time talking in class.

In my heart I know that I was a reasonably good kid. I was neither laggard nor rebellious, and time in the bull ring usually came as a surprise. Little or nothing was said to us junior cadets directly about discipline and punishment. We learned mostly by example and word of mouth. Infractions and sentences were posted each Saturday afternoon at 1:50 on the bulletin board next to the mail window, under Delinquencies. We ran there each time to see who would play and who would march. No further recreation was allowed until all bullring time was completed. We heard rumors of legendary sentences imposed on older boys for unspeakable violations.

Wednesday afternoons were for fun, in the GCMA way of thinking. From 1:30 to 5:30, all cadets free of punishment went on leave. Buses conveyed us the four miles west to Gulfport for milkshakes, movies, and just walking around.

This dollop of frivolity was all well and good, but I pined for my beloved Gulf of Mexico, always in full sight from the front lawn of the Academy. I could not go down to the water; cadets were sensibly forbidden to cross the two-lane highway that separated the school grounds from the seawall and beach. On several occasions toward the end of the term, I joined a group of other boys with the housemother for a supervised swim in the surf. A photograph in the catalog shows us filing down in our regulation swimsuits, complete with shoulder straps. Its caption reads, Boys going out on the beach under supervision where in the warm sunshine they can frolic on the clean white sand and bathe in the sparkling briny water of the Gulf. No fishing, no time during the frolic to wander dreaming along the strand, no chance to see stingrays or other monsters rising from the