Influence and Thrive

PREFACE

Effective communication will never go out of style. It will outlive the naysayers, survive shifting trends, and thrive in this tech boom.

Any professional, business owner, entrepreneur, or leader who can compassionately communicate a vision and articulate a call-to-action, will be able to change minds and trigger collaboration.

Your ability to move the world around you, to influence people beyond the confines of your circles, and generate results is sharpened by communicating your ideas simply, succinctly, and clearly. I know this because my personal and professional experiences have convinced me that good communication skills open doors.

To understand how my background and hunger for learning have contributed to my communication skills, I’d need to start at the beginning.

I grew up in a large, staunchly Catholic, middle-class Nigerian family, as the third of seven children. There’s a tradition of each child introducing himself or herself in terms of a number when meeting people for the first time. My siblings and I jokingly do this to this day, even as adults. So I’m number three in the sibling ‘pecking’ order.

My parents were my first models of a good education. They also influenced my views and fuelled my passion for learning – which eventually led to my calling as a communications trainer and advisor. Their impact can be seen in some ways in my outlook on life, and to an extent, in the way I express myself.

What I learned from my father about continuous development

My father, Dr Kisito Oseirhudute Okpere, spent his early childhood in Uromi, in the Esan North-East Local Government Area of Edo State in Nigeria.

He was an outstanding student throughout his primary and secondary school education. In 1965, at 18, he was awarded a full scholarship by the multinational oil company, Shell, to study Mechanical Engineering at the University of Birmingham in the UK. After completing the one-year internship programme granted by Shell, my father departed for the UK in 1966. By mid-1969, he’d emerged with a First Class degree from the University of Birmingham and proceeded to postgraduate studies. By mid-1973, he’d been awarded a PhD in Mechanical Engineering at the same institution (having qualified for the degree by mid-December 1972). Dr Kisito Okpere returned to Nigeria in December 1972 with my mother and two children in tow (I was to be born in Nigeria four years later), to begin his 35-year stint at Shell Petroleum Development Company, the largest multinational oil company in Nigeria at the time.

In Shell Nigeria, he held various technical, management, and leadership roles. He began as a gas engineer in December 1972 and retired in 2007– after over three decades of notable achievements and a respected legacy.

From him, I learned the importance of hard work, commitment to excellence, and communicating with empathy.

What I learned from my mother about clear, powerful speech

My mother, Zena Irene Okpere, is a ‘foreigner’ from Sierra Leone. My siblings and I joke about this because she’s technically a fellow West African. Still, her nationality is necessary to explain her particular traits and uniqueness as a non-Nigerian. She’s a woman who left her country and all she knew to embrace the naiger¹ experience – by living, breathing and experiencing the Nigerian culture – the good and the frustrating. Yet, she has admirably remained loyal to her salone² creole identity.

My mother attended elementary, primary and secondary schools run by Anglican, Methodist, and Catholic faiths. Notable among the schools she attended was the Annie Walsh Memorial School, which was founded by Anglican missionaries in 1849, and managed by the Church Missionary Society. It was the first secondary school for girls in English-speaking West Africa. My mother left Annie Walsh in 1961, and after completing her A-Levels at the Catholic St Edward’s Secondary School, she arrived in Nottingham, UK in January 1964. She later obtained a bachelor’s degree in Economics from the University of Hull. After briefly working in a merchant bank, she proceeded to the University of Birmingham in 1969 to complete a post-graduate diploma in Public Administration, with a view to transitioning to the civil service in Freetown. The government of Sierra Leone had granted her a bursary for that purpose.

However, in 1969, while studying at the University of Birmingham, she met my father, and as she declared, The rest is history³. My parents later married. Nonetheless, for a year afterwards, she served her bond by working in the Establishment Secretary Office in the Sierra Leonean civil service in Freetown. She later rejoined my father in Birmingham, who was then studying for his doctorate in Mechanical Engineering.

My mother loved to read and is still a well-rounded, highly aware woman. When I was young, I remember her correcting my pronunciation and grammatical errors. Sighing, she would mutter, Nigerians don’t pronounce words properly. She was often exasperated when I mispronounced ‘colour’ and ‘pepper’. I also received her swift corrections when, as a child, I failed to pronounce the th consonant correctly. She would instruct me to press the tip of my tongue through my top front teeth to enunciate the sound. My mother, Zena Okpere, spoke and still speaks with perfect diction, in a unique tone, having herself been groomed by her mother. I developed an appreciation of a clear, powerful tone from my mother. I also picked up peculiar expressions from her, which I attribute to her old-school British education, such as ‘taking liberty for licence’ (taking advantage of a situation when you’re given the freedom), and ‘hoity-toity’ (snobbish). When I first heard the latter a few years ago, I immediately stored it in my long-term memory and now use it whenever I get the opportunity. My mother speaks so distinctly that over the years, when people enquired, I’d explain, with notable pride albeit in a humorous tone, that she wasn’t Nigerian. I mean no disrespect to my Nigerian roots. But I’m currently in my forties, and I’m yet to meet a Nigerian who can speak the way my mother does, with such clarity and a rich tone.

So, of all the valuable lessons I’ve learned from my parents for which I’m grateful, two attributes have been significant in my journey to becoming an effective communicator. The first is being exposed to good education, and thereby being sharpened by different perspectives. The second is having a passion for learning, thereby making me relevant in my field. Both advantages positioned me for opportunities, and they’ll amplify your communication skills as you work to excel in your career or business.

The bottom line about communication

Excellent communication skills are no longer ‘soft’ attributes. They’re essential tools that you require to thrive in this fourth industrial revolution of limited online attention spans, information overload, and tech innovations.

Therefore, in this book, I stress that one foolproof way to get the desired results, as a professional, business person, or leader of an organisation, is to possess and display communication skills so persuasive that you can move hearts and change minds.

And here’s what’s important to note: Persuasive communication skills can be learned and taught.

This premise is the foundation of the book.

INTRODUCTION

WHY COMMUNICATION SKILLS ARE HIGHLY DEMANDED IN CORPORATEVILLE

Afew years ago, after a communication workshop on business writing that I had facilitated for executive MBA participants, a lady, Ms T, approached me. She then hesitated a few feet from where I was rounding off a conversation with another participant. Seeing the anxious expression etched on her face, I blurted out, somewhat alarmed:

You look worried!

Sighing, she nodded and managed, I am!

As we walked to my office, I tried to reassure Ms T that surely the situation couldn’t be as dire as she thought. She smiled, but when we sat down to chat, she candidly admitted that she needed help. She complained of weak vocabulary and a problem with pronunciation.

Our conversation focused on reading and writing habits she needed to develop, as well as the need to update her knowledge of grammar. I also explained how using free online tools and resources would help. Nevertheless, I affirmed that the two practical ways to improve business writing skills over time were reading well-written content every day (books, articles, novels, etc.) and regularly forcing herself to write. As was my custom, I advised the executive to begin a personal blog and become disciplined in writing. I reassured Ms T that if she started that day, by the time she graduated from the renowned business school in six months, she’d be amazed at the progress made and how much more effective in writing she’d have become. I declared that, just like public speaking, excellent business writing skills could be learned and honed over time. Ms T brightened up, and in a positive tone, just before walking out the door, declared, I’ll tell you how I’ve improved by December! I laughed and wished her well.

But her concerns were valid.

Employers rate communication skills high on the list of desired attributes that candidates must have. In a study cited by Inc. columnist, Kaleigh Moore in 2016, 73% of employers surveyed wanted candidates with strong writing capabilities¹. The author cited statistics from the US National Association of Colleges and Employers where 73.4% of employers said they wanted a candidate with sharp written communication skills. Written communication was the third most desired quality overall, after leadership skills, and the ability to work as a team member. Despite the popularity of candidates in STEM (science, technology, engineering, and maths) qualifications, 75% of employers noted that they wanted ‘a stronger focus on written communication skills at the college level’.

In this age of rapid innovation, the ability to communicate effectively via speech and writing is invaluable to professionals and leaders. And like any other communication skill, superb business writing capabilities can be learned, then tweaked and perfected with discipline. When it comes to becoming an excellent communicator, consistent actions are crucial to continuous self-development. You can’t study the art and science of non-verbal communication, public speaking, and business writing, then throw in the towel to declare: That’s it! I’m now an expert. I can now relax.

It’s sobering that your quest to achieve mastery in communication will never be complete since it’s a continuous cycle of improvement. Or it should be if you’re serious in your professional development. But the rewards, as you plod along in your journey, will be priceless. From being able to win hearts, change minds, and inspire people, to getting the promotions, receiving funding, and creating massive movements – excellent communication makes things happen.

Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

What research reveals about effective communication skills

The results from the studies below make a compelling case for effective communication skills, whatever your field.

1.LinkedIn, the professional social networking powerhouse, released its findings on the most desired skills for companies in 2020².

They reviewed data from their network of over 660+ million professionals and 20+ million jobs to reveal the 15 most in-demand soft and hard skills of 2020.

Unsurprisingly, the top ‘hard’ skills listed included blockchain, cloud computing, and Artificial Intelligence.

Nevertheless, among the soft skills, persuasion (which encompasses effective communication in speech and writing) came second among the top three skills required for the competitive edge, with creativity being in the first position, and collaboration coming in third.

‘Soft’ skills aid technical capabilities

An interesting angle revealed is that ‘soft’ skills complement innovation. In a CNN interview posted in February 2020, anchor, Julia Chatterley, discussed the new LinkedIn service, ‘Open for Business’³ with Allen Blue, the co-founder of LinkedIn and vice-president of product strategy. LinkedIn had launched the facility for small businesses and freelancers to help them grow their client bases.

Then the discussion shifted to the skills’ gap. From the 5.18-minute mark, Blue championed ‘soft’ skills – including oral communication – for the future of work. But it was at the 5.59-minute spot that Chatterley⁴ recapped their discussion with the powerful statement:

Soft skills facilitate technical skill adoption.

So, whether or not robots replace our jobs, or advanced technologies dictate how we operate our lives, we will increasingly require ‘soft’ skills. Effective communication, for instance, will continue to be vital in persuasion because humans drive systems and innovation. Without the ability to convince people and inspire action, your grand innovation can’t be championed.

2.Results from ten studies on communication skills were collated from various sources⁵.

Three noteworthy findings are that:

a.Professionals who are highly skilled communicators make more money

This was according to a 1988 survey by D.B. Curtis. He made that conclusion after surveying 1,000 personnel managers.

The suggestion is that if you could communicate exceptionally, you’d land the job that would earn you the greatest amount of money.

b.Communication skills are among the ‘key factors in successful entrepreneurship’

In particular, oral communication and listening skills were highlighted.

c.Public speaking – public dialogue and arguments – allows you to participate in public life

And by extension, you form alliances and help shape society.

So this is what you need to know:

Communication skills would significantly propel your career or help boost your business if you become committed to the journey of self-improvement.

Anyone, anywhere (with whatever innate abilities or crushing limitations) can learn effective communication skills and hone them to accelerate a career or grow a business.

Anyone. Anywhere. Whether you’re blessed with innate skills, or limited by circumstances or education, you’re capable of communicating convincingly to get the results you desire.

And know that you could learn superb communication skills by self-education, formal training, and practice.

How this book is structured

This book provides communication insights and practical solutions that will be priceless to two main groups: professionals, entrepreneurs, and business leaders in the first group, corporations and organisations in the second – all in one convenient, evergreen resource.

In PART I, I delve into the theme of non-verbal communication, the oft-unappreciated sibling to the more popular duo of powerful public speaking and compelling business writing. You’ll understand what certain non-verbal cues mean. A critical skill in your communication arsenal is knowing how to use non-verbal cues to boost credibility and increase your influence. Therefore, you’ll learn what to do, and note what to avoid so that you can sharpen your delivery.

In PART II, I explore the fascinating and terrifying world of public speaking. I draw upon my professional experiences as an introvert, lecturer, facilitator, and trainer. I also reference best practices, often backed by science. Then I discuss the knowledge I’ve amassed by engaging with professional speakers, experts, authors, and thought leaders in the field. Finally, I provide actionable tips that you can use to enjoy discernible results in your career and business.

In PART III, I take on the ‘Goliath’ of business communication, which is business writing. I identify the causes of the dread of this crucial skill. I also make a strong case for how, by using tools, techniques, and with consistent writing, you could increase your proficiency and become a persuasive business writer. I issue a shocking statement at the end of the section. And I mean every word of it.

In PART IV, I focus on professionals, entrepreneurs, and business leaders. I explain what you should do to improve your communication skills and reveal how you should proceed so that you excel in your endeavours. I also share recommendations from six interviews with professionals, leaders, and entrepreneurs, whose accounts will inspire you to sharpen your skills. Interviewees include entrepreneur-cum-author, Robin Farmanfarmaian, and Emmy-award-winning former CNN correspondent and anchor, Gina London.

In PART V, I recommend ways organisations and brands could generate positive business results by using communication strategically to manage their staff and boost employee engagement.

In the Conclusion, I tie everything together and provide next steps to take after reading this book.

Finally, in the Epilogue, I reiterate my fundamental premise: You can learn effective communication. I urge you to test your knowledge to win hearts and change minds in your favour.

How to read this book

To maximise the benefits of this book, I recommend that you read this book chronologically – from PART I to PART V.

Now I understand the temptation to skip segments to read topics you think may be more relevant to you. For example, if you’re a business leader, you might be tempted to begin reading PART IV, before moving to the other sections. However, note that the first three segments (non-verbal communication, public speaking, and business writing) provide the foundation for effective communication, without which other linkages made in the book might be difficult to understand. Moreover, anecdotes, accounts, and other examples make each segment relevant, so skipping sections will reduce learning points. After reading through the book in its entirety once, you can then proceed to focus on specific areas that address your communication concerns.

This book is comprehensive in many parts, so you’ll need to stay on track. Therefore, at the end of each chapter, I’ve listed ‘key takeaways’ to aid recall so that you have a firm grasp of the information before proceeding to the next chapter. Then, at the end of each segment (for example, PART I), I’ve included the ‘wrapping up’ section, which is an overview of the material, as well as ‘key learning points’, which comprise the top five ideas for you to consider. These pointers will sharpen your understanding and ease retention.

What this book is not

This book is not a style guide, an authority on grammar, an expert testimony, or an exposé on business communication. No one possesses such omniscient knowledge of this broad theme.

Still, after reading the last word, you’ll agree that it’s an evergreen resource that will become your trusted companion as you take practical steps to continuously improve your communication skills. By becoming disciplined in adopting the recommendations made in this book, you’ll display amazing progress that will silence your critics and baffle your networks. And this book will be your best-kept secret.

So, get ready to achieve unexpected feats with exceptional communication skills.

PART I

WHY PERSUASIVE BODY LANGUAGE BOOSTS CREDIBILITY

One of the best ways of persuading others is with your ears: by listening to them.

~ Dean Rusk, US Secretary of State (1909–1994)

What our bodies communicate can boost our credibility or mar our influence. Non-verbal communication – everything our bodies do without speaking – is an underrated communication tool that’s crucial to developing trust with our audiences.

Everything we do non-verbally communicates something. From the way we dress, stand, sit, to how we move – our actions tell stories. Even our facial expressions and gestures can be perceived in specific ways by others.

Therefore, knowing what our non-verbal cues communicate and how best to use them to win trust and gain credibility will boost co-operation and generate results for our ideas.

And there’s research to convince us that adopting certain non-verbal behaviours not only changes how we perceive ourselves but sheds light on how others view us.

Amy Cuddy, author and Harvard social psychologist, delivered an educational video that’s sparked a movement for adopting power poses to boost confidence.

But why should you care about the opinions of Cuddy and other non-verbal experts I highlight in this segment? Well, because once people trust you and perceive you as credible, you’re more likely to influence them to act in your favour and you’ll get the results you want.

Therefore, in Chapter 1, I begin with Amy Cuddy’s premise on ‘faking’ your non-verbal cues to trigger changes in your behaviours, which in turn will lead to positive outcomes. This fascinating premise will forever change how you project yourself in public. Her insights also shed light on how you can use your body language to trigger confidence in yourself.

Powerful stuff.

CHAPTER 1

SHOULD YOU ‘FAKE IT’ UNTIL YOU BECOME ‘IT’?

Amy Cuddy, in her seminal TED talk, Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are¹, shares intriguing insights into non-verbal behaviours.

Now, her notion that body language can be a powerful mode of communication might not initially convince you. However, her explanation of how certain power poses can signify a strong presence and boost confidence, based on her research and personal anecdotes, is critical to understanding how you could become your own confidence booster. And such confidence will make you a more effective communicator because you’ll connect more meaningfully with your audience.

Strike a pose

Cuddy’s two most revealing statements, listed below, should be considered by every professional, business owner, or entrepreneur who is faced with the daunting task of communicating to critical audiences in particular:

1.Our non-verbal behaviours show how powerful we feel about ourselves.

2.Our bodies change our minds, our minds change our behaviours, and our behaviours determine outcomes.

So the next time you’re required to give a career-changing presentation, or face a panel of investors, or run for office – whenever the stakes are high enough to warrant extra consideration – do what Cuddy advises in her TED talk:

»Find a quiet corner, breathe slowly and deeply (experts believe this soothes nerves), and practise a power pose for a few minutes. You could stand ‘solidly’, stretch your arms far apart and hold that position for a few minutes.

»Use the technique of visualisation, which works well for me: Visualise yourself doing well, connecting with your audience and making the desired impact. Don’t be worried about looking silly or feeling arrogant; visualise ‘big’ outcomes – the audience members erupting into thunderous applause with whistling, or them giving a lingering standing ovation with cheers.

These two techniques – power poses and visualisation – boost your confidence and make you feel you can overcome anything. And who wouldn’t want to walk into a room feeling that reassured? So go ahead, strike that pose before that high-level presentation or career-defining speech/address.

Note, however, that no technique can compensate for poor preparation and little knowledge of your material. Therefore, in addition to knowing your content and practising adequately, adopting the desired body language behaviour will reset your mind for success. You’ll feel energised and confident. In that prepared, sure state, you’re unlikely to fail.

On the Better Together Podcast with Maria Menounos², Amy Cuddy discusses key points from her book, Presence. One aspect highlighted was the need for regular self-affirmation to build confidence. Cuddy narrates an account of a lady, Ms X, who had been routinely verbally abused by her boss. Ms X finally confided in her friends who assured her that such behaviour was unacceptable. Encouraged by the support of her confidantes, Ms X was able to change her mindset; she gained self-confidence and was able to confront her boss with his unprofessional behaviour, much to the astonishment of the abuser. In effect, she reclaimed her power. This point supports Cuddy’s view that having the right mindset can determine the behaviours you display.

And I’ve observed first-hand how using specific non-verbal behaviours triggers certain perceptions from your audience. In my work as a communications trainer, I facilitate lectures for executive MBA students at one of the top 50 business schools globally ranked by the Financial Times of London. I introduce brief exercises on non-verbal communication and get MBA participants involved.

But first, in class, I play the TEDx talk by Mark Bowden (he’ll be introduced later in this segment) on the case for being inauthentic, before discussing the different ‘open’ and ‘closed’ non-verbal cues. The video gives the MBA students some context and explains the science behind the fight-and-flight evolutionary wiring that is triggered when people are exposed to negative gestures.

Next, volunteers act out different gestures and the rest of the class is told to identify warm (and ‘open’) non-verbal cues such as open arms, eye contact, and smiling. Participants are also advised to list cold (or ‘closed’) body language, behaviours such as pacing, hands in pockets, defensive gestures coupled with negative expressions: for example, arms closed or folded across the chest while glaring.

Then, for the actual exercise, I print out four simple sentences and invite four volunteers to recite them – with two students displaying the ‘closed’ body language cues, and two displaying the ‘open’ body language cues. The rest of the class then describes the perceptions they had of each speaker based solely on their non-verbal behaviours. If we have the luxury of time, the volunteer speakers will memorise the sentences and ‘perform’ before the class. As the audience describe their impressions, using simple adjectives – powerful, convincing, distrustful, etc. – I write these on the blackboard under the name of each speaker, whose body language was either cold or warm. The exercise is an eye-opener on how perceptions are formed based on body language cues that participants display. I use the task to challenge participants to deliberately choose to display warm body language to generate trust and to influence people