Moving Mountains: A Hero's Journey

CHAPTER 1

MY MOUNTAINS

We aren’t made to live in the shadow of daunting haunting mountains. We were made to move them.

~Elizabeth Griffin

When I was 7 years old, one of my brothers was in a life-altering accident.

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When I was 8, that brother committed a violent suicide.

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Right around the time I turned 14, my stepfather told me

of his desire to molest me.

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When I was a junior in high school, he actually tried to.

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When I was 17 years old, a peer raped me while I was unconscious.

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When I was barely 20, an uncle attempted to murder me in my sleep because I was in the way.

CHAPTER 2

THE BACKGROUND MUSIC

ECHO

I am a woman who recognizes her own depth.

The Divinity of my architecture is not just limited to flesh and bone, the femininity of my curve, the sacred geometry of my vibration, the light of my auric flame.

I am a woman sculpted by the hands of

the Infinite Intelligence.

The entirety of the Universe is fashioned inside of me.

I AM THE ECHO OF GOD.

~S. Ajna

It’s crazy to think that there are literally thousands, if not more, versions of ourselves out there in the world. We think that everyone sees the same me, but we are interpreted differently by everyone we meet. This may seem like a far-fetched or perhaps even an overwhelming thought to you. But if you take a minute and think about it, every person that encounters us has a different view or perspective of who we are or who they think we are. They, through their own filters and life experiences, see us and experience us in a very unique and individual way. Because of this, no two people will ever have the same experience with us, nor will they see us exactly the same as someone else does, or even as we see ourselves for that matter. I find that absolutely fascinating.

Before I dive into the heart of the matter of this book, I probably should tell you a little bit about me. You know, provide a little background music if you will. This is a very brief overview of myself and some of my life, through my filters and my lenses. This is a little of who I think I am, some of what’s important to me, and how I came to write this book.

My name is Audra. Currently, I am 46 years old. I was born and raised here in Phoenix, Arizona. I am the youngest of 7 kids. I know, that’s a lot of kids! I have 5 half brothers and 1 half-sister.

I remember my twin brothers the most. I think it’s because we were the closest in age. I got picked on a lot! Especially by one of the twins in particular, J. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration when I say that I think he told me daily how ugly he thought I was. I am a freckle-faced redhead and, for whatever reason, when I was younger, those features were the ones he targeted. Not just by him either. It was within my peers as well. When I hit 5th and 6th grade, I got pretty chunky too, so being fat became another attribute that was targeted. In my memory, it seems as though the taunting was endless.

Today, J and I get along great; this teasing behavior is not part of his personality. Maybe this mean streak 40 plus years ago was the result of being picked on by our older brothers and this was a ripple effect. Or maybe he needed to feel as though he had some power in our rather chaotic household. Wherever this tendency came from, it’s gone now.

Unfortunately, I do think that being constantly teased about my looks from a young age is at the root of most of the body image and appearance issues that I still sometimes struggle with today. If you hear you’re ugly enough, you begin to believe it.

I have one brother whom I actually didn’t meet until I was starting high school. He is the only sibling I have on my dad’s side, and he lived back East with his mom. Even though we spent no time together during our childhoods, I have the most in common with him. Even now, I am closer to him than I am to any of my other siblings.

My brother Mark committed suicide when I was 8 years old. Other than family pets, this was my first experience with death. Obviously, this had a huge impact on the whole family, and I will write more about this in a later chapter.

My sister, Laura, passed away from an accidental overdose about 9 years ago. She and I shared a room until I was about 10. She was incredibly beautiful inside and out. She had beautiful brown hair, striking blue eyes, and a gorgeous smile. She had a big personality and the best, most infectious laugh in the whole world. When I was young, I really looked up to her; I wanted to be her.

My oldest brother has proven time and again that he is a master manipulator and out only for himself. He has no regard for others. For this reason, I choose not to have a relationship with him. This may sound harsh – after all he’s family. But we still get to decide who we surround ourselves with, and I do not want to be around that negativity at this point in my life.

I don’t remember a whole lot about my childhood life with my siblings – not even with Laura, and we shared a room. I was significantly younger, and the age difference was enough for all of them to be off doing their own things while I was growing up. I do credit, my well-rounded love of music, to them, though. They all listened to different genres, so I was turned on to a lot of great music. My sister’s playlist was definitely the biggest influence.

My parents separated when I was about 9, and divorced when I was in the 6th grade. My mom was left to raise 5 kids on her own, and that meant she was out of the house working a lot. I honestly don’t remember her around much at all. When she was home, she was usually in her room with the door shut. She secluded herself to smoke pot, but I also think she was grieving my brother behind closed doors. Or maybe she was just detaching to avoid feeling anything at all.

The main form of communication between my mom and us kids, was notes. She would leave notes for us, and we would leave notes to her. This made for a very distant relationship between the two of us in those days. Later, in my adulthood, we became much closer. We had been best friends for about 18 years. She passed away about 7 years ago from health issues.

My dad and I keep in pretty close contact now, and I really value the relationship I have with him at this time in my life. Although I don’t remember him being present in my childhood very much, I do have some fond memories.

The top 5 things I love most about myself are:

1. My witty sense of humor. I’m seriously funny. I crack myself up all the time!

2. My ability to see the good in any situation. I will almost always find the collateral beauty.

3. My willingness to learn. I never want to be the smartest person in the room. If I am, then I’m in the wrong room!

4. My deep desire to be the best version of myself possible for myself and for you.

5. Perhaps most importantly, my enormous capacity to love, despite all of the trauma I’ve been through.

I am a full-time professional nanny. I also do holistic healing work, when time allows. I love what I do for a living! I’m not getting financially rich from it, but I am able to support myself, and I have everything I need. I find my work very meaningful and fulfilling. This is wealth to me.

I am single and have been since my divorce about 8 years ago. I am a mom to three absolutely amazing human beings. They truly are the greatest things I have ever done, and I honestly believe this world is a better place because they are in it! I was able to stay home to raise them for a large part of their childhoods, building a very solid relationship with each of them; I connect deeply with each of my children on different levels, different genres, and in different aspects of life.

Amber is my oldest at 28. I turned 19 right after she was born, so we kind of grew up together. She is her own woman now, but we are also best friends. Of course, I am first and foremost her mom and am there for her in that capacity when she needs me to be. It brings me great joy that we have the kind of relationship where we can tell each other anything. We think very similarly for the most part; when one of us gets irrational, the other brings her back to reality.

My divorce was probably one of the hardest times in my life, and I was an absolute shitshow. At the age of 21, Amber was my rock. There was a bit of role-reversal at that time. Looking back, I know it was very hard on her, and I know it wasn’t fair for me to lean on her so much. But I also think it helped bridge the deep friendship we have now.

Amber and I share deep conversations about very ‘out of the box’ subjects. We talk about metaphysical topics on occasion, and I believe she has mediumship abilities. We talk about connection with people in life, and in death. We talk about the afterlife.

Amber’s dad passed away when she was a week shy of 16 – fallout from his life of drugs. Perhaps, as a result, Amber has an intense understanding of loss and grief and is extremely open-minded. She is an old soul, wise beyond her years!

Amber and her husband Ryan have given me two beautiful grandbabies, Camden David and Rowan Marie. Now, Amber and I talk about mom stuff too. I love that she looks to me for advice and guidance in that area. It tells me she likes who I am as a mom and that she likes herself. It tells me that she is comfortable with her childhood, and wouldn’t mind raising her children with a similar parenting philosophy.

Dylan, 24, is my second child. Even now, he likes to play the middle child card when he doesn’t get his way. He and I are alike in our excellent senses of humor! See what I did there?

From the day he was born, Dylan was a very free-spirited person. I was very much that way too, when I was little. I lost that free spirit as I grew up; maybe it was trauma, maybe it was just the cynicism of being an adult. As a child I was like sunlight! As an adult the darkness took over and I had a lot of fear. I felt I needed to appear perfect which came with it, an illusion of some sense of control. So, needless to say, free-spirit and control freak don’t really mesh well together, so my free-spirit was stifled. But Dylan helped me rediscover this joyous part of myself during the period after my divorce.

Dylan and I went on what I like to call a Soul Journey. We traveled through four states, Arizona, Colorado, Utah, and California. We visited and stayed with some family and friends throughout the two-week adventure. One of our stops was visiting my cousin, who is a monk, at his Buddhist monastery in Northern California. It was incredibly beautiful there, both in nature and in spirit. The wisdom my cousin shared with us during an impromptu yet deep conversation helped both Dylan and me along our Soul Journeys. Seeing the peaceful, beautiful life that one could live, with only the most necessary possessions and seemingly endless time to meditate, was very enlightening. It actually felt magical to me. Dylan remembers that peek into the monastic lifestyle as one of the coolest experiences he’s ever had.

My Soul Journey with Dylan was one of the most free-spirited things I had done since I was very young. I let go of my need to control and plan every detail; we just got in the car and went. We had so much fun! I think that was when I began to allow my own free spirit to re-emerge.

Dylan doesn’t like to talk about otherworldly or spiritual stuff like his sister and brother do, but his connection with music is, I believe, otherworldly and very spiritual, even if he doesn’t think so. He and I connect deeply through music. We both feel music from deep within; music helps each of us cope with life’s struggles, and helps us heal. Our most recent outings together have been to reggae concerts. I like to joke with him and tell him that he must have been a Rastafarian in a past life. It might not be a joke, who knows?

Dylan doesn’t really like to talk about his emotions either, but I believe that he feels like he can come to me with anything he has on his mind. It may not always feel comfortable for him, but I genuinely think he feels safe confiding in me. He has a huge heart and cares deeply about people, especially underdogs. Dylan and his wife, Blane, have given me two beautiful grandbabies, Deegan Blane and Bryce Celestine.

My youngest, Chandler, is 18. He just graduated high school this year. He also took second place as a senior, in the state of Arizona, at 195lbs in wrestling. I had to throw that in! That is a huge accomplishment that happens for very few.

We’ve always said Chandler is an old man in a young body. This guy has a wisdom that I have not really seen in any other 18-year-old. In fact, he has always seemed wiser than his peers, even when he was very young. You can ask anyone who has met him; I’m sure they would agree.

Chandler tends to be very biblical in his spiritual beliefs, yet he is still open-minded. I think I have had the deepest spiritual conversations of my life with him. We talk about Jesus, aliens, the stars, energy in crystals, Mother Nature, music (he plays guitar and is an avid music lover), and so much more. For a time, he was very big on biblical prophecies, and we talked a lot about what the second coming might look like. We also discussed the idea that there could be interpretations of bible verses that are very different than those that are generally accepted. I love Chandler’s ability to talk about what is meaningful to him. I love his sense of life and awareness – that there truly is so much more to life than meets the eye.

I think Chandler came into this life with not only a lot of wisdom, but also a lot of karmic baggage – more than his fair share, for sure. Because of this, I think that it might be a big possibility that he has the potential to clear a lot of karma for multiple souls or lives. I truly think that