Life's Journey Through The Bumps

Copyright © 2020 by Linda Stilson

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

AuthorsPress

California, USA

www.authorspress.com

CONTENTS

Dedication

Foundation

FOREVER, MY JOURNEY

I Am Worthy of Love

Just Around The Bend

My Journey

My Journey Without You

Tucson VA Blind Center

FATALITIES: LOSS AND BUMPS ALONG THE WAY

1-800-4Heaven

A Year Without You Now

Depression

Facing the Holidays With Memories of You

Gone Not Softly Into The Night

Happy Birthday My Precious Child

HAIKU

I Am Here, Can You See Me?

I Didn’t Mean To Hurt You

I Don’t Know What It’s Like...But I Care

I Really Need To Know

I Shoulda Oughta Been There

Is It An Ambivalent Display of Ignorance?

Let Go Of The Anger

Life Isn’t Easy, Surviving Is Tough

NO ONE CAN TELL ME…

Peace Doesn’t Come Easy For You and Me

Tell Me Why...Tell Me When?

Time Heals Our Pain...

What Can I Do To End My Grief?

When Did It all Go Bad?

You Didn’t Show You Loved Me.

FAITH:

THE ABILITY TO BELIEVE IN SOMETHING ONE CANNOT SEE OR TOUCH, BUT GIVES US STRENGTH KNOWING WE ARE NEVER ALONE.

Blessings

Forever Loving, My Lord Is To Thee

God, I’m Not Speaking To You

Halloween of Yesteryear

Heaven

How Can I Be Thankful on Thanksgiving Day?

Lent

Master’s Program of Religion

The Lord is My Savior

The Meaning of Christmas

Memories Last Forever

My Heart Is Like An Ocean

Some Days I think I’m Going Crazy

Ssh! Don’t say it...You might Offend

Sympathy Prayer

(for Sympathy Card at Church)

Thanksgiving Day

Thanks

Traveling God’s Highway of Life

FAMILY

Family Forever, Through Thick and Thin

Happy Mother’s Day

Island Paradise

Life Senselessly Taken…

Losing My Aunts, My Mentors

Loss of a Grandfather

Loss of a Grandma

My Goodness…

A Great Grandma!

My Granddaughters: Heather, Ashley and Brittany

My Grandson, Ryan

Stepmother Versus Mother

FRIENDS & NEIGHBORS

Dear Lord, Prayers for Gaye

Friends Like Family

Miles Apart...But Close To My Heart

Weep Not For Me

Whistling Wood In The Wind

White Roses To Remember Nancy (died Sept. 10, 2009)

Who Has The Linda Watch?

Woman of the Year

FOR BULLYING

Red Hot Poker

Who is the Fool? You know Who!

Words Hurt

SHATTERED DREAMS AND BROKEN HEARTS BY LINDA STILSON

Introduction

Anger Has Its Hold On Me

Are You Really There?

Depression Is An Illness

Did I Do All That I Could?

Grandma’s Are Special And Fun To Be With

Grief…

I Don’t Understand If It Was God’s Plan

I Try To Think Of All The Pain That Overwhelmed Your Day

I Wish You Were Here So I Wouldn’t Be Missing You

Life Is But A Passing.

Love Lost…Love Taken Away

Mother’s Day For Me In Eternity

Mother’s Day Without You I Cried

My Life Now Here Without You Today

My Prayer

My Son, He Was No Angel

No Greater Loss

Prayers Unending

Release Me From My Grief

Shattered Dreams and Broken Hearts

The Blaming Game Is Where I’m At

The Myth of Suicide Thinking It Was A Sin

Traveling God’s Highway of Life

Unanswered Questions Haunt Us Now

What Can I do To End My Grief?

What If’s?

What If You Choose Your Family Like You Choose Your Friends?

When Did You Change From That Sweet Child Of Mine?

When Will My Sorry Ever End?

GRIEF, DEPRESSION, AND SUICIDE

Grief, mourning, and bereavement

My Grief Process:

My Advice:

American Association of Suicidology

What is depression?

Depression and suicide

VETERANS CRISIS LINE:

Cape Hatteras Beach

Dedication

I dedicate this book in loving memory of my husband, William D. Stilson, who I was blessed to have spent almost 27 years as his wife raising a blended family, his and mine…his daughter and son and my son. Having retired and moved to Arizona we were enjoying life. I was volunteering at a local traditional school, known as The Puppet Lady and won Volunteer of the Year the first year. Bill was marshaling at Quailwood Golf Course where he got free golfing and use of golf cart. When he wasn’t golfing he was panning for gold or hiking. Sadly, he was diagnosed with fourth stage cancer and he died Feb. 2, 2001. I read him the letter I had written for him if I died first and he said You always had a way with words as tears rolled down his cheek.

I also dedicate this book in loving memory of my son, Michael J. Stilson. He died Dec. 20, 2004 at 33.. Losing my husband was difficult enough, but nothing would have prepared me for losing my son. Michael was suffering from depression caused from marital problems with his wife and two stepchildren. Too many overwhelming obstacles in his life that got out of hand and we never know when one snaps. Maybe if he hadn’t been highly intoxicated he would have been able to think clearly and make the necessary changes to eliminate the negative factors in his life.

I want to thank all my friends and neighbors who have helped me during my difficult times. Unable to drive, I know they are only a phone call away. The neighborhood really watches out for me. One neighbor especially replaced my carpet with laminate flooring hoping to eliminate my allergies which were making me so sick. He is a true Christian, helping a visually impaired widow, surely God was smiling. He brings my garbage can in for me as well. He walks neighborhood dogs for some. He is always there to help. Words barely express how much his work was appreciated. Thank you, David.

I also want to thank my grandchildren and family whose love and devotion have helped me find purpose in life. Thank you to the twins who stayed with me the summer following my son’s death, because I would have spent my days in bed mourning. Instead it gave me purpose and nurtured my need to do for others. You kept me quite busy and we did a lot of fun things together. Thank you, Ashley and Brittany. I also want to thank my other grandchildren who live in Maui. Although they weren’t here to spend the summer with me, I want to thank you Heather and Ryan for the fun times we had together when I flew to Maui to spend three weeks with you. Love Hawaiian Paradise and always look forward to visiting you.

I want to thank all my friends on Facebook who have supported me through the loss of my son and those that I met through POS (Parents of Suicide). Only those that have suffered a loss of a child, no matter how old, can truly understand the pain one has suffered. I wish that no one had to go through burying their child. It is a journey that has no end in sight with many bumps along the way to slow one down and bring them to their knees. It is a pain that one doesn’t get over but one they must work through.

I want to thank the congregation at St. Germaine’s Catholic Church, which has made me feel so welcomed and provided a great place to grow in my faith and to contribute to the community. I have enjoyed facilitating the bible study program for thirteen years, helping out as a member of Catholics Daughters and the Ladies Guild, as well as volunteering as a leader for Vacation Bible School.

Cliff Dwelling at Mesa Verde

Foundation

My journey is not unique nor unlike yours; we all have our struggles in life that we endure. We all will encounter loss at one time or more in our life. Life is what we choose to make of it. We were never promised it would be easy. I see life as a journey, a long winding road with no end in sight. Along that road are bumps and potholes; just as our life is full of challenges, disappointments, pain and loss. For some of us the rocks are more like boulders that have fallen in our way. How we choose to survive life’s obstacles thrown our way...is in our hands alone.

Before my husband died if anyone had told me that I was a survivor or how strong I was going to be, I would have told them they were crazy. I have had many years of fighting depression as well as not speaking out against those who wronged me. I realized this all goes back to when I was about nine years old. I was molested by my uncle who threatened to kill me if I told anyone. One day while playing football with my brothers and neighbor guys (they always needed my sisters and I to fill the team) my breast was brushed when someone went to knock the football out of my arm. When I had a hysterical anxiety attack, my mother brought me in the house to find out what happened. Scared and shaken, I told my mother what had happened. I was raised to respect my elders and certainly believed what they said. I was only nine. I vividly remember going to the state trooper’s station as well as being seen by a doctor. I vividly