How to Embrace Your Inner Hotness

Copyright © 2015 by Leta Greene

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any form. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. The views expressed herein are the responsibility of the author and do not necessarily represent the position of the publisher. For information or permission, write www.yourglamourconnection.com.

This is a work of creative nonfiction. The events herein are portrayed to the best of the author’s memory. While all the stories in this book are true, some names and identifying details may have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved.

Editorial work by Eschler Editing

Cover design by Kent Hepworth

Interior design and layout by Ben Welch

Printed by Stonebridge Printing

Printed in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4

ISBN 978-0-9895523-2-5

ISBN 978-1-9514110-4-6 (e-book)

You can also buy Leta’s audiobook at http://letagreene.biz/book/

DEDICATION

To the man who loves me the most and

to the children with whom God has blessed us.

Table of Contents

Introduction: We’re All Ugly Ducklings

An Inside-Out Makeover

Building Your Hotness from the Ground Up

1 Finding the Inner You: She’s Worth Getting to Know

2 The Climb Up: Gaining New Perspective

3 Poopy Talk or Smart Communication: Getting Rid of Mental Waste

4 Vanity Prayers: Your Secret Weapon to Inner Hotness That Radiates

5 What We Say When We Don’t Speak a Word

6 How to Shake a Funk: Your Image Starts with a Plan

7 The Five Points of Image: Knowing and Owning What Others Notice

8 Putting Together Your Look: Beauty Secrets of the Pros

Now That You’re Hot

Finding or Rediscovering Your Perfect Match

9 Finding Prince Charming: Is He Hot Enough?

10 Owning Your Hotness and Letting Him Own His: The Secret to a Hot Marriage

Happily Ever After Is a Choice?

How to Keep the New You Growing Hotter Every Day

11 The Road Isn’t Always Smooth: Staying Hot under Pressure

12 It All Comes Down to Your Perspective: Connecting to What Matters in Life

13 Now You Know What Doesn’t Matter: Letting Go to Honor You

14 What’s Your Diet? Motivation and Focusing on a Hot Future

15 Tag, You’re It: Spread the Hotness

Acknowledgments

Introduction

WE’RE ALL UGLY DUCKLINGS

BEAUTY. We all want it. Our toes curl with excitement the first time a boy tells us we’re beautiful. But it sure seems easier said than done. The standard of beauty is held so far out of our reach that we spend amazing sums of money on potions and lotions to maintain or achieve what we are told is beautiful. The ancient cave woman had it so good: no mirrors. And no fashion models in the latest cave-wear showing her just how outdated she was—SO last year. Her value was based on making cave babies and staying alive. (Well, maybe she didn’t have it that good.)

As a young teen, I was a very fashionable cave girl. No, not because I’m that old. Because I didn’t have all of my teeth. (More about that later!) Therefore I was pretty sure that I wasn’t beautiful. Think about it. Wouldn’t you agree that supermodels have all their teeth? Ever seen an icon of beauty without her pearly whites? All magazine-worthy smiles come in airbrushed perfection, all teeth accounted for. How about a prom queen? A beauty pageant contestant? Yes, all of them have teeth. Recognize a pattern here?

I saw that pattern, big as life. Beautiful equals a perfect dental display of pearly whites. But I didn’t have one. I sported a big gap. Right at the front of my mouth. I tried hard not to smile. Not to let others see. I held my hand to my mouth to cover what wasn’t there, but hiding the facts from the public only went so far. Every time I looked in the mirror I saw what was missing, and it reminded me I was not a beauty. I knew that when my Prince Charming arrived to swoop me into his arms, I would smile, and . . . whoa . . . he would drop me unceremoniously on my toothless peasant bottom and ride off on his gallant steed in search of a maiden worthy of his love—one with ALL of her teeth.

And so it was. Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw it. That toothless gap solidified my lack of worth, the impossibility of future happiness, and my shortness of beauty. I wasn’t stupid. I knew that joy, beauty, and fulfilled dreams belonged only to other women—the perfect ones.

Is that how it is? (If you’re nodding your head, stop it!) My response to those ideas has changed a lot since I became a makeup artist and image consultant. How weird is that? These days I just roll my eyes and ask, "Really?" But that is what Hollywood, the diet industry, the fashion industry, and so many more are still trying to sells us.

It’s peddled by Madison Avenue. By countless magazine covers. By models on whom every last trace of wrinkles, cellulite, and zits—not to mention imperfect teeth—has been relentlessly airbrushed into oblivion. By ninety-pound thirteen-year-olds held up as examples of what we should look like—and shame on us if we don’t. And they are all lies. Very pretty lies, to be sure, but lies that come with a devastating collateral of crushed confidence and trampled self-worth.

We see symptoms of our buy-in all around us. It’s manifest by fourth graders going on crash diets to get thinner. In the growing epidemic of often dangerous, unnecessary plastic surgery. In Botox injections and laser facials and chemical peels. In the over-sexualization of women in general—and of very young girls and young women in particular—all because they believe that the only valuable thing they have to offer is sex appeal.

What’s most shocking is that everybody has some level of buy-in, even if they meet the standard. I’ve seen it from models to attractive supermoms (who pass it on generationally without even realizing it). Every woman I’ve talked to thinks she just doesn’t measure up. Even putting aside that our culture spawns a demolition of women’s inner worth, much of our potential outer beauty is also destroyed by the can’t-measure-up opt-in. After all, we project what we feel inside. Sooner or later, even the beauty queen loses attention because she’s just not pretty to be with.

Here’s the problem: We think we are ugly when in reality we are creatures of immeasurable beauty. We’ve accepted the world’s definition of beauty without seeing things as they really are. We don’t have a beauty problem. We have a vision problem. We need to learn to see with better eyes—with the eyes of the heart and the spirit, not with physical eyes that have been brainwashed by society and by the faulty vision of those around us. We need to get true twenty-twenty beauty vision.

Seeing things as they really are will likely cause us to look at beauty in a whole new way. Beauty isn’t an arbitrary value society assigns us but rather something deep and inherent in our souls. We are beautiful because we are unique in all the universe. Becoming gorgeous is about recognizing yourself regardless of the package and wrapping you come in at any given time.

The story of becoming beautiful is not about the ugly duckling becoming a swan; it is about the duckling realizing that it was a swan all along. The ugly duckling failed to radiate what it really was because it had bought in. It was teased for not fitting in, and it took the word of the other birds and just accepted that it was subpar. We’re just like that little ugly duckling, because even though we are born with infinite potential and can be gorgeous inside and out, somehow we become convinced that we are misfits—that we are different and that different is bad.

We are told that to be beautiful we need to have an outer transformation similar to that duckling finally looking like a swan. The other ducks teased the misplaced swan, but if human/swan nature is any indication, it probably also got teased once it was with the swans. Maybe it also got teased for spending its childhood among the ducks, and on and on. We get tripped up by focusing on all the differences, be we duck, swan, or human. The differences are what make us unique—and later, we might find that instead of being wrong, those are the things we actually love about our appearance. (The redhead who is called carrot top later finds that she loves her hair!)

When I was younger, I had my own perspective of what was right, and because I didn’t conform to that perspective, I didn’t fit in. But in life, all of us tend to feel we are ugly ducklings in one way or another. Don’t believe me yet? I know it’s true. In my business, I’ve talked to women from every slice of life who felt like that. Plenty of women who were cheerleaders, the so-called popular girls, models, trophy wives, athletes, dancers, yoga and Pilates divas, and all the rest. They all felt the same way—they believed they weren’t enough. Not popular enough. Not slim enough. Not good enough. Not pretty enough.

What does it mean to be enough? Is our goal to be like everyone else? It shouldn’t be, because we are each a unique and special canvas created by a loving God for a particular purpose—our own, not someone else’s. Realizing our purpose is not about a fundamental transformation of our physical features; it is about a fundamental transformation of what we feel about our value.

And that brings us to why I finally wrote this book. I had my fundamental transformation, and the freedom I found to be hot convinced me everyone needs to own their hotness too.

Remember my toothless childhood? Well, I finally got that fixed. But the universe is full of practical jokes, and I am now toothless again—that’s right, as an image consultant. You’re probably wondering how that affects my job. I’ll share the details to make my point about transformations.

So to start, I was rear-ended by a texting teenage driver. Small time-out for a public service announcement: Texting + driving = bad. My kids were okay, but I had whiplash, and my bumper was sad. I didn’t realize anything was wrong at first, but within days my mouth really started to hurt. So I went to the dentist.

Unbelievably, the accident had compromised one of my fake teeth, and an infection had spread through my jaw. The tooth would have to be removed, and the bone needed time to heal before an implant could be put in. In the meantime, just to preserve any sort of normalcy, I was fitted with a retainer that had a tooth on it.

Things are so much different now than when I was a kid. True, I again have a big gap where that tooth is supposed to be. That absolutely devastated me when I was a kid. But now, with the perspective of twenty years, I have decided to make that missing tooth work for me. I am not supposed to eat with the retainer (and, hence, the tooth) in my mouth. So whenever I sit down to eat—including at fancy dinners with my hubby’s work, at conferences where I am speaking, at networking meetings, out with friends, at church dinners—the tooth gets tucked in a napkin. It’s kinda fun. I can pretend that it popped out as I start looking frantically around at other plates, as though I might find it sitting atop someone else’s broccoli. Or I can simply announce it to the table, which is what my etiquette-coach friend suggested, to put everyone at ease. Talk about an icebreaker!

As part of my campaign to make the tooth work for me, I learned how to wiggle it, delighting small children and making adults laugh out loud! They still notice; they still stare. But now I don’t look away ashamed; now I make a goofy face, and we all laugh together. We are bonded. Sometimes I pop in my retainer and wiggle the tooth for whoever I catch looking. When asked how I handle it, I tell them that any skill worth having is worth practicing! (The skill being self-esteem. That’s right, ladies. You have to develop it through working on your paradigm shifts.)

Making lemonade from lemons is easy—all you have to do is add water and sugar. But is it possible to make lemonade with a really sour lemon? That’s an art form, and it usually only happens once you decide to find a purpose for whatever life gives you. For instance, did you know that even rotten lemons are a good cleaner for your disposal? They are still useful as sanitizer in your kitchen too. Just because something isn’t exactly perfect doesn’t mean it can’t be useful. And when something of yours isn’t perfect, well, that’s what makes you special and you can use it to be even hotter—more confident and radiant inside and out. Just like my tooth. I’m not sure I really want to get it fixed! I love using it in my speaking, I love how it instantly relieves the get-to-know-you tension at dinner parties, I love that it makes me different—after all, most beauty experts have all of their teeth! Why be like everyone else? I like being different!

So that’s it: I have a big, obvious gap in the front of my mouth. When I was a kid, a teen, and twenty years old, I couldn’t’ take it. But at forty, it’s a whole different story. I am okay with what is missing, because what is different gives me perspective, makes me unique, and shows me how amazing we all are! I’m not trying to be perfect. I’m happy with being me. (And I can’t wait to dress up for Halloween—I’m seriously so excited! I am going to be the glam pirate. And yes, I will take pictures.)

So to wrap up, this book tells part of the story of how I became the woman who finally figured out what transformation means, and how it affects what we are inside and out. And thus it contains the true secrets to beauty that I learned along the way—how to embrace inner hotness and transform yourself from the inside out. And yes, there are even secrets to claiming your own outer beauty that I’m giving up in this little book as well. But as you’ll see, they won’t provide the lasting makeover you’re looking for without the inner change. These beauty secrets are universal principles that apply to everyone, not just me. These principles, which I have shared with both clients and friends, have helped them transform the way they see themselves, just as they once helped me do the same. They’ve been tested and proven, not only on my first guinea pig—myself—but on hundreds more.

After I give a speech or do coaching on this subject, I’m typically asked, Where can I learn more? Women want this coaching one-on-one because they get a taste of how it can change their lives. Unfortunately, there’s only so much of me to go around. My kids need to see me on a regular basis; they think I’m their mom! My husband seems to like me too. As nice as it would be to sit down with each of you and share some girlfriend time, I just can’t. But that’s why I finally put this book together—it’s my way of helping you learn more. Think of it as a map for navigating to a peak from which you can really get some perspective and see yourself for what you really are: an amazing, wonderful, wise, gorgeous woman. Trust me, you’ll see the changes inside and out. Enjoy learning to embrace your inner hotness!

AN INSIDE-OUT MAKEOVER

BUILDING YOUR HOTNESS FROM THE GROUND UP

Beauty is what you feel about yourself,

not about what you see in the mirror.

—UNKNOWN

Chapter One

FINDING THE INNER YOU

SHE’S WORTH GETTING TO KNOW

IWAS BORN AN HEIRESS— to a trucking company. My limo was a big rig. My fashion could be found on the cover of Outdoor Life— blue jeans and flannel. I could grease an axle, bench press 165 pounds, and beat all the boys at arm wrestling. Needless to say, I was not the cute girl, but I knew I could beat her up if I wanted. Add to that the fact that I had my dad’s chin—a manly chin—and you already had a recipe for a beauty disaster. As if that weren’t bad enough, then I had the accident.

They’ve repaved the road where that accident happened; it looks less menacing now. I remember it being much steeper. The gravel that made my bicycle tire skid out of control is gone. What were once foothill grasses are now trimmed flowerbeds, making the hill seem less legendary. But back then it was the stage, and I was Evel Knievel on a pink bike with a banana seat and tassels.

I started at the top, wind blowing through my hair, feeling alive and free. As my speed picked up, I wanted even more speed—until the handlebars started shaking, that is. I was going so fast that the amazing piece of pink-tasseled engineering I was riding wasn’t up for the task. I lost control, hit a curb, and began to fly. The bike remained where it was.

Flying solo for thirty feet and landing on a combo of my face and arms made me pass out. When I finally woke up after lying on the side of the road for a time, I wished I’d had an audience. Not that I wanted people to see my spectacular screw-up, but so someone could have gone and gotten my mom.

My daredevil routine didn’t make me famous, but it gave me several souvenirs: a long, deep gash on my chin that exposed my bone; several facial lacerations; gravel and dirt embedded in the flesh of my face and arms; and three missing front teeth. My parents sacrificed to put my chin back together, but the scar remained long after the stitches were gone. My smile, when I dared to share it, was fitted with temporary caps—until the day I left my retainer on the lunch tray.

Why do I share all of this? To give you a picture of where I was so that if you see even a sliver of yourself in my journey and feel as I did, you can know there is hope. I am no longer the girl that the boys wanted to be just friends with. I am no longer the sad little girl filled with insecurities. I am a chickybabe. I have my own unique hotness, and so do you. It is simply a matter of knowing where—and through what eyes—to look.

Children have a perfect blend of adventure and willingness to try. That is what makes childhood so magical; we don’t see our limitations. This is manifest by the fact that as young children we know that we will be astronauts, the president, and beauty pageant queens. Most little girls don’t look in the mirror and see themselves as ugly. I remember my daughter at six dancing in front of the mirror, saying how cute she was. My mother says that I did similar things. Like the poem says, little girls really are sugar and spice and everything nice. So what changes? What robs us of this fundamental truth?

Time.

As we get older, we start comparing ourselves to others. We begin to notice differences and assume that those differences make us wrong, flawed, and ugly. We all see those flawed, ugly differences, whether they consist of a gigantic white scar across our chin or a smattering of freckles that some neighborhood boy chooses to make fun of. Maybe