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    Thirty Nine and Letting Go
    Thirty Nine and Letting Go
    Thirty Nine and Letting Go
    Ebook109 pages1 hour

    Thirty Nine and Letting Go

    By John B. Jenkins

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    About this ebook

    Thirty Nine and Letting Go: A Father’s Journey through a Son’s Addiction and Depression shares the difficult journey of a father who faced a parent’s worst-case tragedy: the loss of a child. John B. Jenkins, a Christian minister, presents the story of his son’s addiction, depression, and eventual death. John felt inspired by the Lord to write this book while his son, Josh, was in a coma after his automobile accident in June 2016. He knew he needed to start writing the day after his son’s funeral. It is his hope and prayer that others can find comfort and encouragement as they read the experiences he chronicles of Josh’s journey through his depression, his addiction, and his untimely death. As a minister, he hopes to show how the love and mercy of God is truly unending, and his grace is most certainly all-sufficient. A father’s memoir recalls the life and accidental death of a son and points to the boundless love and mercy of God that overcomes even reality’s most trying moments.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherLulu Publishing Services
    Release dateDec 19, 2016
    ISBN9781483462219
    Thirty Nine and Letting Go

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      Book preview

      Thirty Nine and Letting Go - John B. Jenkins

      Jenkins

      Copyright © 2016 John B. Jenkins.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means—whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic—without written permission of both publisher and author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

      ISBN: 978-1-4834-6222-6 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4834-6221-9 (e)

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2016919776

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

      Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

      Lulu Publishing Services rev. date: 12/05/2016

      CONTENTS

      Introduction

      Chapter 1 The End Before The Beginning

      Chapter 2 Something Special About That Kid

      Chapter 3 Two-Sided Coin

      Chapter 4 Now What?

      Chapter 5 Out With the Old, In With the New

      Chapter 6 Where?

      Chapter 7 A Time of Testing

      Chapter 8 Coming Home

      Chapter 9 The Downward Spiral

      Chapter 10 Will Things Ever be Better?

      Chapter 11 The Prodigal Returns

      Chapter 12 Running Out of Time

      Chapter 13 Every Parent’s Nightmare

      Chapter 14 We Say Goodbye

      Conclusion

      About the Author

      INTRODUCTION

      This book is not a novel nor is it filled with self-help ideas. I offer no theories which may bring personal success or perhaps, world peace. This book is a story; it is my story and the story of my oldest son relating to his life and the journey we each have taken through it. It is a story of how a drug addicted and clinically depressed son, brother, and husband can find love and redemption in the arms of a Savior Who died for him way before my son was even thought of. It is a story of a villain; an evil master known as addiction, who seems to succeed in his destructive efforts but it is also a story of a deliverer, a loving God Who looks beyond fault to see need. This book is not filled with answers, but it is filled with experiences in which you may connect and find motivation to discover the answers you seek. I am not a doctor so I cannot give you exact diagnoses and I am not a counselor so I cannot provide much enlightenment. However, I am a father, and now I am a father who has lost a son to the consequences of addiction and depression and I can offer insight into a journey which I hope will help you in yours. Although your story will differ from mine and your circumstances not be the same, one thing remains sure and constant; God has not changed and He is the one hope we all have in common and can depend on. It is my prayer that you are blessed and encouraged by this book and discover comfort in knowing you are not alone in your journey.

      CHAPTER 1

      The End Before The Beginning

      Yesterday I buried my oldest son.

      Today, I begin writing this book. I am not sure how it will turn out but I hope the words on the pages will somehow help any prospective reader and in some way, give me much needed peace and closure.

      When I say, I buried my oldest son, I mean it in the most literal sense possible. My oldest son, Josh, died on June 17, 2016, and as a minister and pastor, I conducted his funeral service and made the arrangements for him to have full military rites at a veteran’s cemetery near where we live in Dublin, Virginia. As a minister I have attended many grave side services in which the deceased veteran was provided military honors and without fail, the gun salute always catches me off guard with the loud explosions of the rifles and the sounds of the ejected empty shell casings clanging on the concrete. Yesterday was no different except this time the honor of the salute with the firing of the rifles and the clanging shells was being offered for my first born son. I am still numb and in a blurred state of unbelief when I try to come to terms with the events of the past two weeks.

      Today, I also find myself a member of a club I never thought I would have to join or be connected with. In fact, all the members who belong to this club do so with great reluctance and regret and not one member is excited to be a part of it. No one wants to hold an office, serve on a committee and actually no elections are ever held. No meetings are ever scheduled and no business is ever discussed yet the onetime payment of dues is the most costly of any social or religious club I know. The club is known as Parents Who Have Buried a Child and it is the most unpopular social connection in every town and community across this great land and perhaps even throughout the world. There are no feelings of pride or prestige in being a member of this club, no one is jealous for being left out and I actually lose my breath when talking about it. I was forced to become a member of this club as a result of events beyond my control; or, at least that’s what I want to believe. I am sure that a great number of my thoughts for the rest of my life will be focused on how I might have kept myself from being forced to become of member of such an unpopular and unrewarding club.

      Two weeks ago on June 8, sometime around six or seven in the morning, Josh was involved in a single car crash on route 100 in Giles County, Virginia and after being examined by local rescue workers the decision was made to have him air lifted from the crash site directly to Carilion Roanoke Memorial Hospital in Roanoke, Virginia. He suffered a severe brain trauma in the accident and was unresponsive when examined by the doctors in the emergency department. We still do not know exactly what happened to cause the accident but based on his recent state of mind, it is likely that excessive drug use was involved. The impact to his head left him in a deep coma for several days with no signs of improvement in brain function and no response to the doctor’s efforts to get some type of reflex action from him.

      After eight days of watching him being kept alive by a ventilator and fed through a tube, his mother and I made the most dreaded decision a parent could ever be forced to make. Josh had made his wishes known many times and we knew he did not want to simply have an existence sustained by artificial means so we had him removed from the ventilator. With a fever sometimes reaching 105 degrees and erratic, struggling breaths, he survived thirty six hours before succumbing to his injuries and slipping into the arms of Jesus. Parents aren’t supposed to watch their children die and then make the arrangements for them to be buried; it should be the other way around yet here we are and I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone. Losing a child creates an overwhelming emptiness and leaves an unexplainable void on the inside of a parent while at the same time; an invisible weight settles on your chest denying you any ease in breathing. It’s so hard to explain and I hope you never know what I am talking about.

      Millie and I were high school sweethearts. Her family had lost their home in 1972 as a result of the collapse of a slush pond dam in a coal mining community on Buffalo Creek, West Virginia. The event made national headlines and the tragedy left over 120 people dead and destroyed multiple communities as homes, schools, and businesses were all washed away. Sadly, the flood showed no favoritism as young and old alike fell victim to its destructive force from which babies were physically torn from the arms of their screaming mothers. Having stayed with a friend the night before the flood, Millie was separated from her family for a couple of days and was feared dead. Her family was actually informed of her supposed death and her father was asked to come to the local school where the deceased were being kept to identify her body. Of course, he didn’t find her in the dozens of recovered bodies and word soon reached them that she was safe and sound at her friend’s home. She often shares about the reunion she and her dad had when he finally made his way to her and she heard him call out her name.

      After the flood, her family moved around for a few months and ended up in a country setting in Mercer County, West Virginia and she found herself enrolled at Matoaka High School where I also attended. We began to date and our relationship became more serious after I graduated in 1975 and she was to graduate the following year. Millie was from a family with strong faith in Christ, so most of our dating was at church and occasionally, we would go out on Saturday nights but only if I promised her mother I would

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