Savored

Prologue

15 years ago

Cordelia

Iwatched Cooper Clark move comfortably across the courtyard. His walk had a little sway to it. Larissa had been telling me for years that nobody used words like sway. Nobody said anything like that unless they were staring at someone they were in love with.

Was I in love with Cooper Clark?

Totally, completely, absolutely.

Cooper Clark was my everything. He was funny and smart and I’d known him forever. He was kind to people he didn’t even know, and he was handsome. He made me feel uncomfortable and gooey and wonderful all at the same time.

The problem was that he didn’t notice me. We’d hated each other forever, and at this point, I couldn’t even remember why. Maybe it was because I’d always been tougher than him on the playground. Maybe it was because I’d kicked his ass a few too many times. Maybe...

Well, maybe it was because I wasn’t always nice to him.

We’d spent the last few years fighting about everything. Anytime we saw each other, it was a battle. He didn’t like my shirt or I picked on the way he was always laughing with his friends. It was stupid and childish. Larissa had been by my side through all of it, encouraging me. She hadn’t known us until middle school when she’d moved to town. Now the two of us were best friends, which was good because Cooper had his own friends now. He didn’t need his childhood buddy anymore.

Honestly, it kind of stung.

There were a lot of reasons we didn’t get along anymore. I didn’t know how much of that was just normal growing up stuff. Were you supposed to fight with people as much as Cooper and I did? I wasn’t sure, but it didn’t matter because all of that was going to end. The prom was coming up, and I was going to ask Cooper Clark to go with me. It was unconventional to ask a guy, sure, but lots of people did it. Besides, girls asked out other girls and nobody batted an eye. Why was a girl asking a guy out a big deal? It shouldn’t be.

Larissa was always telling me to man up and wear my big girl panties. No matter how sexist that might be, she was kind of right, at least about this. I needed to get a backbone if I ever wanted to make it in this cruel world. The world wasn’t always a nice place, but being around someone like Cooper Clark?

Well, that might make the world just a little bit better.

I had practiced my speech seventeen times in the shower.

Hi Cooper, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the prom with me.

It was always a statement.

I was wondering or I was thinking were both lead-ins to statements, not questions, but I hadn’t figured out how to phrase my request like, well, a request. It didn’t matter, though. When the time came, I’d be ready for him. Somehow, I knew that when it was time to ask, the words would just come to me, and it would feel natural.

I just had to get up the courage to walk across the courtyard, separate him from his friends, and ask him.

Either that or I could ask Cooper in front of everyone, but wouldn’t that be stupid?

The only person I’d told that I liked him was Larissa. She’d known for a long time that my relationship with Cooper was kind of weird. Strained probably wasn’t the right word, but then again, maybe it was. There wasn’t really a good way to verbalize how I felt around him.

Awkward.

Angry.

Shy.

Melty.

Cooper and I loved to fight, and we were good at it. Larissa was the one who pointed out that people with energy like ours would make great lovers. She’s the one who said that people like us should fuck and get it over with.

Maybe she was right.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to have sex with Cooper Clark. I was old enough for it, if I wanted to, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready. I didn’t think he’d ever thought about me that way. Then again, maybe he had. The only way I would ever know was to ask him, so there I was.

Watching.

Waiting.

Trying to talk myself into it. Was I ready? No. Was I ever going to be ready? Also no. I needed to just suck it up and do it.

Hey, a familiar voice was next to me. I turned to see my very best friend in the whole world. Larissa was everything I wanted to be: pretty, popular, kind. She was a good person. She had long blonde hair that she almost always wore in a ponytail with a ribbon wrapped around it. It was a very retro sort of look. Her clothes always looked neat and tidy, and she was always up for hanging out. I don’t know how I’d managed to survive elementary school or the first few months of middle school before she moved to Ashton. Now we were inseparable.

Hey to you, I said back. I tried to smile, but I was nervous. I was so nervous. My stomach felt like there weren’t just butterflies inside. Nope. It felt like there were monsters in there.

Whatcha doing? She asked, looking around the courtyard. She was taking in the scene and seeing what was going on. Larissa always did that. She liked to see who was around, what they were doing, and whether anyone she thought was important was there.

Nothing, I said.

Nothing at all.

I definitely wasn’t losing my shit over Coop.

Definitely not.

She followed my gaze to Cooper, and she shook her head.

Cordelia...

I’m going to do it, I told her. I was ready.

She tensed, and looked over at me. I couldn’t quite get a read on her face.

Do what?

She knew what. After all, she was the one who convinced me that it was the right thing to do. I’d been scared about the idea of asking out a guy. I’d never done it. She believed that I was ready, though, and her belief in me made me think that it really was time.

I’m going to ask Cooper Clark to prom, I said.

Only, instead of looking excited or clapping her hands and shrieking that the time had finally come, Larissa stared at me. Was she happy? Upset? Why did her face look so...tight?

Cordelia, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea, Larissa said carefully.

Why not? I asked. You were the one who told me to go for it.

That was like three days ago!

Well, I’ve spent so many years hating him that I didn’t realize just how much I really liked him. We fight and we bicker, but you’re the one who pointed out that it’s all just disguised sexual energy, I smiled. I was going to do it. I was going to ask him out and then...

Well, I didn’t know what was supposed to come next. Maybe I’d get my happily-ever-after, though. That was what I really wanted. More than anything else, I wanted happiness. Contentment. I wanted to finally feel comfortable in my own skin and I wanted to find someone to share my heart with.

Cooper was an incredible person. Yeah, he was good at sports, and he was pretty popular at school, but there was more to him. I should know. I knew better than most people. He was the one who volunteered with poor kids after school. We couldn’t say poor. That carried a negative connotation, according to our teachers. Still, there were kids who didn’t have a lot of money or opportunities, and Cooper went a few days a week to tutor them. He volunteered a lot. He was always helping other people.

The old ladies around town really liked him a lot because he was always doing things like mowing their lawns or helping them shovel snow. He was an all-around good guy. That’s what people thought about Cooper Clark. They thought he was a good boy.

Cordelia, it’s not a good idea, Larissa said.

Alarm bells started going off in my head. Why was she changing her tune all of a sudden? It seemed to me that we had only just decided it was definitely, absolutely a good idea. Now she didn’t think so anymore?

Why not? I asked. "You literally just told me that I should ask him out."

Cooper Clark seemed to notice us then because he started walking over. I sat up a little straighter. This was it. This was my chance. This was the moment I’d been practicing for. I was going to do it. The very worst thing he could tell me was no. He wouldn’t make fun of me in front of other people. He wasn’t that kind of person. No matter how much we’d fought privately, and no matter how much we’d argued in the past, I knew he wasn’t going to do something that would totally humiliate me. He just wasn’t that kind of person.

I know what I said, Larissa said, but I was hardly listening to her because my eyes were fixed on the prom. I had a mental image of myself in a lovely pink dress, dancing around with my friends, and I had a mental image of kissing Cooper. What would that be like?

I stood up and smoothed my skirt. He was getting closer, and he was smiling. He raised his hand and waved, and I waved back, but Larissa had leapt to her feet. She gripped my hand and pulled it down.

What are you doing? I asked, turning to her.

Trying to tell you something, she said.

Suddenly, my heart sank. She was going to tell me something bad, I realized. She was about to tell me something horrible that was going to change everything. I just knew it.

What could Larissa possibly have to say to me?

Hey ladies, Cooper suddenly said. He was there, right in front of me. I turned back to him and the scent of his body wash filled my nostrils. It smelled good, and I got goose bumps on my arms as I looked up at him. How the hell hadn’t I noticed how cute he was before?

Hey, Larissa said.

My mouth went dry. I opened it to say hello, but that was when I realized Cooper hadn’t stopped moving. He reached for Larissa and pulled her into a hug. Then she pulled away, and Cooper slung his arm over her shoulder. They both looked at me.

Why was his arm over her shoulder?

He never did that.

Not to Larissa.

What had I missed?

I felt dizzy, and like I was going to throw up at the same time.

Larissa? I asked.

I tried to tell you, she shrugged. She didn’t seem like she really cared. But you weren’t exactly in the listening sort of mood.

What did I miss? I whispered out loud.

Cooper asked me to go to the prom with him, she said, smiling brightly. The smile didn’t match the suddenly somber feeling that was washing over me. Of course, I accepted.

We can double date, Cooper said. It’ll be fun.

Larissa? I felt my face pale. I stared at my friend. Was this really happening? Was this real life?

Cooper seemed to suddenly notice that something was wrong, because he cocked his head the way he always did when he was analyzing something or someone.

What’s going on? He said. You look like you just saw a ghost.

Oh, it was nothing, Larissa laughed shrilly, a little too loudly. "Cordelia here just had this silly idea that she should ask you to the prom. Can you imagine? A girl asking a guy," Larissa shook her head, as though she couldn’t believe what a truly funny joke it was, but Cooper was watching me carefully.

I felt the entire world go silent around me. Suddenly, I couldn’t hear the other students, or the birds flying around. I couldn’t hear laughing or talking or bells. I couldn’t hear the cars driving by the high school. I couldn’t hear anything at all.

And all I could see was the look on Cooper’s face.

Larissa kept talking, but I didn’t hear what she said. I turned and ran. I dropped my backpack. I didn’t need it. I’d find it again later.

And I