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    Why Do You Do This?
    Why Do You Do This?
    Why Do You Do This?
    Ebook142 pages2 hours

    Why Do You Do This?

    By Michelle Moore

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    About this ebook

    Does your partner make you feel inadequate and deserving of unhappiness? Does your relationship feel unhealthy or toxic?



    Do you believe the words that make you think you're not good enough? That you spoil things constantly and deserve the treatment you get? If you are unhappy in your relationship, but can't find the strength to pull yourself away from it, this book can help you.

    Physical abuse is easy to recognize – the signs are plain to see. But emotional torment is not so obvious.If you feel worthless, inadequate, guilty, and unable to have a normal life without your abuser, you are in an abusive relationship. It's not normal, and it's not your fault. 

    This book will help you recognize the most common manipulation and abuse patterns. This breakthrough book presents manipulation and abuse through the real life story of the author and her encounters with other victims. Her firsthand knowledge will guide you to salvation and freedom, as will the research proven solutions she analyzes to identify and solve the problems that affect your daily emotional wellbeing. 
     

    What toxic relationship patterns will you learn to identify and handle?



    •What emotional hunger is and how to it drives you to unhealthy compromise. 
    •Shame in all forms.
    •Victimization without feeling guilt and pity.
    •How to recognize and overcome codependency.
    •How to notice early mental conditioning and emotional abuse.
     

    What's more:


    •The psychology behind jealousy and how to overcome it.
    •Guidelines for how to deal with infidelity.
    •Powerful break-up tips and post break-up strategies. 
    •Tips on what to do, what NOT to do, and whom to call if the abuse you face turns physical.

    Emotional and mental manipulation can leave deeper scars than physical violence. Become aware and catch the courage you need to love yourself and leave the toxic life you live in. You are worthy of true happiness. Find your boundaries and find yourself again.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMichelle Moore
    Release dateJun 11, 2020
    ISBN9781393800859
    Why Do You Do This?

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    • 5/5
      A must read! Thank you for passing along these wise words of encouragement.

    Book preview

    Why Do You Do This? - Michelle Moore

    Copyright © 2017 by Michelle Moore. All rights reserved.

    No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without the prior written permission of the author.

    Limit of Liability/ Disclaimer of Warranty: The author makes no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this work and specifically disclaims all warranties, including without limitation warranties of fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales or promotional materials. The advice and recipes contained herein may not be suitable for everyone. This work is sold with the understanding that the author is not engaged in rendering medical, legal or other professional advice or services. If professional assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought. The author shall not be liable for damages arising herefrom. The fact that an individual, organization of website is referred to in this work as a citation and/or potential source of further information does not mean that the author endorses the information the individual, organization to website may provide or recommendations they/it may make. Further, readers should be aware that Internet websites listed in this work might have changed or disappeared between when this work was written and when it is read.

    For general information on the products and services or to obtain technical support, please contact the author.

    Table of Contents

    INTRODUCTION

    Chapter 1: Whoopi Goldberg?

    Chapter 2: Emotional Hunger

    Chapter 3: Judgment Free

    Chapter 4: Love Has Many Faces

    Chapter 5: The Twisted Relationship of Abuse With Shame

    Chapter 6: Mood Swings

    Chapter 7: When You Think You’re Not Good Enough

    Chapter 8: Lies We Tell Out of Shame

    Chapter 9: How to Notice Early Mental Conditioning and Emotional Abuse

    Chapter 10: Codependency

    Chapter 11: Dealing With Aggression

    Chapter 12: Jealousy

    Chapter 13: The Point of No Return

    Chapter 14: Break Up Tactics

    Chapter 15: Epilogue

    Final Words

    Introduction

    My name is Michelle . I’m from New York City. An ordinary person living an extraordinary life. I’m a full-time traveler, working short-term online gigs, taking seasonal jobs in the countries where I happen to be. I’ve been doing this for more than a year now, I started in the middle of July, 2015. I’m about to quit and go home, wherever that may be.

    This lifestyle is not as much of a fairy tale as it seems. I live paycheck to paycheck, sometimes I end up sleeping at the beach, but I have something more valuable than any money in the world. My peace of mind. Wonder why? Of course, there was a time when I didn’t have peace, only chaos, fear, pain, anxiety, and self-hatred.

    This trip was more like therapy and self-healing to me. It wasn’t easy to make the first step on this hundred-thousand-mile journey. But, I had to. I needed it. Without it, I would be in a nuthouse by now, or I would have committed suicide. So dark, and you’re reading only the third paragraph. Don’t worry, I see the sun is shining now, and brighter than ever. It wasn’t always so.

    I used to live in a very harmful, abusive, co-dependent relationship for more than three years. I went through all the possible layers of hell, I felt powerless, inferior and what’s worse, totally useless. I loved him, hated him, would have loved to live without him, but couldn’t. At least, that’s what I thought. Until I met someone...

    I’m a New Yorker – at least, I used to be until five years ago. Back then, I studied psychology at Columbia University. On top of that, I was an intern at The Guardian, and worked as a freelance web-designer for three startup companies. I was a busy girl with great prospects of living the American Dream. I felt strong, capable and full of potential. I thought nothing would keep me from achieving what I wanted. If you have stereotypes about New Yorkers, well, I pretty much fulfilled them all.

    On a casual afternoon, after finishing my classes, I went to the Appletree Market on the corner of 120th and Amsterdam, and my whole life changed. The subject of the change was a six–foot-two, well-built, blonde, blue-eyed foreigner who spoke flawless English with a strong German accent. His smile was as charming as the kids smiling on the cover of an Osh Kosh B’gosh catalog. He looked like a modern Norse god.

    He seemed slightly lost in the midst of Mamma Chia drinks, so I thought I would help him out. You know how lost extremely good-looking, obvious tourists can be. It turned out that one of his colleagues asked him to get some lemonade, but there was cranberry and strawberry flavored lemonade. The poor soul forgot which specific lemonade flavor he was supposed to get, so he stood there, hypnotized by the beverage shelf as if it would magically come up with the answer.

    Knowing the gentleman’s problem, and seeing someone so handsome so flummoxed, I found the situation extremely hilarious and adorable at the same time. With my quick wit, I suggested that he buy both of the flavors to reduce his chances of failure. I also added that the drink itself was tasty, so he could drink the one not chosen by his friend. Yes, I know, typical I noticed you around, I find you really attractive, would you...um movie-like situation. To give the moment a more romantic angle, he came up with a better deal. He suggested that he just dropped off the drink to the colleague and he’d give me the other one if I took the time to drink it with him.

    Well, I took the time. At that moment I didn’t know that in only four months I would leave everything behind to move to Mörfellden-Walldorf, a small town close to Frankfurt am Main in mid-west Germany. Does this seem a sudden twist in the story? It’s no more sudden than it seemed to me to make this leap. It seemed that way to my strict, Harvard-bred father, who immediately excommunicated me from the family’s heritage and our home for leaving Columbia for a middle-class Norman, the German. Before you start wondering, I’m not Jewish.

    Do you wonder how I could turn my back on my brilliant future and my seven-figure inheritance? Don’t ask for a logical explanation, I don’t have one, myself. I can only say that there and then it seemed like a good idea. It was the only feasible option I could conceive of in the most in-love period of my life.

    However, this book isn’t about me. I wrote a short introduction about myself to let you know that I wasn’t always such a basket case. I had a good life with a promising career path, great university, wealthy family background, and many friends. I abandoned all of it for the promise of eternal love, children and tending sheep in a place like in The Sound of Music. It sounds cheesy, childish and incredibly stupid, but it happens to so many of us.

    We all fall into that pit of a hazy daze and become reckless. When we are in love, the world stops around us. Except for two huge reflectors that illuminate our significant other and us, everything else in the world vanishes. There is nothing else on this Earth. Some get out of the daze with luck. When the pink clouds inevitably disappear, they still feel that they found their soul mate. They complement each other and develop a complex togetherness that consists of partnership, friendship, and a romantic relationship.

    Others are not so lucky. Others meet someone, they think they have found the love of their life, but one casual Wednesday afternoon the cold shiver hits them that their relationship is not so magical as it seemed. They fight this feeling because it’s a very painful realization. But, things won’t get better. They’ll start walking on eggshells to keep the relationship alive, which is simply not meant to be.

    Here we arrive at the other person who changed my life. The fun factor is that I don’t even know what her name is. I met her in a Starbucks on the  Fourth of July, 2015, and spent only ten minutes with her. She was one of the most carefree, natural, generous, almost child-like and honest people I’ve ever met.

    And she changed my life.

    I count that day as not only the Independence Day of my nation but my own, too. Now, I know that changes are inevitable. They happen to all of us in each of our areas of life. However, change is bidirectional. There can be change for the better or for worse. If there is no improvement in something for a long time, only a madman invests all her energies into it. Emotional investment is one of the most demanding ones. If we invest a lot of positive energy in emotional life but receive either nothing or negative energy in exchange, that affects all the other areas, including friendships, career, free time and family.

    This book is based on a true story. The story of a woman who loved, believed, was disappointed, fell deep down, got up, believed and loved. Her story is engaging, spirit-lifting, down-turning, enraging, heartbreaking but mostly instructive.

    I wrote this book because I’m done. I’m healed. And I feel that with its help you can heal, too. I hope you’ll use it wisely and extract what applies to you. Take the good, treat your wounds and leave out all the rest.

    All relationships are unique, but good relationships are the same in one aspect: they grant you peace of mind — a mish-mash of trust, security and mildly constant happiness.

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