Tongue Tied

Tongue Tied

By Samie Sands

Copyright 2020 Samie Sands

Published by Samie Sands at Smashwords

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Prologue

A boiling hot, bitter-tasting rage bubbled in my stomach. My throat burned, my lips tingled, my intestines coiled painfully around my lungs squeezing all the air out of them as my mind tumbled back over everything that just happened.

How did I let things get so bad?

All I wanted to do was scream and shout, to let out some of the frustration which left me breathless, but I didn’t have the energy. I was emotionally drained like I didn’t have anything left to offer the world. It took everything I had just to keep on going. Even my eyelids felt dangerously heavy.

I pulled the car to a halt at traffic lights and tapped noisily against the steering wheel while I waited impatiently. My brain darted everywhere, even if I wanted to contain my thoughts I couldn’t, the anger rolled through me in waves, swallowing up all my organs in the process.

I couldn’t work out exactly what I’d done to lead myself down such an unpleasant path, I wished desperately I could pinpoint the moment, unravel it, and try again, but one thing was clear. What I really needed was a fresh start...

Then, three things happened all at once: my mobile phone blasted out its obnoxious ringtone, the light flickered onto green, and as my foot slammed down onto the accelerator a deep bright flash appeared from nowhere.

What the...?

I couldn’t resist turning my head to find out what the seemingly inhuman glow indicated, but before my neck could make one full spin a shocking sensation slammed into my right-hand side.

The noise came after. The deafening crush exploded my eardrums ensuring I’d never hear anything ever again. As my brain shattered I felt oddly calm. The emotions seeped from me, leaving me with nothing but numbness. It was the end and weirdly I just didn’t care. It was good to have nothing left to worry about.

I suppose, in a dark and twisted way, it solved all my problems.

The pain was ice-cold, then burning, after which my entire body lit on fire as I cascaded through the car, bumping into parts of it I’d never touched before. My rag doll body flopped like it had no bones, and soon I figured it probably wouldn’t.

I wasn’t sure where I landed, but the moment I stopped moving the world became a pinhole. A circle filled my vision and it grew smaller and smaller as a deep blackness came for me.

Within that darkness, there was only one face. Dark, curly hair, deep hazel eyes, an olive-coloured skin so soft I desperately wanted to reach out and touch it. The only person who ever made me happy, and now I’d never get to see him again

I’m sorry, Scott, I’ll miss you.

I’ve always loved only you.

One

September 2010

Oh, my goodness.

My heart stopped dead as I spotted him across the sticky, slightly smelly student bar on my first night out in this strange new world. I wasn’t sure what it was exactly, but I got the sense he was important. The words ‘he’s different’ actually went through my mind the moment I clocked him. Something powerful shifted within me as if life would never be the same again.

How little I knew.

He wasn’t even looking at me then, he burst into laughter at something one of his friends said while running his fingers through that lovely, curly hair of his, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t seem to drag my eyes away however hard I tried. The powerful magnet was already there between us.

Carlie? Are you listening to me?

I jolted from my transfixed state, my attention grabbed by my brand-new friend, Natalie. I turned quickly to focus on her instead, I needed her to like me if we were going to live together for the next three years, so I didn’t particularly want to start off on the wrong foot. I’d left all my old friends back in Cornwall yesterday, and I had to make some new ones if I wanted to survive uni life in Bristol.

Oh, sorry, it’s erm...quite loud in here. My cheeks flamed as the lie fell out my lips. I didn’t know this girl well enough yet to tell her I’d seen a guy I liked. What did you say?

She flipped her long, blonde hair over her shoulder and pressed a defiant hand on her hip. For an eighteen-year-old, she sure had a lot of confidence, unlike anyone I’d ever met before. I hoped during our time together some would rub off on me.

I said would you like another drink? This one’s nearly done. She slurped the rest of her bright blue alcopop—through a straw so it wouldn’t stain her teeth—and nodded in the direction of the big, balling crowd.

I couldn’t resist, I shot one last, lingering look to where the gorgeous boy had been only moments before, to find a huge, empty space. No point in sticking around then.Yeah, come on. I’ll buy this one.

I would’ve politely waited at the back of the queue until it was my turn, but as it turned out Natalie had other ideas. She ducked, she shoved, she darted until she got as near to the front as she could manage, all with me in tow.

I can’t believe you did that. I giggled feeling a little light-headed, full of hysteria. It might not have been much, but I never did anything wrong and it felt unexpectedly exhilarating. That was crazy.

Oh well, I hate waiting. Natalie shrugged in a blasé manner as if she shouldn’t ever be expected to queue for anything. And almost everyone is drunk already, so none of them really noticed us.

Yeah, I suppose you’re right.

As I stood at my parent’s car this morning, waving them off with promises I would look after myself, anxiety consumed me. As far as I was concerned, my English course was only a small part of what university would offer me, and it was the bit I felt least afraid of. Putting myself out there, meeting new people, experiencing new walks of life...for a small-town girl, I couldn’t stop being scared.

But with Natalie by my side, guiding me through it I’d be okay.

Oof, I cried out as someone slammed into my back. Unfortunately, that one action created a domino effect and I bumped into the person in front of me as well. Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean...

My fault, a smooth male voice called over my shoulder. The heat of another body covered me, as if the words ‘personal space’ meant nothing at all. I stiffened, the panic flooded back. My idiot friend pushed me, being stupid, and I fell.

You’re all idiots, Natalie half-yelled. What the hell are you playing at?

I could feel an argument brewing around me, like an unstoppable storm cloud forming above my head. Not that it bothered me too much, something had me distracted. Just a couple of inches to the left an intense sizzling heat came from him. Despite all the odds being stacked against us, even though there were hundreds of people in the bar, fate intervened and I stood next to the guy who made me feel things I didn’t even know were possible. I wasn’t sure how, but I knew it was him before I even turned.

This time, he looked right back at me.

His hazel eyes bore into my soul, twisting my stomach up in knots. My heart darted and danced all over my chest and my breaths came out ragged. I probably looked like an insane person. I had no doubt this wonderful, beautiful, perfect boy thought I was mental, but I couldn’t seem to reel myself in. With him close to me, I fell apart.

Are you okay? he asked me in a voice so chocolatey sweet I became a puddle at his feet. Are you hurt?

I...I... What the hell was wrong with me? I’d heard the expression ‘tongue-tied’ before but I hadn’t ever experienced it. I couldn’t seem to get my mouth to work in the way it normally did.

Okay, so I wasn’t great with guys, I didn’t have the best track record ever, but this had to be the worst introduction of all time. There were so many things I wanted to say, so many ways I wanted to be reinvented as the ‘cool girl’, but it seemed I’d never be able to shake off scared, insecure, mousy Carlie Jaymeson however hard I tried.

I think you need a drink. He smiled down at me, making me feel more petite than I actually was. I mean, that’s why you’re at the bar, right?

Somehow, as he tossed his head back and laughed with pure mirth at his own non-joke, I felt my tongue loosen. Well, I wouldn’t stand in this pointless queue for nothing, I managed with a surprising bit of spark.

Let me sort that for you.

I wanted to scream with joy as he ordered my drink. That was amazing, wasn’t it? A gorgeous guy had offered to buy me a drink. There were lots of girls here but he chose me. I wasn’t quite sure what that meant, but surely it was a good thing? I could just see the story unfolding now; me, meeting the love of my life and the father of my children on my first night at university, an incredible love story, one worthy of a movie, beginning today. I wasn’t usually a big romantic, and I certainly wasn’t in any hurry to get hitched and pop out a couple of sprogs, but there was something about this one...

He was different.

The name’s Scott, by the way. He gave me the most adorable cheeky grin as he handed me my blue bottle, showing me the most amazing set of dimples I’d ever seen. Scott Albert.

Hmm. I pursed my lips and teased him playfully. My mum always warned me never to trust a boy with two first names.

Well mine always told me to stay away from girls with eyes that match the sky, but here I am, talking to you.

That was flirting...wasn’t it? It felt like a flirty comment and it made my pulse rate kick up another notch. I could barely manage a smile in return because so many sensations flooded me from that one silly remark. My eyes had never been complimented before, and it was delicious.

Well, I’m Carlie Jaymeson...make of that what you will.

I stared, defying him to mock me. The look I got back sent a powerful shiver racing down my spine. It was a sensation I wanted to cling onto forever.

Come on, he ignored my challenge completely. Let’s go play some pool.

I gently touched Natalie’s arm and told her what I was up to, but in all honesty, she didn’t seem too bothered. Her argument had turned into a heated debate with an undertone of sexual frustration. She was just fine.

So, is your friend always so...shouty? He shot me a dazzling grin as he set up the game. If so, she’s going to get you in lots of trouble.

"Well, if I’m honest, I only met her a few hours ago so I don’t really know. I felt a swell of loyalty towards Natalie. I certainly had no intention of trash-talking her.But I’m sure she’ll be just as much fun as she is trouble."

Ah, so you’re a first year,he declared with a tone of superiority which crushed me somewhat. I wasn’t sure why, but I didn’t want him to be older than me. I wanted to surround myself with people going through this life-changing experience at the same pace. It was irrational, but I couldn’t help my emotions. Good, because so am I. He smirked as if we were sharing a secret. But I don’t know if I like the guys I’m living with yet. They’re just so different to me.

That’s why we’re here, isn’t it? To meet people unlike ourselves. I sounded surprisingly wise, which I liked. I’m sure you’ll be fine.

And if I don’t, I’ll always have you.

My heart leapt with joy, instantly a tight bond knotted around us. With those few sweet words he claimed me, and I really wanted to be claimed by Scott.

You’re doing drama as well, aren’t you? he chanced. For a spilt-second, I actually regretted not harbouring a deep dream to star in movies, even though that’d never be me.

I’m afraid not, I’ve never been good at acting, singing, or dancing. It’s English for me. The written word is about all I’m good for.

So, you’re the one I come to when I’m crying over every single essay. Good to know.

I had no idea how it was going to pan out, I didn’t know if this would be just a fleeting meeting never to be repeated, or if we’d form something long lasting but I really wanted it to be the latter. He warmed me up, he made me feel special, I wanted to keep the heady, spinning head all the time.

Yep, I think so. I mean, I might not be able to help you with your work but I’ll always have tea bags if that helps.

A fire lit in my belly as he moved so close to me it felt like something might happen. I breathed so deeply my chest rose and fell rapidly.

I’ll have to walk you back to your room tonight, so I know where it is. Any girl who knows how to make a good cuppa is one I need to keep around.

Yes.Walk me to my room, what did that mean? Of course. Wouldn’t want to leave you caffeine free now, would we?

And from that moment on, Carlie and Scott were born.

Two

November 2010

I took to English better than I thought I would. I assumed I’d like it because I adored reading and creative writing, but I didn’t expect to be so good at it. I naturally took to all the challenges asked of us without really thinking too much about it. I loved the heated debates taking place in the classroom too, it was awesome to have a place where free-thinking was actively encouraged. Along with it, I could feel myself becoming a more well-rounded person with an open mind.

I was a little bit proud of myself. It proved I could cope with life away from home, that I was capable of making something of myself. I didn’t totally know which direction I wanted my life to take after all of this, but the future no longer felt like a terrifying black cloud looming over my shoulders.

I’m so jealous of you, Natalie commented grumpily as she watched me type away frantically on my laptop. You look like you actually enjoy writing essays.

Oh, well. I blushed and shrugged noncommittally. That’s probably because I do.

Natalie rolled her eyes and pushed her own computer off her lap. "I can’t stand it, it isn’t fair. I hate writing about geothermal activity. I don’t mind the course, but I hate the writing. How can you just...argh! She threw her hands above her head angrily. I’m going to make a cuppa; do you want one?"

Yeah, a tea would be lovely actually...

My phone bleeped loudly. I pulled it out from where it’d slid under my leg and smiled as Scott’s name filled the screen. The secret crush I harboured for him was a delicious thrill I kept firmly to myself.

‘Carlie, help me. I need you, come to the canteen.’

Without even thinking about it, I clapped my laptop closed. I wouldn’t interrupt my flow for anyone else in the world, but Scott. He was worth it.

‘Sure, be right there. Get me a coffee.’

"Don’t worry about the