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    Glimpse: A Novel
    Glimpse: A Novel
    Glimpse: A Novel
    Ebook551 pages7 hours

    Glimpse: A Novel

    By Jonathan Maberry

    3/5

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    About this ebook

    "A waking dream, at once powerful and subtly sinister." —Clive Barker, New York Times bestselling author

    A chilling thriller that explores what happens when reality and nightmares converge, and how far one will go to protect the innocent when their own brain is a threat.

    From New York Times bestselling author Jonathan Maberry comes a novel that puts a bold new spin on the supernatural thriller.

    Rain Thomas is a mess. Seven years an addict and three difficult years clean. Racked by guilt for the baby she gave up for adoption when she was sixteen. Still grieving for the boy’s father who died in Iraq. Alone, discarded by her family, with only the damaged members of her narcotics anonymous meetings as friends. Them, and the voices in her head.

    One morning, on the way to a much-needed job interview, she borrows reading glasses to review her resume. There is a small crack in one lens and through that damaged slice of glass she sees a young boy go running down the aisle of the subway train. Is he screaming with laughter or just screaming? When she tries to find the boy, he’s gone and no one has seen him.

    The day spins out of control. Rain loses whole chunks of time. She has no idea where her days went. The voices she hears are telling her horrible things. And even stranger things are happening. Unsure whether she is going insane, Rain sets out to find answers to long buried questions about an earlier life she has avoided for years—in what may be the most dangerous collision of all, that between reality and nightmare.

    How far will one person go to save someone they love?

    Read on at your own peril...

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMacmillan Publishers
    Release dateMar 27, 2018
    ISBN9781250136329
    Author

    Jonathan Maberry

    Jonathan Maberry is a New York Times bestselling and five-time Bram Stoker Award–winning author, anthology editor, comic book writer, executive producer, and writing teacher. He is the creator of V Wars (Netflix) and Rot & Ruin (Alcon Entertainment). His books have been sold to more than two dozen countries. To learn more about Jonathan, visit him online at jonathanmaberry.

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    Reviews for Glimpse

    3/5

    27 ratings6 reviews

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    • 3/5
      A creepy read that follows Rain as she fights to hold on to hope and keep from falling into madness at the hands of Doctor Nine. After being pregnant as a teenager and giving her baby up for adoption (reluctantly), she suffers from addiction and the struggle to stay clean. She has a support group in the Cracked World society and throughout the course of this strange story she has shared her story and found that what haunts her has invaded the dreams of many others as well.
    • 4/5
      More dark fantasy (and such a wonderful resolve) than actual horror, though there are certainly horror elements. I often enjoy Maberry's heart.
    • 2/5
      Well, I kept hoping that this hot mess might pull together toward the end, but it's just a big ol' mug of nope.

      I'm actually quite shocked, as I've loved everything else I've read from Maberry, and that includes the Pine Deep Trilogy, all the Joe Ledger books, and his Sam Hunter stuff (I've stayed away from his YA stuff, because I don't like zombies). If someone had given me this novel to read with no indication of who the author was, I never would have guessed Maberry.

      It feels rushed, it takes far too long to make any sort of slim logical sense, and the characters—with the exception of Monk—are either boring or somewhat whiny, except in the case of Doctor Nine and the Nurse, who are so over-the-top comic book villains (right down to actions and dialogue) that I could never consider them as much more than comedy relief.

      It's too bad. I hadn't realized how eagerly I'd been awaiting Maberry's return to horror until I saw this book come out. I guess I should be careful what I wish for.

      Glimpse is only getting a second star because there are occasional bright spots where Maberry's writing is simply wonderful. But nowhere near enough to save this mess.
    • 4/5
      This novel is a solid and very interesting read, with a slow, creeping horror that I enjoyed a great deal. The premise is completely different from anything else I have ever read before, and was well thought out. It’s going to really stand out from all the rest of the books in this genre.
      The characters were great, and the storyline kept me coming back to it as soon as I could. The whole world of Fire Zone was as singular and fantastic as any I’ve ever read about.
      Maberry is a gifted author and I’m so very glad he wrote this layered and complex novel the way that he did. Especially the parts where Rain revealed her life story mostly through her intimate confessions at group therapy. These moments were woven seamlessly into the narrative, and I loved them. Also a huge portion of this book is about loss and struggling, so some parts were sadder than I expected, but this is also ok to me.
      Monk needs a whole series of novels dedicated to him and his tattooing buddy, alone. I’d read the hell out of those.
      Many people who’ve read this novel and reviewed it have compared this novel to Hill’s NOS4A2, and I also agree with them. They could be world cousins or something like that, you know what I mean?
      Emma Galvin is the narrator of the audiobook, and she is spectacular at it. She really kept me spellbound in her reading, and I enjoyed her a great deal. Take heed, MacMillan Audio...!
      “Glimpse may be billed as a novel of paranormal horror and suspense. But dig a little deeper, and you will also find a tale of redemption and recovery, a story about confronting the demons of the past—both the figurative and literal ones.”

      4 stars, and recommended.
    • 3/5
      When I saw the cover and read the publisher's blurb for Glimpse by author John Maberry, I was expecting a thriller with supernatural elements sort of on the lines of John Connolly and Simon Toyne, two writers I enjoy quite a lot. This was not that. It's more horror than thriller, a genre I am not particularly fond of. It took me a while to decide to write a review as I always feel a stab of guilt critiquing a book in a genre I tend to avoid. However, in this case, I felt there were enough to recommend it albeit not for me. This is the first book I have read by Maberry and, on the plus side, I will say that he is clearly a very good writer. His descriptions of the drug addicted main protagonist's nightmarish adventures are, to say the least, vivid - hallucinogenic and, well, nightmarish. Overall, though I struggled to read it and, to be honest, only made it about half-way through, I suspect that, for fans of - horror thrillers? - it would be a hella good read.

      Thanks to Netgalley and St martin's Press for the opportunity to read this book in exchange for an honest review
    • 3/5
      Rain's life is spinning out of control. Yes, she's an addict and her past is filled with mistakes, but now it seems her nightmares are coming to life.

      Dr. Nine is the evil force in this book and he is creepy as hell. Rain and her friends are wonderfully flawed characters. And Monk is an amazing character all on his own, a cross between a private detective and paranormal vigilante.

      I enjoyed this one. It is a bit of a slow burn, but totally worth it. I was surprised by the twists and by the ending. I love Maberry's writing, the Rot & Ruin series, the Pine Deep series, and the Dead of Night series. This one is different but still scary and fun.

    Book preview

    Glimpse - Jonathan Maberry

    PART ONE

    HIGHER POWERS

    All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.

    —EDGAR ALLAN POE

    All that really belongs to us is time;

    even he who has nothing else has that.

    —BALTASAR GRACIÁN

    CHAPTER ONE

    It’s like that sometimes.

    It starts weird and in the wrong place.

    This did.

    Rain Thomas went to bed on Thursday and woke up on Saturday. She had no idea at all that someone had stolen a whole day from her until she arrived twenty-three hours and forty-eight minutes late for a job interview.

    The interview did not go well.

    CHAPTER TWO

    Her alarm clock always sounded like an outraged cricket. It yelled her awake and then seemed to dodge her flailing hand until she finally caught it and slapped it silent. Bastard. She patted the bed next to her, looking for Joplin, but he was gone. He almost never stayed the night. That was the arrangement. He lived two doors down in an identical brownstone walk-up, and last night, let’s face it, had been a booty call. She’d called him this time. It worked out to about fifty-fifty on who called whom. Great sex, some nice holding, and then retreating to separate corners.

    That was fine. Rain preferred to sleep alone. Sleep being the operative word.

    The warm lump by her feet was her dog, Bug, a mixed breed of rat terrier, Cavalier King Charles, Chihuahua, and god knew what else. She was small, cute, loyal, and semi-hysterical. Bug liked to crawl under the covers and burrow into the darkest, warmest spot on the bed.

    Rain hovered on the warm edge of slumber, wishing she could roll over and drop back down. There was a dream she wasn’t finished with. She tried to swim deeper, even though it was dark down where the full dream was swimming. Dark and a little scary.

    But it was important. She was sure of that.

    Against her will, the day coalesced around her. Her apartment was a little icebox on the fifth floor of a Brooklyn brownstone that looked like ten thousand others. The steep sets of creaking stairs were her gym membership. She wore pajama bottoms, socks, and a sweatshirt to bed but she was always cold. Even in summer. The landlord didn’t turn the heat on until the end of October, and when he did, it sounded like a cokehead monkey was beating on the pipes with a hammer. What little heat leaked out of the radiator didn’t have the enthusiasm to reach out to any other part of the room. No one was allowed to have a space heater. Fire hazard. Sneaking one in was the best way to get evicted. The upside was that the cockroaches didn’t like the cold, and most of them stayed downstairs in the laundry room.

    Fun times.

    The apartment was on West 238th Street in Kingsbridge, several light-years from the encouraging footfall of gentrification. She had one room that was half the size of her mother’s walk-in closet, with a kitchenette in the corner and a bathroom in a cubbyhole so small that she had to squeeze between the toilet and sink to get into the shower. The windows were nailed shut, and it looked exactly like the kind of apartment they’d put in a movie if they wanted to show how freaking depressing someone’s life could be. Joplin’s flat was a two bedroom with a full kitchen, which he’d inherited from his dad and had turned into his art studio. Sometimes she went over there, but it was every bit as cold, and he was a slob. A gorgeous slob, she had to admit, but one who hadn’t evolved his social skills past his dorm room days at art school.

    Rain rubbed her face with her palms and then glanced at the clock.

    6:49.

    Shit, she said. The interview was at nine thirty all the way in the city.

    She had every intention of jumping to her feet and going full whirlwind through her morning routine. Bathroom, shower, clothes, makeup, out the door, bagel and coffee on the 1 Train.

    That was the plan.

    Why bother? asked her inner voice. You won’t get it anyway. They’ll do a background check and you’ll be out on your ass.

    It was a familiar voice—the part of Rain’s mind that ran a constant disapproving commentary on everything she did. It was one of several voices that vied for attention inside the untidy mess of her brain. One of the legion of counselors she’d sat with over the years suggested the label of parasite. That fit. It lived within her and knew everything about her, but it had no interest at all in her well-being, though it was slippery and sly and often pretended to be the voice of her common sense, her better angel. As if.

    Rain tried hard, every single day, to ignore that voice. Sometimes she managed, but it was persistent, relentless, and it knew all her secrets.

    She put her face in her hands and tried not to cry. Not because her life was so hard. Her life had always been hard. And not because she couldn’t remember the dream, even though she felt she had to. No. Rain Thomas cried because this was another day when she wouldn’t score some rock and smoke her way off the planet. Another day. It was day number one thousand one hundred and six of not using, and it hurt every bit as badly as day one. She hid behind the closed doors of her palms and waited for the tears. Waited. But they didn’t come. Not that morning. It wasn’t a relief, though, because she knew they’d show eventually. They always did. People patted her on the back for getting her shiny pink three-year coin from Narcotics Anonymous. They told her she was strong. Joplin told her she was tough as Supergirl.

    The hell did he? The hell, in fact, did anyone know?

    Bug, disturbed by her attempts to get up, wormed her way from under the blankets, stuck her black nose and brown eyes out, and peered at Rain. There was a flutter of blankets from the dog wagging her crooked little tail.

    Good morning, fuzzball, said Rain thickly. Bug wagged harder, but her eyes cut to the night table where a Ziploc bag stood next to the clock.

    You want your morning cookie, don’t you?

    A more enthusiastic wag.

    Rain took a crunchy treat from the bag, broke it into three small pieces, and placed them on the mattress. It was a ritual. If she didn’t do that, Bug would not emerge from the bed at all. Now she wormed her way on her belly like a World War I soldier sliding under barbed wire strung across no-man’s-land. She took the first treat. Moved farther. The second. The third. By then she was completely out of bed and lay there, stretched to her full length, which wasn’t much. A tiny body spotted with black, white, and brown, a tail that had been broken before Rain adopted her from the shelter and which perpetually canted to the left.

    Mommy has a job interview today.

    Bug wagged her tail with great enthusiasm. Rain’s cheering section.

    Think I’ll get it?

    Bug sat up, hoisted a leg, and began licking her own crotch.

    Gosh, thanks for that note of encouragement, said Rain. She braced her palms against the edge of the mattress and pushed up against the gravity of her need. She stumbled across the cold floor, squeezed into the bathroom, and tried to make herself look like someone worth hiring. Worth trusting.

    That was going to take a lot of makeup.

    CHAPTER THREE

    Rain fed Bug, got undressed, turned on the shower, tested the temperature mix, pulled the curtain over to keep from getting any water on the floor, and sat down on the toilet with her feet resting on the warm pile of socks and jammies. Her bladder was so full that it hurt, and it occurred to her that life was pretty sad if a good pee was likely to be the highlight of her day. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. She reached for a magazine but realized she hadn’t brought her reading glasses in with her. Sighed, put the magazine down. Kept peeing.

    The shower curtain billowed out over the edge of the tub, spraying her with water that was still cold. She yelped and jerked back and then pushed the curtain back in place. The droplets on her leg felt like ice water. It always took so long for the hot water—such as it was—to crawl up five flights. Rain fished for the hand towel that hung over the sink and rubbed the water off her skin. The drops, cold as they were, left red spots on her skin as if she’d been sprayed with boiling water. Not blisters, but very bright and red. She frowned at them and watched them fade.

    She kept peeing. It was turning into a marathon.

    A few seconds later, the shower curtain whipped out again. Faster this time and the cold water slapped her from shins to breasts. Stinging cold. Not a trace of heat. Rain shrieked and punched the curtain over the edge of the tub, cursing at it as her entire body erupted into gooseflesh.

    "You son of a bitch," she snarled.

    The curtain rippled as if the cold water was somehow creating a wind in there. Rain glared at it, daring the plastic to move again. It was a pretty curtain, covered with Van Gogh’s Starry Night. Swirls of blue and yellow and black. She’d bought it after winning twenty-five dollars on a scratch card, and she thought Joplin would approve. Buying it had been rare indulgence for someone who counted pennies, and a case could be made that it was the prettiest thing she owned. She and Joplin had broken it in by making love in that shower, her standing with her hands braced on the wall, him behind her, the water hammering on them as they moved together. Right now, though, Rain was ready to tear it from the rings, stab it with scissors, and stuff it in the recycle bin.

    The curtain hung for a moment, gently rippling, as behind it the water still ran cold. There was no warmth at all in the bathroom, no plumes of steam to indicate the presence of a single goddamn drop of hot water from the goddamn boiler in the goddamn basement of this goddamn pile-of-shit building.

    Rain tried to squeeze her bladder empty, but there was still more. How? She’d had a single cup of tea before bed last night. How could she, or any human being, pee this much?

    She was reaching for the paper when she saw the shower curtain began to blow outward again. Not a lot … just a puff. With a growl, she slapped it back.

    Don’t, she warned, pointing a finger at it.

    It hung straight, trembling only with the beating of the shower water.

    And then it moved again.

    Harder this time. Faster. Rain growled again and slapped it back hard.

    And then she screamed and jerked backward, half falling off the toilet, hitting the wall, recoiling as far and as fast as she could from the curtain.

    No. From something on the other side of the curtain. Her slapping hand had hit something. It felt like …

    A hand?

    She hung there, leaning away from the toilet, the tub, the curtain. Part of the curtain hung over the edge now, and water ran down, forming a pool on the worn linoleum. Rain was afraid to move, to breathe. Her heart fluttered like a rabbit’s—too fast, too hard, hammering at her chest as if it wanted to break free.

    Joplin…?

    No answer.

    Joplin, if that’s you playing some kind of stupid joke, I’m going to kill you.

    Nothing.

    I’m not messing with you. This isn’t funny.

    The curtain billowed slowly, and Rain stared at it, unable to blink, too frightened to turn away. She knew that it wasn’t Joplin. He had his faults, he wasn’t always the warmest guy, but he wasn’t this mean.

    Bug came creeping into the bathroom and stared at the curtain. All the hair along her spine slowly stood up, and she bared her tiny fangs. That scared Rain even more.

    Who’s there? she asked, knowing it was a stupid question. If anyone answered, her world was going to break apart. But no one could answer. She’d reached in to turn the water on, leaning a head and shoulder past the edge of the curtain as she set the water mix. The tub had been empty. Of course it had. She’d have known if there was someone in there.

    Of course she would.

    Of course.

    Bug suddenly yelped and ran from the bathroom. Rain could hear the dog’s nails skittering on the floor as she crawled under the bed. Her place of safety.

    That made it worse. Bug, small as she was, would stand up to the neighborhood pit bulls. She snapped and snarled at the gangbangers who hung out on the corner down the street. She was a rat killer.

    Now her terrified whimpering filled the apartment.

    It’s him, whispered a voice, and for a moment, Rain couldn’t tell if it was inside her head or inside the bathroom. Her heart jumped sideways in her chest. The curtain continued to move as the water pounded on it, the drops popping on the thick plastic. The starry night swirled.

    There was no one in her shower. There couldn’t be. No way. And yet she stared, waiting, knowing that she had felt something. She had. She had. She had.

    It’s not him, she told herself. She did not say his name. Not now. Not in a moment like this. No way. God, no way. Please, please, please, no.

    She tried to force herself to be real, to be logical. What was the sane choice? The obvious choice? How could it really be a hand? That was impossible, that was stupid.

    But …

    It had felt like a hand. Her fingers were splayed when she’d hit the curtain. She felt the impact, felt the different points of it. Palm and fingers and thumb. As if someone timed a slap to hers. As if someone had been waiting in there, watching her somehow, seeing her there on the toilet, naked, peeing, shivering with the cold. And then had pushed the curtain, knowing she would push it back. Timing a slap to meet hers. Playing a game. Playing with her.

    If someone’s there, I’m going to kick your ass! she yelled. It sounded stupid, even to her own ears. She was one hundred and ten pounds of naked nothing. And he was …

    What?

    She realized with a start that she knew it was a he. The hand had been much bigger than hers. Harder.

    It’s not him. It’s not him. It’s not him.

    I’m going to call 9-1-1.

    The curtain moved. Slightly. Was it only the water moving it? Was that all it was?

    That’s when she saw the shadow. Blended in with the swirling skyscape of Van Gogh’s tortured night was something else. A tone, a darkness that didn’t fit in with that painting. There was someone in there. Standing just behind the curtain, not moving. But there.

    Rain was absolutely frozen into the moment, her flesh smashed against the tiled walls, heartbeat rising and rising to a panicked crescendo. Part of her mind tried to tell her that this was it. She was going to get raped and killed. When they found her body, she would be naked and covered in piss and her own blood, and that’s what the cops would tell her mother. That’s what her grandmother would hear on the news. That’s all anyone would ever know of her. Ex-junkie murdered in her fifth-floor walk-up. Another piece-of-crap person added to the statistics of Who gives a damn?

    That’s what the parasite told her.

    The only warmth in the whole world was a small line of pee that trickled down the inside of her left thigh.

    Please, she begged.

    The shadow didn’t move.

    The curtain rippled once more, harder than before, and more water spattered on her right leg, all the way to the hip. The water was warm now.

    She saw the first curl of steam rise like a snake above the shower rod.

    Please, she said again, a thick whisper almost without volume.

    The swaying curtain stopped moving and hung straight.

    It took every ounce of strength that Rain had to push off the wall, to raise her arm, to extend a hand toward that curtain once more. She knew it was a stupid thing to do. She should run. Get out of the bathroom, pull the door shut, get to the kitchen, grab a knife, make him earn whatever he took from her. Cut him for doing this to her. Die fighting instead of …

    The curtain did not move at all. Rain stared at the shadow. It wasn’t moving, either.

    Nothing moved in the bathroom except the snakes of steam that twisted and wrestled up by the vent to the fan that hadn’t ever worked.

    Please? said Rain, and it came out as a question this time.

    Nothing.

    It took everything she had to stand up. Her legs buckled at once, and she sat down hard on the edge of the toilet and then slid off onto the floor. By pure reflex, she snapped a hand out to catch herself, but she missed the edge of the tub and caught the curtain instead, jerking it, tearing it off half of the rings. It whipped and twisted and fell with her. Hot shower water pelted her, pushing her down to the linoleum as steam billowed.

    There was no one in the shower stall.

    No one at all.

    CHAPTER FOUR

    She did not talk to herself while she got cleaned up and dressed. Rain was too embarrassed in her own eyes to pay attention to her thoughts. Embarrassed and scared and …

    No, those adjectives were part of the conversation she didn’t want to have.

    Bug stayed under the bed and would not come out even for treats.

    Rain busied herself with doing everything quickly, efficiently, precisely. It was the way she used to do things when she was drunk or high and knew—or thought she knew—that people were watching. I’m not a junkie. Look how well I fold my laundry. Look how straight I walk down the street. See, I’m taking the train like a regular person.

    She studied herself in the mirror. She was thin bordering on skinny. Wavy brown hair, ordinary brown eyes, pale skin, a good complexion. Her best features, she thought, were her lips—full—and nose—small. When she’d been a girl, people always said she had beautiful eyes. Large and expressive. That was before seven years of using drugs. Now her eyes had a shifty quality. It was hard for her to even meet her own gaze in the mirror, let alone other people’s. There was something about her now, even three years clean, that made people nervous around her.

    As always, she turned away, unable to see the disappointment on her own face.

    She had to reach under the bed and pull Bug out to put her leash on, but then the dog yanked her out the door and down the stairs. Once outside, Bug bravely peed on everything she could, pooped twice, peed some more, and then tried not to be led inside. After pulling, coaxing, cajoling, and threatening, Rain finally picked Bug up and carried her back upstairs.

    I’ll be back in a few hours, Rain told the little dog. It’s okay, everything’s fine. There’s no one here.

    Bug gave her a withering look and crawled back under the bed.

    Rain looked at the bathroom, at the torn curtain.

    Shit, she said.

    She fetched duct tape and used strips of it to reattach the shower curtain. She also used towels to mop the floor, Clorox spray to clean the toilet seat, and too much soap and hot water to sponge away the memory of her own stupidity. Or paranoia. Or whatever. She kept her mental thesaurus shut as she soaped and rinsed and dried. She did not narrate her life as she dressed and applied her makeup. Shoes that were good for walking and would look nice in a job interview, and a small bag that looked like real leather. She’d placed the folder with her résumé by the door so she wouldn’t forget it. The clock above her tiny dining table told her it was time to go. She slid some treats under the bed for Bug and heard tentative crunching as she headed for the door.

    Every single stair in the building squeaked in a different key of weary complaint. In the foyer, she caught Mrs. Grundy from 304 stealing Mr. Allyn’s newspaper. He lived in 107 and was always complaining that kids stole his paper. Rain knew the truth and made eye contact with the old woman as she tucked the Post into her ratty blue bathrobe. It was an open secret, and even when caught, Mrs. Grundy acted as if no one saw what she did.

    Haven’t seen you in a while, said Mrs. Grundy.

    I saw you yesterday, said Rain.

    The old lady looked momentarily confused, then began climbing the stairs, one hand pulling on the rail and the other pressing her robe closed around her prize. Rain wondered how many steps Mrs. Grundy would have to climb before she forgot meeting Rain today. Or had she already forgotten?

    The building was filled with oddballs and castoffs. No one was an actual friend of hers, but there were a few who Rain didn’t mind saying hi to. Mrs. Grundy was old, and local rumor had it that she used to be a porn star back in the seventies, but Rain didn’t think that was true. It was too much like the kind of thing people said to make the neighbors sound interesting. The woman who lived in 211 was widely believed to be a drug mule, and Joe Garrick, in the apartment across from Rain’s, was supposed to be in witness protection. She wondered what stories they told about her. People knew she went to NA meetings. They knew she rarely had anyone over. What did they make of all that? Who did they think she was?

    She managed not to consciously think about the bathroom until she was on the 1 Train. It was a long, rocking, rattling trip to Manhattan, and with nothing else to do, all she had time to do was think. She shared a bench seat with a sad-eyed old Latina woman. Every seat on the train was full but there was no one standing in the aisles. More like Saturday commuters than Friday. Rain was aware of that from a distance the way most people are aware of things, but she put no actual thought on it.

    For the first ten minutes of the ride, Rain sat, purse and folder on her lap under her clasped hands, eyes looking at nothing in particular as she replayed everything that had happened that morning. It was all lurking right below the surface, and it still made her shiver. She would have bet her entire new welfare check that there was someone behind the curtain. She’d felt his hand. She’d seen the shadow of him back there.

    The fact that no one had been there was almost scarier than if there had been. Rain thought she was past all that kind of bullshit. The fantasies and hallucinations. Being crazy. Crack was a gentle high, but it wasn’t psychedelic. When she wanted to walk straight out of her mind, she dropped N,N-dimethyltryptamine—DMT. Or smoked it; but the pills always flipped the switch faster. Either way it was a rocket-ship ride to elsewhere, and it worked every time. Her favorite dealer, Bone, called it Void, and that was a good-enough name, and they described the effects as a tourist high. Not because it was favored by actual tourists but because once it hit the bloodstream you were no longer in your own country. Rain agreed with that.

    Some of her friends were afraid of Void because when it was in full swing, it broke apart all understanding of reality. The so-called real world was suddenly false, its laws suspect; while the other world was incredibly and insistently real. More real. Way more. There were new physical laws, new languages that only travelers to that land understood—and when she was there, Rain did understand it; but not once the high wore off. Coming back and coming down was like what she imagined dementia would feel like. She was aware that she had lost parts of her intelligence, her memory, her clarity and was now in a reduced lesser state of consciousness.

    On the day she got out of the hospital after giving up her baby, she took her first trip to that far-off place. She never wanted to come back, because there was nothing real or solid or beautiful back here.

    It wasn’t the distortion of reality that ultimately made her switch to crack. It was the grief of losing that enhanced insight. On that level, she could talk with Noah, she could understand where her dead lover was and what he was experiencing. On that level, they could be together, and their baby was always with them. Only there, though, and never here. Crack did not allow her to visit that place, but it took away her ability to care that she could not stay there.

    Since then, though, she’d had a few DMT flashbacks, but they were quick, and even when they were firing she knew what was happening. So, no, this wasn’t that. And she didn’t think it was a flashback at all, because she’d been high for so long that she knew every flavor in that box of chocolates. The jittery coke high, the mellow weed high, the floaty XTC high, and the dreamy take-me-away high of good crystal meth. This wasn’t like any of them. This felt more like her mind was slipping a gear. Rain had some experience with that, too. For the first eight weeks of each rehab, it had felt like her brain was a computer streaming five different movies at once, and none of them in English. She’d screamed her way through a lot of long nights in several different hospitals and knew what those fantasies were like.

    What happened this morning just made her feel crazy.

    Her heart still wanted to race out of control and she had to fight back the tears. She knew what they told her every time she went to a meeting, that being clean didn’t make you anything but a junkie who wasn’t currently high. Alcoholics were always alcoholics, and addicts were always addicts. All a clean day meant is that you worked the program that day. Tomorrow was another battle. And your body would never forget that it wanted to be high. That demon was always there, and the fight had to be fought every day.

    Please, Rain said again, whispering it aloud to give it power but saying it quietly so no one could hear.

    Even so, the old Latina lady next to her turned and looked at her. She had the most comprehensively wrinkled face Rain had ever seen. She wore a pair of glasses hung around her neck on a colorful beaded chain and had a dark mole on her forehead exactly where an Indian bindi would be.

    "En realidad el fuego nunca se apaga. ¿Sabes?" she said.

    Rain’s Spanish was only okay. She could get along but the woman spoke very quickly, and it took Rain a second to run it through her mental translation circuits. Something about fires? No, about fires not going out? Or never going out?

    Something like that.

    Sorry—? said Rain, then added haltingly, "Yo no entiendo."

    The woman studied her for a moment and there was a small, almost knowing smile on her thin lips. Then she said, "Él le habla a su mamá."

    That went past too quickly and she didn’t know what it meant. She dug a phrase out of a back closet of her memory. "Um … por favor, habla mas … um … despacio." Asking her to repeat it slowly.

    "Hay oscuridad, y le está a apagando su luz."

    "Yo no comprendo."

    The old woman’s smile flickered, and she turned away to look out the window at the nothing passing by. Rain studied her for a moment, replaying the words, trying to sort them out, but they didn’t make any real sense. She was half sure the woman said something about someone looking for his mother, but there was no context. Who was looking for his mother? Was the woman talking about her grandson, maybe?

    And the other comment made even less sense as Rain pieced it together. Something about darkness smothering light. Like that. She almost asked, but it was pretty clear the woman didn’t speak English. Or didn’t want to. Besides, Rain knew she’d better go over the stuff for the interview. She turned away, opened the folder, and then began fishing in her purse for her reading glasses.

    Which were not there.

    "Ahhhh … shit! she cried, and several people turned around to look at her. People on trains always look annoyed, and when you did something loud or unusual, the annoyance turned into open hostility. Or maybe it was contempt. Either way, Rain immediately shut down into herself, muttering apologies, looking contrite, feeling stupid. She searched her purse again. And again. The glasses still refused to be in there. She looked around as if expecting them to be floating there in the air. Damn it."

    She slapped her purse down on her lap and seethed for a minute and then picked up the folder again, opened it, and squinted at the papers. Her résumé and the details she pulled off the company website. She could read UNCLE SAM TAX SERVICE because it was in large block letters. The rest was a smear that looked like it had been dunked in water. Rain bent toward it until her nose was almost touching the pages. That helped, but not a lot. The fact that her eyes were getting bad was something she’d been trying to ignore.

    A light tap on her right shoulder startled her, and Rain almost growled at the interruption, but it was the old woman. Her face was creased into a smile so wide it made her eyes almost vanish into wreaths of wrinkles. It made her look like a kitchen witch, or one of those Russian nesting dolls. And her eyes—the sadness in those eyes seemed bottomless.

    "¿Por favor…?" she said as she lifted her own reading glasses from around her neck and held them out, the colored chain swaying.

    Oh, no, Rain said immediately, I couldn’t.

    The woman paused and then in creaking English said, "Please, for his sake."

    His? Rain figured it was some kind of Jesus reference. She looked at the glasses. They were old-fashioned, with horn-rims and a tiny hairline crack along the side of the left lens, but the woman looked so earnest and so clearly happy to be able to help.

    Rain really needed to nail this interview because her shit heap of an apartment, her groceries, and her prescriptions for migraine medicine were, inconveniently, not going to pay for themselves. The tax-preparing job was something she knew she could do. Rain was always good with numbers and with deciphering things like word problems and math codes. When she was banging her dealer, she helped him work his numbers and manage his stock. Not something she could put on her résumé, but it was what it was.

    The woman moved the glasses an inch closer, repeating, "Por favor."

    Okay, said Rain, just for a few seconds. Thanks so much.

    The woman pressed the glasses into her hand and then folded Rain’s fingers around them. The woman’s hands were as fragile as bird bones and as cold as ice. Almost creepy, but mostly sad. Rain was twenty-six, and this woman had to be at least sixty years older. None of them looked like easy years, either. The woman nodded and kept nodding, her eyes cutting back and forth between her and the glasses.

    Rain smiled awkwardly and nodded back as she raised the glasses and put them on. The chain drooped under her chin, and she felt a little silly. But, damn … she could see. When she glanced down at her résumé, the words were sharp and clear. Sharper and clearer, in fact, than they ever were with her drugstore glasses. She raised her head and looked around. Everything was clear. It was weird, because without glasses she could see things clear after about six feet, but closer than that everything became progressively blurry. But now, it was all crystal clear. It was kind of freaky, because Rain couldn’t remember ever seeing the world with that much clarity. Or that much depth.

    Wow, she said. These are great. I can see everything.

    The woman laughed as if Rain had just told her a great joke. She touched Rain’s arm. "Muy bonita."

    Very pretty. Rain wasn’t sure if that was a reference to the world as seen through the glasses or a compliment. Rain nodded as if she understood, then bent to study her notes. The train rumbled along, and the old woman turned away, seemingly content to study her own reflection in the dirty glass. Rain read through the papers. The thin crack in the left lens was a minor distraction, with the sliver creating a tiny distortion. Not too bad, though, if she concentrated mostly on her right eye.

    Rain went through the job requirements and some notes she’d printed out about recent changes in the New York State tax codes. It was dense stuff, but she was able to navigate it. Last night she’d downloaded several copies of a blank tax form and practiced filling them out, inputting different income and deduction amounts. Those papers were in the folder, and she went through point by point to check her math. Although she was a high school dropout, Rain had taken and aced her GED and had snuck into some accounting classes at NYU. This was something she could do and do well, if she could only catch a break and get the job.

    A scream jolted her out of her thoughts, and she caught a glimpse of a little boy go pelting up the aisle, shrieking with laughter. She turned by reflex because he was so loud, so cute, and running too fast.

    Then she stared. Frowned.

    The aisle was empty.

    Rain leaned out and craned her head to see where the kid went. He looked familiar, with brown hair and eyes and rosy cheeks. She’d seen all that in a flash through the one slice of tilted lens in the borrowed glasses. The kid was quick. He ran by and then must have ducked down somewhere out of sight.

    But as she looked, she felt her smile beginning to falter. Where had the kid gone? No one seemed to be looking down or over their shoulders. And no one else had reacted to the scream of laughter, even though it had been as loud and piercing as a seagull’s cry.

    Which is when Rain’s mind replayed the sound.

    It was a sharp scream, no doubt. But was it a shriek of laughter? Was that really what she’d heard? The more it echoed through her head, and the more the aisle remained stubbornly empty, the more that cry sounded like something else.

    It sounded like a scream.

    Rain took off the glasses and turned to the old woman. Did you just see that kid…?

    Her voice trailed off.

    The seat next to her was empty. Rain blinked in surprise. She was in the aisle seat; the woman would have had to squeeze past her to get off. She touched the plastic seat beside her.

    It was cold.

    Rain looked down at the glasses she held in her other hand. They were there. Beaded chain, crack, horn-rims, and all. But there was no one seated next to her at all.

    I— she began to say, but had nowhere at all to go with it.

    She got up and walked quickly along the aisle, peering down behind every seat back, looking for anyone crouched down and hiding on the floor. There was no little boy on the train. No old woman, either. Not on that car or on the cars in front and behind.

    She returned to her own car.

    What? Rain asked quietly. Asking it of the day, of the moment. She stood with her feet wide to brace against the swaying motion of the motor, one hand gripping a metal upright, and yet she felt as if she were falling, falling, falling.

    CHAPTER FIVE

    People on the train kept looking at her, then looking away when she met their stares, and Rain realized that she’d become the

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