Live Like a Millionaire (Without Having to Be One)

INTRODUCTION

HOW TO LIVE LIKE A MILLIONAIRE (ON A STIPEND)

We all know that money is power. The wealthiest few get invited to glitzier parties, live in swankier homes, and attract more lucrative deals than the rest of us.

But why should the best perks accrue only to those able to afford them? Don’t we all deserve to live the luxe life?

Just imagine how grand life would be if the posh club memberships, sophisticated yacht parties, and sojourns to Martha’s Vineyard, Nantucket, and Southampton were no longer the exclusive province of the fabulously rich but were, in fact, within reach.

This book will show you how to wing it till you cha-ching it—by spending what little money you do have wisely and making a positive investment in yourself. It will help you gain the trappings of luxury—even if you’re six generations removed, not just from Kevin, but from anyone who brings home the Bacon. You’ll learn how to look, dress, speak, and live like a millionaire so that you, too, can enjoy the same privileged lifestyle. You just won’t have to spend like a millionaire.

Do you dream in green?

There are entire stores filled with chichi clothing. There are countless ways to pamper, party, and globetrot—all while sampling the world’s finest luxuries. But if you have to worry about how much it all costs, then this is the right book for you. It will help redistribute the perks that come with the power of money, so that we can all get more of what’s coming to us (for a great deal less).

IF YOU CAN DREAM IT, YOU CAN LOOK IT

This book describes eighteen separate aspects of looking and living like a millionaire even if you aren’t one. Each chapter begins with a fictional scene, which sets the stage for the true-life advice and tips that follow.

As we travel together through these chapters, you will meet some friends and learn what to do (and, indeed, what not to do). Hopefully, some of the suggestions will work for you, whether your aim is to dress for success at the workplace, court the wealthy for business purposes, meet a financially eligible someone, or simply to secure a better social life. (Millionaires throw excellent parties.)

Or do you dream in black and white?

Budgeting, prioritizing, skimping, and stretching a dollar will all be explored as tactics to achieve the fabulous lifestyle without taxing your bank account. Following these suggestions may even help you see more green, but it won’t be with envy. You may well ask: What does it mean to be a millionaire today? After all, it’s been several centuries since we were first awed by that rich title. Indeed, a million dollars is not what it used to be. Some people think ten million dollars in assets isn’t enough to be considered a millionaire by today’s standards. There’s the housing to pay for, not to mention the help, the private schools, the twice-yearly trips to Europe—it all adds up!

To me, the word millionaire describes a mind-set that can’t be pinned to an absolute number. The phrase a person who’s well off enough to feel comfortable could easily substitute (but, alas, didn’t make for a catchy title).

CONFESSIONS OF AN OUTSIDER

I first learned about the class system in the United States when I was six years old. At the time, I attended a private all-girls school in New York City. Upon hearing why my mother missed Parents’ Day that year, a friend in my class crinkled up her tiny pug nose and said, "Your mother has to work? God, you must be poor."

It was at that moment that I recognized that, while the little girl’s statement was harsh, it was technically accurate. I was the poorest kid that wasn’t on scholarship in that particular class. While many of my friends lived in expansive prewar apartments along Park and Fifth Avenues, I lived in a personality-free postwar building directly across the street from an inn where brawls were commonplace and someone had recently been shot with a pistol. At my school, being relatively poor made me feel like an outsider peering in.

I grew up not quite as privileged, but learned how to make do. I went to all the same varsity games and dances as my classmates but had to buy my own attire. My parents didn’t have the money to buy me nice clothing. (At any rate, their version of nice was something made of velveteen from the Sears Roebuck catalog.)

In the process of growing up around the über-rich without being part of the tribe, I formed all sorts of ideas about how to get away with being relatively poor in a rich person’s world. Those experiences shape this book (and will spare you the pain of having to learn by trial and error the way I did).

Before I became a professional, full-time writer, I had a career in advertising. I started as a receptionist and eventually rose to creative director at a series of ad agencies in New York City. Working in advertising, crafting copy for some well-loved corporate brands, helped me form some indelible opinions about personal branding and how to use it to get ahead in life.

It is my hope that this book will show you how to brand yourself as a success—even if your bank account currently suggests otherwise. Money may not buy happiness. But having it—or the appearance of it, anyway—will provide access. By branding yourself as successful even before you are a success, I believe you will achieve it all the faster. In business, you’ll rub elbows with industry leaders, moguls, and tycoons. In the social arena, you’ll meet the barons of society.

Until then, I am pleased to take the journey with you . . . What? You’re wearing that?! I’m terribly sorry, but you are going to need to change first. Oh, don’t worry about me. I’ll go find a smart jacket to wear and put on some lipstick, and I’ll catch up with you in Chapter One.

CHAPTER ONE

THE TEN LAWS OF MATERIAL SUCCESS

(Or How to Dress the Part on a Pauper’s Salary)

You’ve always considered it a stroke of bad luck to bump into anyone important before ten o’clock in the morning. Today is no exception.

As the office elevator door opens, your supervisor strolls out onto the landing, looking as if he stepped out of a very upscale men’s store catalog. Tall, dark, and dapper, he’s the golden boy of the company. Meanwhile, you look as if you tumbled out of bed or a thrift store.

His tailored navy suit has such panache. Your orange-and-brown plaid shirt with the hole in the right elbow is not as stylish.

His immaculately cuffed wrist shoots out in front of the heavy, closing elevator door and narrowly prevents it from crushing you into smithereens as you scoot past him into the empty cabin.

Nice outfit! he says, grinning at your ratty plaid shirt and wrinkled gabardine pants.

Thank you, you say, grateful that you have a supervisor like Mr. Bucks who can see past your humble threads to recognize all of the vital contributions you make to the firm.

But I can’t send you to the clients wearing that.

It’s casual Friday! you say in your defense.

True, he laughs, but there’s nothing casual about our clients.

The meeting’s in half an hour, you say, still hoping you’ll persuade him to change his mind.

No worries, he says, eyeing your plaid shirt as if it’s a hand-me-down whose previous owner might have been a leper. I’ll just send Cindy to the meeting instead. Ouch!

As the elevator door slams on your dreams for speedy advancement, you ask yourself how you’re supposed to dress for success on the stipend that passes as your salary. Isn’t that a catch-22 or a paradox or something?

Alone in the elevator, you ask for divine inspiration.

First, you pray to the shopping gods.

Wait until the sales, the gods retort. Big discounts the day after Christmas, July 4, and Labor Day.

Next, you beseech the Lotto gods. But they just tell you to take a number.

You mull over the advantages of shoplifting, yet worry that a stint in jail might well take your status in the wrong direction.

What does a person have to do to look successful, you wonder. Rob a bank? Indulge in credit card fraud? Take up with a Sugar Daddy or Momma?

THE TEN LAWS

First, the good news: In a world where social standing is determined primarily by perception, there is a way to dress the part on a pauper’s allowance. And you don’t even have to take up with the criminal element to do it.

However, dressing for success on a shoestring will require a leap of faith. You will need to give up all shopping preconceptions and vow to follow the path of sartorial enlightenment.

Here, for your shopping enrichment, are the Ten Laws of Material Success. Master them, and learn how to spend what little money you have wisely, by making a proactive investment in yourself.

LAW ONE: DON’T LOSE YOUR SHIRT ON EPHEMERAL PURCHASES

Do you have a passion for fashion? Cool your ardor. Fashion is fickle and its whims, fleeting. Many designs are created with planned obsolescence in mind. The average Bic pen lasts longer than this year’s hot boots.

Follow every passing fashion, and you can lose your shirt (and it won’t even be in next season). As Quentin Crisp once remarked, Fashion is what you adopt when you don’t know who you are, while Coco Chanel said, Fashion fades, only style remains the same.

When your budget is as constraining as a girdle, you’ll get more stretch out of a style that will see you through season after season. Opt for classic pieces over trends, and start by building your wardrobe in one- or two-color palettes. Choose items that will mix and match with everything so your limited funds will go further.

Fashion is ephemeral. Style endures. Now that you’re a whiz at hanging onto your shirt, it’s time to mosey on to Law Two.

LAW TWO: DIVORCE YOURSELF FROM MIDDLE-OF-THE-ROADISM

How much does a pair of pants set you back? $100 or $150? Even less perhaps? Stop pursuing this middle-class acquisition strategy! Middle-of-the-road prices beget middle-of-the-road cuts with middle-of-the-road stitching, buttons, and seams. Middle of the road means it’s not made well enough to be considered uptown or luxe, and it’s too costly to be considered downtown or cool. Your clothing will never amount to more than a mediocrity. How sad.

But middle-of-the-road mind lock is a tough habit to break. We all carry around price lists in our heads for what things should cost. We are like contestants on a virtual game of The Price Is Right, our brains conditioned to seek clothes that match our preconceived notions.

When this type of thinking threatens to prevent you from achieving your ambitions, tell yourself that you are stuck in the middle. If that doesn’t work, make a date with yourself to test-drive Law Three and Law Four.

LAW THREE: RIDE THE ESCALATORS WITH APLOMB

Middle-of-the-road thinking is a stranglehold. Break out of the rut. Stroll into an upscale department store. Ride the escalator up to the most expensive floor. Take a deep breath. Then give yourself permission to try on the designer items that you feel you could never afford in your lifetime. The point isn’t to buy them, so don’t succumb! Simply survey them. You are training your eye to recognize quality.

Feel the superior drape of the fabric and observe how the colors glisten. Run your hands along the seams. Recognize the tight, almost invisible stitching. Check out the superior buttons and perfectly crafted buttonholes. Notice the even hems and flattering cut.

Then, remember to take OFF the clothes while you read Law Four.

LAW FOUR: FOLLOW THE ONE-THIRD RULE

You can’t look the part without a generous clothing allowance. However, since you don’t have one, you will have no choice but to reallocate your resources. Buy one-third as many clothes as you do now, but spend three times as much on each item.

Instead of buying multiple pairs of pants at middle-of-the-road prices, resolve to invest in one pair of luxe, 100% wool black Armani pants and wear them everywhere. Apply the same logic to each item in your wardrobe. Buy one $2,000 suit and never take it off, if need be. But don’t squander one penny on trendy items or impulse purchases.

I recently bought two pairs of Armani pants at 40% off at Bergdorf Goodman. The tailor spent half an hour pinning each leg. He knelt before me on the beige tufted floor of my dressing room while I modeled my new acquisitions in the full-length mirror and said, No, let’s try it a quarter of an inch shorter. Now that made me feel rich!

Apply the One-Third Rule to the purchase of any and all accessories. A pair of designer shoes crafted of fine Italian leather will last for ten years. With TLC and tons of shoe polish, a pair of cowboy boots could even outlive you. It really makes sense to invest a lot more money per item so that the fine craftsmanship, cut, and stitching will be apparent to the most casual onlooker, and forgo the cheap chic specials, bargain basement finds that are really no bargain, and sales of ravaged seconds.

Clothing is an investment. Choose wisely, and you will wear the items with pride for years, even decades. Buy the best; throw out the rest. You’ll look a couple of tax brackets richer. And, once cleared of clutter, your closet will breathe a huge sigh of relief.

What if you spend $500 per suit and buy four suits? my glamorous friend Alexis asked over a glass of wine at a New York hotspot. She used to work at a law firm so has an inquisitive mind when it comes to details.

No. Buy one $2,000 suit, I said.

Not four suits for $500 each? Alexis said, nervously glancing down at her own white silk jacquard suit.

$2,000, I said. Go for it.

You are now primed for Law Five.

LAW FIVE: STAY OUT OF THE OUTLETS

Some shoppers swear by the outlets. These bargain hunters believe they are on the great American treasure hunt. If they travel long distances and diligently scavenge through racks of outlet merchandise, the rewards will be bountiful. These discounter denizens think they’ll unearth a delicious designer item, in the height of fashion, at a fraction of the cost. What a find!

But is it? Consider: Today, 90 percent of the merchandise sold in outlets is manufactured specifically for the outlets. The Coach handbag in an outlet is not the same model that’s for sale in a department store. Its non-discounted cousin may be sturdier, have superior stitching, or softer leather. The outlet merchandise is less costly but lower in quality. And if it is the real thing, it’s only there because people with money didn’t like it enough to buy it. Here again, most of the time, you get what you pay for. Out, out, stay out of the damned outlets!

LAW SIX: CONSIDER SWAPPING BLACK FOR WHITE

You have to be exceedingly wealthy to wear white. Think about it: One tiny sweat stain and the garment is no longer white. And every time you dry-clean the vestment, it turns a little yellower.

At parties in the Hamptons, everyone wears white. You, on the other hand, won’t even be able to afford to take the Jitney out to the Hamptons if you squander all of your money on white clothing.

White is like a brand-new car. Take it out of the lot, drive it around the block, kick the tires once or twice, and it’s already depreciated. As an investment, white is a disaster.

If you can afford to buy only one suit, it should be black for women and charcoal gray or navy blue for men. Step over to the dark side, and at least you won’t be taken to the cleaner’s every time you go to the dry cleaner’s!

There’s a reason black is associated with sin. Black forgives a lot of debauchery. Did you wash down three eggnogs instead of two at the Christmas fest? Cheat on your diet with half-and-half this morning instead of 1% milk? Have you packed on ten pounds due to spousal anxieties? Meet Black—your new best friend.

Black hides ten pounds on contact, looks stupendous with any color, and easily escorts you from a casual lunch with friends to a business meeting to an elegant evening affair without ever having to change. Few colors are as accommodating.

That said, wearing black can be tricky. Wools grip dye better than cotton, so when buying black trousers, sweaters, and suits, always opt for wool. (In the summer, you can buy lightweight wool that’s almost as light as cotton but will preserve its serene black color far longer.)

Shades of black differ widely. Some black has a bluish undertone; some black has a brownish tint. When pairing black with black, it’s best if the undertones also match. The harsh fluorescent glare in most department stores distorts colors. Before buying, bring the black garments over to a window so that you can examine their undertones in daylight, or bring a flashlight with you when you shop so you can see the undertones more clearly. (If a salesperson asks why you’re using a flashlight to inspect the clothes in broad daylight, you may want to pretend you don’t speak English.)

Newsflash: Salespeople will generally tell you whatever they think you want to hear. But seeing is believing.

In matters of clothing, not to mention love, opposites attract. This is especially true for pairings between textures. For sartorial sizzle, the textures need to contrast with each other, particularly when the two items are a perfect color match. A heavily textured black sweater paired with a smooth black pant looks divine.

You might also partner a soft, black cashmere sweater with a black pleated pant. If both pieces are cut from the same cloth, the way most suits are, pay special attention to the shirt or sweater under the jacket. If the entire ensemble is black, the sweater should have a noticeably different texture.

Now that you’ve gotten the hang of all black-on-black rules and regulations, it’s time for some color therapy. Pick a color, any color, as long as it makes you look resplendent. Learn more by studying Law Seven.

LAW SEVEN: FIND YOUR COLOR OF MONEY

There are seven colors in the rainbow, each with an infinite number of shades. According to feng shui, which analyzes color properties as they relate to one’s home, purple, green, and gold are prosperity colors, while white, metallic silver, and black are creative life cycle colors that can jumpstart one’s career (which can also lead to prosperity). Always remember that the richest color is the one that makes your hair look lustrous and your skin radiant. Pick one or two colors to work with plus one neutral color to offset them, such as black, gray, or brown.

The exception that proves the rule—this woman looks glorious dressed head to toe in orange.

Blue. Political candidates may be quick to promise change, but they’re slow to change the color of their blue ties. That’s because blue is a crowd pleaser—it’s everyone’s favorite color. After blue-skying long and hard about the color blue, researchers determined that it conveys pluck without being somber. While many have sung the blues in the corporate world, blue is the uniform of power suits. Blue is associated with intelligence, stability, unity, and conservatism. Pale blue is thought to be calming.

Red. During the McCarthy era, Better dead than red was the slogan associated with purging communism. Today, red has redeemed itself. Celebrities receive red-carpet treatment. Red cars get stolen twice as often as other cars and cost more to insure. In China, red is the color of prosperity and is used to attract good luck.

Yellow. Folk rock legend Donovan called it mellow yellow, but the color has a perky quality that’s impossible to ignore. Who needs to see a psychiatrist when researchers believe the color yellow increases self-esteem and bolsters overall well-being? Closely associated with the sun, yellow is a vibrant color that brings good cheer. In Japan, yellow represents courage.

Orange. Some critically acclaimed television shows would have you believe that Orange is The New Black. But orange is still orange. Scientific research has confirmed it: People who sit in orange rooms become moody and morose. Orange is the color of prison garb and highway litter patrol uniforms. However, while orange can be a tad aggressive, it also incites passion. It’s a color on the cusp, in between summer and winter, and combines the properties of red and yellow to make fire. If you decide to model the bold shade, do so in the fall and use sparingly. Wear an orange scarf or a sweater—never screaming orange pants!

Green. If someone is green, it means he’s inexperienced. Green is also the color of jealousy, the green-eyed monster. (Should your project receive the green light, competitors will seethe, green with envy.) Green shamrocks are considered lucky, especially on St. Patrick’s Day.

Today, green stands for environmentally friendly. It’s a popular color with all sorts of companies, proving that sometimes money does grow on trees.

Closely associated with nature, green symbolizes growth and renewal. Some people look glamorous in green and others resemble mermaid wannabes or frogs rather than princes. If green doesn’t work with your coloring, keep the shade far away from your face or use only as an accent color. A navy scarf with a skinny green stripe will work, and you only need wear it if green is sprouting in popularity among the well-heeled in your area.

Find the color that makes you look alive and feel happy. And then resolve to build your wardrobe around that color. Did you know that listening to your friends could save you oodles of money every time you shop? No really, it can, as Law Eight attests.

LAW EIGHT: FOLLOW A COMPLIMENT

A compliment is a gift, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to accept. By compliment, I refer to a phrase, offered freely, that is meant to convey how