Nell's War

Part One

1939

Chapter One

Nell woke, shaken by a nightmare that show reeled around the back of her eyes. It took her a moment to compose herself while the flurry of images faded out to her paint cracked ceiling.

Hoicking herself up against the wooden headboard, she turned her attention to the little window covered with a blackout blind and opened it, letting in the early morning sunlight. She acknowledged the brown taped cross affixed to the glass and rubbed away sleep from her eyes before looking again at the horrid reminder of the precarious times she lived in. If this was a glimmer of the future, she didn’t want it. She sighed heavily, pushed her eiderdown away and swung her legs off the bed, taking a moment to enjoy the warmth of the sun on her face. As the only girl out of four children, she had her own room, the one facing the back of the Victorian terrace. Though small and fitting only one wardrobe and a dresser, it at least offered a reasonable view from the window. Above the rooftops and the lines of washing flapping in the breeze, she could see the grimy docks full of ships and beyond that, the Bristol Channel. Sometimes there would be a cheeky pigeon that would perch on the window ledge, but not today. It usually meant that Mam had no spare bread to feed them. At this thought, she felt a slight unease in her belly and reached to her bedside cupboard to stop the alarm from ringing. Lack of money worried Nell, in fact, these days, a lot worried her. For the last few weeks, she had taken to her room as a retreat from a house full of males and dire conversations, mainly about the phoney war. But since her youngest brother left for the Merchant Navy she had been spending more time with her eldest brother Alfred who was on leave from the RAF. Now all but one of her brothers remained at home, the thought of him going played on her mind, not that she'd tell anyone. Everyone had problems and everyone's brother, father or uncle was leaving for the military; so what made her any different? Not much. Thinking herself silly for getting upset over a nightmare, and knowing that today was the beginning of a new chapter in her own life, a smile formed on her face. She eyed her new dress lying folded on the wooden chair and pushed the idea of war out of her mind, at least for now.

The excitement of what the day held bubbled inside her. She sprung off the bed, slipped on her dress, and painted on her pillar-box red lipstick, sure to apply a small amount as everything had to stretch these days, even with the decent wage she’d be earning. Smacking her lips together, she stepped back from the mirror to appraise her appearance. The green floral dress her brother Alfred had bought her fitted her lanky, petite frame perfectly, and she twirled around on the bare floorboards until she felt dizzy. It wasn’t often she’d get anything new to wear, but today she was starting a new job as a wages clerk at Woolworths in town. According to her friends at the secretarial college, she’d recently graduated from, it was the place to work in Swansea.

She smoothed down her dress. ‘You’re ready, Nell,’ she whispered and picked up her brown leather handbag off the foot of the bed. She headed out of her room and walked across the landing. The door to the room her brothers shared was ajar, and she closed it tight, pushing down a lump in her throat. She tucked a lock of dark hair behind her ear and pounded down the stairs. Her heart did a little leap when she saw sheets of corrugated steel propped against the wall in the hallway. The sight of it only made her more nervous about the actuality of war.

‘Morning, Dad. Is this the shelter you were talking about?’ she asked as she walked through the living room to the kitchen at the back of the house.

‘Morning, Nell. Yes, it was delivered earlier. Cost me an arm and a leg it did,’ he said, sitting in the armchair at the corner of the room. He had one leg crossed over the other; holding the newspaper up to his face. The smoke from his pipe billowed from behind the spread of the Daily Mirror with the headline:

BRITAIN, FRANCE MOBILISE: POLES INVOKE TREATY

The wireless played low in the background that had pride of place on the folded dining table backed against the wall. To the side, three rigorously polished framed pictures of her brothers in their military uniforms stood next to a vase of cornflowers picked from the garden. For many years the table had served the family at meal times and there was many a happy memory associated with it, but now, as there were only three of them at home, they had taken to using the small breakfast table in the kitchen. Everywhere she looked in the house there were little reminders of how things used to be before the threat of war hung over them. When she walked past him, she did a double take, wondering how he could do both, listen and read, but what with the phoney war business, she knew he didn’t want to miss anything. Especially since three of his sons were now serving their King and country.

‘How much was it, Dad?’ she asked, thinking she would buy the groceries this week when she got paid on Friday. It was the least she could do to ease the financial burden they were having. 

‘Seven bloody pounds to be exact,’ he replied, clicking his tongue in disgust.

Due to the council not ordering enough shelters, he had panicked and bought one before he lost his job otherwise he wouldn’t have had to pay for it. For the past eight years he had been a dock labourer but since he got laid off a few days ago he had to prepare the garden for the shelter, hence the mud over the terracotta tiles in the kitchen. Normally, the kitchen would be busy at this hour, and Nell thought it was strange for her mother to leave the dirty breakfast dishes piled next to the white glazed double sink that she would otherwise keep spotless. On the wooden table, next to the gas stove was a plate of toast and a pot of tea. She pressed her hand on the teapot to check it was warm and then poured herself a cup, wondering what disaster she had been called upon to help now. Her mother had been a member of the WVS for a while and prided herself on helping the community when she could, even if it meant she had to drop everything at home.

‘Dad, where’s Mam?’ She asked, spooning sugar into the cup.  

He didn’t hear her. She sipped on the warm, weak tea and went back into the room.

‘She’s over the road talking to Winnie,’ said Gran, giving her a fright. The dainty woman, with a kind, round face sat down on the sofa wearing her flannelette dressing gown and picked up her ball of knitting. Granny Adams was Dad’s mother who had come to live with them three years ago when she could no longer look after a house on her own. ‘You know what they’re like, don’t you? They’ll gasbag for hours.’

Nell chuckled. ‘Yes, you’re right there. I really should’ve guessed that’s where she’d be. Has anyone seen Alf, today? I want to thank him again for my dress.’

‘No idea, petal. He did say he had to make an urgent call, but whatever he said after that I don’t know. My hearing isn’t as good as it used to be.’

Nell smiled.

‘Okay, Gran, no worries. I’ll see him after work. If you see Mam, will you tell her I’ve gone to work and I’ll see her later.’

She looked up at Nell and smiled.

‘Will do, love. You’ve done us all proud, hasn’t she, David?’

‘Of course she has. I  expected nothing less from our Nell.’

‘Thanks, Gran, Dad.’

As Nell was about to head back into the kitchen, a shadow passed the pane of glass on the front door, blocking the shafts of sunlight of the hot, hazy day. She wondered who it was as she wasn’t expecting her friend for another twenty minutes at least. Before she had got down the passage to open the door, a heavy-set woman with blonde curly hair had let herself in.

‘You’re early, Bess. It’s only seven,’ she figured and looked at the clock in the front room for confirmation. 

‘It’s hot out there,’ she moaned as her handbag slid from her shoulder to the floor. She made no effort to pick it up and slouched against the doorframe, already shattered, having only walked across the road. ‘I know it’s early, Nell, but Mam said it’s the hottest day of the year so far.’ She fanned her face with her hand then reached for her bag, taking out a bottle of perfume and spritzing it over her.

‘Well if it’s that hot out, perhaps we ought to get ourselves a taxi or maybe the tram?’

‘I can’t, Nell. I’m broke until payday. I gave Mam the last I had to pay the milkman.’

Nell thought about the contents of her purse and her heart sank when she realised that she too also had nothing. This was typical of everyone she knew lately.

‘Okay, well I suppose we’ll have to leave a little earlier.’ It was then she noticed Bessie’s plain blue A-line dress with a white lace neckline. ‘Oh, that’s a gorgeous dress. Is it new?’

Bessie smiled and gave a twirl. 

‘Yes, it’s new, came all the way from London.’

‘I forgot to ask, how was London?’

‘Apart from Will leaving, it was absolutely fantastic, Nell. I wished you could’ve come along. We went to Hyde Park for a romantic picnic and then he took me to a fancy little boutique on Oxford Street and bought the dress as a parting gift. As you can imagine, it must’ve cost him a week’s wages.’ She laughed and twirled around once more. ‘Is yours new as well?’

‘It is. Alf bought it for me for getting the job. He’s such a good man. He’ll make someone a lovely husband one day.’

‘He will do. All the girls around here love him. I think we’ll all miss him when he goes back to base.’

Nell didn’t answer. The thought of him leaving made her feel physically sick. 

‘Do you want a drink before we go?’ she asked, deliberately changing the topic of conversation.

‘Yes, please, Nell. A glass of water will do.’ She said and followed her out to the kitchen. She bid good morning to Gran and Dad as she passed and then pulled out a chair. She exhaled as she sat down and gratefully took the glass Nell handed her. ‘I was thinking of popping to the beach after work, do you fancy it? Sarah in work owes me a few bob, so if she pays me back we could get chips.’

‘Yeah, I’d like that,’ she said, remembering the letters she had to post to her brothers. She reached over the sink to the windowsill, picked them up, and flipped through them. ‘I don’t half miss them, Bess. The house is terribly quiet.’ She put them down on the worktop next to her bag and picked up a clean glass from the draining board.

‘All this phoney war business will blow over, you watch.’

As Nell filled herself a glass from the tap, she gave Bess a sidelong glance, thinking how she didn’t sound convinced of her own statement.

‘We can only hope.’

Aware the time was getting on; Nell slipped the letters in her bag and picked up her gas mask that hung in a box at the back of the kitchen door. She grimaced as she slipped it over her shoulder, hoping she’d never need to wear it.

‘Shall we go, then?’

Bessie guzzled down the rest of her drink and nodded. ‘Come on then, Nell. I bet you can’t wait to start, eh?’

Bessie had worked at Woolworths as a sales assistant for the last year. She had put Nell’s name forward for the job, which would earn her a shilling an hour. Not only could she afford to help her family now, but for the first time, she felt she had transitioned into adulthood. 

‘I can’t wait. I know it’s going to be great,’ she beamed.

‘Good luck, Nell, I’d better get on with things. There’s no telling when or if we’re going to need that bloody shelter,’ said Dad, getting up from the chair. He folded his newspaper and passed it to Gran. At fifty-two he still had a full head of hair that now had silver streaks running through it, but the toils of working in hard labour were clearly evident on his face.

‘Thanks, Dad and don’t work too hard. See you later.’

She went over to her gran and gave her a kiss on the cheek, but the woman quickly pulled back with a horrified expression.

‘What is this sticky thing on my face?’ she wiped away Nell’s lipstick mark and gave her a disgusting look.

Bessie found it hilarious and laughed.

‘It’s my lipstick, Gran. Do you like the colour? All the girls are wearing it these days.’

Gran’s eyebrows creased into a frown. Nell thought she was going to puke and tried not to feel offended. Gran was averse to change and thought it was improper that women should tart themselves up to go out.

‘Oh no, sorry Nell, it feels rather ghastly on the skin. I honestly don’t know why you wear it.’

Nell rolled her eyes, thinking it was best not to say anything. Granny Adams wasn’t a woman you wanted to get into an argument with unless you wanted a headache. Bess was still laughing.

‘Come on, Bess,’ Nell said, motioning her out of the house. ‘And it’s not that funny, surely? You're wearing the same colour.'

Chapter Two

The instant Nell stepped onto the front porch the scorching heat poured over her pale skin. Bess was right; it was the hottest day so far and she feared she’d end up looking like a lobster by the end of it. It was then she heard the loudest voice imaginable from across the road.

‘Good luck, Nell,’ the male voice hailed.

She needn’t guess who it was as there was only one voice in the street capable of shattering windows and that was her old school friend, Francis who lived with his mother, Edna.

She looked up at the row of pale bricked terraced houses with raised gardens and saw him sitting on his steps smoking a cigarette. Despite their friendship being platonic, he had been trying to get her on a date for as long as she could remember. She refused every time. However, today she saw something mature in his rugged face and floppy brown hair that reached into his blue eyes. She often wondered if they could be more than friends, but why spoil a beautiful thing when she had it?

‘My interview was last week, you silly sod. I got the job.’

She followed Bessie down the steps and stood on the pavement; shielding her eyes from the sunlight that reflected off the bay windows.

‘So do I get to take you out to the Empire Theatre for a date then?’ he asked cheekily. ‘Or, if you’d like we could go for a celebratory drink at the Naval?’

Nell wasn’t sure if he was serious or being silly. He had a wicked sense of humour which is why they got on so well. She waved a dismissive hand and chuckled, hoping he’d forget he even asked if she just ignored him. But who was she kidding?

Bessie, who was getting impatient, butted in. ‘Oh for God sake, Nell just say yes to shut him up, will you?’

Nell glared at her but before she could respond, Francis had heard and stood up. He was tall and handsome and was never short of female company.

‘Listen to Bess, Nell, and come with me. You know I’ll treat you well. I’m a gentleman,’ he doffed an invisible hat at them and took a bow. 

The girls laughed, but Nell wondered why he was being like this today as she hadn’t seen him around for a while.

‘Ask him to come to the beach, it’ll be like old times,’ said Bess, urging her so they could get moving. 

The heat was getting to her now, and she couldn’t hang around for much longer, so she reluctantly agreed.

‘I’m off to the beach later why don’t you come along?’ she said, now rather hoping they would have a chance to catch up.

‘It sounds great. I’ll meet you both there around five ‘o clock.’

‘Five is fine,’ said Nell. ‘We’ll meet you at the slip bridge.’

Nell waved him goodbye and went to catch up with Bessie walking down the street.

‘You’ve got to laugh at him, haven’t you?’ Bessie said, nudging her arm.

‘Oh yes, he’s hilarious,’ she replied dryly.

‘But you like him, though?’

‘I’ve always had a soft spot for him, but he’s my best friend, Bess. I’ve known him since school.’

‘Well, nobody is telling you to marry him, Nell. Just go and have a good time and see how it goes, eh?’

Nell agreed but hoped she’d heard the end of it today. When it came to men, Bess could talk all day long. Besides, at nineteen, she hadn’t had a proper boyfriend yet, unlike Bess who had been dating their old school friend, William for the past two years.

They’d only been walking a few minutes and in that time Bessie had kept a cheerful monologue going, barely pausing for breath. She mentioned something about a dance at the Naval the following weekend. Nell, who was finding it hard to concentrate because of the heat, kept tuning out of her conversation and thinks that she may have agreed to ask Francis to go along, but she couldn’t be sure. Even if she did, she only had one decent dress to wear, and that was the one she had on.

‘You’re not listening to me are you?’ Bess said as they rounded the corner, passing Danygraig Railway on the opposite side of the road. The chug and a hiss of a steam train went past, almost deafening them. 

She pretended at first she couldn’t hear her over the racket, mainly because she didn’t think a party at this time was such a good idea. Bessie repeated herself, and Nell thumbed to the train that slowed to a stop. 

‘I am, something about a dance is it?’ she raised her voice over the piercing sound of the whistle. She knew how Bessie loved parties and wouldn’t give up asking until she agreed to go along with her. And no doubt she would be asked to sing, she thought. Even though she loved to sing, these days it was strictly for herself and the mirror in her room.

‘Yes, that’s right, a dance and a party. Jack and Alice are celebrating one year as landlord of the Naval, but what with this shitty war news looming over us, he said the whole community should get together to make plans to move forward in the face of adversity...or something,’ she said, her face positively beaming. 

‘That’s very nice of him. So we’ll either be celebrating or commiserating,’ she responded; a little annoyed at how she wasn’t taking the threat of another world war so seriously.

Bessie glared at her, and her cheeriness drooped. ‘Don’t be so depressing, Nell. We all could do with this whatever the outcome.’

‘But, Bess, what do you expect me to say?’ she snapped. ‘You can’t look at this phoney war through rose-tinted glasses. Half of my family is serving away. God knows what I’ll do if Alfred leaves too,’ she blurted and then regretted being so harsh. 

She noticed how quiet Bessie had become and felt guilty about quashing her happiness. But then, Bessie was an only child, so she couldn’t possibly understand how she felt at her whole family breaking apart. Or could she?

‘Sorry, it’s this damn heat that’s making me grouchy. I can’t stand it.’ She sighed, stepping off the hot tarmac onto the wooden Tawe Bridge that linked the town to their area.

‘Oh, don’t worry, Nell. How could I be annoyed with you? You know all my deepest, darkest secrets,’ she grinned.

The early morning traffic rushed by and Nell looked up to see a car passing with two young kids sticking their tongues out at them from the window.

‘Little buggers.’ Nell laughed it off, thinking she’d give anything for a ride now, but what with the heat, she wasn’t sure what would be worse: packed in a cramped sweaty car unable to breathe or blisters. Turning to Bessie, who was busy wiping her face with a tissue, she nudged her arm.

‘I need to stop for a minute, it’s so hot and my feet are aching.’

‘Oh no, don’t stop now,’ she whined like a petulant child. ‘I’m in desperate need of a cold drink.’ She licked her lips then linked her arm in Nell’s. ‘I suppose we’d better carry each other, come on.’

They both laughed and joked as they walked along the river. Nell looked down, at the sun reflecting on the calm water masking its filth and drew her eyes upwards to the fishing boats and ships in the docks. Seagulls squawked and arced overhead. A man, whose face was covered in coal dust waved at her from the back of his boat and shouted good morning. Bessie waved back, chuckling to herself.

‘You just can’t help yourself, can you, Bess? The first sight of a bloke and you’re weak at the knees,’ she joked and gave him a wave, too.

‘Hey now, you’ve got Francis, madam,’ Bessie said, winking at her.

‘I don’t actually have Francis yet, Bess, and I’m not sure how that could even work out. We’re friends, and besides, I was only having a laugh like you. I suppose we’d better stock up on that what with this threat of war.’

Bessie nodded.

‘You’re absolutely right, which is why I think the party at the Naval will be a good boost for morale.’

Reluctantly, Nell had to agree.

‘Yes, I think you’re right, too. I’m sorry about what I said. I do understand why you think this party is a good idea. So that’s why I’ll come along, on the condition that nobody asks me to sing.’

‘I’m glad you’re coming around to my way of thinking,’ she squealed. ‘So why aren’t you going to sing for us? You know you love it, Nell. Remember our old music teacher, Mrs. Holmes? She said you could have a bright future on the stage.’

‘I’d just rather not right now, Bess. I don’t feel like singing these days. Anyway, I have more important things to do like earning a wage.’

‘You’re such a spoilsport, do you know that? Just imagine how much you could be earning if you chased after your dreams.’

‘Maybe when things are more settled at home, I’ll think about it.’

They walked along the cobbled pavement on Wind Street that was busy with shoppers. Nell shook the top half of her dress, already drenched in sweat.

‘So, do you think they’ll make an official announcement soon?’ she asked Bessie. ‘Scary isn’t it?’

‘Well, it is scary, but I’m hoping that it’ll never happen. I don’t want anything to spoil a glorious day like today. Sweat or no sweat,’ she lifted her arms, revealing a large dark patch under her armpits. ‘Because if it’s spoiled I don’t think I could ever look at the summer in the same way again, could you?’

Nell agreed though she didn’t feel too confident about the results especially since blackout was introduced a mere two days ago. The first night it had been enforced, she felt claustrophobic and spent the evening sitting in the front room with a dim light and a book for company.

‘What do you think life would be like if we were to go to war?’ Bessie pondered, staring straight ahead, at the remains of the Norman castle looming into view.

‘I’ve been trying not to think of it, but Dad went on and on last night about the first war and I ended up having nightmares. As for guessing what it’ll be like to live through one, personally...I don’t know. I don’t think it’s something we can imagine if I’m honest. Maybe the best answer you will get is when we have survived it.’

‘Do you think we’ll survive it?’ asked Bessie, rather gloomily.

Nell threw her a scornful look. ‘Of course we will, Bess, how could you even think otherwise?’

‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so depressing. I was just trying to look at it from all angles, you know. Honestly, there’s no telling which way it’ll go.’

‘Let’s keep our thoughts positive then, shall we?’

Nell’s thoughts turned to her mam. She knew she’d be terrified too if the war was declared, especially after losing three brothers at the Battle of the Somme in the Great War. Although her mother would scorn her for calling it great, as there was nothing great about men losing their lives, as she would say. As they reached the Woolworth building on the corner, opposite the castle, Bessie wrapped an arm around Nell.

‘Let’s have no more talk about it, agreed? We’ll get on with today’s job and what will be will be, as my mam says.’

Nell laughed.

‘Strange, that’s my mam’s saying as well,’ she smiled, remembering the day she had first met Bess. Bess and her mam had just moved into number 88 across the road, and no sooner had Bess turned up on her doorstep asking