Embrace the Lessons

Copyright © 2011 Vickie H. Shannon

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ISBN: 978-1-4525-3300-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-3302-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-3301-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011903302

Printed in the United States of America

Balboa Press rev. date: 3/14/2011

This book is dedicated to the Universal Intentions that helped create it.

Be the change you want to see in the world. –Mahatma Gandhi

Contents

Preface

Acknowledgments

Part 1. Gifts from the Human Experience

Chapter 1. The Gift of Pain

Chapter 2. Amazing Grace

Chapter 3. Criminal Justus

Chapter 4. Blessed are the Children

Chapter 5. Healing

Part 2. Gifts from God’s Creatures

Chapter 1. In God’s Time

Chapter 2. The Gift of Glory

Chapter 3. The Gift of Charity:

Making Room for One More

Chapter 4. The Gift of Security

Chapter 5. The Gift of Abundant Love

Part 3. Gifts from Spirit

Chapter 1. From Spiritual Bankruptcy to Spiritual Awakening

Chapter 2. On Being Psychic

Chapter 3. Spiritual Stops Along the Path

Chapter 4. Coming Full Circle

Chapter 5. Do Not Depart

Chapter 6. Spirit Guides and Angels

Chapter 7. Meditate On This

Afterward

Preface

This book was not intended to be about me. It is a memoir, yet, I truly do not consider myself so significant that anyone would want to read my memoirs. I write to teach. I tell these stories about my experiences in the hope that others will benefit. Much of this book was written over the course of three decades. I’ve wrestled with what I was trying to convey, what to include, what to take out, and how much to divulge about myself. It is a time marker, consisting of significant events throughout my life that have been memorable because of the lessons learned. If not for the belief that I am here as a student, in this University called Earth, with the ultimate goal of evolving spiritually, then life in and of itself would be an existential purgatory. I’m not much for rhetoric. My writing style has a Dragnet approach (Just the Facts) that may be described as easy to read in that it is straightforward. I speak my truth, for that is all that I have. My life has been one of nonconformity, not so much because I want to be a rebel, but simply because I am not like most people. That has been my experience throughout life. As a child this disturbed me because it was a constant source of humiliation. Children can be very cruel, and I was frequently cast aside by my peers.

I used to wonder why God made me different from others. It made this journey called life so very challenging because I started out feeling confused, inadequate, and unworthy. Adolescence is difficult enough, and when you become aware of the fact that you are mentally ill, an alcoholic, a lesbian, psychic, and androgynous (long before the term androgynous became en vogue), it is especially challenging to be self-accepting. I decided a long time ago that in order to thrive I would have to find a way to be true to myself. I’m just different. Those that know me love and accept me for who I am. I cannot pretend that I am something that I am not; even if that means that I am ostracized or shunned. Over the course of time I have become self-accepting and consequently self-empowered. Because the painful elements of my journey have required stamina, I have been blessed with the spiritual growth and development that I otherwise would not have known. This is why it is not uncommon for others to remark: You are an old soul. Truth be told, I am weathered from the many and varied storms of life.

The original title of this book was Gifts From My Teachers: Stories of Transcendence. I originally chose that title because I wanted to honor the many and varied teachers that have taught me throughout the years. The lessons, however painful, are gifts. I am a willing student and a slow learner. Some of the lessons had to be repeated because yours truly was either too stubborn or ignorant to get it the first time around. Life is cyclic, and what I did not absorb the first time I was able to take notice of the second time. I am comforted by the fact that Life will continue to provide me with the lessons that I need, even if that means reruns and repeats. I no longer see this as failure, but as God’s patience with me. The teachers that I speak of are not the traditional teachers that one would find in a school or university. Those teachers I should probably acknowledge separately, for there were many who made a tremendous impact on my life.

The teachers contained within this book were of human, animal, and spirit form that provided an experience for me that was insightful and/or life changing. I may be different, but I’m not special, in that we all have experiences that can be magnanimous in the impact it has on our growth and development. I think many humans operate in a sort of vacuum that lacks depth. It has become so easy to get caught up in the daily living tasks and negative energy patterns of our times (terrorism, global warming, politics, and violence). Depth requires a mindful consciousness. It requires a willingness to be aware, to learn, to grow, to strive toward a personal spiritual evolution. If enough of us do this (and there already is a higher level of consciousness that has been growing in numbers and vibratory energy) then we shall have a spiritual revolution. This is what is necessary to become a global community and save our beautiful planet. I started on this path to save myself. As I age I become more conscious and able to be a small part of a greater whole. I have been blessed by my Teachers. I welcome them into my world, my existence, simply because it makes me a better me. My Teachers connect me to an Eternal Source that is full of wisdom and love. I share with you my stories of Transcendence, in the hopes that you will become open to your own. The paradox is that we are alone in this journey called life, yet we are never truly alone. We are all connected. There is no separation between you and me. There is no separation between the heavens and earth. I invite you to awaken to your Teachers. Listen, watch, and observe the many forms in which they appear. Open your mind and your heart in order to embrace the lessons.

Acknowledgments

To the many and varied teachers that have mentored me throughout the years. I am indebted, humbled, and grateful for their wisdom.

I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge those who encouraged me to write, including my Spirit Guides (Hanna and Tron), Marti Bergeron, the Reverend Dawn Casseday, Sandra Thames, and my mother (Eleanor Simon) and sister (Suellyn Simon). I would also like to express gratitude toward Katrin Hoffmann and Beth Walsh Eriksen for their support and encouragement once I made the commitment to self-publish.

Special thanks go towards Carol Peachee and Laura Hohnecker, two women whose tireless, unconditional, skillful efforts forged a path of hope and gave me the gift of life. Without them, I would not have survived to share my stories. It is through them that I came to Trust the Process and experience Life as worth living. Yes, it is worth it. There will always be a Light in my heart for both of them.

 Part 1:

Gifts from the Human Experience

Chapter One

The Gift of Pain

The human condition requires that we experience and incorporate pain into a higher level of consciousness that ultimately serves to transcend one’s spirit. As part of the human condition we question why we should feel pain. Indeed, our brains are neurologically set up for pleasure. As a human species we have a low tolerance for pain, which has motivated us to generate things that have made life much less painful. One might even say that we have evolved to the point that pain seems unnatural to us, and has indeed become unacceptable to us. We live in a time of immediate gratification. The invention of the microwave oven was perhaps an important time marker of this new era. Until the microwave came along, we had to spend hours preparing and cooking meals. There was no such thing as a Drive-Thru or Fast Food. It is not uncommon in today’s world to wait impatiently for the microwave to hurry up and heat up our food. It is also not uncommon to not ‘have time’ to ‘run though a drive thru.’

The invention of the remote control brought immediacy to our finger tips. Some of us remember that children used to serve as both TV antenna and remote control. Remember when your father would say: Hey, get up and turn the channel. Wait. Stand right there, the reception is better— and hold your arm up—yeah that’s good. Back then we had three TV stations— ABC, CBS, and NBC. We thought we hit it Big Time when PBS came upon the scene. Now there are hundreds of channels and we frequently can’t find anything that interests us. We surf the TV, radio, and the web in an attempt to find something that suits our every whim. We live in a time and place where we expect to receive pleasurable/stimulating things almost upon the moment that we desire them. Pain has become unnecessary and unacceptable. Pain has become something to avoid. In fact if we encounter pain, we automatically assume that something is terribly wrong.

We have this unrealistic expectation that we can and should be able to sustain an indefinite period of bliss. In the rooms of 12 Step Programs it is not uncommon to hear people say that they are happy, joyous, and free. Another common expression is that members are happiest beyond their wildest expectations. Now, I’m not against people feeling happy. In fact, I rejoice in such a blessing. The problem is when people begin to think something is wrong if they are not happy all the time. I like to ground people in the reality that Happy, Joyous, and Free is not a place. It is not a destination. It is a temporary emotional state of well-being that is afforded to us as a respite from the daily trek called Life. We cannot be happy all the time. That is just not natural. Even though we have evolved into the Information Age, this does not mean that we are no longer part of nature. There are just some things that we cannot bypass, and one of those is that life is challenging. If you are sad, anxious, upset, hurt, or angry it doesn’t mean that something is wrong, it just means that something is. It is as it is. Be with whatever it is, and it too shall pass. Everything comes and goes. That is natural—eternal bliss is not natural.

Pain comes in many forms. There is physical pain, emotional pain, and mental pain. I separate emotional and mental pain because the two feel distinct to me. Emotional pain is a feeling response to an event. Mental pain is typically the result of repetitive beliefs that in turn produce emotional pain (such as sadness or anxiety). As human beings we encounter physical, emotional, and mental pain as part of the experience that life offers. It is through the challenges of physical, mental and emotional pain that we are offered the opportunity for spiritual growth. Spiritual growth is not currently a high priority in this country because it lacks immediacy and requires stamina and a humble approach to pain. Why should I feel pain if I can take something or do something to bypass such pain? How can there possibly be value in working through pain? The value comes in the lesson learned—be it gratitude, fortitude, self-empowerment, compassion, love.

I believe that we each have our own traumas and challenges in life. The amount, frequency, and depth of these traumas will vary from person to person. For some it may be one major traumatic event in life. For others it may seem to be a never ending cascade of mini traumas. There are those, too, who believe that we chart our traumas and our lessons before we get here (are born). This makes sense to me, as it would be characteristic of a loving God to allow us to participate in our Course of Education. After all, it is all for Glory, all in the name of Love. Of course, I don’t feel very loving when I am in the middle of one of my Lesson Plans. In fact, I’m more likely to curse, hold my breath, and stomp my feet. I’m more likely to cry foul and declare how unfair life is. I am more likely to do all those things because as a human being I don’t want to go through the painful experience. I don’t want to go through something that in the long run may make me a better person. It is part of the human experience to want to bypass spiritual growth, yet part of the condition as a spiritual being to transcend through such experiences. That’s our job. I’ve learned to accept this, and as a result, life has become much easier to maneuver.

After some internal debate I’ve decided to let you in on some of my own personal traumas that I have weathered in life. These were troubling times that caused such growing pains that I needed to journal as a means of freeing myself from the source of pain, in order clarify and open myself up to the lesson. As such, contained within this book are some excerpts from journal entries. The decision to use a journal entry is due to the raw honesty that would be diluted if I were to rewrite the entries. I have shared my uncensored, inner thoughts because I believe that some may benefit from the realization that they are not alone, or perhaps are better off. Most people, when asked, would rather keep their own problems than trade for someone else’s problems. There is hope, regardless of your own personal situation. There is a path out. That path begins with honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness to change. The path is also a lot easier to walk if you appreciate the humor that can be embraced along the way.

Journal Entry: I Know I’m in Trouble When…

Depression has become such a familiar presence in my life that it is almost a norm. But for 2 years of blissful normalcy, I have been on anti-depressant medication for most of my adult life. I’ve learned how to work with depression, when to take it seriously and when to become one with it. When I say become one what I mean is that since depression is more the norm than the exception, it is really no cause for alarm. Oh, I’m depressed…and?…and what?…so what?…continue on, do the next thing that’s in front of you. Live, anyway.

There are little signs to tell me that I need to monitor the severity of depression. For example, when I wake up in the morning and I have no idea what day it is. I will sit there for a few moments and search my mind to determine the actual day. Is it the weekend? Is it a work day? Regardless of the day, I have this overwhelming sense of I can’t. I just can’t get out of bed. I can’t face another day. If it is a work day there is almost a sense of dread, because it will require energy to put on my public face. You know that face. The one that smiles and tells the world: Hi, I have it together. Nothing wrong here. Just going about my day. Most of the time this is a good thing because it gets me outside myself and focused on whatever task is at hand. It’s a mild symptom, a little warning sign, when I wake up in the morning with a feeling of dread.

If the episode of depression continues I notice that my taste in music changes rather dramatically. Normally, I am in concert when I travel in my truck. I have a CD on and I just sing to my heart’s content. I have been told that I have a nice voice, and my response is usually: Well, that’s a good thing because I love to sing and I’m going to whether it sounds good or not. Singing moves energy in a very healing manner. It just doesn’t matter what kind of song it is. Whether it is a sad song, an angry song, a happy song, or a seductive song, there is a song for any mood, and the music helps me to work through or with the emotion that I am feeling. Depression is stagnation. Music moves the depression to a higher energy frequency.

Another warning flag goes up when I don’t want to hear any lyrics at all, only music. If I only want to hear classical music, I know that my depression is something that must be monitored closely. Don’t misunderstand. I have a full appreciation for classical music. I have often wondered if I was an accomplished violinist in another life. It’s as though I can feel the instrument in my arms. I can almost play along, knowing the note that will come next and feeling at one with the instrument. There is an intense passion that almost hurts, as if a wave of grief comes over me. I find no meaning in the paradox, other than the music makes me feel alive and mournful at the same time. When I yearn for classical, I know that I am going within. I know that there is a deep, dark void that is like a vacuum. As I travel into the Black Hole I become intolerant of any music. I think to myself: No music. No sound. Silence is essential. Silence is essential because there is too much noise in my head. I yearn for numbness. Days, sometimes weeks, will go by with no music, no radio, no CD’s, no sound, no singing. No life. The vibrations of life are too intense. No music is a serious warning sign, and an indicator that I will be in trouble if I don’t take some sort of action.

I lose my appetite. Nothing interests me. Food doesn’t taste as good. Eating is a chore that I want no part of. Even chocolate and ice cream don’t interest me. This rarely concerns me, because even if I lose weight (as I have in the past) I know that I will put it back on. My weight fluctuates 10-20 pounds, depending on my mental status. I have different sizes of clothing for whatever place I’m at. Seinfeld once did an episode on how things always seem to balance out. That’s how I feel about weight gain and weight loss. It’s happened before, it will happen again, it will all even out. Never mind the havoc it creates for my metabolism, blood glucose, energy level, immune system. I’ve learned to live with that as well.

Sleep patterns change dramatically when I enter the Black Hole. I have often told people that I was born tired. I’m tired almost all the time. If I sit still for more than ten minutes, I can fall asleep. Forget sitting. If I stand still for more than ten minutes I can fall asleep. I’ve fallen asleep on bus benches, on the floor in a department store, while waiting in line at the grocery store, during class, watching television, on buses, trains, at work, and believe it or not, standing in line in the middle of Grand Central Station during rush hour. Sleeping is not a problem. When I make it to my bed at night, it probably takes only seconds to fall asleep. I’m out like a light, and not even a major electric storm will wake me (Did you hear the thunder last night? What thunder?). Apparently, I don’t move very much while I’m sleeping, either. I get what I affectionately call bed injuries. A ‘bed injury’ occurs when I sleep in one position for so long that a muscle strain occurs. For example, when I sleep on my side I must put a lot of pressure on my back because I wake up with an incredible sharp pain between my shoulder blades that lasts for days. I’ll wake up with a stiff neck because I didn’t move