Discovering God as Companion

Copyright © 2007 Mariellen Gilpin All rights reserved

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher.

The stories and poems in this collection were published in the newsletter What Canst Thou Say?, and are reproduced here with permission from the authors or their designees. Biographical information reflects the date of original publication in What Canst Thou Say?.

Cover photograph by Ken Tapp. Cover design by Judy Lumb.

All biblical quotations are from the New English Bible, Oxford University Press, Cambridge University Press, 1970.

For information on this book or the publication What Canst Thou Say? contact:

What Canst Thou Say?

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Published by AuthorHouse

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First published by AuthorHouse 2/23/07

ISBN: 978-1-4259-8770-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4772-0117-6 (eBook)

Bloomington, Indiana

Contents

Acknowledgments

Introduction

God Breaking In

Go To Camp David

An Absolute Total Knowing

Voices And Visions

Baptism Of The Holy Spirit

A Challenge For Friends

An Interview With Elaine Emily

New Eyes

A Story For Slow Leaks

Giving Birth To The Sun

Salt Doll

A Dream

Transformed By The Spirit

Enraptured By Silence

The Nominating Voice

A Numinous Presence

God In Nature

Art And The Light

Oneness With Nature

A Deer Shall Lead Thee

Knowing We Are Home

This Desert Land

Seedlings

Coming Off The Mountain

Quaker Sunset

To Walk In This World, Yet Not Of It

Snakes, Orchids, And Novels

Focusing On The Experience

Patience

God In Times Of Pain And Despair

Healing From Hurts

And My Cup Runneth Over

God Is…

Depression Is A Gift

A Decision Made From Deep Within

In The Heart Of Pain

Ruined

Standing On Holy Ground

Discovering God As Companion

The Gilt That Follows Surrender

Rooted In God

Deciding Not To Pray

Working Around Faith-Crushing Experiences

Holding Problem People In The Light

As We Forgive Those…

Living Faithfully

In Defense Of The Spiritual Practice Of Flossing Teeth

A Spirit-Led Fast

Tractor Dream

The Ministry Of Silent Radiation

I Or Thou?

Don Quixote And The Laying On Of Hands

The Spirit Took Over

Healing Old Wounds

A Garifuna Healing

The Price Of Professionalism

Do Unto Others

Contemplative’s Prayer

The Nature Of Holy Obedience

Reflections On Living Reverently

In Celebration

Joy, Intention, Prayer, And Gratitude

A Child Of God

The Healing Harp

Love

A Request For Release

The Four Thousand Dollars

A Time Of Celebration

Hide

Belize Park: From Dream To Reality

Stretch Out Your Hands

Liking What I Have To Do

Thank You, God, For All Of It

Opting To Live

Afterword: God As Companion

Questions For Discussion

Who Are Friends (Quakers)?

Endnotes

Acknowledgments

The stories in this book were first published in a newsletter, What Canst Thou Say? (WCTS). WCTS was begun as a quarterly newsletter in 1994 by Jean Roberts and Jim Flory to encourage sharing of mystical experience and contemplative practice among Quakers. They wrote, It is like launching a kite: Jean and Jim will run down the beach to get it airborne, but lacking the breeze of your contributions of articles, responses, questions and quotes, it will not fly.

In the years since, Lissa Field, Mariellen Gilpin, Kathryn Gordon, Lieselotte Heil, Richard Himmer, Chris Johns, Sue Kern, Linda Lee, Judy Lumb, Marcelle Martin, Patricia McBee, Grayce Mesner, Roena Oesting, Amy Perry, Carol Roth, Morgan Roth, Kathy Tapp, Eleanor Warnock, Margaret Willits, and Wayne Yarnall have helped publish WCTS. All have been volunteers. Special thanks, too, to all whose articles, responses, questions and quotes have given vitality to the ongoing publication of What Canst Thou Say?.

Special thanks go to Kathy Tapp, Eleanor Warnock and Patricia McBee for their editorial comments and suggestions, and to Judy Lumb for going many extra miles to shepherd this book to publication. Steve Clapp and Ellen Michaud have shared expertise and encouragement. Dorothy Neumann, Barbara Kessel, and Carol Roth read and commented on early drafts. Linda Lee kept in good countenance while searching for the sources of the historical quotations. Martha Turner helped with book promotion. The members and attenders of Urbana-Champaign Friends Meeting, Illinois, have enthusiastically supported the whole enterprise. My husband John Gilpin’s constancy in love has taught me what to expect of God, who first exhibited that quality and taught us to hope for it.

Mariellen Gilpin, Editor

Introduction

Discovering God as Companion is a collection of stories of mystical openings among modern people, most of them members of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers). Writers share their stories because they have a deep sense of spiritual responsibility. They have hungered and been filled, and they are eager to share their knowledge that God is.

Many spiritual traditions caution about the difficulties and dangers of trying to teach or even communicate about mystical experiences. The world’s great spiritual literature warns about making much of one’s mystical experience. But in our modern rationalist culture the mystical is often thought to be a mental aberration. Seldom does the word get out that the mystic is a sturdy worker in God’s vineyard: 16th century mystic Teresa of Avila not only founded but administered an order of nuns, mixing the mystical with great practical good sense. As Dorothee Soelle wrote,

Mysticism is the experience of the oneness and wholeness of life. Therefore, mysticism’s perception of life, its vision, is also the unrelenting perception of how fragmented life is. Suffering on account of that fragmentation andfinding it unbearable is part of mysticism. Finding God fragmented into rich and poor, top and bottom, sick and well, weak and mighty: that’s the mystic’s suffering. The resistance of Saint Francis or Elisabeth of Thuringia or of Martin Luther King, Jr,. grew out of the perception of beauty. And the longest lasting and most dangerous resistance is the one that was born from beauty.1

The writers in this book—of whom I am one—have yearned to tell our stories of what God has done for us. Our stories are too important to hug to ourselves forever. Someone else needs the comfort and reassurance and challenge these stories provide. We were helped to overcome an obstacle, and someone may be helped by our stories. Someone is searching as we have sought, just as forlorn and despairing as we were, and we want our readers to know which rock to look under for the answer. God is not one size fits all; we can’t depend on learning one prayer and reading one book and having all

1our problems fall into line like little robots. God has provided help uniquely designed for our special needs, and our writers want others to know God will honor their individuality as well. In Tractor Dream Lynda Schaller’s hunger for God is awakened when she dreams about her father’s tractor; in Healing Old Wounds a wooden mouse on a cheeseboard helps heal Judith Weir’s troubled relationship with her ex-husband.

To tell our stories is to honor God. But the experience of God’s presence is intimate; it cannot be described in words. Words are inadequate, and people who have not had our experience won’t understand. They may be scared, or judgmental, or stop listening. Thus, mystics don’t always share what they have experienced. On the other hand, there is a great longing to share with others who have had like experiences. And we want to be companions for those others.

Many of the writers in Discovering God as Companion have been helped by hearing others’ stories, and many of us have decided to share our own stories. We have learned we are not crazy, and we can tap into a body of experience. Together we can ground our experiences and better understand them, and help others ground themselves as well. Isolation is disorienting, but when we meet others we learn we are not alone. Together we can find wholeness.

Some spiritual traditions warn against trying to write down the things of God, for fear of putting a strait jacket on our understanding of the Spirit of God. We must not tell people precisely what to expect of God, because God is Creativity Itself—we can’t pour God into any mold. The way God moves in my life is unique to my needs, my situation, my personality. In The Price of Professionalism public defender Steven Gross awakens to God when a murderer grieves her murdered partner.

Stories are the spiritual heart of the Bible. Stories tell how God acted in one life, dealing with one person. We may laugh at Abraham working the wiles of a horse trader on the Creator of the Universe, but we realize that although God was dealing with a horse trader, he didn’t hesitate to communicate with Abraham. Abraham was changed by his encounter. God has communicated with me, with my limitations and maladjustments. When I tell how I have changed as a result of that communication, maybe you will feel emboldened to listen for God in a new way. Your experience will be unique to you. Someone else’s story may point toward God, but when you find God, it will be in your own way. Marti Matthews finds God in the act of flossing her teeth; in Reflections on Living Reverently Marlou Carlson longs to be always centered in God, choosing less busyness and more listening.

The stories in this book were published in What Canst Thou Say? between 1994 and 2004. The biographical sketches are presented as originally published. The stories are grouped under five themes:

God Breaking In—When times seem the most ordinary, we can be amazed, challenged, inspired by God’s abounding and abiding great love.

God in Nature—We can be restored and nourished by discovering God’s creation and our oneness with that creation.

God in Times of Pain and Despair—When times are the most painful, we can be carried by insight, guidance, and a sense of God’s presence and grace.

Living Faithfully—When we are filled with love for God, we can be called to serve God in deep and wondrous ways.

In Celebration—When God is intimate friend and companion, all of life—painful, ordinary, marvelous—is rich and full of joy.

There is a deep honesty—a deep sharing—in these stories offered by ordinary people who are authentic lovers of God. In this book you will meet a God who is alive and well, and still in the business of changing lives. To read these stories is to open oneself to being changed. Enjoy!

God Breaking In

Suddenly I felt the walls between visible and invisible grow thin and the eternal seemed to break through into the world where I was. I saw no flood of light; I heard no voice, but I felt as though I were face to face with a higher order of reality than that of the trees or mountains….A sense of mission broke in on me and I felt I was being called to a well-defined task of life to which I then and there dedicated myself. I was brought to a new level of life and have never quite lost the transforming effect of the experience2

—Rufus Jones (1863-1948) (What Canst Thou Say? November 2000 Visions and Voices)

In the most ordinary of times, we can be challenged and inspired by intimations of God’s abounding and abiding great love. Stephen Angell is going about his business when God asks him to deliver a message to Camp David—and gives him directions for driving there. In A Dream Wayne Swanger awakens to find himself in the presence of God. Ray Bentman, in Transformed by the Spirit, senses God’s presence in a Friends Meeting for Business.

God breaking in can result in shaking, inner light, voices, visions, knowings, or a sense of presence. In An Absolute Total Knowing Jennifer Frick knows, in a surprisingly physical way, that her mother-in-law is going to die. In New Eyes Connie Lezenby has a series of visions, and comes to see God in a new light.

The mighty power of God can change our concept of reality; the eternal may break into the now. Feelings of ultimate love, amazing transformations, comforting voices, and calls to service may happen at any time. In The Nominating Voice Elizabeth Meyer is washing dishes when she is called to preside over her Quaker meeting. Theodora E. Waring is given the gift ofspeaking in tongues in a dormitory restroom (Baptism of the Holy Spirit). In A Numinous Presence a friend’s prayer at her dying husband’s bedside ushers in a sense of God’s loving presence for Alison Lohans.

In an interview, Elaine Emily reminds us that intense experiences of God may leave one disoriented, and mystical experiences may shake out trauma memories long buried. Those memories need to be brought into the light so the person can heal. Good therapy can help, but good spiritual guidance is also necessary. God is not finished with us yet! God has work for us to do, and integrating the old trauma is the beginning of the work, not the end.

Spirituality in the body, which can cause shaking and other symptoms, is known in mystical traditions around the world. In the Hindu literature, dramatic spiritual energy is called Kundalini. What relevance does a Hindu word have for the western world? Kathy Tapp in Salt Doll finds that the Kundalini tradition helps her understand and live constructively with the energy, when the wisdom of the western cultures did not help her. In Giving Birth to the Sun Marcelle Martin also shares the help she has received from eastern traditions.

Special dispensations bring with them special responsibilities. Ecstasies require commitment to work in God’s vineyard. We can all draw courage and sustenance from the stories these writers relate.

Go to Camp David

Stephen L. Angell

In June of 1970, I was clerk of the General Committee of Friends Committee on National Legislation (FCNL). President Nixon was in office. It was a time of great national unrest over the Vietnam War. On this particular weekend, I was traveling from my home in New York State to Washington, D.C., to attend a meeting of the FCNL Executive Committee. It also happened to be the weekend of the largest anti-Vietnam War demonstration, which took place just following the killing of four Kent State University students. I had appointments in Washington in connection with my consulting business; it required precise planning of my travel time.

Before I left for Washington, a Friend called who urgently wanted to tell me some Quakers and others would gather in Lafayette Park, opposite the White House, to hold Richard Nixon in the Light. My friend hoped I could attend. I said I would if I could.

For a reason I did not know, the route to Washington was not the one I would ordinarily have taken. While traveling, I listened to my car radio. Much of the news was about the national unrest, the aftermath of the Kent State killings, the upcoming demonstration, and a report that the President was at Camp David. I was focused on getting to Washington for my appointment. All seemed to be going well.

I got a message: Go to Camp David and give a message to the President. This took me completely by surprise, since I had had no previous thought of doing anything like this. First of all, I had no notion how to get to Camp David, and secondly I did not know what message I should give to the President. This had to be a whole lot of nonsense, I thought, and I was right on time to meet my personal commitments. I kept trying to put this out of my mind, but it would not let me go.

I kept driving and found myself in the Catoctin Mountains. I came to a side road that veered to the right off the main highway and received the instruction I should turn there. I had no notion where it led. Besides, I was right on schedule and did not know if Camp David was 10, 25, 50 miles away. It made no sense to turn there, and I refused to do it. I drove on down the highway for about two miles, and I literally could not drive any further. I had to pull the car over to the side of the road. This requires another story:

A few months earlier, I had heard over the radio that on a given date Norman Vincent Peale, a spiritual advisor to Richard Nixon, was going to have open office hours at his church in New York City, and anyone who wanted to come in and talk to him could do so. I got a message then that I should talk to Dr. Peale about his support of President Nixon and the war in Vietnam. I had tried to put this out of my mind as something I did not want to do. However, on the day these office hours were to occur, I was in New York City, and I had no conflicting appointments and could easily have gone to see Dr. Peale—but I refused. This left me so uncomfortable I finally said, "Please let me go this time, I promise if you ever again ask me to do something like this, I will do it." This was the next time!

I turned my car around and went back. A short way down the road was a billboard advertising an orchard and I thought, Good. I will end up in someone’s orchard and I can turn around, forget this nonsense and go on my way. The road, however, went through the orchard and came to an intersection. I said, O.K. you’re in charge; which way do I go? The instruction was to turn left.

I then began to think, Well, if I am supposed to go to Camp David, maybe I should stop and ask. But then I thought, No, if I am supposed to get there, I will. I continued down the road and came to Catoctin National Park. The instruction was to turn into the park. There was a park office there where I thought I could ask my way, but my answer to myself was again, No, if I am supposed to get there I will. I traveled into the park, rounded a curve and saw a sign: Camp David. I had to pull over to the side of the road and regain my composure.

Well, now I was at Camp David. I had to do it. I thought, They will think I am crazy if I tell them I have a message for the President but I don’t know what it is. I pulled up to the gatehouse. There were two officers inside. One officer asked me my business, and I said I had come with a message for the President. He said if I gave it to him he would see that the President received it. I said that I could not give him the message but I could only tell him how I got there and started to tell my story. While I was talking to the one officer, the other one was on the telephone. He finally came over and spoke to the officer listening to me. He then told me if I would pull my car off to the side, one of the president’s staff would come out and speak with me. I did this; shortly a man came from inside the compound and sat down in the passenger seat of my car.

I related my story of how I got to Camp David, and then reached the point of relating a message—which until that moment I had no notion of. I had faith that when the time came the words would be there. My feelings and opinions about Richard Nixon were very negative. I have no clear recollection of what my exact words were. But all of a sudden I had a great sense of compassion for the man. My words conveyed this by acknowledging the great weight and concern he must be under for the state of the country and the difficult decisions he must make.

I went on