Romance Trilogy

by

Suzy Stewart Dubot

Copyright © 2011 by Suzy Stewart Dubot

This is dedicated to all those soldiers who have fought for their country and the women who have continued to love them against all odds.

Chapter 1

St Albans, summer of 1816

Louise quickly dropped the third hot pan of freshly baked bread on the table next to the other two. She loved this day each week when yeast merged with flour to fill the cottage with the comforting aroma of fresh bread, an aroma which took her back to her childhood. Her gestures had duplicated those of her grandmother’s and probably those of women for thousands of years.

A brisk knock at the door had her automatically wiping away the brown wisps of hair stuck to her damp forehead before calling to ‘come in.’ Mary peeked around the door before crossing the cottage’s threshold.

Is this an awkward time for you? Shall I come back later?

No, you have come just at the right moment, because the bread is out of the oven and I was going to make myself some tea. Have some with me before Leo wakes. Felicity is with Joan’s children and will be back a little later.

Mary didn’t need encouraging. She pulled out a chair at that end of the table farthest away from the cooling bread and the hot oven. She was already warm enough, having hurried from the other side of the small town to tell Louise the news. Now she was savouring the wait as the tea steeped in its pot. Louise brought out two mugs for the brew, not standing on formality with her friend. She then sat at the corner next to her.

Well, what is it you’re dying to tell me? she said with a laugh.

Is it that obvious? Mary grinned.

You’re not usually out of breath when you visit, so I guessed you’d hurried.

Mary put a hand on Louise’s arm unconsciously, before continuing.

Felix Atherton is home and in a sorry state too, from all accounts!

She had wanted to surprise Louise, but she’d hardly expected her reaction. Her chin had fallen to her chest and she didn’t move again or utter a sound. And then Mary heard her sobs before they took hold of her body and had her shuddering, as she tried to contain them. Without hesitation Mary rose to put her arms around Louise. She spoke to her softly.

I am very sorry Louise. I really had no idea it would affect you so, or I would have chosen my words more carefully.

Louise brought both her hands to her face and cried.

She wasn’t aware that Mary had looked for and found a soft cloth on one of the cupboards. It was as she encouraged her to take it that she was once again aware of the room. She wiped her eyes viciously with it before blowing her nose on a corner.

I was afraid he was dead.

It was the only explanation she offered, and Mary felt it wasn’t the moment to push for more. She’d been aware that Louise had known Felix from childhood but had thought the years separating their lives had removed any feeling of intimacy which might have existed between them in that distant time.

Listen, I’ll come back tomorrow, and we can talk, if you like.

Don’t go, Mary. You’ve not had your tea and I’ll be all right now. It was just a bit of a shock as I really thought he must have died in the war, not having had any news of him since I last saw him six years ago.

Having regained her calm, she began the ‘tea ceremony’ as Mary sat.

I have to say that you’ve had more than enough to fill the last six years without worrying about bygone childhood friends, Mary commented. She then continued.

"We may not have been childhood friends, but you know, I feel I’ve known you all my life. You have seen me at my best and at my very worst, and we’re still friends. That is saying something… If I can do anything for you, dear Louise, you have only to say."

Don’t worry about me. I don’t know why the news affected me so. Felix will be well pampered by his mother and sisters. And who knows, perhaps his father will have a more lenient attitude towards him since he did his duty and fought for his country.

Mary raised a questioning brow as she sipped from her mug. Louise shrugged.

Although I say it, I somehow doubt it though. The Baron was always such a pompous ass! Why he should think that being a retired officer from the king’s army would make him any better than everyone else, I will never know. I have no time for his son, Eric, either, and I doubt he will even notice that Felix is back. If ever there was a man with an ego bigger than his skin, he’s the one. Grrrr.

Mary listened, agreeing with Louise. She didn’t know the family personally, aristocrats rarely mixed with commoners, but being a local family, there was always gossip about them.

They then went on to talk a little about Mary’s husband, George, who had suffered a stroke and who wasn’t easy to manage, being frustrated by his condition. He was fifteen years older than Mary, but they were a well-matched pair, nonetheless. Mary was still hoping to have a child.

She emptied her mug saying, I have to go now. I hadn’t meant to stay long as George will grumble, but I’ll see you on market day, won’t I?

Louise nodded.

You know how I love market days, so you’re bound to see me there. They’re a treat for the children too.

Mary felt happier now seeing how Louise’s spirits had lifted.

Give a kiss to Leo and a squeeze to Felicity for me. Tell her there are new kittens in the barn. She’ll see them the next time she comes, and you know George loves her company. She’s such a bright little spark, and he has so few things which distract him.

He still had some difficulty in moving about, so was happy when others came to him.

Tell him we’ll be along to see him soon.

Mary left almost as quickly as she’d come, not wanting George to worry. As soon as the door had shut, Louise sank back onto the chair, all signs of light-heartedness gone as her mind reverted to the nerve-shattering news brought by Mary. Years of secret worry and dissimulation no longer had a reason to be, effaced by Mary’s gossip. Felix was home, and it was all she could do not to run to him. With the exception of her daughter and son, she had never loved anyone else — not even her husband.

Chapter 2

Leonard Nesbit was what one would call ‘a good man’.

‘Honest and hardworking’ were the first traits which came to mind closely followed by ‘unselfish’. Louise supposed that ‘kind’ was another notch in his favour, but she had never wanted that quality to develop into something which she was incapable of returning — ‘loving.’

She had liked him, and he had known not to expect more, but doubtless he had always hoped — until they had settled into a quiet relationship which came down to respect for each other. It was a rare thing, as men weren’t expected to give any consideration to their wife’s desires. Men were breadwinners and wives should do all to please them out of gratitude for the security they provided. Louise had been lucky in that sense with Leonard. From the very beginning, he had understood just how much he could expect and had never pressed for more. Some women might have seen it as a weakness, imagining a ‘real man’ would take what he wanted, but not Louise. She had known he was strong mentally and physically and it had been she who had known his limits and had compromised. She was in his debt. They had both known it but never spoke of it once they were married.

The day of their wedding, she had just turned seventeen by a couple of days, and he had been forty-five.

Under normal circumstances, neither would have considered the other for a spouse, she thought. No, that wasn’t totally true. Leonard had always shown an interest in her, although he had never overstepped the line which separates the employer’s domain from that of the employed, which he was. He had been her father’s foreman for twelve years, so had seen her as a child, maturing into the woman he had married.

If she were to be objective, she’d have to admit he wasn’t bad looking. She had no real recollection of him from when she had been a child, but she could suppose he’d had his fair share of women admirers in his youth.

Average height for a man, he was well-built from years of labour. Brown hair and browny-green eyes, a straight nose and a soft mouth were all part of his perpetually tanned face. He’d chipped one of his front teeth from an accident while working, but it didn’t really detract from his looks, which were surprisingly attractive for a man of his age. He had large calloused hands which he had tended to hide from her at the beginning, as though they would remind her he came from more lowly origins. She hadn’t cared a whit and had told him so, just as she had told him she could never love him. One can be hard on someone when love isn’t part of the bargain. If she had hurt him, he hadn’t shown it. He had shrugged with the hint of a smile which had left her wondering. When it came right down to the core of the matter, he had probably guessed that if he overstepped the understanding which they had, she would leave and no matter if he brought her back, he would lose her completely.

Sadly, she thought of his death. She would not have wished it upon him, even knowing it would give her her freedom. He had only been fifty.

No one was sure if he had had an attack of the heart which had caused him to drop the beam which had crushed him, or if it had been the beam alone which had squeezed the life from him. Whichever, he had been dead by the time the other workers had lifted it from his chest.

She had shed tears for him and naturally felt the loss of his presence in the cottage. Her tears had also been for his baby son who would never know him. Felicity had not understood what it had all meant at the time, although she sometimes spoke of him as though he had just stepped out, which was justice in a way. He had made a lasting impression on his ‘little girl’ and subsequently he would live on in spite of his abrupt departure.

So now, she was a twenty-three-year-old widow with a nearly six-year-old daughter and a two and a half-year-old son. The large thatched cottage was hers freehold, as it had been part of the dowry she had brought to the marriage. Mind you, once married, it had become Leonard’s, but she knew it had not been his aim when marrying her. She could only guess he’d wanted her for some reason; perhaps because she was the master’s daughter... A man of few words, he had not explained his motivation, and she had not asked, perhaps afraid of what he might say. She had been his only wife and Felicity and Leo the only children whom he had acknowledged as his own, although she couldn’t imagine that he hadn’t sown his oats and perhaps some children along the way. He had been a virile man right up until his death.

He had given her pleasure in the bed they had shared, and she supposed that along with his own fulfilment, it had been his recompense, her response to him. They had not kissed in passion though. He had no doubt not wanted to be rejected from that sensual sharing of breaths, of souls, so had not even attempted to claim her mouth.

Today, knowing Felix was alive and perhaps within her reach, she wondered if Leonard hadn’t wanted her kiss, knowing she would be thinking of someone else. Strangely enough, she had not thought of Felix when Leonard had coupled with her. He had been so physically different from him that he had dominated her as himself.

Good grief, she hadn’t thought about him this much in over a year, and it had all been initiated by Felix’s return. As though to put an end to the meandering reflections, her last thought was that she hoped Leonard had gained some happiness from their union. Certainly, the fact that he had had a son to carry on his name had been a source of joy for him.

Would it have served any purpose for her to know his last thoughts had been for her?

She looked up to see that Felicity had come into the room without a sound. Her heart had seemed to miss a beat when she suddenly became aware of the lovely child standing next to her.

It was in unexpected moments such as these that the eyes took stock of what they were really seeing before sentiments took over to colour their vision.

She was fair skinned with dark curly hair and blue eyes. Her pixie-shaped face at birth had filled out and had become less fanciful but more appealing with a wide mouth which gave promise to what her future features would portray. At five and a half, it was already possible to see she would be quite lovely. She was slender and supple and possibly would be quite tall although Louise didn’t know enough other children of her age to be able to gauge that for sure.

She drew her energy from ‘God knew where’ and could run and play in the garden for hours. She played with her brother Leo, treating him as if she were his mother, and he loved it. Their laughs could brighten any day. It tired Louise seeing how many times she would run up and down the stairs to her room without feeling the effects. Leo tried to keep up but couldn’t. And then, at the end of the day they would both suddenly be drained of their energy with only enough to allow them to eat before falling into bed, to sleep the sleep of the innocent.

Shall I go and get Leo, Mama? He won’t sleep tonight if he doesn’t get up now.

She was repeating words which she had heard before.

Yes, please, darling. If you have trouble with his shoes, bring them down to me, Louise spoke to her back, as she was already half way up the stairs. She knew, as she watched her daughter disappear, that if she were to return to that decisive moment in her life and be allowed to choose anew, she would yet again marry a man she didn’t love to be sure of having and keeping her daughter.

Her son had been an unexpected bonus, but her daughter was the very essence of her joy of living. Except now she knew Felix was alive, her joy knew no bounds. It was beyond her comprehension that one person had been able to spoil her for all others, even when she had feared him dead. There was no way to explain it, as she had been besotted from their first encounter.

Hearing the two children clumping down the stairs, Louise got up to take Leo in her arms. His cheeks were rosy from sleep in a warm bed and his locks were tousled. There was a noticeable similarity between the two