The 40 Day Dopamine Fast

Part 1

How It All Began

A Goal is Created

Have you ever wondered where writers or songwriters get their ideas? Especially musicians, the pressure to grab more original music out of thin air after they have already put their best ideas into a hit album must seem impossible. Hasn’t all the good music out there already been written? Haven’t all the good ideas already been had? The only way for an idea or solution to be created is for it to pop into the brain. Somehow the neurons in your brain rewire and fire and presto a new and original tune floats across the mind.

It is day seven of my 40-day dopamine detox, and I am going to make a bold prediction: by the end of this 40 days, this creative miracle will have happened to me.

I am not a full time professional creative person, but I have felt this creative miracle before, as most people probably have.  You start with a vague idea of what you want to accomplish and plant it in your mind. As you go through life, you start to notice things in conversations, books, and nature - basically everywhere, and the idea grows into something more solid. Eventually you have a question that needs to be answered, a theory that needs to be explained, a beauty that needs to be shown or a truth that needs to be expressed. Today (day 7 of my detox), I got my question.

This is where the mysterious work of creation begins. I call it a miracle because you are sitting there with an abstract concept and asking the universe how you put it on paper or into music (or room redesign, or a problem at work, or relationship growth, etc.) and there is literally no way you can know where the answer is going to come from. This mysteriousness makes me nervous to be predicting I will an ‘aha’ moment, especially because my vague idea of what I want to solve is a mighty problem.

I came up with the idea of doing a dopamine fast because I was tired of be pushed around by cravings. I figured I have one chance at life and I shouldn’t waste it smoking and drinking wine in front of the TV. I had tried quitting (mostly smoking) several different ways, but it always came back or resulted in me finding new things to addict myself to. I was getting a bit desperate and randomly came up with the idea of trying to reset my dopamine system. It seemed like a jolly idea or at least worth a shot, so here I am seven days in. The thing I realized almost immediately was that this is going to be a much deeper dive into my own psyche than I initially planned.

As soon as I dug all the mind-numbing pleasures out of my life, it became immediately apparent that there was something hiding underneath them. However, whatever it is, clearly wants to remain hidden. On the surface, it looks like simple laziness. I smoke instead of write. I drink instead of having heart to heart conversations, and I watch TV instead of getting organized, because it is easier. But, there is a hole in this idea. The laziness crutches just make me want more. They don’t rejuvenate me in any way. I think they make me more tired.

So, why do I gravitate to the nearest sugary snack or to Facebook every time I want to get something done? That is the gist of the question whose answer I want to fall miraculously into my lap. But, that is not how the question came to me. The question came to me when I was thinking about how miserable life is without any sweet things, and I wondered,

Why are some people so good at life? How do they go about merrily getting out of bed in the morning, remaining efficient, focused and wholly uncomplainingly satisfied with every task that affronts them?

I think everyone knows at least one of these people. The universe probably puts them here to be examples, but they mostly feel like cruel displays of things we will never have. To get at what I mean it is best to try and imagine yourself as one of these people or imagine being a president or prime minister. How do you make thousands of crucial decisions every week and have confidence in every one? I can hardly write a sentence without overthinking it. It helps I have one of these people as a close friend, so I can tell you that it is not just a good education and some money behind you that makes you the CEO of a billion-dollar company. They always know what they want and how to get it. They are perpetually satisfied. They are certainly not controlled by anything. They do the controlling. That is not to say they won’t go out and for a drink and have a good time, but even if they are hung over, they will be up early, not feeling sorry for themselves, and back to getting things done. Their minds are always focused on something. What we consider work and need to relax from, they do for all their waking moments. Am I drawing the picture clearly? Right now, as you will see when you read all about day seven, I am not exactly at my most mentally acute. I am not even sure what I mean… It is not just rich and successful, I think my grandpa may be close to being one of these people. They are pleased with every moment and not asking too many questions. They are sharp and present while realizing that you can’t hold onto it. They always have something on the go, but getting things done is not the reason for staying busy because they realize there is always more to do, and yet they are already satisfied… Anyway, I could go on and on, but maybe it would be more helpful to describe something most of us understand a little bit better…

We are the masses. We depend on sugar and hype for happiness. If we complete an hour-long task we feel like we deserve a break. Our minds wander as we think of ways to look like we have it all together. The only thing that we can satisfactorily engage our minds in is a good TV show and even then, a bowl of buttery popcorn makes the engagement so much smoother. Our bodies beg us not to turn on our brains and demand rewards for any allowance. If I file my tax return I will let myself go buy a new pair of shoes, … and that chocolate bar, … and a McFlury. Forget having any sort of control over our lives. Screaming bosses, kids, chores, to do lists, bills, and cravings run the show. Sure, we make it by, but every so often when the screaming stops a much worse feeling swings around. The feeling that our one chance at life seems to be flying by in this hectic merry-go-round nightmare that only stops to give us a peak at what real life looks like when it decides it might be a good place to stop and occasionally when we are feeling sick…

Well, this is it. Seven days ago, I threw myself recklessly off the merry-go-round and puked on some guy’s shoes. I had the vague idea that I wanted to be in control and that life shouldn’t be going by in a blur. Today, seven days later, I had my first taste of clarity. I think the spins may be subsiding and I am wobbling out for the masses, looking for the aha moment that could set us free. I have been here before and tried an almighty amount of random theories but kept getting knocked down and dragged back into the whirl wind of life kicking and screaming. But, this time I have a new tool, I come prepared.

The Hypothesis

Try telling someone that you are going to quit TV, coffee, alcohol, cigarettes, sugary foods, shopping, all forms of sexual release and only check email/social media twice a day, and watch their response. It is hard to keep a straight face even imagining it. The weirdest mixture of disgust, compassion, and confusion scrunches their face. They try and figure out if you are crazy before outright calling you crazy. Then, after thinking about it, they respond,

I would rather be dead.

Yeah, they’re joking, but they pose a serious question. What is the point of living beyond getting the next cheap fix?  Most people wouldn’t actually rather be dead, but if you try this, even for a day, you will find yourself wondering how you are supposed to enjoy life without your morning coffee or your evening dose of reality TV. What is the point of life without these pleasures?

In the next section I will give you some of the science behind this seemingly insane idea, and explain exactly what I did for 40 days. Then, the rest of the book is a journal of my experience. First, however, I need to explain the reasoning behind the idea and hopefully convince you that I am not crazy.

At the outset, I want to be clear that I in no way advocate doing this for the rest of your life. There is clearly nothing wrong with sugar, sex, and TV. We need to eat, procreate, and relax our minds. The problem I am tackling is the never ending spiral of needing more. I want to find the bottom of the hole and finally have a place to stand. I picked 40 days because per my research, that is how much time it takes to rewire new habits into your brain. I also like the number 40 from its reoccurrence in important biblical stories.

The hypotheses I set out with on this journey is that unnatural stimulants (or super stimulants) have wrecked the natural reward system that gives us pleasure in life. We have gotten used to cheap fixes and have become numb to real life. The best example of this that I can think of was the disappointment I felt when I first tried real Vietnamese food in Vietnam. I had been reliably informed by Anthony Bourdain that Vietnamese culinary skills would rock my world, and they did not. At least not at first, apparently when you are used to everything being loaded with sugar, salt and cheese, someone can spend all the time they want brewing fresh stock and dicing up wild herbs, it is just not going to blow your socks off. We have been numbed to natural, life-giving goodness by saturating ourselves in a ‘processed’ reality.

This new reality is so powerful that it overrides our ability to take care of ourselves. This is obvious with alcohol and drugs.  Somehow our brain’s ‘don’t poison yourself’ alarm is subdued by the bonus flow of dopamine we receive when these substances are tapped. It is also obvious in the reclusive, anti-social porn addict and in the obese person who can’t stop eating. But, these are only the most extreme cases. Every day we make poor decisions while under the influence of cravings. We watch TV when we could be creating. We share and like pictures instead of appreciating. We talk when we should listen and touch when we should feel. Our submersion in the world of getting the next fix is so complete that most of the time we don’t even know what is driving us.  It is a constant and exhausting pursuit of that elusive moment of satisfaction, and it is so focused on that satisfaction that stopping for a moment to look at nature, enjoy a personal interaction, or just do nothing can seem hollow and meaningless.

The problem gets even deeper. Our myopic focus on the easy dopamine fix has driven us to ignore reality. While the rest of the world is worshiping Vietnamese food, the Vietnamese are busy not really caring at all. The Vietnamese don’t sit down every day in expectation of a fine treat, they eat that food because they need to eat food and that is what is available. This is a reoccurring theme across the developing world. Everyone eats the same basic thing all the time and not only is it no big deal, they seem to like it (think rice for breakfast, lunch and supper). They enjoy their food because it makes them full. We on the other hand have glorified food and look forward to each meal as a moment of pleasure. We manufacture the goodness or badness of a thing and then strive for that instead of striving for fullness.

I want fullness. That sounds good to me. I want to stop moving from moment to moment only looking forward to the next little pleasure hit. So, I asked, what would happen if I took them all away? Is there any sense in getting up without a coffee, in finishing the dishes with no TV, or hanging out with friends with no beer? What will happen to me? My guess is that instead of using these things to control myself, I will need to start looking for other things to create joy. All those little projects I’ve always wanted to do but didn’t because I was too lazy. I was never actually lazy, my brain just did the energy to pleasure calculation and TV always won, and slowly I became numb to the pleasure of just being full.

To me this theory makes intuitive sense. I have always had a plethora of little fake go to pleasures, and used them generously. I also have recently started my own business so my lack of self-control has been put into 3-d clarity. Since I am both boss and worker I am privy to the strongman competition that is my mind vs my will power. Most of the time I can’t watch because it is too gruesome. I sit in front of the computer forcing my mind to expend energy on something it doesn’t want to do until there is a crack somewhere inside. To protect the structural integrity of the whole thing I call off the battle and go to the fridge to grab a snack, give me ten more minutes of work and I’ll go for a cigarette, another 30min and I’ll watch some porn, another hour and I’ll watch some TV... I feel like if I could just chop the knees out from these silly things I don’t even want to do I would be free to fully settle into the things I want to do and even get some enjoyment out of them. Fighting all these things needlessly saps my strength and steals the joy of life.

I think I