About Suicide; Memoirs of Jane Doe
By N Lytle
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About this ebook
This book is a collection of memoirs from people who have been affected by depression and suicide, either their own or a loved one. My own story, as well as those of many others are portrayed in a very real and raw way to offer hope to others who suffer. Please read this book and pass it along to anyone you know who has been affected by suicide. I think you will be surprised by how common this has become. Together, let's change the world, one life at a time.
N Lytle
I am a strong independent 40 year old woman with a wonderful husband, amazing children and rewarding career who decided I wanted to become an author. Everything in my life has happened for a reason and my obstacles have all had a purpose. My first published work was a portion of my own memoir and the personal stories of many others who have been affected by depression and suicide. Please check it out and pass it on to others that may find it helpful.
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About Suicide; Memoirs of Jane Doe - N Lytle
About Suicide
Memoirs of Jane Doe
N. Lytle
Copyright © 2016 N. Lytle
All rights reserved.
Distributed by Smashwords
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this ebook with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
ISBN-10 -1534898832
ISBN-13 -978-1534898837
Cover photo: Charlotte Charfen
Ebook formatting by www.ebooklaunch.com
Acknowledgements
Thank you to God for the gift of your son Jesus Christ and his promise of eternal salvation.
Thanks you to my husband for loving me and supporting me every day.
Thank you to Laura Preiss for being there when I needed her the most.
Thank you to Jim Giddens for giving me the courage to write.
Thank you to our military members for my freedom, especially my sister
2d LT Natalie D Norlock.
Thank you to all the wonderful people I have worked with in the ER, especially my sister, Nancy Brynteson, RN.
Most of all, thank you to my four amazing children, my reason to live.
Table of Contents
Foreword
Introduction
Part I : About me
Part II : Others like me
Part III: Those left behind
Afterword
List of Contributors
In Memory Of
Your Story
Foreword
In writing this, I have gained a much better understanding of myself and how I tick. I have also realized that I am certainly not alone. Suicide and depression touch every single human being. Reactions to my book idea have been varied to put it mildly. Many people are not ready to talk about how a suicide has affected them. I completely understand this. It took me 17 years to even start to put this down on paper and two and a half more to complete it. This book is intended to show people that they are not alone. It is intended to shed some light on depression. It is in no way intended as therapy or diagnosis or treatment of any kind. Please, if you have any feelings of depression or any thoughts of hurting yourself, seek help right now! Do not wait. You can go to your local ER or your doctor. You can go to the online suicide hotline or call the national suicide lifeline,
1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-273-TALK.
Whichever you choose, please get help immediately.
The following is used with permission.
I genuinely hope that this book gets people talking about suicide and recognizing the signs of depression in the people they care about. If I can stop one person from taking his own life, I will feel that I have succeeded. I hope that with increased awareness, less people will see suicide as their only way out.
Even though the CDC statistics from 2014 show suicide as the 10th leading cause of death overall, it is the 2nd leading cause of death in ages 10-34 and fourth leading cause in ages 35-54. That is startling! In 2013, suicide was listed as the leading cause of death overall in the United States. That year alone, there were an average of 113 deaths by suicide every day. I can tell you from 15 years in the medical field most of those in the ER, depression and suicide affect all ages, all races, men, women, children. It does not discriminate.
Introduction
The first part of this book is more of a memoir: my personal battle with depression and suicidal ideation. I describe some of my own experiences with loss. I draw on my clinical experiences with patients who have attempted suicide. The second half of the book is dedicated to others whose lives have been affected by suicide, the families and friends left behind. Their stories are told in their own words.
The title About Suicide will make this book easily searchable. The semicolon has become a symbol of suicide because it represents where a sentence could have ended but it didn't. Suicide is like a period at the end of the sentence. For most of us, the semicolon is a symbol that we have continued on when our life should have ended. It has also recently been explained to me as the pain continued even after the death, just transferred to those left behind.
The portion of the title that reads, Memoir of Jane Doe, symbolizes that all the stories are anonymous and could be any one of us. I hope that men will also find this helpful, although I found it interesting that not one man sent their story to me. I feel like men do not feel that it is ok to talk about depression or suicide or grief, that it somehow makes them weak. I think it takes amazing strength to share your story. When men attempt suicide, they usually are successful. The CDC reports that men take their lives 4 times more often than women, making up 77% of all suicides. Women are more likely to think about suicide and are more of the ER visits due to attempts. That topic should be researched and could fill an entire book on its own.
Part I: My Story
Let's begin on a day that could have easily been my last. The back story fills in after but I think it is important to see the moment of realization that led me to write this book.
March 31, 2014
Basically I bring it all on myself. I wanted to be somebody I'm not. I haven't been able to accept that I'm just a little old lady with four kids and a husband, who is not happy with her life. I saw someone I connected with, a young girl much like myself. She was me 10 years ago before the kids. She was me a lifetime ago. I wanted to help. I wanted to give her insight into what she was going through. Then I messed that up. Something I said, something I did, I made a mistake, it was blown out of proportion. She didn't want to be my friend anymore and she said I betrayed her and she cut me out of her life. But in doing that she made my work life difficult and she turned other people at work against me. This was all over the tiniest little detail. A really insignificant detail. If only I had said one sentence, one night, one time, none of this would have happened. The ironic part of it is the person who was really responsible is now her best friend. At least she has a friend although he's the one who in the end will betray her. He's the one who lies and does whatever it takes to make himself look good. I can already see her future. She'll lose her current boyfriend over this friend. She'll leave this job, probably not over this situation but one very similar to it. She'll only remember me as someone that she thought was her friend and betrayed her. She won't remember what I was trying to do to help her. She won't know the truth about what happened because she won't listen. Honestly none of that matters. Right now for me the only thing that matters is that I put the walls back up and I realize that I'm just me, only me. I need to realize that I can't be the person I once was. I have four beautiful children and I'm their mom, that's all I am, their mom. I don't get the luxury of going out and having a good time. I don't get the luxury of my friends first or myself first. Until they are grown and even after their children are grown and until I see my grave, I am their mom. People are not nice. I have been reminded of this once again. I opened up