Foolish Desire

Chapter 1

Jenna

Jenna Nightingale couldn't possibly have imagined the roller-coaster ride that she was about to embark on. Her arrival in Tasmania was just the beginning of a series of events that would change her forever.

As the boat docked at the terminal in East Devonport, she felt a flutter of excitement building within her, just below the ball of panic that was gnawing at her guts. She had never really been alone. She left her father's home on the night of her wedding and had never spent even one night away from her husband. Now her new life was about to begin.

As a newly single woman Jenna both relished and dreaded the thought of making it on her own, of finding her independence. She had always wanted a little farm nestling in a quiet valley, an opportunity for a garden, a few chickens, and some trees for the birds. She didn’t want much in the way of a house, as long as it was clean. Jenna knew what she really wanted was a romantic mixture of an English cottage set in the Australian bush. She longed for a cottage garden filled with colourful blooms and fragrant herbs but she also wanted gum trees, their leaves crunching under her feet, a large blue sky over her head. She wanted to hear the sound of warbling magpies in the morning, kookaburras in the afternoon and the merry yet haunting sound of currawongs echoing around the hills.

Right now she looked at the people milling around her. They were all in a hurry gathering bags and collecting possessions, excited about the adventure ahead of them. She picked up her own bags and joined the queue waiting to get off the boat. With both hands full she tried to blow the hair away from her face. The wind whipped it about her eyes and stuck it to the film of sweat that was quickly gathering dust on her face. She was thankful that it was a grey cloudy day as she was already hot from her exertions and she began to wish that she hadn’t forethought the need for a coat.

Jenna was no longer a petite woman, in recent years she had gained a little weight and her husband had resorted to saying that she was built for comfort and not for speed. Her shoulder length hair that she felt was mousy in colour and in texture like spider webs, was in reality a lovely soft honey blonde. No longer young, in her early forties, her lifestyle had become less than active, in fact it was quite sedentary. She wondered if her fitness level would measure up to her dreams. She had her doubts, but then, how hard could it be to run a few chickens and maybe a milking cow? The gardening might be a problem but she would face that as she came to it. Her father had diligently trained her in the art of gardening, although the flower garden had been sadly neglected in her education. He had a philosophy of If you can't eat it you don't grow it! Jenna looked forward to her new enterprise, but she had to find just the right place.

She battled towards the end of the dock, ducking and weaving through the unloading passengers, to the little shed where she would pick up her mutt, Rosie, the little Jack Russell terrier that had been her faithful companion for nine years. Through many hard years Rosie had been her staunch ally as Jenna lovingly nursed her husband through illness to the inevitable end. A shiver passed through her as she remembered her loss.

As a man with a pet carrier approached Jenna, she could see her faithful little hound staring out of the grate. Her long scruffy tail started to wag, slowly at first, picking up speed as she became sure that it was indeed her mistress. Her tail was wagging so fast that her entire body swung from side to side alarmingly. All in one movement Jenna dropped her bags, pulled out the lead from her pocket, and through the grate, connected Rosie’s lead to her collar. Gathering her bags and the dog lead, she somehow managed not to fall over the animal that was so eagerly escaping her wire prison. What a comfort little Rosie had been to her through her husband’s long illness. Luke could never be replaced, not even close. She had been his wife for longer than she had not, and now it felt like a huge part of her was missing. They'd had a unity that was rare; they both loved the simple things in life; fishing, camping, finding new places and remembering old ones. They had planned to settle in Tasmania together in a little cottage, but destiny was not shining on them.

You look like you could do with some help with that lot? Jenna's sad thoughts were interrupted by a deep masculine voice. She spun around to find the owner of the voice standing right behind her, a similar but empty pet cage gripped in one hand. He was tall, at least three inches taller than Jenna, and he was standing so close to her, that she had to tilt her head back, squinting into the glare of the clouds to see his face. She felt intimidated by the size and close proximity of this total stranger and her first instinct was to step back.

I don't need any help thank you, I can manage perfectly well on my own. Her rude response was uncalled for, she knew that, but she felt threatened by the way his presence made her feel. In that brief moment of connection she felt drawn to the man, and she didn't like it. Her emotions were so raw that she didn't trust her feelings at all. He made her feel like a small child that needed a hug. It was ridiculous. As a new widow, she had no business having such thoughts about a perfect stranger. She juggled her bags and hitched her handbag back onto her shoulder and glared at him with defiance, her hair whipping around her face making her blink up at him foolishly, before turning and walking away, bags banging on her legs and dog dancing alongside of her. When she risked a look over her shoulder at him, he smiled at her and waved, which made her flush with embarrassment at her childish show of independence.

Struggling her way to the taxi rank at the outer perimeter of the wharf, she thought about her reactions to the perfect stranger. Obviously she was still grieving and feeling fragile and needy. She knew that much about herself, she was very needy. Luke had spoiled her, given her all the affection that she needed and she had to admit that she missed his physical touch. The nights were hard, the hours too long, there in the darkness when she most longed for the touch of his hand on her skin. The early waking to find that awful empty space beside her a daily heartbreak. The days were even worse. She filled the endless hours with an array of menial tasks with Rosie by her side. She gave herself a mental shake and plodded on, reminding herself of the new life that she had planned, the new life that she would just have to make work, without Luke in it.

Do you need a hand with your bags luv?

Jenna turned her attention to the taxi driver waiting for her response. He looked kind and trustworthy so she gave him the nod to go ahead and load her bags into the boot that was standing open at the ready.

I hope you don’t mind my little dog in the car? She’s very good, although I think our first stop should be the nearest park, if you know of one? As the taxi driver loaded the luggage into the boot, she climbed wearily into the back seat, with Rosie scrambling onto her lap. Jenna wound down the window and a white furry flash predictably made a dive for it, tongue hanging out in anticipation of the drive.

I know just the place. There’s a park just down the road from here, we’ll be there before you know it. The taxi driver threw a quick look at Jenna in the rear view mirror as he maneuvered his way into the traffic in the direction of St Paul's Pioneer Park.

Had a rough crossing did you? He could be forgiven for thinking so, as Jenna presented a sorry sight in the rear view mirror. Her hair was wind whipped, she still looked a little pale and seasick and her coat was clinging tenaciously to one shoulder.

"It wasn’t too bad, although I’m sure it would have been more comfortable with one of those cabins instead of having to sit up all night."

Jenna reflected on just how uncomfortable it really had been. It simply wasn't fun to sit up all night watching movies in a theatre full of strangers, which was the main option if you didn't book a sleeper cabin. The constant drone of the air conditioner and people constantly moving around, kept her in a semi wakeful state for the entire night. Morning had been a welcome relief from the vigil. The scramble to get off the boat with nearly 1200 other passengers this morning was tiresome and right about now, she felt so encumbered that she had an urge to strip all of her clothes off and have a good lie down. She smiled to herself as she imagined the reaction of the taxi driver if she did! She was keen to get to where she could have a long hot shower and a change of outfit. She felt like she had slept in her clothes, which indeed she had done. Her skin felt dry from the air-conditioning, and she was dying for a strong cup of hot tea.

A very short while later, the taxi pulled into the kerb at Drew Street and the driver turned off the ignition and turned in his seat to face her.

There you go luv, might be an idea to keep your little dog on her lead. The taxi driver snickered a little as Jenna climbed out the back seat with a puzzled look on her face.

Understanding dawned as Jenna looked up to see a row of sun bleached gravestones of various sizes lined up on one edge of the park. A plaque explained that the park was once a cemetery but due to neglect and vandalism, the council had decided to bulldoze out all the graves and turn the area into a park. The remaining gravestones that were undamaged were collected up and planted without any regard to family groupings. It was interesting to read the inscriptions as they dated back to early settlement days. Life was tough, due to poor conditions and lack of good water, with many dying of dysentery and simple diseases such as measles or worse, during childbirth. You really needed good luck to survive in those days. Jenna's Granddad used to say, If it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all! He lived to a ripe old age of ninety seven just the same, so he had something going for him.

Rosie tugged at the lead bringing Jenna back to reality. She grabbed a baggie out of her coat pocket and dealt with the little gift Rosie had left on the grass for her. You would swear there was a smile of contentment on the dog's face, the pink sloppy tongue was hanging out of a wide toothy smile.

Charming, thanks a lot Rosie, but really, nothing very clever there you know!

As she twisted a knot into the bag, Jenna swung around looking for a bin, and to her horror realised that she was going to have to keep it in her pocket.

How bizarre! What were people thinking, not putting a bin in the park?

It would serve them right if she just left it there. As Jenna climbed back into the taxi, she looked into the rear view mirror to see if the driver was watching her, and was glad to see that he apparently had not noticed that she had just poked a bag of doggie poo into her pocket. Thank heavens for small mercies, she thought.

Where to now, luv?

Well, I have a cabin booked at the Abel Tasman Caravan Park. Is that very far from here?

Jenna hoped it would be a quick trip, and it was. Just a few minutes had the driver pulling up at the van Park. Thank goodness there's a beach just down the road, thought Jenna. She would be able to walk Rosie there. She enjoyed a daily walk as much as the dog did. It gave her time to reflect on her life and to think about Luke. Sometimes she found herself talking things over with him, as if he was right there beside her. She knew him well enough to know what he would have said if he was there. It was very comforting and she certainly enjoyed the fresh air and exercise on her reflective walks.

Thank you so much! You've been very kind.

Jenna smiled at the man as he unloaded her bags onto the steps at the front office of the van park. As she paid him and watched him drive away, she wondered what the rest of this day was going to bring.

It was still very early, but the office was already attended so she dropped her bags in a heap, tied Rosie to the front veranda of the office, and made her weary way inside, trying to tidy her hair with her fingers as she went. She collected the keys to her cabin, a shower and a hot cup of tea overriding all other thoughts.

Early next morning, after a quick breakfast, Jenna and Rosie were out walking along a small strip of beach that bordered the Bass Straight. There were couples walking briskly on a paved walkway beside the road, but Jenna preferred to walk on the sand. With a row of tall pines between the road and the water of the Straight, it felt more private somehow. She wasn't up to watching couples doing anything just yet. She would be overwhelmed with a sense of loss, so profound, that it was a physical ache in her chest and throat. She felt no malice towards these