Dare to Love

CORNWALL 1844

I

They still stared and whispered to themselves as I walked down the street. Three years had passed since I was home last, but the village hadn’t changed at all, nor had the people. At eighteen, I was no longer a child, but to the villagers I was still the Lawrence girl, the subject of scandal. It pleased me to find that I was not affected by the stares, the whispers. What these people thought simply didn’t matter any more. They would never again be able to cause the anger, the pain, the resentment that had marred my childhood.

My blue-black hair fell to my shoulders in waves, and I wore a dusty rose cotton frock trimmed with lace. My manner of dress shocked the villagers, as did my cool, self-possessed attitude. I should have been wearing black, with my head covered and bowed with grief. Aunt Meg had been buried less than a week ago, and the very fact that I dared appear in public so soon afterwards was an affront to the good citizens. They couldn’t know that Aunt Meg had begged me never, never to wear mourning for her, had begged me not to grieve.

Remember me with a smile, she had whispered in that hoarse, fading voice. Forgive me, darling, for my inadequacies, and remember only the good things. You’re strong. I’ve seen to that. You’re strong and gifted and intelligent, and you’ll survive. Forgive me, darling, forgive me—

I hadn’t understood at the time. Aunt Meg had devoted her life to me. She had given me everything—love, security, the very best education. She had given me comfort and compassion when I was a child, and when I began to study dancing she had given me the gift of her faith in me. What could there possibly be to forgive her for? It was only after the funeral that I learned that all the money was gone, that Graystone Manor was to be taken in payment of debts. The house and everything in it would be sold within six weeks if I was unable to raise ten thousand pounds. The sum might as well have been ten million.

The ballet school in Bath had been very expensive, but Aunt Meg had never let me suspect her financial difficulties. She had continued to pay my tuition and to send spending money, money for new clothes. On my visits home she had put on a splendid front. Unable to conceal the fact that all the valuable pieces of furniture had been sold one by one, all the good paintings and all the silver, she had explained it away lightly, by saying that she was expecting a huge sum any day now from the sale of the Northumberland property and that I was not to worry about it. She wanted me to tell her about my progress, the recitals, my adventures at school, to absolutely banish thoughts of anything so trivial as money.

The money was gone, and in six weeks I would be homeless. John Chapman had generously allowed me the six weeks. He had also allowed me to keep the fifteen pounds Aunt Meg had pressed into my hands before her death. Chapman was forty years old, a bachelor, a large, strapping man with rugged good looks, bronze-red hair and shrewd gray-green eyes. He was most understanding of my plight, most reasonable. He felt certain we could come to some kind of agreement, make some kind of arrangement. His voice had been deep and husky when he told me that, and there had been a gleam of anticipation in his eyes. I knew what kind of arrangement he had in mind, and I refused even to think about it.

Slowly, I strolled past the row of shops that had been standing since the days of Good Queen Bess. Sunlight sparkled on the worn brown cobblestones, and even this far inland there was a salty tang in the air. This small inbred Cornish village had once represented the world to me, a world in which I was an outcast, a pariah because of the circumstances of my birth. But I had since discovered another world, and its horizons were boundless. That was one of the reasons I felt immune to the villagers and their opinion of me. They were to be pitied, not feared.

Jamie Burns stood lounging against the wall of the pub up ahead talking to a husky friend at his side. Jamie was the blacksmith’s son. He had been the ringleader of the gang of children who used to taunt me whenever they had the chance. Hands joined, they had danced around me like so many demons, yelling, Gypsy brat! Gypsy brat! Gypsy brat! hoping I’d cry, hoping I’d strike out at them, but I had never cried, and after a while I learned not to strike out, either. How many times had I gone home with bruises and cuts, my pretty dresses ruined, my pigtails all undone? How many times had Aunt Meg taken me in her arms and soothed me and told me I was foolish to let it bother me, that I was better than any of them? Those memories were still vivid in my mind, but they no longer caused anguish.

Jamie and his companion watched me approach. Both wore muddy boots, tight trousers, and coarsely woven white shirts. Jamie wore a loose leather jerkin, as well. His dark brown hair was unruly; his face, fox-like, wore a crafty smile. His cold eyes seemed to glitter as I drew nearer. I had seen that look in the eyes of several men, but it had never blazed so openly. I recognized Jamie’s companion now, Billy Stone, a heavy lad with blond hair and the face of a wicked choir boy. His blue eyes were alight with the same male hunger, his wide mouth curling at the corners in a lewd grin. Neither of them spoke as I passed, but I could feel their eyes on me as I moved on down the street.

The bell over the door at the pharmacist’s shop tinkled, to announce my entrance. The smell of roots and herbs and straw assaulted me as I moved past the rows of colored bottles to the wooden counter in the back of the shop. The pharmacist wasn’t in, but Evan Peters, his assistant, came out of the back room. Adjusting the thin black leather apron that covered his shirt and trousers, Evan looked at me and from his expression I could see that he recognized me immediately. His daughter Molly had been one of the circle of tormentors during my childhood. His light hair was beginning to gray at the temples. His face was thin, and the brown eyes were hard. They passed immediate judgment on me as I stopped in front of the counter.

Good afternoon, Mr. Peters, I said.

Mary Ellen Lawrence, ain’t it? Couldn’t be anyone else. You’ve grown up.

I’d like some medicine for a cough.

You’ve changed, he said, ignoring my request. You were a tall, skinny kid when you left, all elbows and eyes. Hear you went off to a fancy school in Bath. Hear you been studyin’ dancin’ with some Eye-talian fellow there.

That’s right. Do you have something for a cough?

Heard about your aunt’s death. Consumption.

I was silent, trying to keep my face expressionless.

Head over heels in debt she was, I hear. Stack o’ unpaid bills when she died and Graystone Manor going to John Chapman. Hear he’s gonna foreclose. Reckon you’ll be in a tight spot when he does. Reckon you’re in a tight spot already. You got money to pay for the cough medicine?

I took a pound note out of my pocket and placed it on the counter.

Peters grinned and stepped through the door back of the counter, returning a few moments later with a small brown bottle filled with a thick liquid. Instead of handing it to me, he set it on a shelf behind the counter. Picking up the pound note, he carried it over to his cash box and began to make change. He moved with deliberate slowness, hoping I would show some sign of irritation. But I was determined not to reveal my impatience.

My Molly done married Bertie Green and moved out ta the farm. Bertie owns it now that his folks passed on. Molly already has two young ’uns.

That’s splendid, Mr. Peters.

He counted the change very slowly. Molly, she knows her place. She don’t put on airs like some. You’re a fine young lady now, ain’t cha? Speak like a bloody swell, ever so refined. Guess they put a lot of ideas in your head at that fancy school.

They did indeed, I replied.

Reckon you wantin’ to be a dancer comes natural. I remember when you used to run across the moors to spend time with them gypsies that camped in the meadow. Hear you learned all them gypsy dances. I wouldn’t let a child of mine go near that scum.

I’m sure you wouldn’t.

Your aunt believed in lettin’ you do whatever you took a mind to. I reckon she felt you had a lot in common with them gypsies, seein’ as how you’re half-gypsy yourself. You even kinda look like one with those dark blue eyes and that long black hair.

He clearly hoped to insult me. He failed. I was proud of my heritage on both sides. I had been born as the result of a great love, and if that love had been wrong in the eyes of the world, if it had caused a tempestuous scandal and ended in tragedy, I was still proud to know I was the product of it. It hadn’t always been that way, of course. As a child I had been terribly ashamed, bitter even, but I had grown up.

We run them gypsies off a couple o’ years ago, Peters continued. "Sly, thievin’ bunch, the lot of ’em. Hear tell they’re comin’ back for th’ fair in Claymoor. If they got any sense, they won’t come around here no more."

Peters finally set the medicine on the counter before me. Picking up the bottle, I slipped it into the pocket of my dress along with the change.

I hear that your aunt’s maid is stayin’ on with you. Fanny. I suppose the cough medicine is for her. You certainly look healthy enough.

Fanny is staying with me, yes.

Noble of ’er, seein’ as how she ain’t been paid in over a year, seein’ as how you’ll both be out in th’ cold soon as Chapman forecloses. What you plannin’ on doin’?

I looked at him with cool politeness and smiled.

That, Mr. Peters, is none of your bloody business.

Turning, I started toward the door before he could detain me any longer. His comments had irritated me far more than I cared to admit. I hadn’t been to the village even once during the past three years, avoiding it whenever I returned to Graystone Manor for holidays. As I left the shop I vowed I would never come again. Any provisions we might need, Fanny could come for, as long as the fifteen pounds held out. I wouldn’t have come today had she not desperately needed the medicine. I no longer cared what any of these people thought about me, but there was no reason to expose myself deliberately to the kind of mentality Peters had displayed just now.

My skirt rustled over my petticoats as I moved back down the street toward the old stone church and the road that led away from the village. Jamie and Billy were no longer in sight, and I was relieved. No doubt I could have put them in their place with a few well-chosen words, but after the encounter with Evan Peters I didn’t want to speak to anyone. I merely wanted to be left alone. These people led such barren lives, their world confined to a few square miles. How could I ever have let their opinion of me matter?

Passing the bakery shop, the livery stable, the tiny inn with its mortar-and-timber-facade and thick glass windowpanes, I was conscious only of the grief that still surged inside me. Aunt Meg had begged me not to mourn, but I did, I couldn’t help it. I had stayed in my room for two days after the funeral, crying quietly, refusing to eat, refusing to answer Fanny’s knocks on the door, and finally I had found the strength to face reality, to face the loss and accept it. I would be strong as she had taught me to be, and I would try to remember her with a smile, but the grief would always be a part of me.

Passing the old graystone church at the edge of the village, I paused to look at the tall spire of tarnished copper. Tall oak trees grew on the right, their heavy boughs shading the toppling marble tombstones in the cemetery behind the low graystone wall. Aunt Meg was buried beside her parents in Claymoor, but my mother was here, her grave unmarked. My grandparents had refused to let mother be buried in the family plot in Claymoor. On impulse I pushed open the gate in the wall and moved down the uneven flagstone walks. It was dim here, everything in shadow, and the air was cool. The cemetery hadn’t been kept up at all. Many of the stones had fallen over; the damp marble was green with moss. I finally located the unmarked grave near the back wall. It was covered with grass, with acorns scattered all around.

My mother had been only a year older than I am now when she died. The Lawrences had been the most prominent family in the district, Graystone Manor a fine mansion. My grandfather had owned vast properties, and he had been proud of his aristocratic blood, his connections with royalty, however tenuous they might have been. His two daughters had been a disappointment, for naturally he had wanted a son to carry on the line. The oldest, Meg, a serious, bookish girl, seemed destined for spinsterhood, but he hoped to make an important match for Alicia—wild, impetuous Alicia who was so very beautiful, so willful, so gay. While Meg read her books or sat lost in daydreams, Alicia had suitors by the score, but she wanted none of them. They were far too tame.

Alicia, my mother, preferred to race across the moors on her stallion, sometimes not returning until very late at night. When my grandfather learned that she was spending her time at the gypsy camp, he was outraged and forbade her to return. Alicia paid no heed to him, for she was passionately in love with a man whose fiery spirit matched her own, and nothing was going to keep her from him. With his powerful connections, my grandfather was able to have the gypsies banished from the area. When they left, my mother left with them, riding off in one of the brightly painted caravans with her Ramon.

My mother had done a watercolor of her lover, a watercolor which Meg had carefully preserved all these years. Ramon was tall and dark and dashing, his black locks unruly, his brown eyes ablaze with savage fires. Moody, mercurial, frequently violent, he had loved his aristocratic mistress with a fierce, possessive love that caused him to seethe with jealousy if another man so much as looked at her. One night, in Kent, Ramon’s brother Juan had displayed too much interest in the lovely blonde who shared his brother’s caravan. A violent quarrel ensued. Knife blades flashed in the firelight. Juan was killed. Ramon died two days later of wounds his brother had inflicted. The gypsies blamed Alicia for turning brother against brother and causing the deaths. She was thrown out of the camp. She was five months pregnant at the time.

She arrived in Cornwall two weeks later, pale, penniless, broken with grief. Her father refused to take her in. He forbade his wife and daughter to have anything to do with the shameless creature who had given up all right to be called a Lawrence. But Meg slipped out of the house and went after her sister. She gave Alicia all of the money she had carefully hoarded, enough money to allow the girl to take a small cottage and hire a midwife as her time drew near. Meg continued to defy her father, slipping off to visit her sister, trying to give her comfort, trying to console her in her grief.

Three and a half months later, I was born. It was a difficult birth, taking over thirty hours, and serious complications set in afterwards. My mother had lost all will to live, and she died four days after I was born. She was buried here in this unmarked grave, and I was placed in an orphanage, for my grandfather adamantly refused to take a gypsy’s bastard into his home. He died of a heart attack six years later, just days after my grandmother succumbed to lung fever, and it was only then that Meg was able to take me out of the orphanage. It was an unconventional thing to do, of course, and the county was scandalized. My aunt didn’t care that the gentry no longer called, that the villagers held her in contempt. Still unmarried, heiress to all her father’s estate, she devoted herself to me, to doing all she could to compensate for those first six years.

A gentle breeze ruffled through the oak leaves overhead. Pale shadows played over the grave of Alicia Lawrence. Once, long ago, I had hated her, had blamed her for those six years spent in the bleak gray orphanage, for the cruelty and the taunts of the village children after I came to live at Graystone Manor, but I understood her now, and I felt only sadness. She had loved unwisely, perhaps, but she had loved with all her heart, and I knew it would be that way with me, too. A faded watercolor and an unmarked grave were all that remained of my parents, but their blood was alive inside me, and after years of hurt and bitter resentment I had learned to be proud of it.

II

Closing the cemetery gate behind me, I walked on down the road leading out of the village, and soon there was nothing on either side of me but wide open land. To the west the land extended for several acres to the edge of the cliffs that plunged down sharply to the waters below, and on the east, beyond the low graystone wall, there were flat fields spotted with towering haystacks. The road curved inland, disappearing below a slope, appearing again atop the slope beyond. I could see a small open carriage far away, heading in my direction, a tiny black toy in the distance, horse and driver barely visible. The sky stretched overhead a luminous gray-white barely stained with blue. The air smelled of salt and sea. I could hear the waves crashing against the rocks below the cliffs, and seagulls crying out as they dipped and soared. After Bath with its elegant Georgian buildings and narrow streets and formal gardens, Cornwall seemed like a foreign country, bleak, brooding, with a stark, primeval beauty all its own.

Despite the grief so heavy inside me, I responded to the land and its harsh beauty. I longed to clamber over the rocks below, again, and feel the sea mist stinging my cheeks, as the waves slammed against ancient stone and sprayed geysers of water into the air. I longed to rush across the moors once more with the wind tearing my hair, to feel again that wild, untamed feeling that had possessed me when I used to race to meet the gypsies and dance the savage, sensual dances they had taught me. Three years at the academy and ballet school had given me polish and poise, but behind the demure, wellbred facade the lonely, restless spirit remained the same. I could never be like the other girls at school, no matter how much I tried. Perhaps that was why dancing meant so much. In dance I could express all those surging emotions. Even in the carefully stylized steps of ballet, I felt a release.

Walking slowly down the road, surrounded by country air and sunlight, I thought of Madame Olga and the ambition she had inspired in me. The once renowned Russian ballerina had come to the academy to give lectures on the dance. She was ancient, a tiny woman with wrinkled skin and enormous black eyes that seemed to burn. Her hair was sleeked back, fastened in a tight bun on the back of her neck, and she was swathed in sables. She wore a gigantic emerald on one finger of her scrawny hand, the huge stone glittering with greenish-blue fires. A quarter of a century before, she had been the toast of Europe, and one heard that kings had vied for her favors, that the Czar had given her a fortune in jewels, that an English duke had committed suicide when she refused to return his affections.

I was dazzled, and so nervous I could hardly contain myself when, after the lectures, she watched us go through our paces. She scowled disdainfully all the while, making acid comments to poor Miss Brown, who had worked so hard to get us into shape. Later on, though, Madame Olga admitted that at least one of us showed promise. The little girl with the raven hair and dark blue eyes, the one with the high cheekbones, she’s not so bad, Madame confided, and when Miss Brown relayed the comment to me I was ecstatic. I wrote to my aunt at once, begging to be allowed to leave the academy and rush off to London.

At the time, I was only sixteen, and Aunt Meg was naturally too sensible to allow any such rash action. I must finish my training at the academy first, she informed me. I could continue my dancing classes there, along with all my other studies, and if when I graduated I still wanted to go to London, well, we would see about it. I studied harder than ever, learning everything Miss Brown could teach me. I also took private lessons from a retired Italian ballet master who had a shabby studio in Bath near the academy. Giovanni, who had known Madame Olga during her heyday, wrote to her about me, recommending me in the highest terms, just this month. And she had written back, agreeing to take me on as a student in September.

I was unbelievably happy. Madame Olga was the best teacher in all England. She took only a select number of students each year, and after studying with her almost all of them were placed in important companies. I was going to be one of those students. I was going to be a famous ballerina as Madame Olga had been. I would become the toast of Europe and drink champagne, and men would fall in love with me. The future was aglow with glorious possibilities, and life seemed magical. I seemed to walk on air, so great was my elation, and then I received the urgent message from Doctor Reed. I arrived back in Cornwall only hours before Aunt Meg passed away.

A light gust of wind caused my skirt to flap and sent my long hair fluttering. My magical future had vanished in one great swoop, and I was faced with stark reality. Things couldn’t have been worse, yet for some reason I refused to worry. I was strong. I would survive. Somehow or other. I had six more weeks before Chapman would foreclose and all Aunt Meg’s goods would be sold at auction. Stubbornly, I clung to the conviction that something would happen during those weeks. What I felt couldn’t be defined as optimism. It was, rather, a steely refusal to give up. I wasn’t ready to admit defeat, not yet.

I suddenly had the feeling I was being watched as I passed one of the haystacks. I paused, vaguely disturbed, for the sensation was powerful, impossible to mistake. I could almost feel the eyes boring into my back. Another gust of wind lifted my skirts. I turned. Jamie Burns and Billy Stone were moving away from the haystack, both grinning wide grins. Jamie waved and leaped over the low stone wall. Billy called my name. I watched them saunter toward me, and my heart skipped several beats. They had known I would be coming this way. They had come ahead of me, had hidden themselves behind the haystack. Every instinct told me to flee, to run down the road as fast as I could, but I knew that would be pointless. They would overtake me in moments. I must be very, very calm. That was my only hope. They sauntered across the road, arrogant in their youth and superior strength.

Well, well, well, Jamie drawled. What ’ave we ’ere?

Look at ’er, Billy said. Ain’t she somethin’? Never seen such a ripe ’un in all my born days.

I stood very still, trying to control my breathing, telling myself I mustn’t panic. My pulses were leaping, and my knees seemed to go weak. I held myself erect through sheer willpower and stared at them with my chin held high, eyes cool and haughty.

Always wanted to ’ave me a gypsy wench, Billy remarked. I ’ear they’re real special, all fire an’ fight. Reckon I’ll find out this very afternoon.

Jamie’s cold gray eyes glittered. His lips twisted into a leer. Shoving a lock of unruly brown hair from his brow, he stepped nearer. There was hatred in his eyes, hatred and lust that seemed to smoulder. Billy came up beside him, slinging a powerful arm around his friend’s shoulders. My heart was pounding. My throat felt dry. Waves of panic threatened to sweep over me. I held them back, willing myself not to show the least sign of fear.

What’d they teach ya in that swell school you been to, Mary Ellen? Jamie asked.

They taught me not to be intimidated by oafs like you.

My voice was surprisingly calm. Another gust of wind swept across the flat, open land. My skirts billowed. My hair blew across my cheek. I pushed it back, holding myself straight and distant.

I reckon they musta fed you real good at that school, Mary Ellen, Jamie said. You’re all growed up. He nodded. Yeah, you’re all growed up. Real ripe an’ juicy.

The panic was very near the surface now, and I was trembling inside. I felt so weak, so vulnerable. They were both as strong as oxen, hard with muscle, and I would be powerless against them. Rape was jolly sport for youths like these, any nubile lass their natural prey. How many maidens had they forcibly deflowered? Like animals bursting with energy and appetite, they thought of nothing but release. Right and wrong failed to exist for them. It would be useless to plead, useless to fight.

Soon as I saw you prancin’ down th’ street so ’igh an’ mighty, I knew what I was gonna do, Jamie snarled.

He moved another step nearer, eyes glittering, his face tight, a mask of hostility. He seemed to seethe with it. I drew back, my composure slipping fast. My heart was beating louder and louder, so loud I felt sure they both could hear. I moved back another step, almost stumbling. Billy chuckled and shoved Jamie aside with rough amiability.

You’re scarin’ ’er, he said. I keep tellin’ ya, Jamie, you gotta gentle ’em a little, gotta feel ’em up and get ’em in th’ mood. ’Ere, I’ll show ya ’ow it’s done.

Don’t touch me, I said hoarsely.

Billy shook his head. Dark blond waves spilled over his brow, and the almost-pretty face seemed to glow with pleasure. The blue eyes were merry and lascivious, and he smiled a tender, taunting smile.

Come on now, wench, he said. His voice was husky and seductive. Don’tcha wanna be friendly? Me an’ Jamie, we’re a couple o’ swell fellows, really know ’ow to make a wench ’appy. Ask Daisy Clark. Ask Mollie Jeffers. Ask any uv th’ girls. They’re all just pantin’ to ’ave us come a-courtin’.

That taunting smile widened, pink lips curling up at both corners, and the eyes were aglow with anticipation. As he seized my arms and pulled me toward him, everything seemed to whirl in a blazing haze of fear and fury. I struggled violently, trying to pull away, and he laughed a rumbling laugh and held my arms even tighter, his fingers biting into my flesh. I cried out and kicked him, slamming my toe against his shin with all the force I could muster. There was a mighty yell, but it wasn’t Billy. It was Jamie. Jamie yelled, and Billy’s eyes widened in dismay.

Neither of us had heard the horse and carriage, that carriage that had seemed so tiny when I had seen it in the distance. It was standing but a few yards away, and Jamie was struggling with a man in a dark blue suit. They seemed to be hugging each other, rocking to and fro, and then they broke apart and Jamie staggered backwards and shook his head as though to clear it. Then he charged at the stranger like an enraged bull. The stranger stepped to one side and, smiling a tight smile, stuck his foot out to send Jamie crashing to the ground with a terrible thud.

Billy was still dismayed, unable to believe what he saw. It had happened in a matter of seconds, and he was still gripping my arms. His face tightened now, and his eyes flashed with rage. He gave me a forceful shove that sent me reeling backwards. I stumbled and fell, landing with shattering impact that knocked the breath out of me. My head began to spin, and black wings seemed to flutter all around, closing in on me, blocking out the light. Several moments passed before I was aware once again of the stomping, shuffling, thudding noises around me. Palms flat on the ground, I managed to sit up. Everything was shimmering, out of focus, and my head was still spinning.

Jamie was on the ground on the other side of the road, groaning, and Billy and the stranger stood a few feet apart, the stranger cool and apparently unconcerned, Billy panting, his chest heaving. A moment passed and then Billy hurled himself toward the stranger and swung his arm in a wide arc, his fist flying toward the stranger’s jaw. The stranger smiled and made a smooth half turn, and as the fist flew past his shoulder he seized Billy’s wrist in midair and gave it a wicked twist, swinging Billy around in front of him and thrusting his arm up between his shoulder blades.

Billy yelled in anguish, and the stranger thrust his arm up even higher and gave a mighty push. Billy stumbled forward, tottering, and finally fell to his knees. Jamie moaned and climbed to his feet, rubbing his jaw, staring at the stranger with glazed eyes. The stranger stood there with his fists resting lightly on his thighs, a half smile on his lips. He waited, daring Jamie to make an aggressive move. Jamie shook his head and staggered back a few steps, clearly unsure of himself, and then he turned and moved hurriedly back down the road toward the village. Scrambling to his feet, Billy rushed after his friend. The man in the dark blue suit smiled, watching them depart. They were almost out of sight before he finally turned his attention to me.

He stepped across the road, reached down, and took my hand to help me to my feet. He was still cool and unconcerned, showing not the least sign of exertion. There was a glint of amusement in those dark brown eyes. Awry half smile played on his lips.

Brence Stephens, he said. At your service.

And that was the beginning.

III

He was very tall, with the lean, muscular build of an athlete, all supple grace and strength. His navy blue suit was superbly tailored, the trousers snug, the jacket emphasizing broad shoulders and a slender waist. He wore a maroon and white striped waistcoat, his maroon silk stock neat, unruffled by the fight. His black knee boots were highly glossed. He had a deep tan, and his hair was jet black, rich and abundant. There was a tautness about his cheekbones, the skin stretched tight. His mouth was wide, the lower lip full and smooth and shell pink, undeniably sensual.

Are you all right? he inquired.

I nodded, brushing dust from my skirt.

Lucky I happened along when I did, he said.

His voice was deep and melodious with an appealing huskiness. Despite his gentleness with me, I sensed that he was accustomed to giving orders, accustomed to having them obeyed. There was a certain hardness about him that suggested a military background. He had clearly enjoyed the fight that had sent both strapping youths running with little or no effort on his part, yet he was unquestionably well bred. He would be as much at ease in an elegant drawing room as on a raging battlefield, always in command of the situation. He was without question the handsomest man I had ever seen, that strong virile beauty strangely augmented by the patina of hardness.

I should have taken my horsewhip to those two, he remarked. Ruffians like that shouldn’t be allowed to roam free.

Having regained my composure, I pushed a lock of hair from my cheek and looked at Brence Stephens. The unpleasant encounter with Jamie and Billy might never have happened.

No harm was done, Mr. Stephens.

He lifted one smooth, finely arched brow, registering surprise at my accent. Obviously, he’d taken me for some country wench, and my cultivated voice made him look at me with new interest. A familiar assessment glowed in his eyes; he found me intriguing, and he found me desirable, too. That was quite plain.

I must say, you seem terribly calm about the whole thing, he said. Most young women would be hysterical.

I find hysterics quite unattractive.

I was rather hoping you’d throw yourself into my arms, sobbing uncontrollably.

Indeed?

Then I’d be able to comfort you. I’d enjoy that.

He spoke lightly, teasing with a smile on his lips, and it was impossible to take offense, yet I was on guard just the same. I had never met a man so utterly attractive. His features might have been chiseled by a master sculptor. He might have materialized from some schoolgirl’s dream, and that made me uneasy. Feeling terribly young, terribly inexperienced, and disoriented by my reaction to him, I sought refuge in a cool, haughty manner that he seemed to find amusing.

I’m at a disadvantage, he said. You know my name. I don’t know yours.

I’m Mary Ellen Lawrence.

Mary Ellen, he said.

He made it sound like music. He looked at me with dark brown eyes that seemed so wise, so knowing, and my disorientation grew. My cool manner didn’t deceive him at all. I sensed that he knew exactly what I was feeling and why, even if I was unsure about it myself. Why should I have this pleasurable glow inside and this tremulous fear, both at the same time? I wanted to reach up and touch that full pink mouth with my fingertips, but I wanted to run away, too, before it was too late.

I’ll drive you back to the village, he said.

I don’t live in the village.

No? Where do you live?

Graystone Manor, I replied.

Graystone Manor? I’m afraid I don’t know the place. This is my first visit to Cornwall, you see. I’m staying with my cousin, Lady Andover. She and her husband live in the next county. Perhaps you know them?

I know of them.

I wanted to see something of the countryside. That’s why I’m so far afield. Beth, Lady Andover, spends every afternoon playing cards with her cronies, and Freddie seems to devote twenty-four hours a day to his gun collection. I wanted to get out, get some fresh air. I borrowed this rig. It’s lucky for you I did.

I—I suppose I should thank you.

You should, he agreed. It isn’t really necessary, though. I love a good fight. Not that those two ruffians offered a real challenge.

You handled yourself extremely well.

I’ve had plenty of practice. In India.

You’re a soldier?

I was. That’s behind me now.

A slight frown creased his brow, and his lips lifted at one corner in a show of distaste. Military life had obviously palled for him. I sensed a certain restlessness in him and a steely determination to succeed which fascinated me. I also had a vague, disturbing feeling that was almost like a premonition of danger. It was as though I had come face to face with my fate, and my instincts were warning me to flee.

I—I’d better get back, I said.

I’ll drive you.

That isn’t necessary. I’ll walk.

You’ll ride, he told me.

His voice was pleasant, yet his tone made it clear that he would brook no argument. Touching my elbow, he led me over to the carriage and helped me up onto the upholstered seat. He swung up beside me with athletic grace. As he gathered up the reins, I was acutely aware of his nearness. The carriage was a light open rig, designed for intimacy, the seat quite small. I could smell the clean male smell of him—it was heady and rather upsetting.

A mile or so back I passed a large gray house surrounded by overgrown gardens, he said. Is that Graystone Manor?

I nodded. Brence Stephens clicked the reins and turned the carriage around, his strong, capable hands applying just the right amount of pressure on the reins. In moments we were heading back down the road. The horse moved at a leisurely pace, its glossy coat gleaming dark, tail and mane rippling like silk. Seagulls circled against the pearl-gray sky, crying their shrill cries, and dazzling sunlight bathed the open land. I could see the ocean beyond the edge of the cliffs, a surging blue-gray expanse that melted into a misty steel and gold horizon.

Neither of us spoke. The man beside me seemed oblivious of my presence. Lost in thought, he might have been alone in the carriage. I studied his profile, noticing the stern set of his jaw, the full curve of his mouth. His cheeks were lean, with faint hollows beneath those taut cheekbones, and his rich black hair made a striking contrast with his evenly tanned complexion. He would have acquired that tan in India, I thought. I had the feeling that he had just recently returned to England.

Several moments passed in silence broken only by the steady clop of horse hooves on the road and the cry of the gulls. Brence Stephens finally sighed and gazed at the open land with critical eyes.

Interesting place, he remarked.

You don’t like Cornwall?

I’ve been here a week, and I’ve rarely been so bored. There’s not all that much to do, and Beth and Freddie aren’t the most stimulating company. I felt obligated to visit, for Beth’s my only living relative, and she begged me to come. I had some time on my hands, so—here I am.

You said you’re no longer with the military.

I resigned my commission. Military life can be extremely limiting. One can go just so far, climb just so high. I’m going into the diplomatic service. It was arranged by … uh … a friend of mine before I left India. In a few weeks I’ll be leaving for Germany as aide to the English ambassador of a tiny state you’ve probably never heard of. It’s an insignificant post, but it’s a beginning.

I’m sure you’ll go far.

I intend to, he said firmly.

I suspected that the friend who had arranged his post was of the feminine gender. Probably the wife of some official, I thought, an older woman with a pouting mouth and worldly eyes who sought a return to youth in the arms of younger men. A woman like that would find Brence Stephens impossible to resist, and I suspected that he would have no qualms about using his male allure to achieve his own ends.

I suppose you’re engaged to some local squire, he said.

I shook my head. He lifted an eyebrow in surprise.

No? I should have thought you’d have been long since spoken for. There must be suitors by the score.

There are no suitors, Mr. Stephens.

I find that hard to believe.

I’m sure Lady Andover will be able to explain things to you. Once, long ago, she was a—a friend of my aunt’s.

Ah, he said, so there’s a mystery.

There is no mystery, I replied.

He didn’t pursue the matter, but I could tell that he was intrigued. Undoubtedly, he would ask his cousin about me and, undoubtedly, she would tell him that I was the bastard daughter of an aristocrat and her gypsy lover. Lady Andover knew all about me, and by this evening Brence Stephens would, too. Some of the old resentment returned, but I banished it immediately.

The horse followed a curve in the road. In the distance I could see the towering oak trees and the large graystone house surrounded by shabby gardens wild with a riot of flowers. Directly behind the house the moors began, ground covered with grayish-brown grass faintly touched with green, gradually rising in a series of small hills. The terrain was ancient, windswept, savagely beautiful. Beyond those barren hills there were more moors leading to the grove where the gypsies used to camp.

For a moment, thinking about the camp, I forgot the man beside me. I could see the little girl with pigtails rushing across the moors. I could see the painted caravans, the campfires that blossomed among the trees as twilight fell, and I could see those dark, exotic men and women who were fierce and volatile but so very kind to me, taking me in, making me a part of that intimate, tempestuous family. But that was all in the past. I was grown now. Never again would I be a part of that vibrant world.

You love this land, don’t you? Brence Stephens said.

It’s part of me, I replied.

You must teach me to love it. My cousin tells me I must see Land’s End. It’s not far from here, I understand.

A mile or so, I said.

He tugged on the reins, stopping the horse in front of the gate set in the low gray wall that surrounded the property. The gardens were ablaze with color, and the towering oak trees cast long, heavy shadows over the road; the house was only partially visible behind the low hanging limbs. Brence Stephens climbed out of the carriage with indolent grace and reached up to help me alight, his hands encircling my waist. His fingers tightened, lifting me, drawing me toward him. When he set me on my feet, he maintained his hold for several seconds, peering into my eyes. His own dark eyes were inscrutable.

I’d like to see you again, he said.

I—I don’t think that would be wise.

No?

He let go of my waist. I felt relief and disappointment at the same time. He continued to look into my eyes, and again I had a desire to reach up and touch those full, finely carved lips. The premonition I had felt earlier returned, even stronger this time. Every instinct told me that this man was a threat to me, and somehow that made him all the more alluring.

You’re afraid, he said. It’s there in your eyes.

You’re imagining things, Mr. Stephens.

There’s loneliness, too, and sadness.

I must go inside.

Don’t be afraid, Mary Ellen.

His voice was gentle and persuasive, husky, like music. It was beautiful, and he was beautiful, too, aglow with rugged vitality. Disturbing new emotions blossomed inside me, unfolding like petals, and I tried to hold them back. I didn’t want to feel them. I didn’t want to step over that invisible threshold that beckoned. I drew back, wishing he would leave, wishing I had never gone to the village. His eyes held mine, compelling me to accept those things I tried desperately to deny.

I’ll call on you tomorrow, he said.

You mustn’t come here.

Then I’ll meet you. Tomorrow afternoon, at two o’clock. I’ll be at Land’s End. You’ll come.

No.

You’ll come, he promised.

He left then, climbing into the carriage without another word, without so much as a backward glance. I stood by the gate, watching him drive away. I stood there long after the carriage had disappeared from sight. Something had happened to me, something irrevocable. I thought of my mother and her Ramon, and for the first time I fully understood what had happened to her so many years ago and why she had been willing to sacrifice all for love.

IV

I did not go to Land’s End the next afternoon. I wanted to. With all my heart, I wanted to see Brence Stephens again, but I knew that it would be a mistake, that it could lead to nothing. He probably hadn’t shown up himself, I reasoned. After he talked with his cousin and learned of my background, he had probably shrugged his shoulders and put me out of his mind. I was trying to put him out of mine. It wasn’t easy. I was strangely discontented in a way I had never been before.

I forced Fanny to take her medicine and to stay in bed while I did the necessary housework. I tried to read George Sand’s new novel, but it was all about love and, much as I admired her work, I found the emotional passages much too disturbing. Two days passed, and on the morning of the third day after the encounter on the road, John Chapman came to see me. Fanny showed him into the drawing room and creaked slowly up to my bedroom to announce his presence.

I’ll be down shortly, I told her. Offer him a glass of sherry.

Fanny nodded, coughed, and left the room. Putting away my book, I removed the blue cotton dress I was wearing, folded it up and set it aside, in no hurry to join my guest. He could wait. It would be good for him. John Chapman wasn’t used to waiting. Wearing only my petticoat, I sat down at the dressing table and began to brush my hair. When I was finished, I lingered in front of the mirror for a moment, examining myself with critical eyes.

I wished that I were beautiful, but that I would never be. Beauty meant delicate features and clear blue eyes and soft blond curls. My hair was the color of a raven’s wing, tumbling to my shoulders in dark waves that gleamed with blue-black highlights. My eyes were a satisfying deep sapphire blue, but my cheekbones were too high, my mouth too full. The girls at the academy had called me The Spaniard, teasing me about my rich coloring. They had teased me about my figure, too. It wasn’t proper for a respectable young woman to have such a slender waist, such voluptuous curves.

The dress I slipped into showed off those curves to advantage. It was a pale violet silk printed with tiny dark blue and pink flowers. Aunt Meg had delighted in buying me clothes, and I possessed an extensive wardrobe, with dresses far more sophisticated than those ordinarily worn by girls my age. The violet silk had short puffed sleeves, and the low-cut bodice emphasized my bosom. It was tight at the waist, and the long skirt was very full.

Stepping back from the mirror, I turned this way and that, studying the effect of the dress. I was pleased with what I saw. I might not be a demure English beauty, but I had something that men seemed to find much more intriguing than mere beauty. Brence Stephens had been aware of it immediately, and John Chapman was aware of it, too, acutely aware. This intangible quality was as yet untested, but I sensed that it was a valuable asset, a weapon to be discreetly employed in the struggles ahead.

I had never been concerned about my looks the whole time I was growing up. I had thought only of dancing, working for hours on end, consumed by an ambition that left room for nothing else. A change had taken place in me, and with it had come a new wisdom, something I knew must be instinctive with every woman. I didn’t welcome it. I fervently wished I could return to being an innocent schoolgirl, but I had grown up. Aunt Meg’s death had awakened me to the grim realities of life, and the meeting with Brence Stephens had awakened something else, something I had sensed fleetingly in the past but never fully realized until I looked into those dark, knowing brown eyes.

I was a bit nervous as I started downstairs to the drawing room, for I was going to have to handle John Chapman very carefully. He had agreed to give me six weeks before turning me out, and I needed that time. I had to make some kind of plans for the future. I had no idea what I would do, but perhaps I would find some solution during the time allotted me. Until now I had been too grieved by Aunt Meg’s death to give much thought to what was going to happen to me.

Pausing at the foot of the stairs, I braced myself for the meeting with Chapman. I was fully aware of the kind of arrangement he wanted to make with me, even though he had yet to express it in words. I had no intention of agreeing to it, of course, but I didn’t want to offend him. Not yet. He could turn me out tomorrow if he chose to, and if I annoyed him, he wouldn’t hesitate to do just that.

John Chapman had come to Cornwall six or seven years before, new-rich, self-educated, an upstart who seemed intent on taking over the whole county. Not only did he own tin mines, but he had been buying property right and left, ruthless in his quest for power. The villagers detested him, but those not actually in debt to him depended on their jobs at the mines in order to survive. The gentry looked down on him, but all felt obligated to give him at least a token acceptance. None dared snub him outright.

He was very rich, and he was powerful, by far the most powerful man in this part of Cornwall. He had drive and determination and a complete lack of scruples. Men like Chapman were taking over England. Wealth was supplanting lineage as the symbol of