Winning the Clutter War

1

Messies Classified

Messies have one thing in common: On a scale of 0 to 10 (0 is disaster and 10 is perfection), their housekeeping falls into the 1–3 range.

This, of course, makes them the opposites of the housekeepers we know as Cleanies, whose efforts are rewarded with a rating in the 7–10 range. It also sets them apart from average housekeepers—those whose homes fall into disarray on occasion, but not often and not for long, and who therefore merit a 4–6 rating.

Aside from their abysmally low housekeeping rating, Messies have little in common. They got to be where they are by different roads, and they have different styles of messiness.

Let us, therefore, take a look at different types of Messies. If you can recognize yourself in one of these word portraits, you will be well on the way to finding a solution to your problem.

The Perfectionist Messie

The Perfectionist Messie has very high standards for individual jobs. The house may be a wreck, but she decides to begin by cleaning the oven. And it is well done, very well done.

If you say, No one sees the inside of the oven, she takes pride in saying, But I know it is clean. In the meantime, the whole picture deteriorates.

Here, indecisiveness is cloaked in the guise of perfectionism. Generally this housekeeper cannot decide which approach to putting the house in order would be best. So she decides not to decide. This is a bad decision.

The Rebellious Messie

This Messie has psychological hang-ups from childhood. Mom insisted on cleanliness and order, and now that she is grown, she is going to show independence by defiance.

The tragedy, of course, is to let infantile reactions ruin our own lives and those of our families now that we are adults.

I heard a middle-aged woman say she had procrastinated for years about hanging a mirror even though it was in her way on the floor. The reason she didn’t hang it was because the sight of the unhung mirror annoyed her mother, and she derived pleasure from the annoyance it caused. I guess she is showing Mom that Mom can’t make her do it. But she is paying a high price for trying to show how grown-up she is.

The Relaxed Messie

The Relaxed Messie rationalizes that the world outside is hostile and home is the place to relax. Why work at home, too?

So things are let go. The result is that when the rationalizer comes home from that high-pressure job, she faces a hostile house. Things assault the eye and clutter life.

How nice it would be to come home to a beautiful, inviting home that says, Welcome, and invites us to relax! The truth, as any Messie can tell you, is that messiness is not relaxing. It causes strain, pressure, and jangled nerves.

The Sentimental Messie

Every scrap brought home by Johnny is precious. Every shell picked up on a beautiful day is valuable. We must keep our memories. I think memory is the source of the problem here. Some of us Messies have poor memories, so these things are the only way we can remember. When we throw them out, our memories actually are gone. In such cases, I suggest a memory journal. Write down the day’s activities, especially the nice ones. These pages will be invaluable not only to you but to your children and grandchildren.

Token remembrances also can be kept, of course, in easy-to-store, labeled plastic shoe boxes. But remember, keep only token items—not everything!

The Sentimental Messie is also a picture-taking Messie. Pictures are another aid to a poor memory. Sometimes we don’t even have to have them developed. We just like to know they are available for some time when we might get them developed. So in virtually every drawer in the house, undeveloped film can be found. One woman said she had her film developed so late that she did not recognize the people standing with her in the picture.

Perhaps no characteristic of Messies has such a hold as this one. Sentimentality is not a bad thing if it is not overdone or misapplied. But we frequently do both. When the belongings from our past begin to pile up in an unpleasant way in our present and adversely affect our future, it’s time to jettison them. (Gasp! Is that possible?)

You will find tactics to deal with many of the sentimental items in your life in chapter 22. But the underlying way to let go of the past is to shift your gaze to your life in today’s world. Plan for a wonderful future. Don’t let anything keep you from accomplishing your best vision for your life.

The Spartan Messie

The Spartan Messie has a special approach to the difficulties of housekeeping. The ancient Spartans lived with only the necessities of life. Similarly, it may occur to a Messie that if there were less to care for, or if it were somehow shut up or nailed down and not used, it would be possible to handle it.

How often do Americans change the sheets on their beds?

According to a recent survey:

Once a week—51%

Twice a week—31%

Once a month—12%

Less than once a month—2%

The next step is to see what can be eliminated: Let’s see, I could always have one-pot dinners so I would have just one pot to wash. I could have one set of sheets so I’d just have to wash them and put them back on the bed, which would eliminate folding them or having them lie around in a basket. Or better still, I could make up the bed and sleep on top of the spread. That would eliminate washing sheets and bed making. I could clean up some of the other rooms and not use them anymore, just put a velvet rope across each door.

And so, to some degree or another, they cut out the things they have to handle. As a rule they don’t actually get rid of them, they just exclude them from their care.

The Clean Messie

As long as things are clean, Clean Messies reason, they can be left out. This is why clean clothes are left in the basket and not folded. (After all, they are clean, and that’s the main thing.) The dishes are washed and left out on the counter. But they are clean. Isn’t that what counts?

The Safe Messie

The Safe Messie leaves the bed unmade, because it can air out better, and that kills more germs. The floors are not waxed, because they might be slippery and dangerous. The dishes are not dried by hand, because the germs from the dishcloth might get on the dishes. Air drying is more sanitary.

And finally, I can’t have a maid, because she might have a boyfriend who is a thief, and I’ll be robbed. One cannot be too careful, after all.

The trouble with all these ways of thinking is that they tie us up and reduce our options for keeping the house the way we want it.

The Old-Fashioned Messie

For some reason, there are people who just enjoy doing things the old-fashioned way. For them, the only good way is the old way. This is a definite matter of principle—though it is hard to know what the reason is.

This might mean our Old-Fashioned Messie will have as a principle that the only way to do the floor is on her hands and knees with a brush. Now actually, the floor never gets done that way because it is too much work. But believe me, if it ever did get done, it would be done right. Their motto is Do it right—or not at all. A lot of time it turns out not at all.

Some other ideas the Old-Fashioned Messie may have are to bake pies and cakes from scratch instead of using a mix, to wax and buff the wooden floor with a cloth instead of a buffer, to beat the rug instead of vacuuming, or use cloth instead of disposable diapers. It’s not that some of these things aren’t appropriate sometimes, but to do things the hard way just because it is an old-fashioned way is a hindrance to progress in housekeeping.

The Idealistic Messie

The Idealistic Messie’s head is in the clouds. Great thoughts and ideas are what interest this Messie.

But the results are disastrous to an idealist. The beauty and charm, the satisfying family life, all melt under the heat of the messy home. The idealist, attuned to greater things, seldom notices the relationship between the messy house and the fading dreams.

In short, no matter what type of Messie you are, it’s an unsatisfying life.

2

Confessions of a Reformed Messie

My mother was a Cleanie. What a marvelous thing it was in those days of my youth always to have a clean, beautiful house to come home to!

Keeping house seemed to come naturally to her. My drawers were always neat, my room in order. I functioned in the order she created. She did try to train me, her only daughter. What a discouragement it must have been for her! I took to housekeeping like a cat to water.

We had spells when she did her best to get me in the groove and other spells when she gave up and found it easier to do it herself. In the meantime, I had other things of greater consequence to do.

In high school there was schoolwork. To me, studying was heady stuff. I worked on developing writing skills by turning out short stories and poetry. I took art lessons after school and was tutored privately in French. Who in the world cared if there was dust on the table legs with art and philosophy hovering so excitingly close?

Then I went to college, had a career as a junior high school math teacher, and married a minister. I was on my own with a house to keep. That’s when I first noticed something seriously amiss. I found that the well-kept look, which had seemed to come effortlessly to my mother, didn’t come to me at all.

At first I blamed the houses. The first one was too little. The next one was too big. I was sure there was just some small adjustment I needed to make in my situation and things would be all right. I was still busy with other, more important things. My husband was pastoring churches, and I was involved in his work. The children came, and I reacted to the housework. But I never controlled it.

Newton’s second law of thermodynamics states that anything, left to itself, tends toward disorganization. This is especially true with houses. Felton’s law is, Any house left to keep itself tends to disaster. Murphy’s law applied to housekeeping is, Any mess that can happen, will.

It’s tough being a Messie and a minister’s wife. People like to drop around, especially if you are living in the parsonage right next door to the church.

Ivan’s first church was in the northern Indiana farm region. Of Southern stock, I had grown up in Tennessee with its real or imagined tradition of frail womanhood.

These Indiana women were heartier than I was. They never even considered the concept of a lady of leisure.

I once heard a parishioner talk about having done her spring cleaning. I was amazed that as part of it she had varnished the windowsills with marine varnish. Most of the women in the parish sewed, canned, had gardens, ran tractors, did church work, and kept neat homes, while I just wandered around trying to keep my head above water wondering what was wrong.

These women were gracious and never mentioned the gap between my abilities and theirs, which I felt so keenly. The worst part was that I could not figure out why they were succeeding and I was not.

In those days, as a young mother, I was able to tell myself that there was a reason for my poor housekeeping. More babies came, giving me further reasons. I was feeling better about my messiness now that I had collected so many good reasons. A really good excuse is a valuable thing. Several good excuses are a treasure.

The excuses satisfied my mind somewhat, but the soul is not so easily quieted. The frustration of not being able to find things, the embarrassment of having company drop in without warning, the hard work that never gets anywhere—there is no way to make these things somehow all right. They sap the joy from life.

It’s really tough being a Messie.

excuse ik-’skyüs n. A perfectly reasonable explanation for the fact that your husband can’t find the monthly bills . . . or the checkbook . . . or one pen that hasn’t gone dry because someone left the top off for two weeks.

3

A Messies Quiz

Test your knowledge of the problems of messiness by taking this quiz. Are the following statements true or false?

1. Trying to be in control of life motivates Messies to collect too much.

2. Before they can begin to change, Messies must release the grandiose attitude that they can handle multitudes of things, projects, opportunities, etc.

3. If Messies develop proper attitudes about organizing, keeping an orderly house will be a breeze.

4. The idea of eliminating old destructive ways of thinking and nonproductive ways of doing things makes Messies nervous.

5. If Messies change too much, they will lose their unique personality.

6. Living a serene and orderly life feels wonderful to the reforming Messie.

7. Messies are less productive when they get more organized.

8. Messies lack basic internal organizational skills.

9. Organized people need and use more organizational systems than disorganized people.

10. Messies should throw away stacks of old papers without looking at each piece of paper.

11. Because they love to keep papers, Messies love to file things.

12. Messies don’t mind living in a disorganized way.

13. Messies lack appropriate boundaries in their lives.

14. Messies don’t like to plan ahead in detail.

Let’s see how well you have done. Although you know a lot about Messies, some of the answers may surprise you.

1. Trying to be in control of life motivates Messies to collect too much.

This is true. We start out wanting so much to get everything under control and we end up losing control in a big way. Messies try to:

• be too perfect

• do too much

• know too much

• take care of too many people

• have too many interests

• enjoy too much

• remember too much

• save things in case somebody else might need them someday

2. Before they can begin to change, Messies must release the grandiose attitude that they can handle multitudes of things, projects, opportunities, etc.

This is also true. In short, Messies try to be superhuman. But we aren’t. Bill W., founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, said, First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Often we are not aware of this tendency because it has been so much a natural part of our thinking for so long. Once that inflated idea begins to release its grip on our lives, we will be able to release our grip on all the other ideas that compel us to live a messy life.

3. If Messies develop proper attitudes about organizing, keeping an orderly house will be a breeze.

Ah, if it were that simple! The answer is false. Changing our basic way of thinking is the important first step, but it will never be easy. There are other factors such as distractibility, difficulty in categorizing, memory deficits, and other problems that we need to deal with. But, using techniques designed to handle these other problems, and being willing to make the change in our basic idea that we can control too much, we will be on that wonderful road of recovery. Our houses will change as we do.

4. The idea of eliminating old destructive ways of thinking and nonproductive ways of doing things makes Messies nervous.

You betcha! It’s really hard to do what we need to do to get out of this pickle. Messies may not like what those destructive ideas, feelings, and behaviors do to their organizational lives, but they are comfortable with the qualities that make them unique. They even get used to the adrenaline rush and excitement that the chaotic Messie lifestyle brings with it.

5. If Messies change too much, they will lose their unique personality.

Nothing could be farther from reality. This is definitely false. In actuality, people cannot make enough changes to interfere with the core of who they are. You will always be uniquely you. Even though Messies will always need to keep somewhat more stuff and to seek the stimulation of more activities than the average person, experience tells us that in order to really enjoy and more fully express our wonderful uniqueness, we must modify our natural bent toward too much.

6. Living a serene and orderly life feels wonderful to the reforming Messie.

This is a hard one. Sometimes it is true and sometimes it is false. During the struggle to simplify and organize, emotions ride a roller coaster. At first, there is a sense of relief when we realize we can begin to get rid of things and organize them. As we begin to live the new, more serene life, we begin to feel uncomfortable. We may even be tempted to sabotage our serenity. But by committing to basic organizational changes and returning to them when we get off track, we will eventually get to the point that we are grateful, so very, very grateful, for being delivered from the grip of the former way of life.

7. Messies are less productive when they get more organized.

This is probably not true. Although the Messie may be doing, keeping, and attempting less, actual productivity probably goes up because the Messie does not waste so much time looking for stuff and because she follows through and finishes more of the projects she begins. At first Messies may get less done because of the newness. But when they get used to working in an organized environment, production goes way up. Getting out from under the mess frees the Messie to get more done.

8. Messies lack basic internal organizational skills.

Well, I hate to tell you this, but it is pretty much true. We just don’t have the natural ability to play the organizing game well. Ability to organize is a natural skill, similar to playing basketball or singing or