Loving Homosexuals as Jesus Would: A Fresh Christian Approach

LOVING

HOMOSEXUALS

AS JESUS

WOULD

LOVING

HOMOSEXUALS

AS JESUS

WOULD

A Fresh Christian Approach

CHAD W . THOMPSON

© 2004 by Chad W. Thompson

Published by Brazos Press

a division of Baker Publishing Group

P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287

www.brazospress.com

Printed in the United States of America

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Thompson, Chad W., 1979–

      Loving homosexuals as Jesus would : a fresh Christian approach / Chad W. Thompson.

          p.       cm.

      Includes bibliographical references.

      ISBN 1-58743-121-1 (pbk.)

      1. Church work with gays. 2. Homosexuality—Religious aspects—Christianity. I. Title.

BV4437.5.T56 2004

261.8’35766—dc22                                                                  2004011974

Unless otherwised noted, scripture is taken from the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1989, Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture marked NKJV is taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

This book is dedicated to Lenny Carluzzi. Thanks for the hug.

   To John Willet, K. D. Kragen, Gary Birkeland, Ben Featheringil, and all the brothers who invited me into their homes and into their lives. Thanks for loving me even when I was certain that there was nothing in me to love.

To my entire family here in Des Moines: Mom, Dad, Jody, and Randy. To my pastors: Tim Rude, Bruce Crane, Mike Bourland, and Nick Ball. To John Drage, Steve Bush, Jeff Kern, and the entire membership of Great Commission Ministries across the world. Thanks for pouring your lives into me!

To Rob Nation: your love and support has been unwavering. To the Reverend Matt Roberts: your friendship means more to me than you will ever know. To Brian Petersen, Dave and Steve Rude, Justin and Andrew Meyer, Pete Smith, and all the men of Walnut Creek Community Church: you guys have taught me how Jesus would love a homosexual.

To Joseph Nicolosi, Dr. Warren Throckmorton, Richard Cohen, Regina Griggs, Estella Salvatierra, David Pruden, Arthur Goldberg, Joe Dallas, Father John Harvey, Dave Jenkins, Bo and Barb Brink, Kathy Steamer, Linda Delbridge, Kerry Michaelis, Scott Davis, Dick Carpenter, Tim Wilkins, Chuck Wenger, Pavi Thomas, Fred Stoeker, Steve Gottry, Rodney Clapp, Randall Balmer, and Stephen Arterburn for helping me through the publishing process.

And to my God, for bringing all these beautiful people into my life.

For I will give you words

and a wisdom that none of

your opponents will be able to

withstand or contradict.

—Luke 21:15

CONTENTS

Foreword

Introduction

1. My Story

2. Whoever Loves First

3. The Homophobia Stops Here

4. A God Like Ours

5. What Does Science Say?

6. What Causes Homosexuality?

7. How Does Change Happen?

Afterword: Why Can’t I Be Proud?

Notes

Resources

FOREWORD

The question What would Jesus do? has been repeated, through countless bracelets and bumper stickers, until it has become an unexamined cliché. To the serious believer, of course, what Christ would or would not do is crucial. But when even a crucial thought has been posed too often, it’s importance gets watered down. A fresh approach to the same question, then, is needed. And in this vein, the oft asked What would Jesus do? could be rephrased and expanded on with another thought: How would Jesus love? That’s a question Chad Thompson seems to have asked himself, and then, having wrestled with it, he poses it to us as well.

In Loving Homosexuals as Jesus Would he asks how we, who claim to be Jesus’ followers, can love homosexuals as Jesus loves them? How can we dialogue with them, relate to them, confront them and, in essence, express all that goes with the commandment to walk as Christ walked. Mind you, this isn’t an argument coming from a detached philosopher or academic. It comes from a young man who’s struggled with homosexuality first hand, and who, like myself and countless others, came to the conclusion that homosexuality falls short of God’s intentions.

But just because Chad made the ex-gay decision, don’t go looking for stereotypical gay bashing in these pages. You’ll find, instead, a bold willingness to critique the church’s response to lesbian and gay people, along with a call for radical change in the way the Christian community approaches homosexuals and homosexuality. This is, then, a book that will offend some, instruct many, and be relevant to all.

I am especially excited about Chad’s efforts in these pages, because I know how difficult it can be trying to capture, then articulate, a balanced, compassionate approach to this issue. Personal demons have to be worked through, terms have to be clarified, a variety of reader’s needs have to be considered, and hard truth needs to be balanced with love. So Thompson walks a tightrope here, and invites us to join him as we all seek more effective, biblically based ways to express and defend the faith. God grant that his efforts are rewarded by a deeper understanding and commitment on the part of everyone who reads Loving Homosexuals as Jesus Would.

Joe Dallas, author of Desires in Conflict and

When Homosexuality Hits Home

INTRODUCTION

Dr. Rick Warren, pastor of Saddleback Community Church, once said, There are two basic reasons people don’t know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. One, they have never met a Christian. Second, they have met a Christian.

I have written this book because although I am concerned about the claims being made by homosexual groups that insist sexual orientation is unchangeable, I am equally disappointed by the misinformation and malignancy I have seen coming from the Christian church. (For the purposes of this book, when I refer to the church or Christians, I am referring to those who embrace a biblically conservative theology regarding homosexuality.)

While working for a conservative-interest group in Iowa, I was amazed by the high numbers of Christian people who would turn out to oppose homosexuals politically. Yet when I presented opportunities to reach out in love to people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgendered (LGBT), my efforts were often met with apathy and sometimes even hostility. (For the purposes of this book, the terms LGBT and homosexual will be used interchangeably.)

Not too long ago, I found a comment posted on a Christian website by a gay man that epitomizes the nature of the struggle between the church and the homosexual:

As a gay male, I do not subscribe to the radical elements of either the right or left. I believe that, as with most politicians, the gay extremists have lost touch with the desires of their so-called constituents.

They have invented an enemy—the religious right—and must perpetuate the imaginary injustices wrought upon them.

I believe that both sides have a radical element which ignores a basic tenet for good living—love thy neighbor.

Many Christians have used the phrase love the sinner, hate the sin to describe their attitude toward LGBT people. While there is plenty of evidence that Christians hate the sin, one must wonder, How does the love manifest itself? How should the love manifest itself?

For Christians to be effective, we must use not only our words but also our hands, feet, minds, hearts, voices, time, resources, and attention to show our love to people who identify as LGBT.

Dr. Vernon Grounds, president emeritus of Denver Seminary, once said, "It seems to me [that showing love] means some concrete caring. For example, in the parable of the good Samaritan, it would have been nice to stop and pray for that poor victim who had been beaten up by the robbers. But what about administering whatever first aid you could and alleviating his pain and taking him to a place of safety?" Dr. Grounds then suggested the organization of more police protection for the road, the installation of better lights, and the application of pressure on Jericho’s city hall if something was not done to alleviate the traveler’s suffering.

For Christians to apply Dr. Ground’s suggestion requires that we acknowledge the social and personal struggles faced by LGBT people and that we wage a determined effort to eliminate these struggles, whether or not they decide to change.

As much as the church loves to trumpet the stories of men and women who have come out of homosexuality, many in the church have turned a cold shoulder to the needs of those who have embraced their homosexuality, implicitly sending them the message that they must change their sexual orientation in order to become eligible for our love.

The purpose of this book is not to teach Christians how to convince gay people they should change or how to convert homosexuals to Christianity. Only God can do these things. The purpose of this book is to teach Christians how to love homosexuals, which is our calling (John 13:34). To do this, we must enter the homosexual’s world. We must learn to show love in such a way that it can be recognized. In other words, we must become flesh, just as Christ did for us. Success in doing so requires a humble spirit, a vibrant prayer life, and a thorough understanding of the issues faced by LGBT people.

This book presents a modern-day application of Paul’s example in becoming all things to all people and explains why an effective ministry to LGBT people who are outside the church requires that we abandon our stereotypes of them and commit ourselves to loving them right where they are.

Furthermore, the church must learn how to love individuals inside the church who have decided to change and are in the process of overcoming homosexual attractions.

There is little question that God’s people desire to show love to homosexually oriented people. The roadblock, it seems, is our lack of ability to discern how and when to do so. I was amazed as I listened to the Christian mother of a gay child talk about what she had learned at a Christian conference on homosexuality. She said, I feel like I have been given permission to love my gay son. While I thought her discovery was wonderful, I had to ask myself, What in the world ever made her think that she couldn’t love her gay son?

I hope this book will give parents, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances of openly gay and formerly gay people, once and for all, permission to love them without reserve. I also hope this book will show them how to show love. What Pastor Don Richardson believes is eternity in the hearts of men, Christian author Gary Chapman refers to as the importance of understanding the love language of the person you wish to bless. Francis Schaeffer termed it preevangelism, Paul called it becoming all things to all people, and John the Baptist described it as loving first. The concepts described in this book are by no means new; rather, they just have not been applied in ministry to LGBT people. The proper application of these concepts has gotten lost amidst the confusion surrounding the issue of homosexuality.

I did not produce these writings merely to educate individuals who need help understanding this issue or to tweak the approach that Christian organizations have taken in homosexual ministry. Rather, these chapters present a call for radical change in the way the evangelical world approaches homosexuals and homosexuality.

Chapters 1 through 3 tell my story and provide solid evidence, biblical and otherwise, for the need to reexamine the way Christians approach homosexuals and homosexuality. In chapter 4, I present a constructive critique of the methods by which religious organizations attempt to combat the biased teaching of homosexuality in America’s public schools. Chapter 5 offers a primer on what science has discovered about sexual orientation and examines the research that has been done to find a genetic link to homosexuality.

In chapters 6 and 7, I provide an explanation of the process of changing one’s sexual orientation. As someone