Little White Lies

Little White Lies

A Novel By

JD Selmser

Copyright: JD Selmser

Published: 23rd December 2013

ISBN: 978-0-9921494-3-7

Smashwords Edition

The right of JD Selmser to be identified as author of this Work has been asserted by him in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

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Find out more about the author and upcoming books online at www.jdselmser.com or @jdselmser or Facebook

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Cover design by Tara @ Fantasia Frog Designs

Copyright © 2013 by JD Selmser

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Contents

Little White Lies

Preface

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Epilogue

Second Chances Preview

Preface

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Preface

I do not know if it was the idea of being in love or just the possibility of being love that motivated me to travel half way across the world from my little town in Canada, but I never thought of the consequences. I never even considered the price I would pay. I just did it. Little did I know that it would become the place that my heart would call home and a distant prison that I could never escape. They say that the quest for love will make a person do such crazy things and I am no different. I just threw caution to the wind and before you knew it, I was landing in a foreign land. My only connection was a handful of emails, a picture, a name and a heart full of desire.

Now that I look back at it, this was the day that absolutely changed my life. This was the start of a new life for me, but like most dreams and fantasies this journey did not go exactly as I had planned or expected. If only I knew that day that a little white lie could make me rich and famous as well as destroy me. I often wonder if I would have even left the plane, but like most journeys you never known that you are there, until you arrive.

That one paragraph, those few carefully crafted words, haunts me every day. Why, you might ask? Well because I do not know if they are all lies or just a figment of an over active imagination. My name is RW Skuce and I live a lie. What lie? You may ask, well the world thinks that I am the king of romance, a guru of love, but I do not believe in love because I cannot remember ever being in love.

Exactly three years ago today I woke up in a hospital bed and had forgotten my whole life and since that day I have been haunted every night. I live in the shadow of who I used to be, but everything I know is rumor and hear say. The only connection that I have to my old life is a fat bank account, a detailed plan painted on the walls and a woman whose name I can’t remember, but she haunts my dreams. Like a good little soldier though, I play my part. I visit hospitals, sign autographs and spend a lot of time on talk shows.

It’s not a bad life, but sometimes I wonder if there is such a woman that was so important to me, I mean that I loved so much I wrote a 350 page novel and learned to play 5 instruments just so I could document our romance, to write her a single love song to win back her love and if so, is she out there waiting for me somewhere.

Chapter One - No good deed goes unpunished

As I walked down the hallway of the hospital all I think of was how could a place smell so clean yet not fresh? That’s one of the things that I hated about them. They always smelled too clean like if they used enough bleach it would hide the smell of death, but I knew that death was always hiding in the shadows like a ghost. I am not sure if it’s because I cannot remember anybody I knew actually being terminally ill or whether it was a cultural thing, but as I walked into the room I felt a great sadness.

As I glanced in the room I had a struggle to control my shock. Straggly thinning short hair and rough skin with white patches covered all her skin making it look more like scales then actual skin. Her letter said she was 16 years old, but from this angle I would have sworn that she was 116 with those skinny little limbs and the way her skin seemed to just dangle from her body. She was just lying there on the bed at the children’s hospital, reading an old tattered copy of my novel Second Chances. The cover was wrinkled with little tattered edges and I was so amazed at how carefully she turned each page as she read it. I just stood there watching her lips move as she read each word. She looked so serious as her eyes went from side to side and an array of expressions covered her face with each word. Suddenly she looked up and exploded, You came, and you actually came all the way across the ocean to see me!

That smile lit up the whole room like sunshine and it made my whole heart swell. Of course how could I not come and see my biggest fan I spouted out. Deep down there was this over whelming feeling of guilt because truly if my assistant had not nagged me and nagged me for weeks about this little girl I would never have travelled this far. I just could not be bothered, but seeing how much joy my coming brought this skinny little creature, I was glad to have come.

I sat down in the hard pinkish plastic chair and said, We have not been properly introduced, my name is RW Skuce and I shook her hand. It felt so cold and dry.

Hi my name is Camilla and I am your biggest fan ever, she said as that smile grew and grew. I handed her a little sickly white rose that I had picked up at the airport and she took it with a slight confused look on her face. I like the others that you sent, but since this one came from your hands, I will treasure it forever and she gently tucked it into the top desk drawer. I thought what others? As I glanced around the room, I noticed that it was completely filled with White Lilies. My immediate thought was that Anna, my assistant, was once again one step ahead of me. I honestly wonder how I could possible exist without her.

I reached in my jacket pocket and handed her a brand new copy of my novel. As she looked at me and smiled, I said, Here is a brand new copy of Second Chances and as I pulled the pen out of my pocket to sign it. I noticed that she was slowly sliding the old copy towards her. I reached to grab it and replace it with the new one and she immediately pushed the old one far away. It’s ok little one, I understand that you will have some sentimental attachment to the old one you have, but I think having an autographed copy of my novel will be special too.

She was silent for a few minutes and then whispered in a low shallow voice, It will be nice, but my old copy is already autographed and even has a special message written in the back. It’s also bigger. I could hardly believe my eyes as I compared them side by side. I had seen many versions of this book in multiple languages, but this one was bigger than any I had ever seen before. Suddenly she was so excited like she had just discovered some great secret and very rapidly began, Most versions say that they lived happy ever after, but this one you assume so, but you are never really sure. That’s why I like it so much because it makes you guess. You never really know for sure whether love conquers all, but you like to think it does. That kiss that took his breath away and how his heart just could not forget her even though she hurt him so much, yet I think that deep down she always loved him. She began to flip through the pages and at the end stopped and smiled as she gently handed the book to me, Plus it has this hand written letter inside. It’s not written as a character from the book, but you wrote it. I think that you must have really loved this woman.

Slowly I examined the page with the words etched in faded blue ink. The writing was across the two back pages and so small that it looked too delicate for a man’s hand writing, but I could not deny that it was mine. I read the letter again and again.

Dear Stacey,

Do not be upset because I am not trying to get you back or upset you or anything else. I just wanted to apologize and say I am sorry if I ever hurt or bothered you. You see the last few months I have learned to accept the fact that whatever he had or even if it was anything it was a fantasy that is lost to me and can never be recovered. One thing though is I should have handled it much better than I did. I am not apologizing for not being able to let go because honestly I cannot help who I am, but I definitely could have been more mature about it. Either way I am truly sorry for being such a fool. You see I was blinded by the fact that I loved you that I could not see that you could not love me. The irony is that when you left I at the airport during our first meeting I felt it, but was so stuck on how I felt about you that I missed that it was not truly mutual. For that I must tell you that I am sorry.

I also wanted to thank you because I realize that if you could not love me fully you could never be happy with me no matter what I did and in end that would not have been fair to either of us. Our whole relationship my happiness was tied to your happiness and if I could not make you happy neither of us would ever is happy. Getting over you was literally the hardest thing that I ever had to do. Not because I cannot live without you, but because I was so selfish that I had this childish idea if I held in long enough that I could see you in the future and win you back, but I realized in May that if I am over you or not you are over me. I saw you in New York, as part of my life now are meetings with New York publishers so I have a little loft there and realized that it was over. I discovered my hidden talent getting over you and I became rather successful at it. In your hands is our story. The greatest love story that I have ever written, the greatest love story that I had ever lived and the greatest dream I have ever dreamed.

My foolishness was rather extreme. I bought a house and filled it with everything that I ever promised and this June I gave it away to charity. It may sound stupid, but honestly it lost its meaning when I realized that you are happier without me then you ever were with me. It went to help the Ottawa children’s hospital so even a bad ending can have happy results. I once promised you that if you ever needed me I would be there for you, but also realize that it was unrealistic. We were never friends. We actually were nothing more than pen pals.

I must come there sometime in the New Year because I am meeting with a publisher about publishing my novel there. Well actually it’s a small publisher that will distribute my book throughout the region. Part of me originally wanted to send you a bunch of flowers and try and get your attention, but honestly what good would it do? I will stay away, but wanted to say I am sorry. The only regret I have is how I acted in the end.

I did write the story I set out to because the story I started to write had a happy ever after in the end, but obviously you know how it ended. If you do not mind I would like to give you an autographed copy of our story only I lied at the end. I could not bear the ending that truly exists. This copy is one of two because it was changed at the end to make it a better love story for the upcoming movie, but I wanted you to have the real story. In times when you feel unappreciated and need reassurance read our story so that you always remember that once upon a time a little Canadian worshipped you and that even though you are lost to him, in the nights he is lost in the darkness of sleep, he thinks of you.

Beyond this heartfelt apology I wish you the best, but now that I have apologized for any pain or frustration that I might have caused you, it’s time for me to get on with my life too. I have spent too much time loving an idea and will not spend another day chasing it.

Live the life that I tried to give you and never let regrets make you cry.

Rayne Skuce

Camilla smiled and with a giggle questioned, Was she really so beautiful that from your first kiss all you wanted to do was spend your life making hers filled with sunshine? I think that seeing sunshine in someone’s eyes is a sign of true love. She was rocking back and forth and bouncing with excitement. In the book and the movie you said that, I know all the words to the movie by heart too. I went to ask her where she had gotten this book, but before I could she snorted out, I have a book too, well not really a book, but lots and lots of emails. They are so much more romantic then even the novel is. I know that you must have loved her so much. I can feel your building right from the very first day that she sent you her smile. After a long pause she continued, Well the pictures of her smile.

Do you have pictures as well? I asked as I began holding my breath fearing the answer.

No there were no pictures just an email stating that she was sending you her smile. Did your cousin really teach you the power of a smile? He must have been such a great man to know that if he found such beauty in a woman because of her smile then he must spend the rest of his life making her smile. My mom says that men like that only exist in romance novels, like yours or fairy tales, but I told her that it was true. That you loved her so much that despite the fact you could live your life without her, it was more then you could bear.

At that point, the door slowly opened and a little plump nurse hobbled in. With a low fearful mousy voice she asked more then she demanded, It’s time for your tests Camille so your writer friend will have to wait outside?

As I got up to leave, in a panicked voice she begged, Please do not leave just yet.

I could see that the tears were pushing their way upward so I responded, Do not worry I will just be outside ok? I heard the curtain swing shut behind me as I opened the door and slid outside. This was another mystery from a past life that I could not remember, but for some reason the world would not let me forget.

I noticed down the hall was a sign that said The RW Skuce Wing. I did not know that we did work here, but then again I assumed there were a lot of things Anna did that she never told me about. As I sat outside the room I was so deep in thought about the letter that I had not noticed this tired looking woman