Diary of an Anorexic Girl

Advance Praise for Diary of an Anorexic Girl

I found this story eye-opening and hopeful, teaching a lesson of love, forgiveness and hope to parents and young people everywhere, while experiencing some very real issues in life. Highly recommended.

Adrienne Liesching, The Benjamin Gate

Morgan Menzie writes the most believable and realistic book about teenage girls I’ve ever read.

Honestly examining what every teen girl experiences as she goes through a discovery process with boys, self-image, jealousies, dieting, getting noticed, and most importantly, anorexia, this book speaks to every girl’s heart. Read it. It will touch you deeply and change you forever.

Libby Hodges, Jump 5

I was moved by Morgan's accurate and harrowing portrayal of the insidious nature of living with an eating disorder. Her writing illuminates the twists and distortions that one’s mind can take in trying to obtain an illusory perfection. . . . This is important reading for parents, teachers, counselors and all young persons coping with living in a world that creates unreal expectations.

Karen A. Silien, Ph.D.

Licensed Psychologist and Vice-President of the Eating Disorders Coalition of Tennessee, Inc.

. . . Morgan has written a powerful book that reaches into what many view as an aberration, Christian young women dealing with a serious self-deprecating disease. She brings sagacity into the phenomenon by showing how a healthy Christian girl can fall susceptible to the horrors of anorexia and the miracle that comes when healing begins. I believe this book will be a tremendous source of insight, inspiration and healing for all who read it.

Lisa Kimmey, Out of Eden

Diary of an Anorexic Girl

by Morgan Menzie

Diary of an Anorexic Girl: Based on a True Story © 2003 by Morgan Menzie

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Cover Design: Pointsize Associates, Glasgow, Scotland

Page Design: Brecca Theele

Acquisitions Editor: Kate Etue

Editorial Staff: Beth Ann Patton, Jenny Eaton, Elizabeth Kea, Corinne Hyde

Thomas Nelson, Inc., titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail [email protected].

Scriptures quoted from The Holy Bible, New Century Version, © 1987, 1988, 1991 by W Publishing Group, a division of Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Menzie, Morgan.

Diary of an anorexic girl / Morgan Menzie.

p. cm.

Summary: A young girl keeps a diary recording her struggles with anorexia.

ISBN 978-0-8499-4405-5

[1. Anorexia nervosa—Fiction. 2. Diaries—Fiction. 3. Conduct of life—Fiction.] I. Title.

PZ7.M5318 Di 2002

[Fic]—dc21

2002013629

Printed and bound in the United States of America

08 09 10 11 12 QW 15 14 13 12 11

For Marcelle,

Whose love of God continually amazes me and whose gentle heart can never be captured in words.

And for Rachel,

Who can take anything I throw at her and who will remain forever young.

Contents

DISCLAIMER

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

1995

9.1.95

9.2.95

9.21.95

9.28.95

10.5.95

10.10.95

10.13.95

10.25.95

10.30.95

11.2.95

11.24.95

12.13.95

12.25.95

1996

1.2.96

2.14.96

3.5.96

3.25.96

3.26.96

5.2.96

5.30.96

9.3.96

10.13.96

11.25.96

12.6.96

12.26.96

1997

1.1.97

1.7.97

2.14.97

3.3.97

3.5.97

3.9.97

4.17.97

5.30.97

6.1.97

6.5.97

7.12.97

7.18.97

7.30.97

7.31.97

8.7.97

8.9.97

8.11.97

8.30.97

9.15.97

9.25.97

10.13.97

11.2.97

11.15.97

11.27.97

12.2.97

12.5.97

12.26.97

1998

1.1.98

1.5.98

1.10.98

1.15.98

1.19.98

1.25.98

1.27.98

1.31.98

2.1.98

2.2.98

2.3.98

2.21.98

3.6.98

3.7.98

3.15.98

3.20.98

3.28.98

4.1.98

4.2.98

4.4.98

4.8.98

4.10.98

4.13.98

4.14.98

4.16.98

4.18.98

5.2.98

5.3.98

5.10.98

5.20.98

6.5.98

9.1.98

9.2.98

9.3.98

9.30.98

1999

12.20.99

2000

1.1.00

3.3.00

2.21.06

Appendices

Approaching Someone You Suspect Has an Eating Disorder

Nutritional Information

DISCLAIMER

I wrote this book for me, as selfish as that sounds. It became my own form of therapy. The only way to overcome the past is to jump into it head first and come up clean. I baptized myself in the memories. But you should know that my story has been fictionalized. No, not all the characters in this novel are fictional. I’m not that brilliant; my creativity stops just short of plausibility. Most, with the exception of one or two individuals (who, if I had my way, I would bring to life) are real. Names have been changed, with the exception of Oreo the cat.

Speaking of names, I toyed with the idea of using my real name for the main character—for about two seconds. Then I vetoed that, for I’ve always wanted to make up a name for myself. But, if you would feel better thinking of Blythe as Morgan, you may take a pen and neatly cross out every Blythe. I don’t mind, really.

So when it comes down to it, this is my life. What you are reading really happened to me, just not in exact detail, because my memory is not, as they say, that of an elephant’s. If you are so tormented by the mystery of what is real and what is not and as a result feel your black-and-white world slipping in to gray, 1) don’t take yourself so seriously and 2) realize that I don’t even remember what’s real and what’s not at this point.

Like I said, I wrote this for myself but the second the writing was done, it became yours. The moment I had finished saying what I had to say, it left me and sought you out. So read it with the knowledge that it was meant for you.

—Morgan Menzie

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

First and foremost I would like to thank Kate Etue, my editor and friend who helped me spin my thoughts into words. Kate, you had no reason to believe in me, but you took a chance anyway.

I’d also like to publicly acknowledge my brother, Craig. He does not, in fact, appear in the book. He was in college at the time these things happened to me, and I did not devise a way for him to enter the picture. My mind only stretches so far. But Craig, you know I love you!

I must thank Liz. You know who you are. You are very gracious to allow me to turn you into the villain. Thanks for being the kid who always made fun of me; it turned into great material! And reader, I’d like to add that Liz turned out very well and is a lovely person whom I am proud to call my friend.

Owen, you know I love you, buddy. That fact that there isn’t an ounce of meanness in you was just too tempting. I had to make you a little shady. Call it the mischievous writer in me, but I wanted to see how you would be with a mean streak.

9.1.95

To Blythe,

Happy Birthday—thirteen is a happy age, so enjoy it! This journal is for you to write your life down in, and don’t let anybody tell you that you are too young to know what you know. You’ve always been a bright one, from the time you opened your blue eyes and took in the world. You might be young, but you will never be simple.

Keep smiling darling, and never forget that Grandma and I love you.

Pa

1995

9.1.95

This is ridiculous really. I don’t know who I think is going to read this, but I feel encouraged when an audience is listening.

Mom always says I have a flare for the dramatics. It’s usually derogatory, but in my infinite wisdom I have turned it into a motto for life. You have to admit—if you were real you’d want me to talk to you directly. I would hate to exclude, so rather than risk hurting feelings (real or imaginary), I will include you in my narrative. Mom also says I over-analyze things, but I don’t think so at all, and since you are my imaginary audience I have decided that you absolutely agree with me.

My grandpa gave me this journal and told me to start it today. Why, I don’t know. Old people always have their reasons. He made the leather cover with my initials in the corner— in case you can’t see it for yourself. He’s from the country, or used to be before he moved to be closer to us, so homemade gifts are his specialty. I can’t tell you how many tables and chests and shelves with pegs to hang keys on we’ve collected over the years.

All he said was, Blythe, I want you to have this to write your life down in.

That’s it; that’s all he said before he began to whistle some old twangy hymn. For a man who could talk the bark off a tree, this was an abruptly short conversation, and perfectly suited for me.

So left with no guidance, here goes . . .

9.2.95

Well, gotta love seventh grade. I know this is supposed to be the time of my life, or is that high school . . . or college? It never really held much excitement for me—I’ve always been too smart for my age. Who would have thought intelligence a hindrance? Anyway, I feel absolutely awkward. The worst part is that I was born awkward and with foresight. I can see that my awkwardness will not blossom into some beautiful uniqueness—it will progress from awkwardness to homeliness to mediocrity.

Diane met me at the door to our first period. I wish I could carpool with her instead of horrible Liz, who always calls me a boy because of my short hair. I like my hair, or did before she made fun of it. I almost made it to school without crying this time . . . almost.

Anyway, Diane and I had a terrifically wretched first day. For one thing, first period is our only class together. That leaves six hours without my best friend. Oliver isn’t even with me. He’s my best friend other than Diane and he might as well have transferred for the amount of time I see him. It’s horrible the way we are tragically separated and must suffer quietly while doomed to a solitary existence. Mom thinks I’m too melodramatic, but I just do whatever it takes to get me through the day—life should always be as exciting as possible.

Oh, speaking of drama, I saw Laurie picking at her food in lunch today. Diane and I watched her, and she hardly ate anything at all. The other girls noticed too, but of course Liz didn’t pick on her. Maybe she just has a thing with short hair. I don’t understand how you couldn’t eat your food when it’s taco day! At least pick a day like barbecue or fish triangles; but to dishonor the tacos and that apple crispito is just wrong. (I am patiently waiting for my taste buds to grow cultivated, but until then I will savor my greasy tacos and refried beans.)

Well, I’m rambling, and one thing that I’ve learned since joining the eighth grade is to make everything as short and sweet as possible. You blend in better that way.

9.21.95

I’d do anything to escape this world where everything is based on coolness and how loud you can pray. It’s really become a pain ever since our middle school principal gave us the talk on making our faith our own rather than the adopted attitude of our parents. She might as well have said, Howl at the moon, the way everyone is competing to out-pray each other. Maybe there’s something wrong with me; I’m less than thrilled about all this independent faith stuff. Diane’s jumped on the bandwagon, too. She does a devotional every day and writes pages and pages on the verses she’s read. I don’t think I’m that good of a Christian.

So instead of all this ranting, I’m going to live in the forest somewhere in the hollow of a big tree trunk and scrawl my brilliant, albeit agnostic, writings on its bark. And someday some wandering traveler will discover me and my tree full of words, and I will become a famous writer, and everybody in this school will still be