Dating 101

BIBLE GUIDES FOR LIFE

DATING

101

© 2005 by Barbour Publishing, Inc.

Print ISBN 978-1-62029-746-9

eBook Editions:

Adobe Digital Edition (.epub) 978-1-62416-098-1

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted for commercial purposes, except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without written permission of the publisher.

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All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked nlt are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Produced with the assistance of the Livingstone Corporation (www.Livingstonecorp.com). Project staff includes Christopher D. Hudson, Ashley Taylor, Rosalie Krusemark, and Greg Longbons.

Published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., P.O. Box 719, Uhrichsville, Ohio 44683, www.barbourbooks.com

Our mission is to publish and distribute inspirational products offering exceptional value and biblical encouragement to the masses.

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

1

DEAL WITH YOURSELF FIRST

Under Construction

The Greatest Love of All

One step at a Time

The Perfect candidate

Me, Myself, and I

What’s Wrong with Me?

Extenuating Circumstances

The Impossible Dream?

2

WHAT GOD THINKS

Putting God First

Christian Love Guides All

A Christian Approach to Dating

Bring Him Along!

What Does the Bible Say about Dating?

Bringing Your Date Closer to God

3

ASKING SOMEONE OUT

The Approach

Meeting People

The courage to connect

A Is for Ask

Asking with Style

Go for It!

4

ONCE YOU’VE BEEN ASKED

No Problem

Ready ... or Not?

Great Expectations

Mr. or Ms. Wrong

Just Say No!

Searching to Find the One

5

THE ACTUAL DATE

Dating Etiquette

A Great Date

How to Have a Miserable Time

What Did You Expect?

Evaluate the Experience

6

RESPECTING YOUR DATE

Respecting Your Date

Treating Your Date with Respect

Quality and Quantity Time

A Radical Approach to Dating

The Role of Emotions

Protecting Your Emotions

Protecting Your Date’s Emotions

Letting Someone Know You’re Not Interested

Creative and Cheap Ways to Show Affection

7

GOING DEEPER

Transition into a Deeper Relationship

Having a Healthy Relationship

Maintaining Priorities

Pacing Your Dates

Having the Relationship-Defining Talk

When You Should Get Out of a Relationship

Meeting Family and Friends

Biblical Guidelines for Love and Marriage

8

WHEN IT DOESN’T WORK OUT

Ending a Bad Date

Reasons for Breaking Up

After a Breakup

Avoiding the Rebound

Overcoming Problems

9

IS THIS THE ONE?

Thinking of the Future

Preparing for Marriage

Is This the Person for You?

Being Held Accountable

Sample Accountability Questions

Listening to Parents’ Input

10

SEX AND PURITY

Sex: Should We or Shouldn’t We?

Before Your Date

Striving for Purity

Practicing Self-control

Differences between Men and women

11

DATE IDEAS

Creative Dating

Cheap Dates

Great Get to Know You Dates

12

GROUP DATING

What’s a Group Date?

What’s So Good about Group Dating?

From Group to Exclusive

Things That Make a Group Gag!

13

DATING GAMES PEOPLE PLAY (BUT THEY SHOULDN’T)

Flirting and Signals

Hard to Get

Guessing Game

Make Him/Her Jealous

What’s My Line? (Pickup Lines)

Leading Someone On

Dating Someone Else behind Your Date’s Back

14

SAFETY TIPS

Getting Out

Do You Trust Me?

Don’t Go There!

Money Matters

Warning!

15

THE COURTSHIP ALTERNATIVE

Courtship

Family First

The Basics of the Actual Process

Frequently Asked Questions

SUGGESTED READING

INTRODUCTION

As soon as I get up the nerve, I’m going to ask her out.

I’m afraid I’ll clam up when I’m around him. I don’t know what to say.

Okay, I’ve asked her out. Now what?!

Now that I’ve said yes, I wish I hadn’t. What should I do?

How do I tell her that I really like her?

How do I know if he’s the right one for me?

Ever said one of those? You’re not alone. Dating can be overwhelming and sometimes scary. There are lots of other questions, too: Am I ready to date? Who should I date? How can I ask her out? How can I make a good impression? What should I talk about with my date? How do I know when I’ve found the right one?

If you’re like most people, your head starts spinning when you ask questions like these. There’s just too much to think about, too much to worry about, and frankly, the whole idea may make you a little queasy.

Help has arrived.

No, it’s not Pepto-Bismol. (But sometimes that can help.) Rest assured, this help is easier to swallow.

The secret is simple: know where to look. See, you don’t need to have all the answers and fifty-two creative date ideas ready at the moment you meet Mr. or Ms. Right. You only need to know where to find them. And this book is the place to find them. For example, you’ll find:

A Truckload of Clues

You’ll learn from the success of people who have dated and survived to tell about it. You’ll also learn from the failure of a few poor folks who didn’t fare so well.

Perspective

Sometimes we get caught up in the details of dating or in confusing emotions. We need help looking at the whole picture. We’ll help you take a step back.

Humorous Stories & Incredible Facts

Dating is one of those times in life that really generates some wild and funny stories. We’ve collected a few for you to enjoy.

Important Reminders

Did you know that if you eat chicken and spinach for lunch, it’s important to floss your teeth before your date? We’ll give you a few reminders to help you in your quest for your next date.

The Bottom Line

We’ll help you get beyond the sweaty palms and the flutters in your stomach by letting you know the most important stuff to remember.

Help from Above

Did you know that God cares about your love life? He even has a few things to say about it. You’ll be surprised and often encouraged to see what He has to say.

Before you go on another date, you need to do one more thing to get ready: read this book. Okay, well at least part of it. Feel free to read it your way: from cover to cover or skipping around to the parts that interest you most. No matter how you read it, you’ll find it’s jammed with good advice, great ideas, and entertaining stories. So turn the page and keep reading. ... Your dates will thank you!

1

DEAL WITH

YOURSELF FIRST

Under construction

REFINING YOUR OWN CHARACTER

If most of your friends have already tested the waters of dating, chances are you’re eager to go diving in after them. Singleness can be a tough thing if you’re ready to date. At least that’s one way to look at it. Another way is to recognize that your single years are the last time in your life when you can legitimately focus your attention on yourself. While your friends are busy trying to build relationships, you can take some time to build and refine your own character. Here are some construction tips to get you started.

CHECK THE ORIGINAL BLUEPRINTS

The first step in refining yourself is to search out your Builder’s original plans for you. To do that, you’re going to need to look at the Bible. You may be surprised to learn just how much of the Bible has to do with you. That’s right—you. If you need to know how your sexuality is wired, you can find it in scripture. If you’d like to find out what your responsibilities are to your parents and friends, it’s in the Bible. If you’d like to know a little about what the future holds for you, check God’s Word. It’s all in there.

To start off, though, we’re recommending that you investigate what God has to say about His will for your life. Let’s face it: you can plan all the refining and building projects you want, but unless they’re part of God’s will for your life, you’re just wasting your time.

We don’t want to spoil the satisfaction that comes from discovering God’s Word on your own, but we also don’t want to leave you hanging. So we’ll just give you a couple of references to start with and then let you and the Holy Spirit (who will lead you) do the rest. For some interesting insight into God’s will, look up the following passages:

Numbers 14:41-45 (the consequences of disobeying God’s will);

Psalm 40:5 (excitement about what the Lord has planned); and

Colossians 1:9-14 (praying for God’s will).

CALL IN CONSULTANTS

This may be a difficult step for you, but it should ultimately prove to be pretty useful. What you’re going to do is ask your parents, your siblings, your friends, and anyone else who knows you well to tell you about yourself.

Ask them to evaluate various areas of your life and tell you what they appreciate about you and what they would like to see changed in your life. Encourage them to give their honest opinions. Take notes of the negative as well as the positive things you hear from them.

During this process, guard yourself against discouragement and indignation. Don’t beat yourself up over the negative responses you get. And, for heaven’s sake, don’t get mad at the people you recruit to help you for sharing their honest opinions! Learn to accept the bad with the good. Your goal is to find out what these people see in you and what they’d like to see. There’s a good chance that some of your more observant friends and family members will point out potential in you that you were previously unaware of.

Don’t misunderstand the purpose of this step. We are not suggesting that you change to please someone else, whether it be family members or friends. We’re suggesting that you and the people you care about most take a good look at your physical, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual makeup and identify some areas to work on. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you’re changing to impress someone else. Remember, your only obligations are to please the Lord first and yourself second.

START TINKERING

Based on what you learned about God’s will for your life as well as the constructive criticism of your family and friends, identify an area or two of your life that you’d like to start working on. We urge you to take it slowly, though. Don’t knock down everything at once and try rebuilding yourself from scratch.

Choose an element of your personality that you’d like to work on. Let’s say it’s your...hotheadedness. Tell yourself, For the next two weeks, I am going to do everything I can not to fly off the handle when I get angry. Then,

for the next two weeks, experiment with different methods of anger control. See which ones work best for you. Ask your friends and family members to chart your progress and give you feedback from time to time. See if you can develop strategies for managing and controlling your quick temper.

These refining strategies will require you to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking and worrying about yourself. That’s okay (as long as it doesn’t get out of hand). That’s the beauty of refining your character before you get into a dating relationship. You don’t have to worry about neglecting a loved one while you focus on yourself.

The Greatest Love of All

DEVELOPING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD FIRST

If it weren’t for God, we wouldn’t know how to love. We’re not talking about the fact that He’s the Creator and we wouldn’t have existed without Him. That’s pretty obvious. We’re saying that we would have no concept of what it means to love and be loved if it weren’t for the love God has shown us. Take a look at what the apostle John says on this topic:

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. (1 John 4:7-12)

EVALUATING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LORD

How is your relationship with God these days? Are you inseparable? Do you stay in fairly regular contact? Do you get together every other weekend or so? Do you feel like you’re drifting apart?

 WHY ALL THE FUSS?

Without the love of God in us, we cannot truly love another person as He intended us to love. That’s why it is so important for us to work on our relationship with God before we attempt to start a relationship with someone else.

There’s a wise old saying that goes, If you feel distant from God, guess which one of you moved.

We can blame many things for disrupting our relationship with the Lord—busy schedules, personal problems, the fast pace of our lives. But the reasons for the disruption aren’t really the point, are they? The point is solutions. It’s very important that we maintain a close relationship with the Lord. Only by staying near Him can we know what He has in mind for us and our relationships.

Do you doubt that God is interested in something as trivial as our dating relationships? Think again. In Matthew 10:29-31, Jesus explains that His heavenly Father is aware of every time a sparrow falls to the ground. If He knows that much about birds, Jesus argues, how much more does He know and care about human beings, who were made in His image?

STRENGTHENING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LORD

Recognizing that you’re not as close to God as you should be is the first step in correcting the situation. The second step is to sit down with Him for a nice long conversation about what’s been going on. Talk to God about the things in your life that have been keeping you from Him. Ask for His forgiveness; then ask Him to help you remove those obstacles from your life. Tell Him how you’re feeling about the people and situations in your life. Ask Him for His guidance and direction as you start to date. Ask Him to give you the wisdom to recognize the people He would have you date.

And then listen.

Prayer, you see, is a two-way conversation. You talk to God, and God talks to you. You won’t