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You find me hunched over the ironing board in the kitchen and thinking dark thoughts about Mrs Bertha Berman.

Tell me honestly, is there any more soul-destroying occupation known to womankind than the ironing and attempted folding of fitted bed sheets? Well, Mrs B is the lady to blame.

One day in 1959, somewhere in America, she was cursing her poor, inoffensive non-fitted sheet because it wouldn’t stay attached to her mattress – perhaps because the Bermans wriggled a lot at night.