Fixed BDSM Practices in the View of Islamic Psychology 1

BDSM PRACTICES IN THE VIEW OF ISLAMIC PSYCHOLOGY By: Salma Saimima Harni Kelderak ABSTRACT BDSM isn't new, but it's not something that is usually talked about either in general. Islam is a religion that has perfect laws regarding to relationships and marriage within the family, this study looks at BDSM and the couples who practice it from the perspective of psychology, in general, and in Islamic psychology that is associated with Islamic law. The results of this study were, in general, couples who practiced BDSM had mental health that were as healthy as couples who did not practice BDSM. Through the eyes of a couple who practice BDSM, it is a form of sexual variation to increase intimacy and achieve satisfaction. BDSM is only carried out when a mutual agreement has been reached upon and only carried out for a certain period of time. However, in the view of Islamic psychology based on Islamic law (Qur'an and Hadith) that is believed by the four Imams of the School, the practice of BDSM is considered an un-Islamic practice which violates the procedures for intercourse between husband and wife that has been regulated in the Qur'an and Hadith. BDSM is also considered unethical because of the elements of violence used that is considered dangerous and can threaten the lives of the partners, and this is clearly prohibited under Islamic Law. Keywords: BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submissive, Sadism and Masochism), sexual behavior, Islamic psychology, Islamic law Introduction BDSM is an umbrella term for a variety of sexual practices that involves physical bonding, giving or receiving pain, dominant or submissive role play, and/or other related activities. The acronym is a combination of Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism. Although BDSM has long been stigmatized socially or perceived as a sign of mental illness, recent research has shown that BDSM has no clear relationship with psychiatric disorders and in fact can be a part of a healthy and loving relationship. Depictions of BDSM-type sexual acts have been found in the art and literature of around the world for hundreds of years. But until the end of the 20th century, many perceived, especially in the West, that interest in BDSM is a manifestation of mental illness, sexual deviance, or a history of sexual abuse or trauma. However, research has shown those who are involved in BDSM are as normal as those who practice vanilla sex. Although the stereotype of BDSM has subsided, many people, including some mental health professionals, still hold negative views about BDSM practices and the people involved. But with the internet—and BDSM-related media campaigns, including the book and film Fifty Shades of Gray, have brought BDSM into the public consciousness, making it more socially acceptable, and enabling those who are interested in connecting with it easier and more open to it. In 1791, a French nobleman named deSade (1740-1814) published Sado-Masochistic novel Justine, which includes a whip, a binder, and a hanging a partner who holds and bounds the partner's body parts. The name de Sade is used for sado-masochism. DeSade himself was imprisoned for his insanity and popular practice was considered demented. Then, in 1870, Leopold von Sacher Masoch (1836-1895) published a novel called Venus in Furs about a male sexual partner who becomes a slave (sub).The name Sacher Masoch inspired the word masochism. Sigmund Freud said in 1905 that sadomasochism is a neurotic pleasure. In the original 1958 Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM), sexual sadism was classified as a deviation, and DSM-II (1968) classified it as masochism, while the DSM-IV (1994) classified sadomasochism as a disorder psyche. According to Judy Scheel, in her article BDSM What is Healthy and What is Pathological published in Psychology Today (2020), BDSM refers to sexual practices that involves attachment, domination, sadism, and masochism. Many people who practice BDSM dream of entering a certain state in BDSM. Many opinions consider BDSM as heretical, and inhumane, but BDSM lovers call it a great way for expressing love, affection, and intimacy. People can have sex without a condom, without negotiation and without communication, but in BDSM the couples always manage what is done through good communication that is clear, intimate and creating a great erotic feeling. A 2013 study conducted by Wismeijer in the Netherlands found that people who practiced BDSM are generally considered to be mentally healthy, have good social status, less anxious, more open to new experiences, and felt rather uncomfortable when choosing as a dominant position. Is BDSM and the people who practice it considered normal or abnormal? Until recently, people thought that BDSM perpetrators had been sexually abused and turned to BDSM as form of compensation. However, research in Australia has shown that people people who practice BDSM are as normal as people who don't practice BDSM. They are no more stressed than normal people, have no trouble having sex, and never have experienced sexual violence (Richters, De Visser, Rissel, Grulich & Smith, 2008). For more details in the latest edition of DSM 2013, only S&M (sadism and masochism) is classified as a pathological disorder. In this regard, when the partner who engages in BDSM feels pressured by themselves and their partner. Therefore, people who practice BDSM and are satisfied with it are not considered of having a mental disorder. What is the Islamic view on the practice of BDSM from a psychological and Islamic perspective? Does Islam forbid it? From the perspective of Islamic psychology, is the practice of BDSM considered normal? Discussion about sex is generally considered taboo, especially among the Muslim community. Conversation about sex is limited, mainly towards marriage, and more likely to be closed, even limited to general things. Albeit, matters of sex is directly discussed in the Qur'an and Hadith. It is narrated that once there was a woman who approached the Messenger of Allah and told her that her husband was too busy with prayer and forgot to come to his wife. The Messenger of Allah approached the man and told him that his wife had the right to himself. With the development of technology that facilitates information to the public, discussions about sexual issues has been exposed among the Muslim community, although there are still many restrictions and trends to cover it up. Talking about sex on social media like Facebook and WhatsApp is no longer taboo among young Muslim couples. A lot of information comes in and gives rise to a lot questions. One of the Facebook pages created by Indonesian BDSM activists shows photos of BDSM practices. Based on the above phenomenon, this research was conducted to answer the question of whether BDSM is allowed in Islam. How does Islam look at this from a psychological perspective? Still related to the practice of BDSM, the government plans to enact the Law of Family Resilience to protect spouses exposed to domestic violence. What triggered this was the murder case committed by a husband onto his wife in the name of BDSM. In this particular case, the government must review the case bill of BDSM involving murder which resulted in the death of one of the partners. Domestic Crime, which is usually abbreviated as Domestic Violence, has nothing to do with BDSM because BDSM is a variant of sexual play (liputan6.com, 2020). In 2015, Hollywood produced a controversial movie that continues to be debated by Europeans and Americans alike; The movie was Fifty Shades of Grey, based on the novel by E L. James. This movie tells the story of a man named Christian Grey. Gray is a young billionaire who was sexually harassed by a friend of his mother at the age of 16 and became a violent man when engaging sex with his partner. This movie which has used the term BDSM in abnormal psychology has surfaced and became a hot topic for discussion in society and among psychologists. In general, sex in marriage is a blessing that can be accessed and enjoyed by a married couple. A healthy and natural sexual relationship starts with communication between both parties, in this case the husband and wife. During sex, they talk to each other about what they want and what they don't want. There is a hadith that explains that in a relationship between a man and a woman their first must be an introduction, or better known as foreplay. Sayings of the Prophet Muhammad: "Let none of you have intercourse with his wife like an animal. You two have to do two things first.” His peers asked, what are these two things? The Prophet replied "Kisses and intimate words" (History of Hadith Abu Mansur and Ad Dailami in Musnad Al Firdaus from Hadith Anas). From a psychological point of view, everyone is different and unique in dealing with anything. The same applies to sexual relations with a partner. There are couples who have normal fantasies and tend to be ordinary, and there are couples who have fantasies that are unusual and considered strange by the general public. One of these fantasies is the practice of BDSM (slavery and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism). As explained above, BDSM is an alternative role play offered before starting sexual intercourse. Besides, Clarisse Thorn, author of The S&M Feminist (2012), says that BDSM is not just a sex game, it also involves intimacy, which is more than just sex. Is sex involving elements of BDSM a common practice? Sex that incorporates elements of BDSM is more common than many people think. A study, for example, has found that 30 percent of people have tried hitting during sex and nearly a quarter have tried role-playing dominant/sub. Another study found that 47 percent of adults have reported experimenting with at least one type of BDSM. This research looks into the perspective of Islamic Psychology on couples who practice BDSM. Theoretical basis 1. BDSM Practitioner Theory Disciplinary practices of slavery, domination, sadism-masochism (BDSM) is widely believed to be associated with psychopathology. However, some recent research indicates the relatively good mental health of BDSM practitioners. BDSM (slavery and discipline, domination/subjugation, sadism-masochism) seems to be a very interesting topic for laymen and social scientists. In the past, the practice was labeled as deviant, and was a reflection of psychopathology, but there is now increasing evidence that the practice of BDSM is consensual can actually be a healthy way for many people to express their inner sexual desires and fantasies. A recent study entitled Are Role and Gender Related to Sexual Function and Satisfaction in Men and Women Practicing BDSM? (Botta, Nimbu, Tripodi, Silvaggi, & Simonelli, 2019) investigated sexual satisfaction and function among BDSM practitioners and found that it was not only practitioners who appeared to be able to well-adjusted, some, especially those who preferred dominant roles, emergent and more satisfied with their sexuality than non-BDSM practitioners. The reason is not yet understood, but it may be because of those who holding a dominant role have personality traits that are very conducive to good mental health. There are several aspects of BDSM that can pose a risk of injury to a person’s body and in rare cases, people can be seriously injured. However, BDSM is basically harmless. A majority of dedicated BDSM practitioners prides themselves on practicing "safe, sane, consensual" sex— where, even if pain is inflicted, care is taken so as not to arise permanent damage. The practice of BDSM carries some social stigma (Bezreh, Weinberg & Edgar, 2012), although the recent popularity of Fifty Shades of Gray could be a sign of the acceptance of BDSM practices in society. There has been a trend for a long time in the medical world to view the practice as pathological and even deviant. General assumptions about people participating in BDSM is that they are psychologically anxious and unable to feel comfortable within themselves; who have a history of sexual harassment; and are trying to compensate for sexual difficulties. However, the small number of available studies suggest that this assumption may not be true. For example, a telephone survey conducted in Australia found that people who have participated in BDSM in the previous year are no more depressed than others; they are no more likely than others to experiencing sexual violence; and did not report any other sexual difficulties (Richters, De Visser, Rissel, Grulich & Smith, 2008). However, BDSM is done between people who agree with what they do is unofficially considered pathological. Several recent studies have found that BDSM practitioners on average have lower rates of PTSD than the general population. On the other hand, there are some people who reported that practicing BDSM as a way of coping their past trauma. There are not many studies that examine the psychological characteristics of BDSM practitioners, so the latest research by Wismeijer & van Assen (2013) aims to compare BDSM practitioners with people from the “normal” population in terms of different personalities for comparison. According to the research of Wismeijer & van Assen (2013), the characteristics of BDSM activists include having a personality that is less anxious or afraid, more open to new experiences, more aware, less sensitive to rejection, more prosperous, but less pleasant. Also, BDSM practitioners, on average, consist of people who are dominant and not submissive. In the beginning, psychologists looked at the interests associated with BDSM as pathological— which makes kink/BDSM enthusiasts feel very embarrassed with their desires. Currently, many researchers and clinicians acknowledge that BDSM can be part of healthy sexual expression. However, if the interests and behavior involving parties who disagree or cause individual suffering, it can be indicated as a mental health disorder. Meanwhile, several studies have shown that BDSM is associated with improved mental health for couples. Studies have found, for example, that those involved in BDSM have romantic relationships and especially those who take on the role of the dominant have lower neuroticism, reduced sensitivity towards rejection, and greater sexual satisfaction than those who choose to be a sub or controlled partner. Hannah ME Rogak and Jennifer Jo Connor in their research entitled Practice of Consensual BDSM and Relationship Satisfaction (2018) found that sexual behavior and styles that differed from the cultural majority was viewed as pathological throughout history. One of the categories of sexual variation was BDSM (bondage-discipline/dominance-submission/sadism-masochism). Studies carried out by psychotherapists indicate the belief that BDSM practitioners cannot maintain healthy relationships. But more and more literature illustrates that those involved in BDSM activities are individuals who are able to adapt socially and who are no more likely to experience psychological distress than the general population. This study used an online survey that was distributed throughout the BDSM community site and through word-of-mouth in measuring relationship satisfaction among BDSM practitioners who are in a committed relationship. A Revised Dyadic Adjustment Scale (RDAS) is provided, as well as a number of demographic participation questions and BDSM in regards to the participants and their partners. The findings showed that participants did not score above the threshold for the criteria of clinical depression on RDAS. In addition, data analysis compared gender roles and BDSM on the RDAS score. This did not yield statistically significant results. Results that were considered in the context of a feminist critique of BDSM and systems theory family. The current study adds on to previous research by examining the satisfaction of the relationship, providing more evidence that those who practice BDSM are no more significantly more pathological than the general population. Niken Saraswati in her thesis entitled BDSM in the main character as seen in Fifty Shades of Gray movie (2020) researches and explores depiction BDSM lifestyle in a literary work as a reflected in the social phenomenon in the movie Fifty Shades Of Grey. The purpose of this thesis was to uncover the depiction of the BDSM lifestyle as seen in the main characters of the film Fifty Shades of Grey. Niken uses a sociological approach and BDSM theory to analyze the BDSM lifestyle of the main characters. This research is a qualitative descriptive research by applying the BDSM lifestyle theory from Ann P. Turoczy (2017) and BJ Dempsey (2013). According to Ann P. Turoczy (2017) there are seven steps in developing relationships in the BDSM lifestyle: getting along with other people in the community, consideration of the boundaries of relationships, explores conformity in the context of BDSM relationships, studying BDSM relationships, developing communication skills in the context of BDSM relationships, finding value in relationships in the context of BDSM relationships, defining one another in the BDSM relationship context. The results of this analysis show that there are seven steps in developing a relationships in the context of the BDSM lifestyle found in the film Fifty Shades experienced by Christian Gray and Anastasia Steele, namely; creating a connection, negotiating the boundaries of their BDSM relationship makes them both trust each other, acting as Dom and Sub, carrying on a disguised monogamous relationship as their choice in the BDSM lifestyle, discovering different needs and wants together in exploring the compatibility of each other in carrying out the BDSM relationship, sharing information about their experiences in BDSM to improve their communication skills, finding love as a value in their BDSM relationship, and having a long way to go to understand and accept one each other in defining themselves. According to Megan R. Yost and LE Hunter in their research journal published by Psychology and Sexuality entitled BDSM Practitioners' Understanding of Their Initial Attraction to BDSM Sexuality: Eessentialist and Constructionist Narratives (2012) say that there are two reasons a person wants to practice BDSM, it all begins with a desire from within themselves to practice BDSM and the presence of outside influences. In this study it was found that there was no significant difference between BDSM practitioners both in terms of gender and roles (Dom and Sub) in terms of the desire to start the practice of BDSM. Male practitioners showed desires coming from within, whereas women were more influenced by external influences. In addition, from the results of research conducted by Jennifer M. Erickson and Brad J. Sagarin's The Prosocial Sadist? A Comparison of BDSM Sadism and Everyday Sadism (2021) found that there was a significant difference between sadistic behavior in BDSM practice with sadistic behavior carried out on a daily basis. In this study it was said that before practicing BDSM, the couple must first makes an agreement made by both partners. They will practice BDSM when a mutual agreement is reached. Anouck Schori, Christian Jackowisky, and Corrina A. Schon in their research on How safe is BDSM? A Literature Review on Fatal Outcomes in BDSM Play, which was published in the Journal of Legal Medicine (August, 2021) said that BDSM is a combination from the abbreviations bondage and discipline (BD) and dominance and submission (DS) along with sadism and masochism (SM). BDSM Interaction is a sexual practice between two or more individuals. They include sexual activities, which creates intense sensations with physical restraints, and/or aspects of power exchange. In BDSM, one party takes the dominant role to dominate while the other party acts as an obedient [1]. The practitioners agree to their role and that physical injury can be applied to increase pleasure. BDSM is based on the concept of consent between individuals involved [2]. Based on the aforementioned study, it showed that there is a large number of people who are interested in BDSM. An internet-based study with 2021 participants conducted in the United States in 2015 which focused on various sexual interests [3]. This indicates that 20% of the participants had experience with tying/tied, about 30% experienced in hitting, and 13% in whip play. Results of a systematic review of epidemiological data on BDSM showed that BDSM-related fantasies were common (40-70%) [4]. FetLife, free social network for people interested in BDSM, report about 20,000 members live in Switzerland [5]. The study also found that there were fatal incidents when participating in BDSM activities. The purpose of this literature review is to provide a better insight into the potential dangers of BDSM play by summarizing the published data on BDSM mortality. A literature search was conducted to search for non-natural deaths associated with BDSM activity. Seventeen cases were found, their ages ranged between 23 and 49 years (mean age 34.9 years). Strangulation during erotic asphyxia is the most common cause of mortality (88.2%). In 13 cases, toxicology reports for partners of BDSM was mentioned, of which in eight cases (61.5%) the toxicological analysis was positive. In these four cases, spouses of BDSM victims also tested positive for using the same substance. Drugs or alcohol were involved in 64.3% of fatal BDSM games. In nine cases, the level of experience in BDSM activities of victims and their partners were described, and they often practiced BDSM and this partner is not new to the BDSM game. The fatal outcome of the game BDSM is less common than autoerotic and associated natural deaths with sexual activity. Protection and education on medical aspects were also socialized within the BDSM community. If followed by practitioners, the risk of death when practicing BDSM can be reduced. Cases of non-natural death associated with BDSM is a rare and preventable incident. According to Wismeijer and Assen in Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners (2013) published in The Journal of Sex Medicine, so far practitioners BDSM or people who practice BDSM are considered to have a psychological disorder, but in fact various studies have found that, BDSM practitioners are normal people, who tend not to have a history of sexual violence. Wesmeijer and Assen said in their research, that the characteristics of of BDSM practitioners are people who have less anxiety in their lives, more open, less sensitive to rejection, more prosperous but less pleasant. They also like to choose as the dominant person over to being subservient. It can be concluded from the research of Wesmeijer and Assen that the practice of BDSM is part of one type of sexual variation that is carried out during certain occasions, and not part of a psychological disorder. Meanwhile, from the results of research conducted by De Neef, Coppens, Huys, and Morrens, entitled Bondage-Discipline, Dominance-Submission and Sadomasochism (BDSM) From an Integrative Biopsychosocial Perspective: A Systematic Review (2019) says that there are biological factors that influence someone to practice BDSM, such as gender, level of sex hormones, and the part of the brain that feels pain. Meanwhile, from a psychological point of view, they say that people who practice BDSM usually tend to have an open personality, high energy, and talk a lot. Besides that they also linked personality disorders with BDSM practice although the evidence obtained is lacking. 2. Islamic Psychological Theory According to the International Association of Islamic Psychology (2018), Islamic Psychology is a holistic approach that seeks to better understand the nature of self and soul, and the soul's relationship with God. It conceptualizes humans that focuses on the heart as the personal center above the mind and is based on the teachings of the The Qur'an, the teachings of the Prophet and the knowledge of the soul of the Islamic tradition. Islamic psychology ad modern psychology, traditional spirituality, metaphysics, and ontology. Carrie Yolk AlKaram said in her research entitled Islamic Psychology: Towards 21st Century Definition and Conceptual Framework (2018) that most contemporary scholars still define the theory of Islamic Psychology at random. They tend to use words from Islam and Psychology as mentioned in previous studies. This is because there are several definitions that can be agreed upon by scholars of Islamic Psychology or theoretical models used, and partly because they come from a variety of disciplines from different fields, including psychology, theology, Arabic literature, philosophy, history, and mental health. According to The Al Karam Institute in an article entitled What is Islamic Psychology? (2018) Islamic psychology is difficult to define because it is conceptualized in various forms. Some think it is identical to the works of early Muslim scholars such as Al-Ghazali, Al-Balkhi, Al-Razi, and others. Some people think Islamic Psychology is taṣawwuf (Sufism) or tazkiyat al-nafs (self-purification) - claiming it to be the Islamic version of psychology/psychotherapy. As for other views that consider it as a domain that focuses on understanding of the nature and structure of the self from an Islamic perspective such as fiṭra (disposition) primordial), nafs (self), qalb (heart), r (soul / spirit), 'aql (reason). ), and others. There are also those who argue that the Islamization of psychology is an explanation a theological term given to psychological phenomena, although the term Islamization can also have various meanings. In addition, there are also those who think that Islamic psychology is about using prayer or other spiritual interventions in psychotherapy. Some people think it's psychology about Muslims. Some people think that it is psychology according to Muslims. Some people think it's psychology for Muslims. Then there are those who called it Muslim psychology. Some have even described it as a movement in "Islam and Psychology”. All of these concepts have valid reasons. However, the best way in describing Islamic psychology is that it is psychology supported by the epistemological, ontological, and metaphysical worldviews of Islam. Islamic psychology is not about religious da'wah, but rather, Islam functions as a resource and inspiration to find solutions to some of the biggest problems facing psychology today. Meanwhile, according to Professor Dr. Abdul Mujib, M.Ag., M.Si in his bookentitled Personality Theory from the Perspective of Islamic Psychology (2017), Islamic integration and psychology (later called Islamic psychology) it is not as easy as one thinks. As expected, unconsciously, it is the integration that combines two different fields of scientific properties. The first characteristic is found in the Islamic label which contains Islamic sciences, the theocentric doctrine, while the second characteristic is found in the psychological label which contains anthropocentric-positivist psychology. As a part of enlightened minds, the terminology of Islamic psychology has lead to various interpretations. Here lies four understandings that emerged from observers of Islamic psychology. The first, Islamic psychology is equated with religious psychology. This conception is often raised by those who have never been directly involved in activities related to Islamic psychology and it is often misunderstood. Psychology of religion is a branch psychology that looks at individual religious behavior from the perspective of psychology and has an official position as a branch of psychology. Religious psychology has a position which is the same as personality psychology, educational psychology, social psychology, and etc. While Islamic psychology is one of the schools of psychology that occupy the same position as other schools of psychology such as psychoanalysis, psycho-behavior, psychohumanism and psychotranspersonal. According to Prof. Dr. Abdul Mujib, M.Ag., M.Si (2017), the second point of what is Islamic psychology is that it is considered as a field of study or specialization. In this case, Islamic psychology has the same status as other courses for students. This second understanding sees Islamic Psychology as a subject curriculum oriented to a separate curriculum and the combined curriculum (correlated curriculum). Islamic Psychology is a separate subject whose learning patterns are not integrated directly on the insight of other courses, and vice versa, learning about other subjects without the integration of Islamic Psychology insights. For the third point, Islamic psychology is seen as a perspective, mindset, or systems approach in studying psychology. Islamic Psychology is a whole way of thinking in understanding the universality of Islamic teachings viewed from the view point of psychological or Islamic studies related to aspects and behavior of the human psyche, so that the individual can consciously shape a more perfect quality of self and achieve happiness in life in this world and hereafter. (Abdul Mujib and Jusuf Mudzakkir, Nuances of Islamic Psychology, 2001) Fourth, Islamic psychology is seen as an institution. The Islamic Psychology Institute is a psychological institution that is a concerned in giving conceiving and developing courses and schools of Islamic Psychology. The purpose of the Institute of Psychology Islam is: (1) formulating concepts and theories of Islamic Psychology, (2) applying the results theoretical findings on a practical level, and (3) publish the results in various media. Subhan Ajrin Sudirman in his research entitled Western Psychology and Islamic Psychology In Dialogue; Comparison Between Islamic Theory and Western Theory of Personality (2017) writes that since the mid-twentieth century which was proclaimed as the birth of contemporary psychology in the Western world, there has been a myriad of definitions and terms about "psychology" that are offered by psychologists. Each definition has certain characteristics along with trends, assumptions, and genres that the creators believed in. However, making a psychological definition can be simplified in three terms. The first tends to be more philosophical, whereas Psychology is defined as the science that studies the soul (psyche), as carried out by Plato (427-347 BC) and Aristotle (384-322 BC) on consciousness and mental processes associated with the soul. The second term attempts to separate philosophy and psychology, giving the definition of psychology as the study of mental, thought, attention, perception, intelligence, motivation, and memory. This definition was pioneered by Wilhelm Wundt. Whereas the third definition reflects psychology as a standalone science, meaning that psychology is the study of attitudes of organisms, such as cats to mice, humans to their kind, and so on. The last definition was established by John Watson. Islamic psychology is a new study that was developed in the early 1960s has received less attention from many people when compared to western psychology which has been going on for centuries. As a new discipline, Islamic Psychology was born as the antithesis of modern psychology. In today's more open-minded society, modern psychology must redefine itself, so that Islamic Psychology can be seen as an alternative. Although western psychology focuses on the ego as a subject and object that has become the focus of the center of western hedonism and individualism, Islamic Psychology is based on spiritualism. However, both have something in common, namely humans as the object of study. According to Nurrusakinah Daulay in her research entitled Islamic Education In The Study of Islamic Psychology (2014), Islamic Psychology is a study approach to understanding psychology and human behavior based on the monotheism concept, through the integration of science and faith. Islamic psychology is a form of psychology which is based on the image of humans in Islam, studying the uniqueness and patterns of human behavior as an expression of the experience of interaction with oneself, environment, and spiritual realm with the aim of improving mental health and quality of religious life, and achieving happiness in life in this world and the hereafter. Advances in science and technology in recent years have increasingly proven how humans have a big role in the struggle towards modernity. In accordance with the times, religious education cannot escape from challenges. One of the challenges faced today is globalization. Globalization has both positive and negative impacts. The positive impact of a modernization is to make life easier and more comfortable when it comes to humans and technology, while the negative impact can arise from the entry of ideologies that demean religion, such as liberalism, individualism, materialism, and hedonism, which results in the emergence of freedom of thought without control, selfishness, worship of material things, deterioration of behavior and feeling of emptiness within one’s soul. In order to overcome the emptiness within is to return the person’s soul to their function as a human being on this earth and return to the Qur'an and Hadith as a way of life. Al-Qur'an as a guide for life and light in the emptiness of the human soul has explained that humans are creatures that have two functions and also includes two main functions: The first function, humans as a caliph or leader on earth, humans are given the mandate to maintain, use and preserve the universe. The second function, humans are creatures of God who was given the task to worship and serve Him. Besides that, Humans are creatures who have physical and spiritual potential. Physical potential is a physical element possessed by humans. While the spiritual potential is the spiritual element of the human mind that can be developed towards perfection. Psychology is a multifaceted or diverse discipline and as a science deals with the study of the nature of behavior and experience. As a science, psychology tries to study nature and nurturing; our cognitive processes; emotional behavior; normal and abnormal behavior; animal behavior; social and collective behavior; evolutionary behavior; the biological basis of behavior; the developmental process; organizational behavior; health and disease behavior; and how we can modify or change our behavior. It is the object of psychological investigation through research and the use of the scientific method, which requires observation, experimentation, cause and effect, comparison, generalization, and robust data analysis. The main goal of psychology is to describe, explain, predict and to change human behavior and mental processes (Husein G. Rasool, Islamic Psychology: Human Behavior and Experience From An Islamic Perspective 2021). Etymologically, psychology means the science of the soul, namely "psyche" means “breath, spirit, soul” and “logia” meaning the “study of” or “research” (Online Etymology Dictionary, 2020). Psychology is a new discipline, although its origins can be traced back to ancient Greece, 400-500 BC, and the emphasis is more philosophical. Intellectual discourse of philosophers including Socrates, Plato and Aristotle focuses on the nature, origin and destiny of the human soul, free will vs determinism, nature vs nurture, attraction, memory and awareness, etc. Questions about nature and environmental factors are hotly debated, for example, Plato argues that certain types of knowledge are innate, whereas Aristotle believe that every child is born as a "blank slate" (in Latin, called tabula rasa) and that knowledge is mainly acquired through learning and experience. The phenomenon of “tabula rasa” is the seed of the later stream known as the flow of behaviorism or the flow of behaviorist psychology. The label psychology or psychology was frst used by Marko Marulić in his book, Psichiologia de Ratione Animae Humanae in the late 15th century or early 16th century (Krstic, 1964). In English, the earliest reference to known for the word psychology is by Steven Blankaart in The Physical Dictionary referring to “Anatomy, that treats the Body, and Psychology, which treats of the Soul," in 1694 (Colman, 2014). There are several stages in the definition and study of psychology from a historical point of view. First stage: Psychology is defined as "the study of the soul or spirit." Second stage: Again defined as “the study of the mind” (Christian Wolff's Empirical Psychology, 1732). Third stage: William James (1890), psychology as “The study of the science of life mental state, both phenomena and conditions.” John B. Watson (1913), psychology as the acquisition of useful information to control behavior. Fourth stage: Psychology as the study of human behavior and experience and "the study of total behavior" (consciousness and unconsciousness). The American Psychological Association (2020) defines psychology as “the study of mind and behavior. Psychology is a multidisciplinary discipline, based on science, but with almost limitless applications in daily life." Another definition of psychology is the scientific study of the mind and how it those thoughts determine and influence our behavior, from communication and memory to thoughts and emotions. It's about understanding what makes people tick and how this understanding can help us overcome many of the problems and issues in society today. (British Psychology Society) The definition of psychology from the various literature is the scientific study of behavior and the human experience, to the study of the human mind, its functions and behavior, and the study of the consciousness and the unconscious. However, some psychologists deny the reality of the subconscious, and a majority denies the existence of the soul. Husein G. Rasool (2021) also said that in the last decade there has been a proliferation of literature on soul searching for an agreed definition, theoretical or conceptual models of Islamic psychology, and their clinical applications. Various definitions and efforts to develop theoretical models, organizational development and models soul has met a degree of success (Kaplick and Skinner, 2017; Al-Karam, 2018 ab; Rothman and Coyle, 2018; Keshavarzi, 2018). et al., 2020). But contemporary secular psychology has been promoted on a global scale, and its dominance remains unchallenged in most academic institutions in developing countries, especially in developing countries with a Muslim majority. Many Muslim psychologists have been educated in most of the Western universities or even in their own countries remain in a “psycho-secular bubble." It is clear in many Muslim-majority countries that indigenous clinical and counseling psychologists are not only acculturated by an orientalist approach to psychology but also have internal values ​that are foreign to their Islamic culture and traditions. A number of them have turned into a Muslim Freud with all the babble of Oedipus Complex and Electra Complex and psychosexual development, and massively follow western psychologists. Still according to Hussein G. Rasool, in his discussion of the Qurán and Psychology quoting the verse of the Qur'an, which is translated as follows: "Indeed, We have" sent down to you the Book for mankind in truth. So, anyone who got a hint - it was for his soul [in the interest of]; and whoever goes astray, then misguidance is only a loss. And you are not their top manager”. (Az-Zumar 39:41) Al-Qur'an is a guide for all mankind, not just for those people who believe. The message of the Qur'an refers to individual self-care, relationships, family, marriage, social welfare, embryological and developmental stages, behavior emotional, prosocial behavior, spiritual and ethical intelligence, personality, need for learning and knowledge and many other holistic aspects of behavior and human experience. In addition, there are prohibited behaviors including suicide, sexual perversion, gambling, alcohol and drug abuse, crime and racial discrimination. Although the Qur'an is not a health encyclopedia, it is a spiritual, social, psychology and economics in understanding human behavior and experience. Messages in The Qur'an that Allah revealed is very clear, and these messages should be applied as a complete way of life for all mankind. The verses of the Qur'an encourage us to repeatedly “contemplate” its contents, and to understand, think about and practice its messages and orders. From his teachings, we discover that at our core, we are physical and spiritual beings that requires purification of the soul and to maintain a relationship with Our Creator, Allah. The psychological language of the Qur'an describes all kinds of behavior and human psychological experiences. Utz (In Husein G. Rasool, 2021) suggests that our thoughts, emotions, wills and behavior should focus on attaining pleasure from God. The key to mental health and a healthy well-being from an Islamic perspective is to surrender to Allah the Exalted, the Almighty and His commandments, and then purify the soul. Hussein G. Rasool also wrote about the concept of Islamic Psychology discussed by Islamic psychology scientists. In the literature, the use of Islamic psychology concepts also refers to Islamic psychotherapy and counseling. Islamic psychology or ilm al-Nafs or the science of Nafs (soul or self) is a philosophical study of the soul from an Islamic perspective. Muslim scholars have used various terms to describe the concept Islamic psychology and psychotherapy including Tibb al-nufus, Ilaj al-nafs, al-Tibb al-ruhaniy, Tahdhib al-nufus, Tathir al-nufus, Tazkiyat al-nafs, Tasfyat al-nufus and Mudawat al-nufus, etc. (Sham, 2015). Other scholars call Islamic Psychology (or purifcation of the soul) in the following way: Miskawaih in 'Tahdhib al-akhlaq': Tib al-nufus; Atibba' al-nufus; or c Ilaj al-nafs in the same book. (Islamic Psychology) Abu Bakr al-Razi in al-Tibb al-ruhani: al-Tibb al-ruhani. 'Ilm al-nafs by Ibn Bajjah: Psychology of Ibn Bajjah. Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyya in 'Risalat f amrad al-qulub': c Ilaj al-nafs. Sheikh ibn Ata Allah 'Sakandari in 'Taj Al-Arus Al-Hawi Li Tahdhib Al-Nufus': Tahdhib al-Nufus. Muhammad c Uthman Najati in 'A1-Hadith al-Nabawi wa ilm al-Nafs': c Ilaj al-nafs. In contemporary times, Islamic psychology has been defined according to the author's orientation to “Islamic movement and psychology” (Kaplick and Skinner, 2017). Some definitions are clearly defined, sometimes too comprehensive for operational use, and the other is a blend of psychology and Islam. Some definitions can easily be labeled as "old wine in a new bottle." Al-Karam (2018b) argues that a review of a number of publications which contains the term "Islamic Psychology" in its title expresses two basic tendencies: scholars talk about Islamic Psychology without defining it, as if the reader should know what the author meant with the term or as if it were some concept defined by clear and well understood, or they define it, but do not provide a discussion of the methodology used to generate the said definition. Both trends are problematic. (pp.99–100).  Let us examine some definitions of Islamic psychology. Although there is no single standard definition, but if examined from the many definitions that have been put forward, there are some similarities between these definitions. In some cases, a different definition, if properly interpreted, actually says the same thing same but using different words. This is purely a subjective choice. One comprehensive Islamic psychology definition came from the International Association of Islamic Psychology (2018). Psychology, as it is generally practiced, represents only a part of whole. Often the soul is not taken into account. Islamic psychology is a holistic approach that seeks to better understand the nature of the self and the soul and the relationship of the soul with God. It conceptualizes humans with a focus on the heart as personal center more than the mind and is based on the teachings of the Qur'an, the teachings of the Prophet, and soul knowledge of the Islamic tradition. Islamic psychology includes modern psychology, traditional spirituality, metaphysics and ontology. The definition of the International Association of Islamic Psychology is an explanation of what contemporary psychology lacks but provides some elements of Islamic psychology based on the concept of the soul of al-Ghazâlî. The definition incorporates contemporary psychology. Another comprehensive definition from Al-Karam (2018b). An interdisciplinary science in which the sub-disciplines of psychology and/or related disciplines engage scientifically on a particular topic and at a certain level with various sects, sources, knowledge, and/or schools of Islamic thought using various methodological tools. (pp.101-102) Research methods Based on the background of the problem and the objectives of this research, the method The research that will be used is a qualitative research method. In accordance with the epistemological principles, qualitative researchers usually examine things that are in their natural environment, seeks to understand, or interpret phenomena based on the meanings people give to them. By conventional qualitative methodologies tend to be associated with the wishes of the researcher to examine meaning, context, or a holistic approach to phenomena. This research was conducted by observing, analyzing, asking BDSM practitioners questions and understanding their reasons for choosing to practice BDSM and adopting BDSM as their lifestyle. In addition, an in-depth study of the views of Islamic Psychology was towards BDSM practices and the people who practice them. In this regard, it involved the opinions of the scholars and contemporary fiqih experts about their views on BDSM practices and the people involved in them. The data analysis technique used in this research is qualitative data analysis, namely: Content Analysis and Narrative Analysis, this method is used to analyze content from various sources, such as interviews with respondents, observations from the field, or surveys. It is focused on stories and experiences distributed by respondents to answer questions from researchers. Respondents interviewed in this study amounted to 4 people consisting of 3 men and 1 woman, with an age range of 21-40 years. Discussion BDSM practitioners interviewed through the Indonesian BDSM community in Kaskus said that their interest in BDSM has existed for a long time, some some of them have even been doing it for more than 1 year. Their average age range was from 20-40 years old, and they were aware of their chosen interest. The results of the researchers' interviews with BDSM practitioners found that they would feel aroused when they saw their partner helpless. In that case, their position was as a Dominant. Before doing BDSM practice, usually they and their partner will make some kind of agreement of what is allowed and what is not allowed. There are boundaries that can't be crossed. There is an individual codification when BDSM is being practiced. They said satisfaction arose when their partner feels tortured and helpless. However, on the other hand, there is a fear within them that some day they will find a normal partner, and their dark side will be exposed to the light. A small part within them believe that what they are doing so far is abnormal. The fear that they are not normal has nothing to do with with their past. Their childhood had nothing to do with their inclination towards practicing BDSM, and no past trauma was related to their satisfaction when seeing their partner being tormented. Alongside that, their interest in practicing BDSM started after they watched the movie Fifty Shades of Gray starring Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson. At first they just wanted to experiment and discovered that they enjoyed it up until now, still doing it with their partner. Some of them chose the position as a Dom although sometimes there are those who tried to be a Sub just to feel what it is like to be ordered by their partner to do hurtful things and enjoy it together. So what you get is sexual and psychological satisfaction. In BDSM terms, this is included in the Switch category, meaning that roles change depending on the situation and the partner's request at the time. The choice as a Dom is based on in the position of being the first child in the family and liking the feeling when a partner fulfill all their desires. Some of them position themselves as Soft BDSM practitioners. In BDSM there are categories of Soft, Medium, and Hardcore BDSM. Among the interviewed BDSM practitioners one admitted to liking BDSM since junior high school but did not know that this unusual sexual inclination was referred to as BDSM. They takes the position of Sub or ordered by their Dom partner to do whatever their partner wants. There are times when the tasks are given to them by their Dom was against common sense and social norms in general. The only did it out of curiosity and wanting to please their partner. The act of complying with the Dom's wishes was beyond common sense to the researcher and was interpreted as part of their subconscious to prove that they could be useful and make other people happy. In addition, there are those who practice BDSM not because they have tendency to be kinky but just to satisfy their curiosity and follow their partner's wishes. According to them, the BDSM practice carried out was to realize their partner's fantasy and enjoy it. This was done because their partner had a fetish or a condition when a person felt satisfaction or sexual arousal of non-genital or non-genital objects. From the results of the interview with the four BDSM practitioners, the conclusion obtained was that BDSM is just one form of variation of sexual intercourse carried out by a partner. Even if there was an element of violence involved, it was only to satisfy the desire of a partner who had a tendency to indulge in violence. According to them, the more pain the better. This is not without reason, because according to the results research, there are certain parts of the human brain that can trigger a person to enjoy pain and violence. According to them, their BDSM practices had nothing to do with their past. No bad past record such as sexual violence, or being abused at home by a parent, or ever witnessing violence in their home. Some couples did this because they wanted to try something new, and some just found their sexual pleasure after trying out BDSM. Islam is a perfect religion, which addresses all activities of life man. BDSM isn't something new, but it's not something commonly discussed in public. Islam is a religion that has perfect laws about the marital relationship in the family. This study looks at BDSM from the viewpoint of psychology in general and in Islamic psychology associated with Islamic law. In Islam, the manners of husband and wife relations are very clearly regulated in the Qur'an Surah Al-Baqarah verse 223 which reads: "Your wives are fields for you, then come to your fields whenever and in whatever way you prefer.” In the Hadith narrated by Bukhari Muslim says "You may come from the front or behind but not to the rectum or during menstruation. The adab referred to are as follows: Husband and wife who want to have sexual intercourse must first perform ablution as in the ablution in the context of performing prayers. When they want to have sex, it is recommended that both of them must first read a prayer. In having sexual intercourse, it should be closed from the view of others (to the public view) Having sex in a closed state of nakedness Husbands should make an effort in order to satisfy their partner After sexual intercourse, both must take a junub bath. The legal basis in the Qur'an and Hadith regarding relationship behavior husband and wife, that your wives are fields for you, then come to your wife from whichever direction you prefer. The meaning of whichever direction you like can be analogized as a style whatever both the husband and wife like. In this case both the husband and wife should both enjoy the union. Do not allow one party to not enjoy the benefit when having marital relations. The view of Islamic law in husband and wife sexual relations in regards to BDSM practices must be clarified in what is meant by BDSM behavior. If what is meant by BDSM is having sexual intercourse by hurting a partner, if the injured party is willing to be hurt with the caveat that it doesn’t endanger their life, then such sexual relations actually is considered haram, because the only one party reaps the benefits while the other party is actually hurt and doesn't get any benefits of the relationship. Even though the Qur'an provides a relationship boundary for both husband and wife in both sexual and non-sexual relations are as read: -وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوف (النساء:19) Indeed, the word “A-syiru” in the verse is an interjection which is addressed to the husband and the word "hunna" the object is the wife. But that word interpreted by the term "mu'a-syarah" معا words both in fqh and Tafsir. The word معا contains the meaning of interaction from both parties. It means a husband and wife have to get along with each other by getting involved with one another (regardless just together or with other persons involved). In other words, a husband gets involved with his wife and vice versa. Meaning to treat or be treated well. The word "bilma'ruf" means well, in the sense of not hurting one with others. The word or term "ma'ruf" (good) in this case is something is an indicator that has been known and accepted by many people. In other words, if there is an action that is considered "good" in daily life, then the indicator of the "good" value is known and generally acknowledged/accepted. It's not only about interactions in every day life (socially), but also includes specific interactions namely sexual relations between a husband and wife. It's different if both husband and wife are BDSM practitioners who like to have sexual intercourse in a way that hurts and is hurt in a way as not to endanger the life of either party. If sexual intercourse using harsh methods is very dangerous to a person’s physical well-being, then any law including fiqih of course, forbids it. This is in accordance with the fiqih rules which say ل يزل all acts that causes harm should be eliminated. Besides that there are other rules ل ول ضرارا which states to not harm people and to also not be harmed by others. This means that in doing something one cannot commit actions that can cause harm (including hurting) their partner. Vice versa, if a person does something potentially dangerous to their partner, then that partner must not allow themself to be overwritten by danger caused by their partner. If coerced to, the wife is willing to fulfill her husband's wishes for the sake of enjoyment obtained by the husband unilaterally or vice versa for mutual enjoyment because both parties practice BDSM, then both parties are always required to avoid the dangers that will arise as a result of the relationship caused by the violent acts. According to the fiqih rule which says لمفا عل جل لمصل ”Dar'(u) al mafasidi muqaddam(un) 'ala Jalbi al Masholih". In doing a job – including the work of worship though—then we are required to consider all bad consequences that will arise first and must stay away from potential the dangers that will arise rather than prioritizing the benefits achieved that will arise from it. Meaning: Prioritizing the negative impacts in order to avoid them must be put into consideration first, while consideration of the benefits in this case should be ruled out. Therefore, in regards to sexual relations in a violent manner, can endanger the life of one partner (especially the wife), then both parties should stay away from the dangers that will arise as a result of the violence of the relationship first, rather than just prioritizing the enjoyment of one or both parties. وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ (الروم:21) The purpose of marriage in this verse is so that both parties get happiness (pleasure). The word "taskunu" (f'il mudhari') is f'il madli is "sakana" which means "calm, peaceful, happy and so on". Textually, this word is addressed to the husband that by marrying a woman, he (husband) will get happiness. Because the wife is not only as a place for the husband to channel his biological desires solely, however, also as a place to carry on their descendants, someone to share with and for making love, someone to discuss with, someone that will go through thick and thin when the husband is facing a problem or illness, and so on. Therefore, the concept of Islam about family life that the wife is the husband's soulmate. If a man still unmarried, then his body is not yet fully integrated into one body. However, if he is married, then it is said that the body in question has become whole (oneness). Such is the philosophical meaning of a marriage in Islam. With the expression لتسكنوا ليها in this verse, it is not meant that only the purpose of marriage is solely so that the husband feels happy (alone), but his partner is also happy, because he also feels what is felt by her husband, both in daily life and sexual interactions. Even more emphatically, Allah SWT said "waja'ala bainakum mawaddah wa rahmah" and with that marriage, Allah said, He made you both (husband and wife) affectionate not only when newly married (still young), but even into old age when they their affections have been consistently combined. It means that both parties gain happiness from a good marriage which includes sexual intercourse. However, if the pleasure is only felt by the husband while the wife is hurt, then of course it is forbidden. Thus, if in that sexual relationship, only the husband who enjoys the pleasure, joy and happiness, while the wife (orvice versa) only gets torment (hurt) rather than pleasure, then that is not in line with this verse, rather contrary to it. Second, if both parties make an agreement beforehand to accept the BDSM behavior, then Islam still puts forward considerations "Violence and or the danger that will arise as a result of the violence as something forbidden (See fiqih rules mentioned above). In this case, all the opinions of Islamic Scholars agree that if this carried out by coercion and the party being forced to feel pain, then that is forbidden in Islam. Even if both parties enjoyed it together, according to the fiqih experts, this is seen in Islam as inappropriate. Still in the opinion of fiqih experts, if both parties do prior agreement to practice BDSM, then Islam remains prioritizing the consideration of violence and/or the danger that will be caused as a result of the violence as something forbidden. The view in Islamic law towards couples who practice BDSM on the basis of agreement, by fiqih experts, is still seen as a dangerous act, and not worth doing. In accordance with the provisions of Islamic law towards couples who practice BDSM on the basis of an agreement, by fiqih experts is still seen as a dangerous act and should not be carried out. Regardless, either one party or both the husband and wife have agreed to have sexual relations using the BDSM method, it still violates and is contrary to the morals guided by the Messenger of Allah, sexual relations using BDSM is not justified, whether it's based on an agreement or done not intensely or rarely, everything is against the rules of Allah and the Messenger of Allah, moreover there is a hadith that explains that it is not permissible to commit any act that is harmful to self or others, let alone endanger the people we love and care about, it is clearly strictly prohibited in Islam. In the view of the Imam Madhab regarding the association of husband and wife in which there is one element of BDSM, the Imam Madhab in the majority, namely according to Imam Malik, Imam Hanaf and Imam Ahmad bin Hambal that committing internal violence through sexual intercourse by a husband against a wife is prohibited and not justified because it destroys a wife's sexual pleasure, to the extent that they think that when the husband has intercourse with his wife, when the semen is about to come out, and the husband pulls his genitals out from the wife's vagina, according to them this is also an act of violence against the wife. Because the priests of the madhhab have set their opinion on sexual behavior of a husband and wife based on or referring to the Qur'an and Hadith. As the purpose of sex in the Islamic family for married couples, to obtain offspring as well as to channel their sexual needs and pleasures, for the means of fulfillment because of the sex drive itself in a healthy way, sexual relations based on adab/ethics according to the instructions of the Qur'an and the Hadith of the Prophet SAW which has been explained in the adab in the aforementioned husband and wife relationship. As explained in QS. Ar-Rum: 21. وَمِنْ اٰيٰتِهٖٓ اَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِّنْ اَنْفُسِكُمْ اَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوْٓا اِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَّوَدَّةً وَّرَحْمَةً ۗاِنَّ فِيْ ذٰلِكَ لَاٰيٰتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَّتَفَكَّرُوْنَ And among His signs is that He created pairs of a partner for you of your own kind, so that you tend and feel at ease him, and He has made between you love and compassion. Really, on that Thus there are indeed signs (the greatness of Allah) for a people who think. وَمِنْ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ خَلَقْنَا زَوْجَيْنِ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُوْنَ And We created everything in pairs so that you may remember (the greatness of Allah). QS. Az-zariat: 49 In the Marriage Law No.1 YEAR 1974 concerning the purpose of marriage, Article 1: "Marriage is an inner and outer bond between a man and a woman as husband and wife with the aim of forming a family (household) happy and eternal based on the Supreme Godhead". Meanwhile, the Compilation of Islamic Law has also explained the purpose of marriage, namely Article 2 Marriage according to Islamic law is a marriage, namely a very strong contract or mitssaqan ghalidzan to obey Allah's commands and doing it is considered worship. Although in Islamic law and Islamic family law does not explain in detail about how the achievement or enjoyment can be achieved in perfecting a satisfying relationship whereas in sexual relations between a husband and wife can be described as the pleasure of having sex, Allah swt only uses figurative language as contained in the QR Surah Ar-Rum verse 21 above. In the science of Sufism, there has been a lot of discussion related to sexual laws between a husband and wife because the matters between a husband and wife is plays a great role in achieving a good household. So they should pay attention to or avoid things that can cause damage and the continuity of the husband-wife relationship. Errors that keep piling up can result in the destruction of a family's life. Islam clearly does not ignore aspects of human life and family life, which has been explained about the commands and prohibitions. All has been listed in Islamic teachings, for example regarding morals, character, mysticism, and morals etc. Not a single thing is neglected (ignored). Islam has established a recognition for human nature and its encouragement of sexual relations, and opposes extreme actions that tend to be considered as dirty. Therefore, Islam forbids people who want to be removed and to function it by opposing people who wish to be single forever and leave the sunnah of the Prophet SAW, namely getting married. The Prophet SAW iss stated as follows: "I know Allah better than you and I am more devoted to Allah than you are. But I wake up at night, sleep, fasting, not fasting and marrying women. So whoever is not happy (acknowledges) my sunnah, then he is not one of my group." Islam has explained to both partners after marriage, regarding relationship and sexual problems. Even doing it is considered a form of worship. As the Prophet SAW said, "In your private parts there is alms (reward)." The companions asked, "O Messenger of Allah, when we have intercourse with our wives will get a reward?" The Messenger of Allah replied, "Yes. If you have sex on the spot what is forbidden (forbidden) is a sin. The same is done in a lawful place, definitely get rewarded. You only count the bad things, but not count the good things." Based on character and nature, it is usually the male who is more aggressive, does not have patience and lacks self-restraint. On the other hand the woman is shy and has restraint. Therefore it is required for women to accept and obey the husband's call. As explained in the hadith, "If the wife is called by husband because it is necessary, so that she should come immediately, even though she is cooking." (HR Tirmidhi) The Prophet SAW advised the wife not to refuse the will her husband for no reason, which can cause anger or cause them to stray into an unwholesome path, or make him restless and tense. Prophet Muhammad SAW said, "If the husband invites his wife to sleep and she refuses, then her husband will get angry. the angels will curse him until morning." (Muttafaq Alaih). If such a situation is carried out without a valid excuse and reason, for example sick, tired, absent, or other reasonable explanations. For husbands, to take care of things accept that reason, and realize that Allah SWT is the Lord of His servants. His servant, the giver of sustenance and guidance, by accepting the age of his servant. And His servant should also accept the age. Furthermore, Islam has forbidden for a wife to fast the sunnah without with the permission of her husband, because for her it is more important to maintain her rights than get the reward of fasting. The Prophet (PBUH) said, "It is forbidden for the wife (to fast) while her husband is there, except with his permission." (Muttafaq Alaih) In addition to maintaining the rights of men (husbands) in Islam, do not forget the rights of woman (wife) must also be taken care of in all regards. The Prophet (PBUH) said to men (husband) who constantly fasts and wakes up at night. He said, "Verily for your body there is a right and for your family (your wife) there is a right." Abu Hamid Al-Ghazali, expert in jurisprudence and Sufism, in the book Ihya' on adab intercourse, said, "It is Sunnah to start by reciting the Basmalah and praying, as the Prophet SAW taught, "O Allah, keep me away from the devil and keep the devil away from what You gave me." Al-Ghazali said, "In this situation (intercourse) it should be preceded with sweet words, foreplay and so on. And cover themselves with a blanket, don't be naked like an animal. The husband must take care of the ambience and fit in to the situation, so that both partners can enjoy and feel satisfied." According to Ibn al-Qayyim, the main purposes of intercourse (intercourse) are: 1) The maintenance of lineage (descendants), so that it reaches the determined amount according to God's destiny. 2) Removing fluids that can interfere with the body’s health, if it is detained. 3) Achieving the goal and feel pleasure, as it will be in heaven. In addition, the benefits, namely lowering the gaze, holding back lust, strengthening the soul and so as not to misbehave for both partners. Prophet Muhammad SAW said, "O youths, whoever is able to carry out marriage, then should get married. Verily, it subdues eyesight and preserves genitals." Then Ibn Qayyim said, "It is better before intercourse to be playful and to kiss, as the Messenger of Allah did." According to Ibn Qayyim, the main purpose of jimak are three things. First, to maintain and preserve the offspring until they reach the number that Allah has determined to appear to earth. Second, releasing water which, if held, can cause harm to the body. Third, channeling sexual desire, obtaining pleasure, and enjoying pleasure. This is also what will be obtained in heaven. Other things that are as equally important, said Ibn Qayyim, jimak are to able to keep the view, restrain lust, and can control themselves from unlawful acts (zina). This benefit is also obtained in this world and the hereafter for both husband and wife. So, The Prophet SAW said, "Among the affairs of this world that I am pleased with is women and perfume. Therefore, the Messenger of Allah in a number of hadiths mentions: how to treat a partner before having sex. Rasulullah The Prophet SAW said, "Never let anyone of you interact with his wife like how one lets animals interact. However, there should be an introduction." Someone asked, "What is the introduction, O Messenger of Allah?" He replied, "Kisses and words." (HR Abu Mansur and Ad Dailami in Musnad Al Firdaus from Hadith Anas). This all shows that the scholars put in an effort to find a positive way that wasn’t conservative. It was no less advance than the recent discoveries or modern opinions. What can be concluded here is that Islam has already known the sexual relationship between a husband and wife, which has been explained in Al-Qur'anul Karim in surah Al-Baqarah, which has to do with family regulations. The word of Allah SWT: "It is lawful for you on the night of fasting, interact with your wives; they are clothes for you, and you are clothes for them. Allah knows that you cannot restrain your lust, because Therefore, Allah forgives you and bestows mercy upon you. So now be together with them and follow what Allah has ordained for you, and eat and drink, until it becomes clear to you the white thread from the black thread, that is, the dawn. Then complete the fast until the night, (but) do not interfere with them, while you are doing iktikaf in the mosque. That is the prohibition of Allah, so do not approach it..." (Surah Al-Baqarah: 187). There is no word more beautiful, and more true, regarding the relationship between husband and wife, except what has been stated, namely: is a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." (Surah Al-Baqarah: 187) In another verse it is also explained, namely: "They ask you about menstruation, say: Menstruation is a waste. Therefore, you should keep away from women during menstruation; and do not approach them, until they are pure. When they are pure, then be together with them in the place that was ordered God to you. Verily, Allah loves those who repent and love those who purify themselves. Your wives are (like) the land where you are grow crops, then come to the land where you grow crops by means of how you want. And do (good deeds) for yourself, and fear Allah and know that one day you will meet Him. And give good tidings to those who believe." (Surah Al-Baqarah: 222-223) So, all the hadiths which interpret that is shunned by what is mentioned in the verse above, only a matter of intercourse only. Besides, anything can be done, nothing prohibited. In the verse above it is stated: "Then come to the land where you plant your crops in any way you wish." (Surah Al-Baqarah: 223) There is no attention that goes beyond the mention of problems and laws or regulations in the Koranul Karim directly. Then the husband and wife relationship are expected to be looked after each other, understand each other to the point of sexual intercourse, so that not cause a divorce. Closing The conclusion obtained is that BDSM is only one form of variation of sexual intercourse by a partner. Even if there is an element of violence involved, it is only to satisfy the desires of the partner who has tendency to indulge in violence. According to couples who practice BDSM the more it hurts, the better. This is not without reason, because according to research results, there are certain parts of the human brain that can trigger a person to enjoy pain and violence. According to couples, the BDSM practice has nothing to do with it with their past. No bad past record such as experiencing sexual violence, or being abused at home by a parent, or having seen violence in the home. Some couples do this is because they want to try something new, and there are also new discoveries of sexual pleasure after trying this BDSM. Sexual intercourse using rough treatment is very dangerous to a person’s physical well-being, then any law including fiqih forbids it. This is in accordance with the rules of fiqih which says ل يزل all actions that bring harm should be removed. In addition, there are other rules, ل ضرارا ل should not harm people and should not be harmed by others. It means to do something, then the partner may not do anything that can be dangerous (including hurting) their partner. And vice versa, if a person does something that has the potential to harm their partner, then the partner must not allow himself to be put in danger by their partner. If coerced, the wife is willing to fulfill her husband's wishes for the sake of enjoyment obtained by the husband unilaterally or vice versa, for mutual enjoyment because both parties who practice BDSM, then both parties are required to always avoid the dangers that will arise as a result of the violence. According to fiqih rules which say لمفا عل جل لمصل ”Dar'(u) al mafasidi muqaddam (un) 'ala Jalbi al Masholih". In doing a job –including even the work of worship—then we are required to consider all the bad consequences that will arise first and must stay away from it / stay away from potential dangers that will arise rather than prioritizing the benefits that will be achieved. 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