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589 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 3, 2021
[insert the oldest brother with emo and loner hermit tendencies who gave up his whole life to take care of everyone but rarely shows emotion and affection but you can tell he loves his crazy af siblings deeply even if he doesn't show it and is VERY protective and probably has a traumatic past aaand cue all the dark shit and inner demons he most likely keeps to himself because duh any quiet and mysterious characters are like this]
It's like being in her orbit, I can feel the shine, too. I feel bigger with her close...
โMost people, heโd once told me, donโt do great things, because great things donโt feel great when youโre doing them.โ
It's like being in her orbit, I can feel the shine, too. I feel bigger with her close...
โBut the more I look around at the world, Clay, the more I realize that villains are a lot more complicated than we want them to be. Sometimes, theyโre just people who are really afraid.โ
โImagine what the world would have to come to for me to take fashion advice from a white trash, rug-sucking, swamp rat like you.โ
โJust let me go,โ I barely whisper.
โI canโt.
โYouโre going to go to Dartmouth.โ He dips his head down close to mine, holding my eyes. โAnd youโre going to join a club and make some friends, and in a couple of months youโre going to have a life.โ
โYouโre going to leave,โ he grits out. โYouโre going to leave here and leave any hope of her. Youโre going to do the hardest thing youโve ever had to do, because itโll save you, Liv. Because youโre Trysta Jaegerโs daughter, and weโre going to do what she wouldโve wanted us to do and didnโt have the courage to do herself. We keep biting back. We survive, because sometimes thatโs the most violent thing we can do to other people. We stay alive.โ
Gently, I pry her hands off as I nibble her ear. "Let go, Clay."
Her chest shakes, her breathing ragged. "I don't want them to see."
"They won't, baby".
โโโโโโโโโโโ โก โโโโโโโโโโโ
On a phone call. โHi Mom. Iโm safe. Iโll be home as soon as the rain lets up.โ
โYouโll be home when Iโm done,โ I correct her, jerking her harder into my hand.
And I reach out and touch her face. Clay. I smooth out the lines of worry and anger. The fighting and the hurt. I wipe away her tears with my thumb, feeling her warm skin and how sheโs the softest thing Iโve ever touched.
โLivvy,โ she whimpers, squirming against me.
โClay.โ
She leans into it and exhales, her warm breath wafting over my mouth, and slowly slides her arm around my waist, pulling me in close.
โI donโt hate you.โ Her murmur is barely audible.
I look up, listening.
โI think about you all the time,โ she almost mouths.
I swallow the lump in my throat.
She holds the pizza, all of her hair loose and spilling over her shoulder, and sheโs so still, her gaze fixed on the food in her hands. โWas there ever anything you liked about me?โ
But even now, I still feel it. Sheโs bigger than me. She glows, and I donโt, and itโs not like I even want to push her down and make her shrink. Itโs likeโฆ Itโs like being in her orbit, I can feel the shine, too. I feel bigger with her close."
Sheโs such a cunt, but then she says things like that and I just want to give her everything she wants.
She lays a hand on my cheek. โStop crying,โ she whispers, pressing her forehead to mine. โPlease stop.โ
I go to grab hold of her, slip my hand around her waist, but I hold back. I already told her too much. But the tears keep coming, no matter how I try to hold my breath to stifle the crying.
โAll right, Iโm gonna shave her head,โ she says. โWhere can I find her?โ
...
โSeriously,โ she says, pushing me onto my back and climbing on top of me. โYouโre under my protection now and I get shit done. Want her fired? Arrested? Her car repossessed?โ
I smile, no more tears stinging as I slip my hands under her shirtโmy T-shirtโand caress the fucking amazing skin on her smooth stomach.
โPorta-potty shit dumped on her lawn, maybe?โ she goes on. โI know a guy.โ
โSee you around,โ I hear her say, and when I turn around again, sheโs gone.
Facing Liv, I give her a scolding look, but Iโm sure she can see my amusement. โShe was just saying hi.โ
โShe can wave.โ
โIโm not gay,โ she says quietly, and I have to strain to hear her over the rain. โIโm just in love with you.โ
She rises, pulling me up with her, and whispers in my ear. โI love these.โ She squeezes my breast, moving from one to the other as she kisses my shoulder. โThey feel so good.โ
โOpen,โ I whisper over her mouth. โOpen your legs, baby.โ
Not one of my brothers gives a shit about who I sleep with, because they think pregnancy is the only way I can be hurt. They donโt ask about girlfriends. They donโt think this is anything more than fun.
โWhereโd you disappear to?โ Dallas asks me, picking up his bottle off the end table.
I sip my water. โWere you looking for me?โ
He makes a face, and I breathe out a laugh. Of course, he wasnโt. Probably didnโt realize I was gone until just now.
โMine.โ She pants, rubbing her thumb across my lips. โUntil graduation. Okay?โ
โYeah.โ
She tips my chin back and kisses slowly down my neck. โNo one has to know, but you better.โ
โI know.โ I nod. โDonโt worry, I know.โ
I turn over in her arms and look at her in the dark. โAll I dreamed about was someone wanting me. I wanted to look over in class and see a girl looking at me the way I looked at her. Having someone touch my fingers and hold my hand or pass me notes in class. I wanted someone to have a crush on meโsomeone with a soft body and soft hair.โ
โI stick the pencil through a slit in the vent of Livโs locker, the yellow paint on the wood scraping off as I shove it through. Hanging from the inside, the little bouquet dangles down the outside of her locker, a few of the pretty white petals floating to the ground. She probably doesnโt like flowers.โ
โโโโโโโโโโโ โก โโโโโโโโโโโ
***Spoiler***
My least fave Clay (bully) moment - when she criticised Livโs body by writing hurtful (and untrue) words on it with a sharpie.
My most fave Clay moment - when she *purposefully* scarred Miloโs face with a knife. ๐๐
***Spoiler***
My fave Liv moments - (1) when she gave Clay an orgasm using a showerhead in the locker room shower ๐ฟ๐ฆ; (2) when she managed to escape on her own after being โsnatched awayโ by Callum & Milo; (3) all of her scenes with her brothers - especially when she broke down in tears and Macon scooped her up in his arms. ๐ญ
โI lived for her. An enemy I never wanted to defeat.โ
She just shrugs. โI mean, itโs not like this is a relationship, right?โ
Wellโฆ I open my mouth but nothing comes out. I guess not. I hadnโt thought that far ahead.
Just that sheโs the only option for me. Sheโs the only thing I want in the world.
โSometimes my feelings for you are good and sometimes theyโre bad,โ she tells me, โbut theyโre always strong, Liv. Like no one else.โ
โVirginity is a concept invented by people to make women feel worthless for having sex.โ I raise my eyebrows matter-of-factly. โYou want to worry about protecting something. Protect your credit score. Thatโll come in a lot handier someday.โ
โTears fills my eyes. Sheโs such a cunt, but then she says things like that and I just want to give her everything she wants. I want her to know that I wish to God this didnโt feel so good and that she didnโt feel so good.โ
โI couldnโt stop myself anymore.โ
โWhy?โ
She leans up and takes my face in one hand, nearly grazing my lips with hers. โBecause sometimes two wrongs make a right, Clay.โ She breathes hard. โBecause venom works slowly but surely and I was so tired of not fighting for my life. And because one of the ingredients in anti-venom is venom, and sometimes you need poison to counteract the poison.โ
2. But Clay dives in, pressing her body flush with mine as she lays a hand on my cheek. โStop crying,โ she whispers, pressing her forehead to mine. โPlease stop.โ
I go to grab hold of her, slip my hand around her waist, but I hold back. I already told her too much.
But the tears keep coming, no matter how I try to hold my breath to stifle the crying.
โAll right, Iโm gonna shave her head,โ she says. โWhere can I find her?โ
I break into a laugh through the sobs, wiping my eyes. But when I look at her, sheโs lifted her head off the pillow, and while I canโt make out her whole expression, sheโs not joking.
โSeriously,โ she says, pushing me onto my back and climbing on top of me. โYouโre under my protection now and I get shit done. Want her fired? Arrested? Her car repossessed? Porta-potty shit dumped on her lawn, maybe?โ she goes on. โI know a guy.โ
3. โSo, what did you want to talk about?โ I ask.
โYour carโs extended warranty.โ
I bury my face in her neck, unable to not laugh. โBrat.โ
โBeautiful,โ she calls me, instead.
โTrouble,โ I counter.
โMy pearl.โ
โHellion,โ I bite out in her ear.
She turns her head, whispering, โSunshine.โ
โPain in my ass.โ
I smile and kiss her. I kiss her for a long time, the wind in our hair as the last light leaves us.
โDo you love me?โ I ask against her lips.
She meets my eyes. โSo much, Iโll hurt if you donโt marry me.โ
And before I know whatโs happening, sheโs slipping something on my ring finger, her gaze never leaving mine.
๐ฆ แดแดษดแดสแดsษชแดษด
I hate Olivia Jaeger. I f*cking hate her, and Iโd happily never love anything if I could hate her my whole life. My eyes pool with tears, and I donโt know why.
When youโre in the eye of the storm, the only way out is through.
โIf you ever speak to me this way again, I will knock your teeth out.โ I stare down into her eyes, a new energy filling me that kind of scares me, but I wonโt fucking stop. Nothing comes between Liv and me. โDo you understand?โ
Fear fills her blue eyes, and I squeeze harder as she tries to shift out of my grasp.
โDo you understand?โ I bellow.
"Baby..." she bites out, interrupting me. "If I think you're not mine, I might make a scene. Be very careful what you say next."
My claws dig into her skin and her fingers are ripping her hair out of my scalp as we go at each otherโhitting, tearing, squeezing, and raging.
I want to cry, I'm so happy. This is all I want. Everything I want. I don't want to ever do anything else.
Cheering fills my ears, she rolls on top of me, and I don't see anything but her.
I only feel her.
I hate Olivia Jaeger. I fucking hate her, and I'd happily never love anything if I could hate her my whole life.
โMy heart is yours. Shred it, burn it, I donโt care. I want every minute I can get.โ
Audio book source: Audible
Story Rating: 4 stars
Narrators: Desiree Ketchum & Valentina Ortiz
Narration Rating: 4 stars
Genre: NA bully romance
Length: 14h 13m
โโโง โโ "Oh, fuck it. Fuck it all. There is no tomorrow." โโ โงโโ
โโโง โโ "I want her so bad, I canโt breathe." โโ โงโโ
โโโง โโ "Within this inch, Iโm free" โโ โงโโ
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