Talk:Levi Coffin/GA1

GA Review

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Hey everyone. I'll be reviewing this page for possible GA status. Cheers, Nikkimaria (talk) 21:35, 11 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

On hold: this article is awaiting improvements before it is passed or failed. Nikkimaria (talk) 00:20, 12 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Writing and formatting

There are a number of grammatical issues throughout the article

Dates of birth and death should not be linked per WP:MOS

Still linked - please delink them or present your reasoning for not doing so.

His life story should be in chronological order - it skips from 1838 to 1842 back to 1830s, and then from after the war to 1864.

How could he have purchased a tract of land in Indiana in 1825 if he didn't go there until 1826? Please clarify. Also, the section on "Death and legacy" still has the timeline issue - the war ended in 1865, but you go from the end of the war to 1864 - should be chronological order unless you have good reason to do otherwise.

- - The source does not give the date the land was purchased, but indicates he moved onto a farm soon after arriving in Indiana, and before opening a general store in 1827. i have changed wording a bit to indicate it was soon after he arrived in Indiana.
"Coffin grew up working on his fathers farm" - should be "father's"
" According his own account" - "according to"
Need consistency with ages - same paragraph has "age seven" and "age 15". Pick a format and stick to it.
Provide date for Fugitive Slave Act, as another was passed in 1850
"northwest territories" should be capitalized
"He carried back with him reports of Indiana and how prosperous the country was" - "Indiana and its prosperity" for grammatical consistency
"a tract of land he purchased" - "he had purchased" or "he purchased in date"
"he credited his business success with..." - "with" should be "to"
"seeing his success at avoiding problems they soon" - "upon seeing..." or comma between problems and they
"His neighbors who were opposed to his activity boycotted his store" -> "...neighbours, who were opposed to his activity, boycotted..." or "the neighbours who opposed..."
"Coffin's business began to grow. His prosperity continued to grow" is repetitive and redundant
"maids quarters" should be either "maid's quarters" or "maids' quarters"
"leaders of the Quaker Religious Society of Friends" - Quaker is a synonym for a member of this society, so having both terms is redundant
"they disowned him and expelled Coffin" -> "disowned Coffin and expelled him"
"those sympathetic to the cause, but were unwilling" -> "those who were sympathetic"
"After traveling..." - do you mean "through his travels"?
"He rented his Newport business" -> "rented out"
"He was met with" -> "He met with"
"Cincinnati were it was" -> "where it was"
"Elm and Sixth street" -> "Elm and Sixth Streets"
"and set up a new safe house in the city and helped organize a larger network in the area" -> ", setting up...and helping to"

Use a comma in front of "setting" to avoid the unnecessary doubled "and"

"an underground railroad stop" - capitalize Underground Railroad
"provided her food" -> "provided her with food"

Still to be addressed

"took many into his home" -> should be "their" to agree with "they" at the beginning of the sentence
"As union soldiers moved into the south" - capitalize Union and South

Still to be addressed

"worked with Coffin on the underground railroad" - capitalize Underground Railroad
"and restored to its original condition and opened to the public for viewing" - remove the part about the public here, as it is duplicated in the following sentence.

Still to be addressed

"allegedly from a slavecatcher" -> "by a slavecatcher"
Both "See also"s were linked to earlier in the article. Per WP:MOS, "Links already included in the body of the text are generally not repeated"
"References" is generally used to refer to the complete citation as opposed to the footnotes, which in this referencing style are called "Notes" or "Footnotes"

Still to be addressed.

- In regards to your comment about "Quaker Society of Friends". Quaker is synonmous with the society, but I suspect msot readers will not make that connection unless it is pointed out to them. I think it is useful to keep the term since Quaker is also a denomonym.
- I beleive I have addressed the other prose concerns in the article. —Charles Edward ^{(Talk | Contribs)} 17:30, 12 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  - Not quite...see comments above. Nikkimaria (talk) 18:42, 12 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    - I have addressed the ones I missed, sorry about that. Thanks for your thourough review. :) —Charles Edward ^{(Talk | Contribs)} 19:01, 12 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Accurate and verifiable

Date of birth is different in the infobox than it is in the text
Citations needed for the following:

"Grand Central Station of the Underground Railroad"

Still to be addressed.

I have added the quote into the body of the article and provided a reference there.—Charles Edward ^{(Talk | Contribs)} 18:59, 12 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The family was greatly influenced by the teachings of John Woolman
Coffin grew up working on his fathers farm and received little, if any, formal education
Any statement beginning "According his own account"
By the early 1820s, Quakers in North Carolina were being persecuted
In 1821, Coffin and his cousin started a Sunday School
Thousands of Quakers began to leave the state
Although many had previously been afraid to take part, seeing his success at avoiding problems they soon joined him
As time progressed the number of escaping slaves increased. Coffin estimated that he helped one hundred escape annually on average. Coffin's home became the convergence point of three major escape routes
They tried to dissuade him
His business had a period of poor performance
Pressure was brought to bear on the Quaker communities

Still to be addressed

his activity increased and he wanted to do more
Catherine organized a sewing society
At first he declined
He and his wife were happy with their country life
With the help of other businessmen, a depot was opened in Cincinnati
The Free Produce Association had raised $3,000

Still to be addressed

He located a cotton plantation in Mississippi
finally came to reside on Wehrman Street
he traveled to Great Britain in 1864
Coffin did not enjoy being in the public eye and considered his task of begging for money to be demeaning
He was concerned about giving money freely
considered by historians to be one of the best firsthand accounts of the activities of the organization
The Daily Gazette recorded...

The Yannessa ref lists a place of publication, while none of the others do.

For the most part these citations are the same as the next listed one, I have duplictated these to each of the statements you have listed. —Charles Edward ^{(Talk | Contribs)} 17:54, 12 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

A couple are still missing citations. Please address. Nikkimaria (talk) 18:48, 12 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Broad

No issues noted

Neutral

Take a look at WP:WTA. Words like "allegedly" and "claiming" should not be used outside of quotes without qualification.

The one instance regarding the slave catcher allegedly calling Coffin the President, allegedly was the word used by the source. I took it to mean that it is possibly not known for sure what the origin of the title was. I have reworded it now. In the instance of "claiming" he helped 3000 escape, while historians estimate over 2,000, is that a good enough clarification? They just think he overstimated. —Charles Edward ^{(Talk | Contribs)} 17:58, 12 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Stable

No issues noted

Images

No issues noted.